Chapter Twenty-Two
Chance
I rolled to my side and reached out, hoping to snuggle in next to Natalie, but my hand met empty sheets. I blinked my eyes open and turned. For a second, all I saw was blinding light, but as my vision began to focus, the image in front of me became clearer.
The white silk curtains to the massive French doors to our balcony suite had been opened, and rays of sun were filtering in little rivulets of diamond light. I could see Paris in the backdrop, with the Eiffel Tower standing proud in the center. The snow was light and it put me in mind of cakes dusted with icing sugar. If I concentrated hard on the street below, I could see flecks of snowdrops that had dusted the pavements. As beautiful as the view was, I couldn’t concentrate on it because of the perfect silhouette that stood before me, putting France to shame.
Natalie stood in front of the windows, staring out at the landscape before her. Her back was to me, so I couldn’t see her face. Her dark hair fell in waves down her back. She had wrapped one of the covering sheets around her body so that all I could see was the bare skin of her naked shoulders. The sheet cascaded around her, pooling at her feet like some strange new ball gown. She looked like some kind of fallen angel, but I liked to think of her more as my angel.
We had been together now almost three months. It felt to me as though I were leading someone else’s life. I wasn’t this guy, was I?
I wasn’t the type of guy to call a girl faithfully every night before I fell asleep. I wasn’t the sort of guy to look forward to the weekends because it meant more time with her. I wasn’t the kind of guy to whisk a woman off to Paris for the week just because she’d happened to mention that seeing the Eiffel Tower in snow was on her bucket list.
And yet, I found myself doing every one of those things. I found myself wanting to do every one of those things. It wasn’t just that she was young and new and exciting. It was more than that, and I couldn’t quite put my finger on it. I had vowed to myself that I would stay away from relationships. I thought I had made that decision a long time ago, but for some reason, my will couldn’t stand against Natalie’s charms.
She was innocent, shy, sensible, hardworking, and practical. But she could also be sexy, seductive, witty, and intelligent. She was a little bit of everything, and I found myself drawn to her mind, as well as her body. I had also realized in the last few weeks that I had been thinking about my parents a lot. I thought about my father and the way he had loved my mother. I thought about my mother and the way she had repaid that love by leaving him to his broken heart.
I wanted to talk to someone about it, but there was no one there for me. I knew Sophie would listen, but she would also demand to meet Natalie, and I wasn’t sure I was ready for that. I needed to figure out my own complicated thoughts first, before I added my sister’s input to the mix.
Still, it was hard to worry about anything at the moment. I was in Paris with a beautiful woman who was standing before me, naked underneath that sheet. I rubbed the sleep from my eyes, got out of bed, and walked over to her quietly. I was naked, and I was hoping that in a few minutes, she would be, too.
I snuck up behind her and wrapped my arms around her. She gave a little start of surprise and then laughed, kissing my arm in the process.
“Morning,” Natalie greeted. “I didn’t even hear you get up.”
“You were preoccupied.”
“This view,” she said, looking out at the Eiffel Tower in the distance. “I don’t think I can stop looking at it.”
“I know the feeling.” I nodded, forcing her to turn towards me. “Except that’s not the view I’m talking about.”
She smiled. “It’s not?”
I shook my head. “You’re the only view that I can’t turn my eyes from.”
“You’re quite the charmer,” Natalie laughed as she stood on her tiptoes to kiss me lightly on the lips. “I still can’t quite believe that we’re here.”
“Don’t worry; you’ll believe it once we’re walking the streets of Paris, visiting the Louvre, taking pictures by the Arc de Triomphe down the Champs-Elysees.”
“Your French accent is impeccable,” she noted. “Makes me feel quite uneducated.”
“Please,” I said. “You’re the most informed person I know… You’re the one who’s been educating me about France, remember?”
She shrugged as though it were nothing. “I read – that’s not special. Anyone who chooses to read will know the same things I do.”
“But they don’t,” I pointed out. “Because not everyone has your curiosity or your thirst for knowledge. Trust me; I’ve been to a lot of different places around the world. There are many people who are content to sit in their little corner without ever venturing out. You’re not like them, and neither am I. Which is why I think we get along so well.”
She smiled. “Do you spend a lot of time thinking about the reasons we get along so well?” she asked. Her tone was half teasing and half serious.
“I have been lately,” I nodded.
“Why?”
“Because…I never expected this,” I admitted.
“You never expected what?”
“A relationship,” I told her. “I never expected to have anything in common with my father.”
She frowned. “And, what exactly is that?”
I smiled self-consciously. I had a suspicion, but I was too scared to give it life by saying the words out loud. Instead, I pulled Natalie close and kissed her hard.
“It doesn’t really matter,” I said. “All that matters is that we’re here, in Paris, and you can cross another item off your bucket list.”
“This is the perfect break before we get back,” Natalie said. “I can’t quite believe I have only one semester left.”
“Forget the last semester,” I advised. “Focus on Paris.”
Natalie’s smile was brilliant and wide. “I can’t wait to start exploring; the decorations around the city are breathtaking.”
“They go all out for Christmas,” I nodded.
