Devon closed his eyes as his hands twitched at his sides. He'd known this was coming, that one day she would speculate about his past. He’d just hoped it would be under better circumstances. Her pain and confusion beat at him with the force of a tsunami. He longed for nothing more than to take hold of her, pull her close, and ease the anguish he’d caused her. But he knew she wouldn't appreciate his touch now. He couldn't make the first move here; she would have to come to him. He just wasn't sure if she would come to him when he was done.

Devon opened his eyes. He'd fed well before coming here, but he wasn't sure it had been enough. This was going to be much more draining then the fight earlier. Her misty eyes held his, the violet within them stood out vividly to his heightened vision.

How did he tell her who Annabelle was without driving her further away? Without increasing the doubt and lack of self-confidence she radiated now? He decided to just rip the band-aid off and plunge in.

"Annabelle was a woman I was in love with."

She inhaled loudly and bit into her bottom lip hard enough to draw blood. Devon winced for her, it wasn't her physical pain, for she didn't feel that, but he could feel the twisting emotional agony wrenching through her. She didn't flinch though; her eyes didn't flicker. She remained as still as stone, and though she was only four feet away from him, it suddenly seemed like miles.

"Or at least I had thought I was."

His eyes latched onto the drop of blood quivering on her lip as she released it. Although he had glutted himself, he couldn't stop the thrill that shot through him. If she sent him out of here tonight it would destroy him, but if she didn't…

Well, if she didn't, he may well destroy them both. He didn't know which was worse.

Then he met her unwavering gaze again, and he knew. He could keep control of himself for her; he could do anything for her. To lose her would be a far worse torment than the ninth circle of hell. Yes, though it was the hardest thing he would ever do, he would stay by her, if she would still have him.

"What happened?" she asked.

"I happened." Confusion marred her brow. "Maybe you should sit."

She frowned at him, but she turned toward her bed. When she reached the bed she stopped but didn't sit. Instead, she turned back to him and hugged herself. She seemed to have forgotten to sit as she watched him from shadowed eyes. The subtle shifting of the trees outside cast shadows over her face and hair and hugged her lithe body.

"Go on," she encouraged.

Devon ran a hand through his disheveled hair, he tugged on it as he began to pace. "Annabelle was a simple farm girl when I met her."

"When did you meet her?" Cassie interrupted, her voice carrying a steel edge of resolve.

He stopped pacing to face her. "Over a hundred and fifty years ago."

Her eyes widened as she promptly made the connection to the time when he'd stopped feeding on, and killing, humans. "I see."

He saw the quick retreat she made as her walls slammed into place to keep her sheltered from pain. To keep her sheltered from him before he could shatter everything she was. Desperation seized hold of him as he was faced with the girl he had originally met. He couldn't be the one who drove her behind that wall of hopelessness and despair again as she simply waited to die.

"Annabelle was the oldest of seven children, a good girl who helped her mother take care of her younger siblings. I met her at a barn dance in Iowa. She was young, beautiful, and so very innocent and sweet." Cassie's head bowed as she squeezed her eyes shut. Devon clenched his teeth, his hands fisted at his sides as he realized he’d just described Cassie. Heedlessly he continued on, knowing his next words might drive her further away, but he had to get them out.

"And I wanted to destroy all of that."

Her head shot up as she frowned at him. "I don't understand."

No, there was no way she could understand what he’d once been. "I was a different person back then, Cass. I wasn't even a person. I was a monster. I lived to kill, to destroy. I lived for the thrill of the hunt and the game."

"Game?"

"Yes, it was all a game to me, and Annabelle was perfect for it. She had no idea about the cruelty of the world, no idea of the monsters lurking within the shadows. Annabelle was sweet and she was in love with Liam, a boy just like her. I was driven to ruin that love. I was determined to have her for myself, simply because I couldn't have her. At first I tried to seduce her, tried to lure her away like I could with any other woman. She refused my advances, which only increased my interest in her. I convinced myself I was in love with her and I would never be happy without her. I became obsessed with her and the challenge she represented."

