Chapter 40 (Asher)
The pounding in my head intensifies the second I open my door. Taking a step forward, I pull out my sunglasses and stick them on.
The final from hell is in a half hour and I figure I should try and get some studying done at the library.
I head for the staircase and I can't help but smile as I recall Landon whispering study points from our Ethics class in my ear during the wee hours of the morning while I was trying to sleep. Evidently, he thought hypnosis was worth a shot.
I take another step but halt in my tracks when I see Breslin taking the steps two at a time, looking like a hot mess. A gorgeous hot mess, but a mess nonetheless. The bird's nest on top of her head held together with pencils and highlighters and the bags under her eyes tells me she had a worse night than I did.
Shit, I forgot all about her anxiety issues before big tests. It doesn't matter that the girl has an A in the class, which means she can fail the final and still pass the class—she was still up studying all night anyway.
“The final is soon,” she says when she sees me standing at the top of the staircase, her voice coming out in one big rush. “We need to be there 15 minutes before it begins.” She pauses and blinks rapidly, and that's when I notice the jitters coursing through her. Damn, she's wired right now.
I eye the steaming cup of coffee in her hand. “How many of those have you had so far?”
She starts moving again, attempting to take the stairs three at a time now. “Who me? What—”
And down she goes...only I don't have time to catch her before she falls. Or before the piping hot coffee spills all over her shirt. Jesus.
I rush down the stairs and pick her up. “Are you okay?”
“Ouch, no. Shit, that really hurts,” she whispers and even through her white t-shirt I see her chest turn red.
I surge up the staircase and damn near break my dorm room door down.
I sit her on top of the tiny sink in my bathroom and turn on the faucet. Then I peel her shirt off and press the cool towel to the red spot on her chest. It's not nearly as bad as I thought and I breathe a sigh of relief.
“Thank you,” she whispers and I rummage around the small bathroom.
I hold the first-aid ointment up when I find it. “I don't think you'll scar or anything, but you should put this on anyway.” She takes it from me and I scratch the back of my neck. “It helped when I had a spider bite.”
She understandably looks confused and I'm pretty sure my ears turn red. “Spider bite?” she questions, rubbing the ointment on herself.
I shuffle my feet. “Long story short, a spider bit my testicles a few months ago. Landon actually helped—”
She holds up a hand. “Yeah, I'm pretty sure I don't need to hear the rest of that story.”
She gives me back the tube. “Thanks.” When I take it from her, she worries her bottom lip with her teeth. “Did he come by to see you...after?”
I nod. “He did.”
I don't know what to make of the expression on her face. “I should probably get changed before the final.”
She starts to jump off the sink, but I reach for her arm, my heart pounding in my chest. “Do you want to maybe grab a bite to eat after the final? You know, this way we can talk about things.”
She blinks and her mouth parts. “I...um. I can't, Asher. I have to work.”
“What about tomorrow then?”
She hops off the sink and grabs her shirt. “Sorry, but I can't.” She halts right before she walks out. “I don't think it's a good idea for us to hang out without Landon.”
My heart twists. “Look, I know what happened last night was—”
“A mistake,” she whispers. “What happened between us last night was a really big mistake.”
She might as well slap me across the face. “No, it wasn't.”
She turns around slowly, clutching the door frame. “You know what the worst part about last night was—other than hurting the man that I love?” She continues without waiting for a response. “I recognized that look in Landon's eyes. That look of utter heartache and betrayal. Because I still feel it whenever I think about you and Kyle together. And last night was like salt being poured over a wound that won't ever heal.”
I stand there breathless, my chest caving in with the words that I so desperately want to tell her. My heart is wound tightly in one big throb of pain and fear, but I know I need to tell her now while I still have the nerve. “Bre—”
Her nails dig into the door frame, almost like she's trying her hardest to keep it together. “I don't ever want to hurt Landon again. I don't ever want to inflict that kind of pain on another person. I don't ever want to be you.” A breath shutters out of her and she looks me right in the eyes. “I choose him, Asher. If you want to know who it is that I choose...the answer will always be him. As far as I'm concerned, you're just the baggage that I have to deal with if I want him.”
I take a step back, her statement ripping through me and slicing through my skin like dull glass.
She starts to leave but I take a step in her direction. “Breslin, there's something—”
“No, there isn't. There's nothing.” She can't hide the pain in her voice if she tried. “Our past is over and it can't ever be fixed. It's time we both accept it and move on. It's time we let each other go.”