Natalie’s expression faltered a little at the mention of Christmas. At the beginning, I would never have noticed such a subtle change, but I was starting to understand her now. I was starting to see the nuances in her personality, the simple little things that a stranger would never see.
She made a face every time she saw pickles in her salad. She loved reading books in the horror genre, but she hated watching the movies. She always raised one eyebrow when she was trying to figure out a problem. She pursed her lips when she felt awkward, but she was trying to cover it up.
“What’s wrong?” I asked, taking her hand.
“Nothing,” she replied immediately.
I raised my eyebrows and looked at her pointedly. “Come on, you can tell me; I know that look.”
“What look?” she asked in amazement.
“That look you get when you’re a little sad about something, but you don’t want to admit it.”
Natalie looked shocked for a moment and then she smiled. “How do you know about that look?”
“I’ve been paying attention,” I said smugly.
She stroked my face with her hand. “I’m not sad,” she rushed to assure me. “In fact, I couldn’t be happier than I am right now.”
“But?”
“There’s no ‘but,’” she said, shaking her head. “I was just thinking that this is the first Christmas that I haven’t spent with my parents. I guess that made me a little sad for a second. Only a second, though.”
“Were they very disappointed when you told them you weren’t going to be home for Christmas?” I asked.
“They were wonderful,” she assured me. “They were just so excited about the fact that I’ve met someone that they couldn’t have been happier for me.”
“They sound like great parents.”
“They are,” she agreed. “The very best. And, they know how long I’ve dreamed of coming to Paris. They were actually saving for a trip in the future.”
“Have they always encouraged you to travel?”
“Always,” Natalie nodded. “I think they both regretted not being able to travel as much as they would have liked. So they wanted to make sure that I wouldn’t have the same regrets. I was actually offered a scholarship to the University of Reading, but I turned it down so that I’d be closer to them.”
“Wow, turning down a scholarship is not the easiest thing to do,” I pointed out.
Natalie smiled. “I got a full ride to North Greenfield, too,” she said. “So, it wasn’t that hard to do.”
“No kidding? You’re on a full scholarship?”
“I am,” she nodded.
“I didn’t know that.”
“It’s one of the reasons I’m so inexperienced. I spent my adolescence buried in books because I wanted to get into a great college on a scholarship. I also wanted to relieve my parents of the financial costs of college, so I guess I had my blinders on and forgot to live a little.”
“You’re a great daughter, you know.”
“Nah,” Natalie said, waving away my compliment. “I’m the lucky one; I got the great parents. I’d really like you to meet them one day.”
I felt nerves rush up to my throat the moment she spoke. It was a ridiculous reaction, giving the extent to which our relationship had developed, but I still couldn’t help feeling scared and worried. Again, a little voice inside my head told me that I was living some other guy’s life. This wasn’t really me. I wasn’t the relationship sort. But every time I saw Natalie, it became harder and harder to buy that line.
“Not immediately,” she said when I didn’t answer immediately. “There’s no pressure.”
I shook myself out of my panicked reverie and tried to put on an air of calm. “No, of course, I’d love to meet your parents, whenever you’re comfortable with making the introduction.”
She smiled, but I saw her eyes searching my face in an attempt to figure out if I was being sincere or not.
“You know what?”
“What?” she asked.
“I think you should give your parents a call,” I suggested, grabbing my cell phone. “I have roaming.”
“But it’s so expensive,” she said.
“You let me worry about that,” I insisted. “Just make the call, say hi to your parents. Tell them you’ve reached Paris safely, and you’ll call them on Christmas day, too.”
“Chance…”
“Seriously, go ahead,” I nodded. “I wish I had parents I loved enough to call and say hello, just because I missed them.”
Natalie’s eyebrows scrunched together, and she looked like she wanted to say something. After a moment, she changed her mind and took the phone I was offering her.
“You’re sure?” she asked.
“Completely,” I nodded.
Natalie looked at me for a moment and shook her head. “You are amazing; you know that?”
“I’ve been told,” I said jokingly.
“No, I’m serious,” she said, taking my hand. “Thank you for bringing me here, Chance. You have no idea how much this means to me.”
Her beautiful blue eyes were large and sincere, and I was touched by how keenly she felt the need to show me her appreciation. “I just want you to be happy,” I said.
“I am happy,” she nodded. “I’m happy with you. And I think… I think it’s because I love you.”
I froze for a moment, taken aback by the simple statement that weighed me down with emotion. And yet, I couldn’t say it back to her. She was staring at me, waiting, but I couldn’t open my mouth and say the words.
“Go make the call,” I said, kissing her brow. “I’ll be here waiting.”
She gave me a small smile and a nod before she moved towards the living room area of our suite. “Don’t put on clothes,” I told her. “I expect a thank you when you get back.”
She laughed and gave me a wink. “You can get as many thank-yous as you want.”
She disappeared into the living room, and I turned to the perfect view before me.
Why hadn’t I said it back to her? Was it because I didn’t feel it? Was it because I was scared? Was it because I was afraid to end up like my father? Or was it something I hadn’t even considered yet?