Chapter 22 (Breslin)
When one starts a war...they should be prepared for the counterattack.
But nothing could have ever prepared me for the brick that forms in my chest when Asher kisses Landon.
Or the lead that fills my stomach when Landon gets off the couch and follows him.
While I have no choice but to situate myself...and watch.
When they finally dislodge themselves, Landon looks back at me.
I wipe away at the tears streaming down my cheeks, hating that I'm so emotional, but I can't help myself. This is the very definition of heartache.
Landon looks between the both of us before his gaze settles on Asher. “I can't do this while she's in tears.”
My heart squeezes in my chest and pain ripples through me, despite the fact that I was the one who cast the first stone and set this train wreck of a night in motion.
But it's the sorrow and pity in Asher's eyes when he looks my way that sends another flood of resolve through my system.
I don't need or want his pity. I'm stronger than the girl I was. I can handle his retaliation.
I take a heavy breath and let it out slow. And then I look at them and say the words that will change everything between us forever. “Wrap your lips around his cock and show us both how much you want him.”
Because I need to see it with my own eyes.
I need to see the nightmare that infiltrates my brain every night before I go to sleep in the flesh.
I need the green-eyed monster under my bed to be dragged out in the open.
I want to see what Asher needs that I couldn't give him. Why I wasn't good enough for him.
Why he didn't love me the way I loved him.
I need to see all of him. The real him.
And I need to see what makes it impossible for Landon to choose me and only me now.
Landon hesitates, the concern in his eyes is poignant and palpable, but I silently urge him on. And then I steel every muscle in my body as he turns his back to me and gets down on his knees before Asher.
My chest heaves and my insides twist excruciatingly as I watch him undo Asher's pants, take out his cock, and gently stroke him.
My heart slams against my chest and another tear falls down my cheek...it mirrors the one that slips out the corner of Asher's eye.
My insides begin to tremble and Asher's body begins to shake. Emotions are swirling in the air like tangible particles around us.
“I don't think,” he starts to say, looking at me and my tears fall faster, because it hurts so fucking much.
But it needs to happen.
I want to tell them to continue, but I'm unable to form words due to the boulder lodging in my throat.
Asher looks down and Landon squeezes his hand. There's this moment between them that takes my breath. A moment without words, but one that's so palpable the tiny hairs on my body stand on end.
Slowly Asher's tremors subside and he brushes Landon's cheek. Then he closes his eyes and Landon's head begins to move.
It's so tender between them, the ache in my chest dissipates and my tears vanish as I continue watching them together.
An electric buzz goes through me and my mouth parts with a gasp of surprise when Asher's hand goes to the back of Landon's head and he lets out a soft groan. Landon's movements speed up in response and my breath catches for an entirely different reason then.
One —I'm no longer watching my ex-boyfriend's hook up. I'm watching two men who care and love one another in an intimate moment. And two—is something I didn't anticipate feeling. Arousal. The kind that gives me goosebumps. Because even I can't deny there's something so erotic and raw about what's happening.
I find myself even more grateful for Landon at that moment.
Because he's the only one who could do this. Make the worst...better. By giving us each what we needed to get through it.
He gave me my vengeance during my moment, let me use him and fuck him the way I needed to. And right now, he's giving Asher what he needs.
Understanding in a way I'll never quite be able to, because only Landon can.
Asher's chest rises and falls, his breathing is choppy and uneven as he grips Landon's hair tighter and he starts to spasm.
A quiver of desire starts low in my belly as I watch his Adam's apple bob and hear the husky sigh escaping from him as he comes undone inside Landon's mouth.
When his head falls back against the wall and his gaze slides to me, I hold my breath.
In spite of the fact that I have every right to hate him...I can't bring myself to look away. He commands every morsel of my attention.
But for once, it has nothing to do with the fact that physically speaking, he's the most gorgeous thing on this planet.
It's because for a single moment, I don't see the cheater and the liar.
I see him.
The boy I gave my heart to so long ago. The one who never gave it back.
I blink back another round of tears and the smoke screen lifts—allowing me to see the man that he is now in all his complicated glory.
The man that I'm no longer supposed to love...but the one I always will.
The organ inside my chest pulverizes with shame and I hate myself for letting him penetrate me again. I'm supposed to be stronger than this. I want to be stronger than this, but Asher Holden breaks through my defenses each and every time.
When Landon stands up and walks to the bathroom, I all but run after him—because Asher's eyes still haven't left mine. Only now he's looking at me like the cat that ate the canary.
“You're looking a little flushed there, Breslin,” he says, as he makes his way over to where I'm seated on the coffee table.
“What—”
My words fall and my abs pull tight when he kneels down in front of me. Before I can ask him what he thinks he's doing, he runs one long finger along the seam of my panties, stopping to circle the large damp spot that's formed. “Liked what you saw, huh?”
The taunting bite to his tone has my eyes narrowing. “No,” I fib, refusing to let him know just how much I enjoyed it. I didn't agree to this because I was horny and wanted to get off. I agreed to this to not only prove to myself that I could, but because I thought seeing them together would somehow fix my issues.
He drops his head to lick a path up my inner thigh. “Your lies taste delicious,” he whispers, burying his nose in my panties and inhaling me.
I clutch the coffee table I'm sitting on as another wave of lust plows into me.
Then silently cursing myself, I steel my gaze before I push his head away and close my legs.
He stands up and bites his lip, not looking at all offended, only more determined. "That's okay...because the only thing you'll be riding tomorrow night is my face."
With that, he shoots me another smug and cocky smile before he slides into Landon's bed.
I look at the bathroom door and give him a smile of my own. “I might be riding your face tomorrow, but I'll be pretending you're someone else.”
His dimples deepen and he grabs his thick dick through his boxers like the crude bastard he is. “Baby, by the time I'm done with you, you'll be down on your knees begging me for it.” He looks at Landon when he walks out of the bathroom and winks. “Just ask him.”
Landon looks between us, confusion marring his handsome face as he gets into bed. “What did I miss?”
“Nothing,” Asher says as he leans over to flip off the light on the nightstand. “Because I haven't started yet.”
On shaky legs, I walk over to Landon's bed. But even in the darkness, I can feel Asher's eyes pinned on me like I'm his prey.
My thoughts flit back to earlier as I lie between them, unable to sleep. When one starts a war...they should be prepared for the counterattack.