Chapter Seventeen
Phil
“You’re doing well, Phil,” Sarge said to me. “All your performance evaluation reports have been glowingly positive. It’s almost boring.”
I laughed. “I’ll take boring any day, then.”
“All jokes aside, I’m impressed with your commitment, Phil. You are doing a fantastic job.”
“Thanks, Sarge.” I nodded. “I really appreciate you saying that.”
“Can I give you a piece of advice, though?”
“Please do.”
“Invest in other aspects of your life, too,” Sarge replied. “Your personal life being one of them.”
I smiled. “Actually…I have.”
“Oh?”
“Her name is Megan.”
“And, this is the girl whose brother is your friend?”
“That’s the one.” I nodded.
“The friendship wasn’t worth missing the opportunity to date her, huh?”
“Not even a little bit,” I said. “She’s definitely worth losing Brent over—in fact, that might happen either way. But yes, we’re together now.”
“I wondered about that twinkle in your eye.”
The blush on my cheeks shocked me, and I hurried to cover it up with an embarrassed cough. “Is there a twinkle?” I asked, keeping my voice even.
“I think so… There’s new light.”
“This girl is special,” I said. “She brings the light.”
“Sounds like a keeper.”
I laughed nervously. “I’m still nervous to bring her into my world—it’s not a perfect one.”
“Whose is?” he asked. “The point is that she’s your priority.”
“She is.” I nodded. “And she understands about my job.”
“Are you living with her?” Sarge asked.
“Uh…no.”
“Living with her is the only way to know if she’ll truly be able to handle this life.”
“I suppose you’re right,” I nodded. “Can I ask you a question?”
“Sure.”
“How did you know that your wife…was the one?”
“I wish I could tell you that it was one specific thing,” he replied. “But it wasn’t anything concrete. It was just this feeling of certainty I got when I was with her. I felt sure I was sitting with someone I could spend the rest of my life with. I loved her, and that made my decision easy.”
“I don’t think I’ve ever been in love before.”
“Before now, you mean?”
I smiled, but didn’t answer. Was I in love? Was that what I was feeling…this intense, strong, hypnotizing feeling of falling? It was powerful enough to be love but how could I be sure I was right. How could I make a decision that would affect the rest of my life?
“Was it difficult, being a fireman and having a family?” I asked.
“Sometimes.” Sarge nodded. “Not because of the hours, but because of the knowledge that I might not come home one day. Or I might come home damaged and broken, then the burden of looking after me would fall to my wife and children, and I didn’t want that. But this was the path I chose, and thankfully, my wife understands. Doesn’t keep her from nagging, though.”
“I don’t know what else I’d be…if I wasn’t a fireman,” I said honestly.
“You don’t have to give it up,” he pointed out. “You just have to find the right girl.”
“Thanks for your advice, Sarge,” I told him, as I stood up.
Advice was all well and good, but sometimes things looked a lot different from the inside, looking out. I left work that day realizing that I missed Megan and wanted to see her when I got home. We had no plans to see each other tonight, and I desperately wanted to change that, but I figured she’d be busy with work and research for those courses she wanted to do, so I decided to give her some space.
I got home and changed into casual clothes before heading out to the supermarket for some much-needed groceries. I was on my way there when I passed by a display case window that made me take pause. The display case was elegantly set with a tasteful showing of jewelry. Among the diamonds and the sapphires were flawlessly crafted rings, encased with colored stones in pale pinks and black diamonds.
I found myself parked outside the window, staring at the rings like they were calling out to me. On a whim, I decided to walk inside and see what they carried. I was thinking of Megan as I entered the pristine store. Their floors were covered over with a dark red carpet and stones glittered from every corner of the store.
I walked around, staring at the glass cabinet and focusing in on all the rings I saw. It was far too soon for me to be thinking about marriage. Megan and I hadn’t even exchanged I love yous yet. But somehow, I couldn’t seem to turn around and leave, either.
I walked up to one display counter and looked down at the selection of rings they carried. None of the jewelry had price tags on them, but I could tell from the interior and smell of the store that nothing in here was cheap.
“Hello, sir,” said the salesman behind the counter I was looking at.
He was tall, slim, and well dressed. He had a sharp nose and an expression that was distinctly superior.
“Can I help you?” he asked, giving me a smile that turned up only one corner of his mouth.
“Uh…sure,” I said, without thinking.
“Let me guess, you’re looking for an engagement ring?”
