‘For God’s sake go and let them look at you, Jack. Your face needs attention.’ I heard my dad’s persuasive words.

‘When she comes outta the theatre and I know she’s alright, then they can look at me… Until then, I ain’t going. I ain’t leaving here, so the answer is no.’ I answered him but continued to pace around the room, flexing my aching hands in front of me and rolling my head around to release the tension. I knew what a fucking state I must look, even my son was terrified of me.

That fucking killed me.

There was no fucking way I was leaving the room without knowing how she was.

I looked around, we had filled up every chair in the accident and emergency waiting room. My mum and dad, my sisters Jasmin and Bella, and their husbands John and Nathan looking cut and bruised, with little Sofia. Nathan’s brother Alex who was only wearing a ripped, bloodied shirt now instead of his smart suit jacket, and his wife Frankie with their son Ben. Also in the room were our friends Charlie and Katy. Along with Harry and me, made fourteen people. Lily didn’t have anyone other than Harry as a blood relative, but these people waiting with me for news of her were the family that had chosen her.

To me it meant much fucking more.

Hang on, beautiful girl. You have so much to live for. Please come back me, come back to us. I can’t lose you again, was my fucking mantra as I trod the same lines over and over again.

Harry was curled up asleep on my mum’s lap. I’d had to pull him off Lily, just so she could get the medical help she needed. It had broken my heart to hear his cries for his mum, as I felt his balled-up fists hitting my chest in anger and fear. He was scared of me, I was a fucking mess after the fight. But even worse than that, he hated me for being the bastard that wouldn’t let him stay with his mum. I fucking hated myself right now, so I couldn’t blame him.

But it hurt like hell. I’d loved him the moment I saw his photo. I wanted to hold him and give him the reassurance he needed. I wanted to be the one he turned to, to wipe away his tears.

Thank God my parents had turned up when they did. I hadn’t understood that two-year-olds could be so perceptive, the only person he wanted to be with in the room full of strangers was my mum. It was as if he recognised she would offer him safety.

Mum had held her arms open to him the moment she had walked in and heard his cries, and she was still looking at her first-born grandchild with a degree of wonder.

I stopped in front of them and bent down to run my fingers through his blond hair.

‘He’ll be fine, Jack… He’s two, you’re covered in blood and he’s just had the worst experience of his life.’

‘I want to be a good dad. But how can I, if I’m to blame for taking away his mum?’ I whispered my fears to her. She grasped my forearm offering me her support.

‘Don’t, Jack. Stop punishing…’

‘Lily Green’s next of kin, please?’ A doctor in green scrubs appeared at the doorway, interrupting us.

I stood up. ‘That’s me.’

Silence filled the room as everyone paused to listen.

‘Hello, my name is Mr. Evans, I’m the Consultant Nephrologist on call today. If you’d like to come with me, we can talk in private?’ He held out his hand for me to shake it. I held up my hand to show him the state of mine, but still he pulled one of my hands firmly into his grasp.

‘No need, everyone in here can hear what ya have to say. We’re all family.’ I could hear the tremor in my voice as I waited for his words.

He looked around and briefly nodded at his audience. Then his gaze returned to me. ‘The knife entered her left kidney. It caused damage as it severed an important…’ He continued to tell me exactly what the knife had touched, damaged and the repercussions of it all. Finally, he looked at me again as my eyes began to widen in terror at what his next words might be.

‘No.’ I started to shake my head, scared fucking stiff at what he was going to say next.

He slapped my arm in reassurance. ‘She’s satisfactory… Look, in laymen’s terms, the operation was a success and I’m pleased to say we’ve managed to stop what was very persistent bleeding. She’ll take a few weeks to fully recover, but the prognosis is good.

‘She’s going to be ok?’ I’d heard the words but needed the reassurance. Placing my hands on top of my aching head, I linked my fingers together and blew out a long breath.

‘Yes, there is no reason why she shouldn’t make a full recovery.’

I heard the room around me as it began to breathe again. Our family moved, standing to hug and congratulate each other. In some cases, give in to the tears that had been threatening for the few hours we’d been confined together in the room, just waiting.