The tips of her lashes were silvery in the moonlight as she stared out the window. Her delicate jaw was set firmly as her nostrils flared. Though she remained unmoving, he could feel the distress she radiated. "So what did you do?" she asked.

"I spent a month trying to lure her away from Liam, but she was having none of it. Her mind and heart were filled with dreams of their future, their children, and their happiness. I hated him for it, and I was going to demolish that love no matter what it took." She looked back at him, but her eyes remained hooded and distant. "When it became apparent she would have none of me, I took her by force."

Cassie took a hasty step back. The back of her knee connected with the bed, her leg buckled, but she managed to stay on her feet. "Not like that Cassie," he gushed as he realized how the words had sounded. "I changed her. I thought if she became one of us she would want nothing to do with Liam, she would want me. I thought it would be wonderful to shatter her innocence and turn her into a monster.

"It was to be my greatest accomplishment."

"I see," Cassie said dully. "And once she became a monster you grew tired of her?"

Devon ignored the twinge of pain her words caused. He deserved her contempt, he hated it, but he deserved it. He had been an awful thing back then. He'd relished the kill, savored every one of his victims and enjoyed the dying light in their eyes. Though he had tried to make up for his almost six hundred years of murder and mayhem, he knew he could never atone for the blood staining his soul. A soul only Cassie had managed to ease the torment of.

"No. Annabelle never became a monster."

"I don't understand."

"I didn't either," he admitted. "I thought once we were changed we all became monsters. I thought the demon took over and we had no choice but to torment and destroy humans before killing them. I never knew how wrong I was. Yes, Annabelle awoke with the same intense thirst all new vampires awake with, but she didn't go for humans.

"Somehow, she managed to keep enough reason through her transition, and enough restraint, to control her hunger, something even I, at my advanced age, had never done. I just took and killed, and took some more. But that night Annabelle did not kill, at least not humans anyway. I found her in a field of cows, half the herd had been slaughtered before her thirst was finally quenched. Animals are enough to keep us going, and strong, but it takes more of their blood to fully sate us."

Cassie nodded, but her hands were clenched on her arms so tightly she left bruises upon her fair skin. He yearned to go to her, to stop her from hurting herself, but he remained where he was. She would flee from him now. He was certain of it.

"I was mortified, and so unbelievably staggered to find her there among those cows, crying."

One of her eyebrows lifted inquisitively. "Why was she crying?"

Devon closed his eyes. The image of Annabelle, sitting in that field, surrounded by dead cattle with tears running down her blood streaked face had been seared permanently into his brain. Annabelle's delicate shoulders had shook; her hair had been caked with dirt and blood. He'd been so conflicted and confused by what she was doing. He hadn't been able to understand why she would choose such pitiful fare when there were so many delicious humans out there to enjoy. He had especially planned for her to go after Liam; he'd thought it would be great to watch her destroy the person she thought she loved so much. It would have been his crowning achievement in his mission to destroy anything good in the world.

"She was crying because she had killed the cows," he choked out. His voice was hoarse as the tidal wave of memories threatened to consume him. For years, he'd tried not to think about the monster he'd been back then, and especially what he'd done to Annabelle. What he had intended to be his crowning achievement had ended up becoming his ultimate downfall, or at least his downfall from the world of drudgery and murder.

"I didn't know how to react to that. I mean, who would cry over dead cows? And why was she feeding from damn cows when there were thousands of humans to destroy? I simply stood there, watching her, listening to her lament about killing them because the farmer wouldn't have enough milk and meat for his children now.

"She confounded me, but I found myself utterly fascinated by her. I had seen many many things in my lengthy life, but I'd never seen a vampire cry over their kill. I had never seen a vampire show regret for their actions. We didn't know what regret was, or at least that's what I’d believed.

"When she calmed down enough to actually speak, she looked up at me, not with accusation and hatred, but with a wealth of sadness and compassion. I had done this to her, and she was sad for me!" Devon began to pace restlessly as his skin crawled with the memories assaulting him. He hated the monster he'd been, hated the things he'd done. Annabelle had been the worst thing he'd ever done, but without her, he wouldn't be the man he was now. Without Annabelle he would still be a monster, preying on the innocent, and he wouldn't have Cassie.

