Chapter Thirty-Two
Chance
I was so lost in thought that I gave a start of surprise when my office door flew open and Lindsey walked in without so much as a knock. She closed the door behind her and sat down in the chair opposite me. She was wearing the standard white shirt and pencil skirt, and she had tied back blonde hair in a ponytail. Immediately, I was reminded of Natalie.
“Hi,” she greeted.
I raised my eyebrows. “Don’t you knock?”
“Would you like me to go back out and knock for you?” she asked, matching my tone.
I smirked half-heartedly. “That’s okay. What brings you here today?”
“You don’t look so good today,” she said. “I’m just curious…and concerned.”
“Concerned?”
“Of course,” Lindsey nodded. “We’re friends. Aren’t we?”
“I suppose we are.”
“Which means you can trust me,” she pointed out. “Come on; you can tell me what’s going on with you. Especially since the faculty noticed too.”
I looked up in surprise. “What do you mean?”
“Professor Keeling mentioned that you looked lovesick today at lunch,” Lindsey said, without mincing her words. “And Professor Sarandon agreed. Of course, neither one suspected that you were involved with a student.”
“Oh… Well, that’s something.”
“Are they right?”
“Huh?”
“Are they right?” she repeated. “Are you lovesick?”
I hesitated for only a moment, but Lindsey jumped on the pause. “Your fling with the cute brunette is over?”
“Yes,” I nodded. “It ended last night.”
“Ah.” She nodded. “I warned you that these sorts of relationships never really last. It was only a matter of time, really.”
“You did.”
“How about I make you feel better?”
“How do you propose to do that?”
Lindsey leaned towards me a little and gave me a suggestive smile. “It involves heavy petting.”
I turned my face away from her. “No thanks,” I said, as politely as possible.
“Wow… That bad, huh?”
“It’s fine,” I said defensively, but I could tell from Lindsey’s expression that she didn’t believe me in the slightest.
She was looking at me carefully, and I could tell from her expression that she was studying my face, as though my thoughts could be read across it. “What?” I demanded politely.
“You fell in love with her, didn’t you?”
I sighed.
“Oh, Chance,” Lindsey said, shaking her head. “I expected more of you.”
“It’s not like I had any control over how I felt,” I pointed out. “It just happened. I wasn’t looking for anything to happen, it just did.”
“How old is she…nineteen, twenty?”
“Twenty-one.”
“So, young, basically,” Lindsey said. “I gave you a lecture about not getting attached to the students you mess around with. I told you to let her down easy when the time came to end the relationship. I neglected to tell you the other side of the coin. The flip side is that you might be the novelty, and she might just be using you. And girls that age can be flighty and fickle.”
“That’s not Natalie,” I said, coming to her defense immediately. “And, that’s not what happened.”
“Oh?” Lindsey said, raising her eyebrows. “Then what did happen?”
“I broke up with her,” I replied.
She looked confused. “You broke up with her?”
“Yes.”
“You just admitted to being in love with her,” She pointed out.
“I’m aware of that.”
She sighed impatiently. “Are you going to tell me the story, or are you just going to string me along for the next hour until I get really irritated.”
I smiled. “It’s a long story.”
“I’ve got time,” Lindsey said. “And, I know your next lecture is not for another hour, so you have the time, too.”
I sighed, unwilling to relive the whole thing, but also desperate to talk to someone about it. I decided on a whim that Lindsey was the best person to talk to.
“There’s this student who attended the same lecture as Natalie,” I explained. “His name is Jason, and apparently he’s held a torch for Natalie for quite some time, except she kept rejecting him. And instead of accepting the rejection like a man and moving on, the bastard kept stalking her—”
“Kept stalking her?” Lindsey interrupted.
I nodded. “I suspect he was following her around campus when we first got together. In any case, he has concrete proof of my relationship with Natalie, and he’s threatening to go to the dean with the pictures if I don’t…back down.”
“And by back down, you mean break up with Natalie.”
“Yes.”
Lindsey frowned. “And you’re dancing to his tune because?”
“He has the upper hand,” I said. “I have no doubt he will go to the dean.”
“He’ll go to jail,” she pointed out. “You have the upper hand. The most that will happen to you is that you’ll lose your job. Is he really willing to risk his record on that?”
“He’s psychotic,” I said. “And, I truly believe he’ll go through with it.”
“Then you send him to jail.”
“If the consequences fell on me alone, I would,” I nodded. “But it doesn’t. Natalie will be pulled into this, too. She won’t be allowed to graduate. She’ll have worked her ass off her whole life for nothing. Her family is not well off, Lindsey; they won’t be able to afford to send her to another university. She got in here in the first place because she got a full ride.”
“So, you broke up with her…to protect her?”
“I did, yes.”
She smiled softly. “That’s very attractive.”
“Lindsey, thanks…really… But I’m not in the mood.”
She smirked. “I wasn’t offering up myself, at least not this time. I was just admiring you. I must say I never expected this level of sentiment from you.”
I smiled. “Should I take that as a compliment?”
“I would,” she said.
“The truth is, I never expected to fall in love with anyone, let alone one of my own students,” I said. “But from the day I first set eyes on her, she captivated me. I didn’t realize how far I’d fallen until I actually got involved with her. Day by day, I waited for my interest to fade. I waited to get over her, but it only got worse. I wanted her more and more until I couldn’t imagine my life without her.”
Lindsey smiled. “And, she loves you?”