‘Thanks so much for everything… I’m gonna need to see her as soon as possible.’ I shook his hand again.

‘You’re welcome and you should be able to see her as soon as she leaves recovery, which will be in about an hour. Can I suggest you get your face looked at before you go in. I think the young lady has been through enough shocks to last her a lifetime.’

‘Doc, for saving my girl you can suggest fucking anything.’

The dream that I was enveloped in was wonderful.

I could smell Jack; his spicy cologne was filtering into my nostrils. To make it even better I could hear the sounds of our baby boy sleeping in the same room. Dreams like this didn’t happen to me and I was reluctant to let it go. I didn’t want to open my eyes and break the spell.

So, I tightened my eyelids trying to stay asleep for longer.

But I must have been lying strangely, as my side was uncomfortable and to make it worse my throat felt dry and sore.

I went to move slightly, but the pain in my back caught me by surprise.

Why am I so sore?

I opened my eyes and gingerly moved again to get more comfortable. I found I was lying on my side, and as my eyes began to focus properly I saw Harry asleep in bed. In his arms was his “blankie” that he never went anywhere without. He was peaceful and that made my heart full.

The sudden realisation that I didn’t recognise the room sent a wave of panic around my system. I turned my head around as much as I could without hurting myself. The moment my eyes fell on him I nearly cried out in surprise. Jack was sitting on a chair that was pulled as close to my bed as possible. He was leant over with his head resting on the bed I was in, asleep. His scarred hand held one of mine securely.

It wasn’t a dream. We were all together for the first time ever.

I stretched out my hand and gently ran my fingertip over his Adams apple. It was one of the only parts of his face and neck that wasn’t cut, bruised or swollen. He was in the worst state I had ever seen him look. He had Steri-strips on a long cut over his cheekbone, even a couple of stitches on the top of his ear, but I had never loved him more. Looking at Jack made the memories of the fight come flooding back to me. I could see him being beaten so badly that I thought he was dead and my beautiful boy being carried in the arms of my captor, away from me.

Then I felt the memory of the sudden pain in my back.

Something had happened to me, I was in hospital. I took a brief look around and confirmed my thoughts.

He was alive and Harry and I were with him.

I reached out my fingers again and brushed them over his bruised lips. His eyes flew open to meet mine. Bright blue to green.

‘Lils.’ He lifted up my hand and placed a kiss to each of my fingers. ‘Thank God… you’re alright.’

I smiled at him, lost for words. Then the guilt came crashing over me.

‘I’m so sorry, Jack.’

I watched as he sat up, and I saw his face contort as pain came over him. He ignored it and pulled his chair even closer to my head.

‘Don’t, Lils.’ He ran his fingers through my hair and hooked the stray pieces behind my ear. I leant into his hand. ‘Please don’t... I’m sorry too, babe.’

I was so tired that my eyes began to close again. ‘I need to sleep, please don’t go.’ I begged him, afraid that once again I was dreaming and he wouldn’t be here when I came to again.

‘Never. Harry and I will be right here waiting for you,’ he replied.

I don’t know how long it was before I woke up again. But as soon as my eyes opened I looked immediately for Jack.

He was awake, staring at me, waiting for me to come back to him.

‘Hey.’ He smiled as much as his swollen cut lips would allow, as he leant over to offer me a glass with a small amount of water in it.

‘Hi,’ I whispered. I gratefully lifted my head and took a couple of sips, feeling my throat immediately ease a little.

‘I’ll have to call the nurse. She’s already fucking blasted me for not letting her know you woke up earlier.’

‘Not just yet… I have to tell you some things first…’ I wasn’t quite sure where to start. But I knew it was a conversation that needed to happen. ‘Harry is your son… You need to know that all I ever wanted to do was to protect him. I knew he was yours, he was all I had left of you and of us. But they owned me… there didn’t seem a way out. When they found out I was pregnant they were really pleased and thought that Harry must be one of theirs… It was easier to let them believe it.’

‘I know, Lils.’ He lifted my hand to his lips and kissed my fingers. ‘I know he’s mine… They wanted ya pregnant, the only money your father left was in a trust fund for his grandchildren. You having Harry meant they could get their hands on it.’

