Chapter 20 (Breslin)
I cross my legs and pivot away from the jerk sitting next to me on the couch.
Landon paces the living room again, going on and on about how much he loves us both and how he's come to this big solution...but I barely hear a word of it because I'm still so riled up about watching that video earlier.
It physically hurts to be in the same room with him, but I refuse to let him see it.
Landon stops moving suddenly, facing us both head on. He looks so nervous right now...which is saying something considering he can sing and play music in a room packed full of people without so much as batting an eye.
He touches his pointer fingers to his lips, appearing to be choosing his next words very carefully.
His eyes find mine first. “The other day I had sex with you.”
I blink. This conversation, or rather, this long-winded confession is getting stranger by the second. I thought he invited me here because he made a decision.
Instead he's spinning me round and round in circles.
He turns to Asher next. “And then I had sex with you.”
I blink again, rapidly this time...and then an inferno slides up my esophagus as I take in his words.
Asher's eyes turn hard and he grips his knee, appearing to be just as angry as I am. “Is there a point to this shit, Landon?”
The low rumble in his voice reverberates through me and I hate it.
Landon's gaze turns inward. “Yeah. My point is that I don't want to keep having sex with the both of you unless you're aware of it.”
My body goes rigid, automatically bracing itself for something my brain doesn't quite understand.
Landon's always been great at expressing himself. Clear cut and honest. It's a quality I appreciate.
But now?
Everything out of his mouth is muddled. Like he's trying to trek through quicksand without being sucked under.
“You're not making any sense, Landon,” Asher says and despite myself, I nod.
“We can't go on not talking about it,” Landon says, his voice filled with frustration. “Just like I can't keep sneaking around and sleeping with the both of you behind your backs.”
There's something to be said for having an elephant in the room. The keeper of secrets that shouldn't come to the surface. I for one, rather like that damn elephant.
Of course, we all skirted around the issue looming between us like a big, fat, neon sign last night. But it was...I don't know...bearable?
However, right now? Not so much. I can feel my chest constricting with every beat of my heart as I wait for him to continue because the silence in the room is damn near deafening at this point.
Finally, Landon opens his mouth again. “I think we should all sleep together.” He sucks in air and drops his head. “Be together.”
He lifts his eyes until they're back on us. “The thought of you two together kills me. But the thought of not being with either of you kills me more. I know in my soul this is the right solution. This thing between us isn't going to go away...the only way to deal with it is to confront it and face it head on.”
I don't know which plummets faster. My jaw or my heart. He can't actually be serious. “You can't—”
“It's not the worst idea,” Asher whispers, his brows drawn together in deep concentration.
That inferno clawing its way up my esophagus erupts and I stand up.
I recall his words from last night, telling me he wouldn't stop trying and I lose it. There's no doubt in my mind that somehow he's the one responsible for the conversation taking place. Just like he's responsible for the weird as fuck situation we're in.
I run to the door, needing to escape, because although I love Landon; there's no way I can do what Asher wants.
My shattered pieces prevent me from being that strong.
Landon walks toward me, but I pause right before I step out and look at Asher. “You know, it wasn't enough that you lied to me and cheated on me. Now this?”
Asher's jaw tenses and he has the audacity to look offended. “You think this was all my idea? You think I intentionally planned to fall in love with your boyfriend after you broke his heart and left him?”
His words are the equivalent to a slap in the face. My stomach lurches and I swing open the door. I make a mad dash down the hallway...until a voice stops me.
“Wow, I'm impressed. Took you an entire five minutes to run this time, Breslin. That some kind of record for you?”
My breath seizes and my throat locks up. Just where does he get off?
Actually, I'm all too aware of where he gets off thanks to earlier.
I lift my chin and turn to face him.
And that's when Landon joins us out in the hallway.
Asher tilts his head in his direction. “Take it from me, man. The only way this conversation ends is with her leaving. She'll never accept you...she'll never accept us.”
A combination of tension and anger rides down my neck and spreads throughout my limbs. Before I know what's happening—I'm charging toward him and jabbing a finger in his chest. “I didn't leave because I couldn't accept your sexuality. I left because I couldn't accept that you were a lying, cheating, asshole. Big difference.”
I hardly recognize my own voice it's so sinister.
He steps in my direction and his intense gaze clashes with mine. I back up, my spine hitting the wall behind me. “If you would let me talk to you and explain—”
“There's nothing to explain,” I cut in. I hate the way my voice cracks, but I refuse to back down. “Are you really going to stand there and tell me that Kyle didn't...that you didn't.” I can't form the words, because my heart is breaking all over again. “Right on the bed that we used to lay in. Tell our secrets to one another in. Right next to our picture and—”
Landon comes toward me then, but I shake my head and look up at Asher. The dam I've tried so hard to contain finally breaks wide open. “Go on. Tell me it didn't happen. Tell me it was all just some nightmare. That you didn't take my virginity, tell me you were gay, and that you cheated on me with my enemy all in the span of a half hour.”
I move until I'm right in his face, giving him no choice but to hear everything I'm telling him. “Tell me you didn't smash my heart and my trust. Tell me you didn't break the girl who loved you so much that she worshiped whatever ground you walked on. The girl who believed in you. The girl who loved you more than she ever loved herself. The girl who gave you every ounce of that love...because it was the only thing of value that she ever had to offer another person.”
I lean in, my eyes pinned to his. “Fucking tell me, Asher. I dare you.”
A breath shudders out of him and he closes his eyes. “If I could go back in time, I would—”
Nausea barrels into me and I shove his chest. “But you can't. So don't.”
He goes to cup my face but I swat him away as tears I don't recall shedding, fall down my face. “I won't go back there with you again. And if you ever fucking loved me...you wouldn't keep pulling me back there.”
“Breslin—” He tries to touch me again but I turn away and look at Landon.
An ugly feeling churns my insides until it becomes a wave of anger and resolve. “One night.”
Landon looks confused, which makes sense because I'm not even sure what it is that I'm saying or agreeing to.
All I know is that I want to get rid of this feeling I've been holding on to for the last three years. I want to conquer it.
But first— I want to hurt him and make him feel for one single night what's been simmering inside me for all these years.
And that thought...is what causes me to slip my t-shirt over my head and walk back inside.