Chapter 29 (Landon)
Losing someone you love the first time around is hard. But losing them the second time around?
Is a torment I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy. Which currently just so happens to be the guy sitting across from me.
The guy with the deep blue eyes and dimples who looks even worse than I do.
Ever since Breslin left my bed two nights ago and refused to speak to either of us, Asher and I have been dancing this fucked up tango with one another. Waltzing around the fact that we know the ugly truth. We didn't just lose Breslin, we lost each other. Because there's no us without her...not anymore. Not when we know how right the three of us are together. There's no way our relationship will survive the impact of not having her.
Leaning back in my chair, I remove my glasses and scrub a hand down my face. The last 48 hours have been spent in complete disarray and I hate it.
I can't help but let my eyes drift across the cafeteria to where she's eating lunch with Kit. She looks miserable, which equally makes my heart hurt and pisses me off because there's no reason for it.
I'm not flippant enough that I can't understand her concerns about our arrangement. Hell, I have them myself, but not enough to deter me from it.
I toss my books in my bag and stand up. “I'm going over there.”
Asher stands up so fast the force sends his chair sailing back. “Me too.”
Without another word we walk over to where she's sitting, only for her to whisper something to Kit before she gets up and all but runs out of the cafeteria.
The fact that she won't even acknowledge us causes my jaw to harden.
Asher and I exchange a glance and I plop down next to Kit.
She shakes her head. “Nope.” Her eyes dart between me and Asher who takes a seat across from us and folds his arms over his chest. “I'm not—”
Asher slams his hand on the table. “For fuck's sake, Kit. Give us something.”
She ignores him and goes back to eating her burger. Anger swells hot in my chest and I push her tray away, sending it flying across the table.
Her lips pull tight. “Christ, is this a shakedown?”
Asher leans in, getting close to her face and snarls, “It could be.”
She wipes her mouth with a napkin. “Listen, Batman and Robin, I don't know anything.” She chews on her bottom lip. “Not anything that you guys don't already know anyway.”
Asher quirks a brow at her. “What the hell does that mean?”
“It means,” she says, glaring at us. “That you both are fucking morons if you can't understand why she's upset and doesn't want to talk to you anymore.”
Asher and I exchange another glance. “I don't quite follow.”
“She's confused, hurt, and scared and you two bozos are the reason for it.” She rolls her eyes. “Good grief, did you really think sex or whatever the heck happened between you all was going to fix the issues?” She points a finger at Asher. “You pop up out of fucking nowhere after breaking her heart into a thousand pieces dating the guy she was trying to move on with.” Her eyes flit to mine. “And you acted like her damn knight in shining armor for months on end, only for her to return from Europe and find you dating her douchebag ex. I mean, come on. Telemundo doesn't have shit on you people.”
My heart knocks against my chest. “I didn't expect—” I look at Asher. “I didn't expect to fall for someone else. And not for nothing, but she broke up with me—”
“I know,” Kit says, standing up. “I'm not saying Breslin didn't make mistakes. But the thing is, she's aware of her mistakes. All she does is think about her mistakes and blame herself for everything internally. The girl has the confidence of a fruit fly.” She stares at Asher for several beats. “All she does is wonder what she must have done wrong to deserve to end up so broken and why she's never good enough for those she loves.”
I look down, it's like she put her fist through my heart with those words.
Asher's jaw works. “If she would let me explain—”
She pops a hand on her hip. “Why should she?” A scoff pushes through her lips. “The fact of the matter is, if you wanted her, you would have found a way to talk to her over the last three years. If you were really sorry about what you did, you would have found a way to tell her.”
He lets out a frustrated sigh. “She moved away and shut down all her social media sites. She didn't want to be found. Not to mention the fact that I couldn't—”
“Anyway,” Kit says, cutting him off. “My advice to you both is to stop trying. Not because Breslin isn't worth it but because you've already blown your shot.”
“I love her,” I whisper and she frowns.
“It doesn't mean shit if she doesn't feel like you do. It doesn't mean anything if she won't accept it.” Her expression softens and she looks up to the ceiling. “Look, maybe I'm wrong. Maybe I'm just being a bitch because of my own shit that I'm dealing with, but either way, you can't force her to talk to either of you until she's ready.” She gathers her books off the table. “You know the old adage, 'If you love something, set it free'.”
“What if she doesn't come back?” Asher questions, the pain in his voice damn near penetrating through my skin.
She cuts her eyes to the door and exhales. “You find a way to go on and get over her.”
When she walks away Asher squeezes his eyes shut and whispers, “I couldn't get over her the first time around.”
I run a hand through my hair, my chest caving in. “We give her a little more time.” I meet his stare for a few solid beats. “She'll come around, I know she will.”
“How are you so sure?” he questions when I start to walk away.
I look over my shoulder at him. “Because I'm not out of hope yet. And Breslin Rae has a way of making even the toughest cynic a believer again.”
Because she saved me the first time. She saved me when I didn't think there was anything left to salvage.