I decided to just go with it. How was he to know anything about my life? It wouldn’t hurt to ask a few questions, it wasn’t like I was making a purchase or anything.
“I am, yes.” I nodded.
“And, what is your lady’s name?”
I’d never heard the question put that way before and it amused me. “Her name is Megan,” I replied.
“How lovely,” he nodded. “And your good name, sir?”
“Uh… Phil.”
“Very good, Mr. Phil—”
“Just Phil is fine.”
“Phil.” He nodded. “My name is Rodney. I’d be happy to show you our latest collection of engagement rings. What’s your price range?”
I hesitated and suppressed the urge to gulp. I had thought I was doing okay financially. But that was before stepping foot into this store. This kind of store put me in a world of grandeur and opulence, and I realized that I was doing well compared to the kids in the neighborhood I used to live in, but not even close compared to the kind of people who walked into a store like this and felt comfortable in it.
“Sir?”
“Ah… Can I know the price of that ring over there?” I asked, as I pointed to a thin wedding band encrusted with small stones on the band and a modest solitaire diamond in the very center. It was one of the smaller and simpler designs, and I decided that as a result, it would also be on the cheaper side.
“That ring is seven thousand, five hundred dollars.”
Again, I repressed the urge to whistle loudly. Instead, I kept my composure and nodded as though I had been completely prepared for that price.
“That’s a little over my budget,” I said. “Do you have rings that are…less expensive?”
I wondered if it was my imagination or if Rodney pursed his lips a little. He slid down the counter and pointed to another ring with a tiny diamond in the center. It was almost Spartan in appearance, compared to everything else, but I liked it.
“That ring retails for four thousand, two hundred dollars, sir.”
“Okay.” I nodded. “Thank you.”
I turned around and walked out of the store, knowing that I’d probably never go back there again. I headed to the supermarket in a fog of thought and ended up forgetting three of the eleven items on my grocery list. When I got back home, all I could think of was Megan, so I called her, but there was no reply. I wondered what Paul would do in my place.
It was strange to think of Paul now. He seemed so far removed from the world I’d grown accustomed to.
I usually avoided thinking of him, usually because it meant picturing him in jail clothes sitting in a dank cell. I knew my imagination wasn’t even close to the real thing, but I kept jumping to worst-case scenario. It had been a long time since I’d visited him, and I wondered if he was angry with me. I wondered if he was hurt.
We had been close at one point, before our falling out. We had been as close as brothers could be. And then our lives had diverged, and our choices had shaped the rest of our lives.
I wanted to talk to someone, and I realized that someone was Megan. There were signs of her all over my apartment now. She kept a few clothes here in case of emergencies and a jacket that was currently thrown across the sofa.
Some of her books were lying on the coffee table in front of the television. There was some of her leftover meatloaf in the fridge, and there was a dream-catcher she had found at a flea market hung over my window. Her scent was stamped all over my apartment and as comforting as it was, it also reminded me that she was not here, and that made me miss her even more.
I wanted to try calling her again, but I didn’t want to be a pain, so I forced away the impulse and started making mac and cheese for dinner.
I was almost done with dinner when my phone started ringing. “Megan?” I said, picking it up.
“Hey, you.” Her voice was like honey. “Sorry I missed your call.”
“Don’t worry about it,” I said.
“What’s up?”
“Uh…nothing,” I said lamely.
“Nothing?” she repeated, and she sounded amused.
“I guess I just wanted to hear your voice.”
“You sound a little down?” she said gently.
“Not down,” I clarified. “Just…contemplative, I suppose.”
“Would you like some company?”
I smiled. “I thought you’d never ask.”
I felt her smile. “See you in a few minutes.”
“Megan?” I said quickly, before she could hang up.
“Yes?”
“Maybe you could bring a few clothes over… In case you wanted to stay a few days or something?”
“I’ll do that,” she said readily. “See you soon.”
The line went dead, and I felt a little spark as my melancholy mood lifted. I moved around the apartment, thinking about my life up until this moment. I thought back through all my past relationships and realized that I had never had this feeling before. I had never waited longingly to see any one of my ex-girlfriends. I had never missed them when I didn’t see them for any length of time. And when each of those relationships had ended, I hadn’t felt a loss in my life.
Something told me that if Megan disappeared tomorrow, I would not only feel it, but I would be devastated. It wasn’t just her body that had me spellbound, it was her mind, her conversation, her smile and above all else, her laugh. She made me happy. She made me feel like it was possible for me to have a happy ending. And for a guy like me, that wasn’t just huge—it was transformative.