Cassie's heart beat a staccato in her chest, and it took everything she had to keep breathing. She shifted as she braced herself for the worst. She could smell, and feel, the vast amounts of blood he'd consumed, the power coursed through him now. He'd drunk so much she actually picked up on the metallic scent of it for the first time.

He'd done it so he could prepare himself to come and see her. Anxiety clutched at her, and her knees began to tremble. She had to sit before she fell down. She perched uneasily on the edge of her bed and clasped her hands in her lap. "What is it?" she managed to force herself to ask.

He was half hidden in the shadows enshrouding his toned body. The night was a little chilly, but he wore only a t-shirt that clung to his muscles and emphasized his washboard abs. For the first time she realized how much he truly belonged to the night, and the darkness.

Cassie was mesmerized and thrilled by him as his emerald eyes perused her with keen interest. Swallowing heavily she forced her mind away from her wandering thoughts. The crickets had retreated, the loss of their melodious chirrups left the night oddly empty.

Tears burned the backs of her eyes again, but she refused to shed them, not yet anyway. She still didn't know where this was going. His eyes were rapt upon her as he stopped just feet away. Though the distance between them was small, it suddenly felt like a vast chasm. There would be no breeching it with a simple word or touch.

"I want you Cassie." Her mouth went dry, her heart hammered so loudly she was certain he could hear it. Excitement spread rapidly through her body and burned through her veins. "But I can't control myself around you."

She swallowed again, fearful she would choke on the lump lodged in her throat. "Yes, you can," she whispered.

He leaned back on his heels as his gaze darted briefly toward the ceiling. Shaking his head, his black hair fell forward across his sculpted face as he looked at her again. "Yes, somewhat," he admitted. "But not enough, and everyday gets tougher for me. Looking at you, smelling you, having tasted your blood, all of it is a temptation that is getting harder and harder to resist. Every day, every second, I crave more."

She could barely breathe, let alone find any words for him. She wasn't ready for that step yet. She knew that was crazy, she wanted to spend the rest of her life with him, but she wasn't ready for what he was looking for from her, not yet anyway. There was still so much she didn't know about him, like just exactly how many women there had been over the past seven hundred years.

On second thought, she wasn't so sure she wanted to know that at all.

"I'm not ready yet." She felt awkward and so very young and stupid as she issued the words. Heat crept through her cheeks as he stared at her; she hated the almost pitying look in his eyes. She was unable to meet his stare any longer as she focused on the window behind him.

"I know, Cassie," he assured her. "I won't push you into doing anything you aren't ready for, but it's more than just sex." Despite her intentions not to look, her gaze returned to him and her forehead furrowed. "I want your blood also. I want to taste you and feel you and have you fill me."

Despite the fear his words aroused, exhilaration also slid through her gut. What he was describing sent her into a tailspin of confused need. She shook her head as she tried to regain control of her spiraling feelings. She knew she should be troubled by what he was saying, she should be completely against it considering what she was, but yearn for it she did, desperately.

"I would also like to change you."

Revulsion slammed through her and knocked away all of her longing. Nausea twisted in her stomach, she felt hollow and cold as the blood seemed to freeze in her veins. Her mouth dropped, she tried to find words, but none would come out. Change her?

Living in the dark, being a monster, being one of the things that had killed her parents wasn’t something she could do, ever.

Bile rose in her throat. She tried to stand up, but her legs wouldn't support her. His gaze was forceful on her, but he couldn't hide the brief flicker of distress that flashed through his eyes. "Cassie…"

She held up her hand, not sure she could hear anymore. She needed time to digest what he was saying to her now, never mind hearing anymore. "I can't," she managed to choke out. "I can't."

He closed his eyes and folded his hands behind his back as he rocked on his heels. He opened his eyes; the stark pain in them nearly broke her heart. He took a step closer to her and knelt down so they were on the same eye level. "I either change you, or I leave when this is over," he said.

She slid off the bed and fell before him on the carpet. She grasped hold of him, her fingers dug into his shoulders as her throat clogged. "You can't," she whispered. "You can't."

He brushed away the tears spilling down her face. Tears she hadn't known she was shedding. "If I stay, I may change you against your will Cassie. You shake me to the very core of my being. I don't want to hurt you, it's the last thing in the world I want to do, but I might."

"No," she breathed. "You would never hurt me."

His fingers slid through her hair. "Today in the cafeteria…"

"I won't do anything like that again!"

"So we don't touch, we don't kiss, we keep our distance? What kind of a relationship is that Cassie? You deserve so much better, you deserve someone who can love you completely without having to worry they might break and turn you into a monster."

"I can't lose you, I can't," she sobbed. "I didn't come alive until I met you. I can't lose you."

"Shh love, please Cassie, please don't cry. I'm sorry; I don't mean to hurt you."

"Then don't leave me!"

She could see the battle waging within him, the absolute torture she was putting him through, but she couldn't stop herself. She couldn't lose him, she would never survive it. He nodded briefly, but his were still dark, distant. "Not now," he promised. "Not with Julian around."

"But after?" she asked anxiously.

"After, you are going to have to make a choice. You should be with someone who can give you the life you deserve. I’m not that man, Cassie; I’m not even a man."

She tried to shake her head, but he had a firm hold on the back of her head. She would do anything for him, well almost anything; she simply could not give him that.

Her gaze ran over his glorious face, savoring every detail from his chiseled cheekbones to his full mouth. He was everything she'd ever dreamed of and more. No one else would ever make her feel like he did; she couldn't imagine kissing another man, let alone having them touch her. The thought repulsed her almost as much as the idea of becoming a vampire. "You are that person. I could never be with anyone else," she said fervently. "Never."

Anguish flashed across his face. "Cassie…"

"You can control yourself," she whispered. "I know it."

Resignation settled over his features as his thumb began to rub her neck. "I don't know for how long Cass. My need for you grows every day. If I lose complete control, I could kill someone, or I could force the change on you, and it might come to that if I continue on this way."

She bit her bottom lip as she tried not to start sobbing again. "You’ll have to make a choice, Cassie."

She closed her eyes, unable to meet his hopeful gaze as she nodded. Even if it meant losing him, she didn't think she could do what he was asking her to do. Her heart constricted; it felt as if a hundred needles were piercing her skin and driving the pain into the very marrow of her bones.

She shuddered as her heart labored to push blood through her flayed veins. Slowly opening her eyes, she tried her best to hide the grief tearing through her as she met his gaze. She didn't want to lose him, but this was an impossible choice she wasn't capable of making now, if ever.

She couldn't assure him he would be the one she chose. She couldn't assure him she would give up sunlight and life, for a cold existence of death and darkness. Not all vampires may be the monsters she'd once believed them to be, but she couldn't become the thing that had murdered her parents. She couldn't become the thing she'd been born to destroy.

All she could do was hope he was wrong, and he would be able to keep control of himself. It was selfish of her to put him through such torture; it was so much to ask of him. Yet, it was also a lot to ask of her. She refused to let the knowledge their relationship was doomed seep into her brain. If she did, she would completely break down, and she couldn't do that, not in front of him.

For now she was still able to hold him and love him, and she was going to cherish every moment they had together. They were far more limited than she had realized.

Beneath her hand she could feel the fine bristles of his stubble. "I love you Devon."

Hope bloomed in his eyes as they glowed with warmth and love. Pulling her forward he dropped a lingering kiss on her forehead. "I love you too. I'll love you forever."

Tears slid down Cassie's face as she leaned into him and savored the strength, warmth, and eternal love enshrouding her.