“She does,” I nodded.
“How did she take it?” she asked. “When you broke up with her?”
“She thought I was joking at first,” I said, cringing against the memory. “But apart from that first minute of disbelief, she believed me so easily. It was as though I hadn’t done enough in the past almost year to demonstrate how I really felt about her. I saw the realization dawn on her face… And I knew she believed that I didn’t want her anymore. As if that would be possible.”
“You have to see things from her perspective, Chance,” Lindsey said. “She’s young and insecure, and you’re educated, well traveled, and experienced. It would have been the easiest thing in the world to have believed you.”
I ground my teeth together, frustrated and furious with the man who was behind all the pain I was feeling. “I hate that he can get away with this…”
“He shouldn’t.”
“No, he shouldn’t,” I agreed. “But I won’t let him take down Natalie.”
“Am I right in assuming she doesn’t know any of this?”
“One of Jason’s conditions was that I make it seem like the breakup was real… I needed to convince Natalie that I was the one that wanted to end things.”
“Which means one thing: he believes that had Natalie known that he was blackmailing you, she would have gone to the dean herself.”
I frowned.
“Think about it, Chance,” Lindsey said. “You just told me that Natalie loves you, she wants to be with you. The only reason she’s not is because you were forced to break her heart. Which means if she knows why you broke up with her…”
“She’d expose our relationship herself,” I finished Lindsey’s explanation for her.
“So that Jason loses his leverage and the two of you will be free to be together.”
“Except I’ll have no job and she’ll have no degree.”
“Do you think she’d care about that?”
“Of course not,” I said. “Not at first… But like you said, she’s young. When she’s older, she might regret her decision.”
“Give her some credit for knowing her own mind.”
“I’m not saying she doesn’t,” I clarified. “All I’m saying is that people change their minds. Natalie is only twenty-one. When she’s in her thirties or forties, scrounging for every penny just to make ends meet, she might not thank me for my part in her situation.”
“She can get another degree at another university,” Lindsey pointed out.
“Her parents don’t have the money, and neither does she,” I said. “I might be able to put her through college, but it’ll take years. She’ll be in her mid to late twenties by the time she’s finished. The job market is competitive, and I don’t think she’s going to want to repeat the same degree all over again. And I looked up Jason’s fucking father. The man is really as powerful as Jason claimed he was. He can make her un-hirable if he chooses. Face it, Lindsey; I’m caught between a rock and a hard place.”
“So… she can… go abroad and work overseas. If she doesn’t have the money to move, then take her with you. Regardless, she deserves to know the real reason you broke up with her,” Lindsey said. “Especially if she loves you.”
“Don’t you think I would tell her in a heartbeat if I could?” I asked. “I don’t want to hurt her, and because of that cruel asshole, I was forced to…publicly. But I have to think of her and do what’s best for her. No matter what that means for me. Otherwise, how I can I claim to love her?”
“And that’s all this is?”
“Excuse me?”
“This is a big commitment for you,” Lindsey said, looking at me carefully. “Are you sure you’re not taking the easy way out because you’re scared of continuing your relationship with Natalie.”
“I… that’s… that’s completely untrue.”
Lindsey just raised her eyebrows.
I sighed. “I’m not going to lie and say I’m not… nervous.”
“You’re scared.”
“I’m going to stick to nervous,” I said impatiently. “But Lindsey… this is all just too hard. Her life might be easier without me.”
“Let her decide that,” Lindsey replied. “You just can’t let this jerk win.”
“I don’t have a choice,” I said.
“There are always choices,” she said, looking thoughtful. “But sometimes it’s easier for people like me.”
“Excuse me?”
“Nothing,” Lindsey mumbled. “Never mind. Listen, thanks for telling me all this, but I have to run now.”
“What?” I said. “Where to?”
“I’ve got some papers to grade.”
“Didn’t you finish grading your last papers yesterday?” I asked.
“Uh, did I?” Lindsey said unconvincingly. “Better go check just to make sure. Speak to you later.”
“Wait, Lindsey, what are you planning?”
She didn’t bother answering me. Instead, she slammed the door and disappeared. I sighed and sat back against my chair. It had been a rough couple of days, and I was starting to think it was only going to get worse from here on out.
I picked up my phone, trying to resist the urge to visit my photo library. I still couldn’t muster up the courage to delete all my pictures of Natalie. I was just about to cave and visit the gallery when a call came in. When I saw that it was Sophie, I bit my lip and answered reluctantly.
“Hi, little bro,” Sophie greeted enthusiastically. “I’m just calling to remind you about our dinner tomorrow night. You’re bringing Natalie, right?”
“How’s Tommy?” I asked, ignoring her question.
She sounded a little taken aback, but she answered. “He’s sitting right next to me waiting for confirmation,” she replied. “He’s excited about showing you and Natalie his new animal dictionary. Also, thank Natalie for the book on Egypt she bought for him, he loves it. He’s already been through it five times. Tony and I are actually thinking of making a trip there in a few years. It’s the first time we’ve been so informed about a country we plan to visit.”
“Ah…that’s great.”
“You sound strange.”
“Do I?”
“What’s wrong?” she asked suspiciously. “Are you trying to cancel our dinner?”
“No,” I told her. “I’ll be there, but Natalie won’t be…”
There was a second of silence on the other line, and then I heard a small sigh. “Oh, Chance,” Sophie said, and she sounded as disappointed as I felt.