Chapter 38 (Landon)
When you come face to face with your fear—you have one of two choices. You can either face it...or fight it.
I did both.
Tonight was the culmination of everything I'd secretly been dreading and I snapped. Asher was right...I was enjoying my bubble of bliss. And every time they argued, it was my protection. The fucked up foundation of our relationship. I should have known that sooner or later it was bound to crack and fall apart.
Not only do I hate the connection they have, I was so afraid of them shutting me out and leaving me once they reconnected, once Breslin had forgiven him—that I pretty much took it upon myself tonight to make sure it's what they would do. Talk about a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I thought us all being together was the solution to our issues, but it was just a band aid. Asher—Mr. Pillar of fucking truth bombs tonight— was right again. Our relationship was something that only worked when it was convenient for me and when Breslin had her guard up. Because once the tables turned? I couldn't fucking deal. The thought of them loving one another destroys me.
I sink down to the floor beside Breslin. “Are you okay?”
It's a shitty way to start but it's all I've got. The fact that she won't even look at me right now has my stomach sinking to what feels like the pits of hell.
“I'm fine.” Her eyes turn somber and regretful. “Are you?”
“No,” I say, dropping my forehead to hers. “Seeing you with him and him with you, the way you were tonight...killed me. It fucking tore my heart out.”
Finally, she looks up at me. “I didn't mean to hurt you.” Her brows draw together. “You've seen us together before, though and—”
I glare at her. “Not like that. Tonight was different.” Significant. “It happened behind my back.”
She rises to her knees. “You're right and I'm sorry.” She pulls me in, staring at me with sad eyes. “I'm so sorry, Landon.”
The twinge in my heart tells me she means it, but that's not the cause of this feeling in my chest.
The silence stretches between us and I swallow hard, fearing the answer to my next question because it's the hardest one I'll ever have to ask. “Do you love me?”
She blinks back tears. “The fact that you even have to ask me that—”
“Please, just tell me the truth.”
Those green eyes pierce me. “Yes. I know I didn't treat you right in the past—and that was my fuck up. That's all on me. But I fell in love with you, Landon.” Her hand brushes my jaw and the contact shivers over my skin. “I love you.”
I was wrong before, because this is the hardest question I'll ever have to ask. Because I already know the answer. “Do you love him?”
Something flickers in those eyes of hers, but it's gone just as quickly as it came. “What you walked in on was a mistake,” she starts, getting up off the floor. “I wasn't thinking and I—”
“You don't have to defend what happened. Just answer the question, Bre.”
She gathers her purse and index cards off the floor, but the tears threatening to spill down her face are my answer. “I'll be at the 24-hour coffee shop down the street. I have a final to study for.”
My throat closes in on me, this isn't how I want to leave things between us before I leave the country in a few hours.
It feels like she's reaching inside my chest and pulling my heart out with every step she takes toward the door. I know without a shadow of a doubt that I won't just carry a torch for this girl...I'll keep burning right down to the bone for her. Over and over again.
“Do you have any idea just how much I love you?” I call out and she stops in her tracks.
She turns and we stare at one another for a beat, emotions filling the space between us.
Then, to my utter surprise, she walks over and throws her arms around me, kissing me with so much passion I feel dizzy and nearly rock back on my feet. “I do, and I swear I never meant to hurt you.” Her hand goes to the back of my neck, her eyes squeezing shut. “You're going to be amazing in England.”
Dread coils my insides because something about this moment feels so familiar I nearly choke on it. “Why does it sound like you're breaking up with me?”
There's a long pause that stops my heart. “I'm not.” Her voice is pained. “I just...I think I need some space. I need to sort my head out after what happened tonight, you know?” She presses a hand to my chest. “But I'm not ending things.” Her fingers slide over my heart, tracing patterns over it. “I don't want to lose you.”
All I can hear is the organ that belongs to her thudding rapidly under her palm. “I don't want to lose you either.”
She leans up on her tiptoes and kisses me again. “I'm not going anywhere.” She hikes her purse up her shoulder and gives me a small smile. “Well, except to the coffee shop to go study. Call me when you land.”
I nod and she starts heading for the door. “This is going to sound strange coming from me and all...but I think you should go talk to him.”
Her request throws me. “Because I punched him?”
She pauses right before she walks out. “No, because you love him too.”