If he still did have her.

"I sat down beside her, unable to move. The realization of what she was now was earth shattering to me. I had afflicted her with the demon, but her goodness had been so pure she was able to fight against the monster. She'd been out of her head with her compulsion for blood, but she still had enough control not to kill humans. I'd never met anyone like her, never met anyone with such a pure heart, until you."

Cassie's gaze blazed into his as tears swam in her eyes. She blinked them back, as a mask of remorselessness settled over her refined features. "I hated myself for what I had done to her, and I suddenly began to rethink my entire existence. I'd never been a good man when I was alive. I had been rich, spoiled, and hadn't cared who I hurt. As a vampire, I was the epitome of a monster, and I had reveled in it, until that moment.

"We sat silently in the field as she grieved the loss of her life, and I grieved for all the souls I’d extinguished, and there were so many of them. I've been trying to do right since that night, but I can never truly wash the blood from my hands, or from my soul."

He grew silent as he paced over to the window. The moon was beginning to set; the night was still except for a small fox creeping across Chris's front lawn. "What became of her?" Cassie inquired.

"She taught me how to control my appetite and showed me there was goodness in the world, something I'd never believed before her. It was easier to justify my actions if I thought everyone was just as evil as I was, whether they were human or vampire. I began to feed on animals, determined to try and change who I was. I had always loved a challenge, and this was the biggest one I'd ever accepted."

"And she grew to love you?"

He laughed shortly as he turned away from the window. "No, Annabelle never loved me in that way, it was always Liam. As I began to change, I realized I’d never loved her either. I was incapable of love at that time of my life. If I’d loved her, I never would have done that to her. What she felt for Liam was love. It was real, and it was true."

A single tear slid down Cassie's face. "And she lost him."

Devon managed a wry smile as he shook his head and ran a hand through his hair again. "No, I did manage to do one good thing back then. I convinced her to go to him, to approach him gradually so as not to scare him. Liam had never believed she'd just abandoned him and her family; he had always thought her dead. It took a couple years of coaxing, but eventually she went to him. I think, in the end, she went to him because of the grief Liam was still in over losing her. He'd never moved on, never found someone else, and had become a hollow shell of the man he'd once been.

"And when she went to him, when she told him, he didn't run screaming from her. He didn't shun her or turn her away. He accepted her." Cassie's tears rolled freely down her face now, Devon was certain she didn't realize she was crying. "He turned for her."

Her hair fell forward in a golden shield as her head bowed. "That was when I realized what love was. I’d been feeding from animals the whole time to prove to myself I could, I knew then I didn't have to be a monster. I had made the wrong choices when I was changed, but now I could do something to try and make up for it, and that was what I vowed to do.

"I stayed with them for a few more years, until I gained better control of myself. Unlike Annabelle and Liam, I knew the pleasure of human blood, and I knew the rush of power that came with it. It was tougher for me to resist temptation, but when I felt confident enough to go out on my own, I did so. They needed their time together, and I needed to start trying to make amends for my sins. I will continue to do so for as long as I exist."

Her heart was in her eyes as she stared at him. "I never experienced love until I met you Cassie. Annabelle showed me there was nobility in the world, but you brought me back to life. You showed me what it was to put someone ahead of myself, and to be willing to die for someone. You showed me what it was to truly love."

A sob escaped, her tears fell more rapidly, but she didn't come to him. No matter how much he wanted her forgiveness and understanding, she still wasn't ready to give it. No matter how difficult it had been to tell her about Annabelle, he knew there were worse atrocities in his past. Atrocities she may insist upon hearing about.

"And Elizabeth and Isla?"

Devon's hands fisted as he resumed pacing. Her questions were wandering closer to areas he didn't want to tell her about. She was getting dangerously close to Robert, the worst secret he harbored, and one he didn't intend for her to have any knowledge of. Ever.

"Elizabeth is the woman who changed me."

At Cassie's quick inhalation, he returned to the window and kept his back to her. How did he tell her about the bastard he'd been, before he'd become a vampire, and still look at her? He couldn't.