‘They got money from a trust fund?’

Jack nodded at me. ‘There’s more you need to know.’

He explained that he had seen a picture of Harry and knew immediately that he was his. So, he knew I was always going to have to leave him again. He told me what John had found out about the Vasiles and Antonescus. I cried as I found out that my family had never owed any debt, and lastly, holding both of my hands tightly he told me that they’d had my parents murdered and I sobbed.

Everybody I knew and everything I had, they had destroyed or taken, and it was all done for money.

‘You, my beautiful girl, did the best fucking job, in unbelievable fucking circumstances. You, kept both of you alive… and I’m in awe of ya. You have nothing to be sorry for.’ He stopped talking as he thought about his next words, his bright blue eyes lost their sparkle. ‘I also need to own up to something.’

I looked at him quizzically, through the tears that were still running down my cheeks. Did he really want to be with her and their new baby? My heart was already grieving for what Harry and I might lose.

‘It’s my fault you’re in here, in this room, in this fucking hospital. I threw the knife that hit ya in the back. I was trying to stop Tony taking Harry.’ I looked away from Jack and over at the little bed that Harry was still asleep on. Trying to reassure myself he was with us. Jack carried on. ‘The knife pierced your left kidney. They operated last night, everything is good… You’re gonna be fine… I’m just so fucking sorry.’ As the word’s left his mouth his hand started to pull away from mine. I moved my hand as quickly as I could to grab hold of his wrist, ignoring the pain I caused myself.

‘I don’t care. You saved our son, you saved me. I don’t care. You protected us, Jack. We needed you and you were there for us. I don’t care how you achieved it. This, us being together safe, is all I’ve ever dreamt about. Are they all…?’

He nodded his head, already anticipating my question. ‘Nicolae is dead, shot by Alex in self-defence and Tony is in prison awaiting trial. There ain’t gonna be no fucking bail. My family has been here before and the Blackmore lawyers are making fucking certain of it.’

‘So, they’re gone… it’s over?’

‘Yep… Look you have a choice now, Lils. You ain’t running from your messed-up family. You have no debt to repay to anyone. For the first ever fucking time your life is your own’

‘What are you saying?’

‘You owe nobody anything, especially not me… I only ever wanted to give ya a choice, Lils.’

‘I’d choose you a thousand times over… We’re meant to be, Jack. We’re undeniable, you told me that. Our connection is too strong to live without each other. Because we don’t live, we only exist. And I want to live… I have reasons to live and those reasons are you and Harry.’

‘Thank fuck for that.’ He leant in to gingerly place his lips on mine. It was a chaste kiss; his bruised, cut lips couldn’t cope with anything else. But our emotions flowed through that tiny connection. He slowly pulled away, still holding my eyes captive in his. ‘Because the fucking words sounded good in my head, but when I voiced them, I realised I wasn’t gonna give you a choice after all. You and me, babe, we just don’t work right without each other… Oh, yeah, I have something for ya.’

He took my hand and pushed a small, badly-knotted piece of string onto my ring finger. ‘You left this behind in the car.’

I looked at my hand, even though I already knew what I was going to find there.

‘You tied it up.’ I smiled up at him.

‘Yep.’ He winked at me and smiled, pushing his tongue to the back of his teeth.

‘I love it, it’s not like the original one, but I still love it.’ I stared at my hand for a few minutes. ‘Jack, Laura said she’s pregnant with your child?’

Jack’s eyes opened wide and then his mouth followed as he roared with laughter. It was such a contagious sound that I couldn’t help but laugh too.

‘Then she’s the fucking Virgin Mary as it’s an immaculate conception. I haven’t touched her for over a year. Or it’s someone else’s… either way, it ain’t fucking mine.’

‘Good… I want to be the woman who has your children.’

‘Your wish is my fucking command, babe.’ He treated me to a full bad-boy grin and I was reminded of the first day we met.

‘Mummy.’ We both turned our heads, to see a sleepy little boy with rosy red cheeks looking up at us. He looked at me and then at Jack as he took in our smiles.

‘Harry, it’s alright. Everything is going to be ok.’ For the first time in a long time his eyes showed me he truly believed me.