Chapter Five
Phil
I sat down opposite Kendrick and reached my hand out to take a couple of chips from the bag he was eating from.
“I have a question for you,” I said.
“Shoot,” Kendrick said.
“What would you do if there was this girl you liked?” I asked. “But she was off limits?”
He raised his eyebrows. “Wait, this isn’t a question…it’s advice.”
“What?”
“You’re coming to me for advice?” Kendrick sounded exceptionally pleased with himself.
I rolled my eyes. “And, I’m starting to regret it.”
“I would have thought you’d go to Mel or Ryan,” he continued, seeming to have forgotten that I actually required an answer from him.
“Maybe I should,” I said pointedly.
“I’ve always been great at giving advice, you know,” he continued.
“I wouldn’t know considering you haven’t actually given me any advice yet,” I said, narrowing my eyes at him.
Kendrick gave me a sheepish smile that was completely unapologetic. “What was your problem again?”
I shook my head at him. “There’s this girl I might be interested in,” I said. “But I think she may be off limits.”
Kendrick frowned. “You might be interested in her?” he asked. “You’re not sure?”
“I… Well…”
“Trust me, dude, if you’re interested in a girl, you know it. Either you’re into this girl or not.”
“Fine, I’m into her, okay?”
“Good.” Kendrick nodded, taking on a professional tone. “Now that that’s established, why is she off limits?”
“She’s the younger sister of a friend of mine.”
Kendrick raised his eyebrows. “That’s it?”
“Yeah…”
“That doesn’t make her off limits.”
“Brent is…weird, and I don’t think he’d be too happy with the idea of me dating his little sister.”
“Why? Is she like…underage or something?” Kendrick asked, lowering his voice a little.
“What the fuck is wrong with you,” I said. “Of course not.”
“Hey, you never know,” he said, with a shrug. “I had to check.”
“Well?” I asked impatiently. “What would you do?”
“I’d sleep with her anyway,” he said bluntly.
“Seriously?”
“Fuck, yeah,” he nodded hard. “You’re an adult, and so is she. It doesn’t matter what her brother thinks. Even if he’s not too happy with the idea, he’ll get over it. I’d just act on my instincts and give it to her good the next time I saw her.”
“I’ve only met her the one time,” I admitted.
“Once?” he repeated. “That’s it.”
“That’s it.” I nodded.
“Wow, she made quite the impression, huh?”
“We talk almost every day though,” I pointed out.
Kendrick frowned. “You talk every day, but you’ve actually seen her face to face only once?”
“Brent had a party a few weeks ago, and that’s where we met. Since then, we’ve been talking constantly over the phone when I’m done with work.”
“Geez, she might have put you in the friend zone, dude. I mean, it’s been weeks, and she’s not interested in meeting you?”
“No, that’s not the reason we haven’t met again,” I said. “In fact, I think she’d really like meeting in person. It’s just that my schedule—”
“Wait…you’re the reason?”
“Well, I’ve been busy.”
“Fuck that, make time,” Kendrick said. “I mean, you like this girl, don’t you?”
“Yes.”
“And, you can talk to her, right?”
“Yes.”
“And, she’s got a banging body?”
I stopped short and narrowed my eyes at him.
“What?” Kendrick said. “I’m curious. What does she look like?”
“None of your business.”
“Don’t worry; you don’t have to worry about competition or anything. I wouldn’t move in on a girl that my bro’s after. Well?”
I smiled. “You are such a child.”
“Tell me.”
“She’s beautiful,” I said. “Blonde hair, hazel eyes, medium height—”
“Body?”
“She’s got a good body.”
“Have you pictured her naked yet?”
“Okay,” I said, standing up. “I think I’m going to head to AB support now.”
“Aw, come on… We were bonding.”
“Is that what we were doing?”
“Fuck you, Phil,” Kendrick yelled at my retreating back. “I don’t even know why I’m friends with you.”
Laughing, I headed to Apparatus Bay Support to clean out my supplies and make sure all the equipment was ready for the next emergency call. I was sorting through my equipment when Sergeant Green walked in. He was a tall, impressive man with a thick silver mustache that matched his silver hair. I had a huge amount of respect for the kind of man he was, but more importantly, I had gratitude for him taking a chance on me when no one else would.
“Phil,” Sarge said, coming forward when he spotted me.
“Evening, Sarge,” I greeted. “How’s your wife?”
“She’s nagging me to retire,” he said in his deep, clear voice.
“Retire?” I said. “You’re much too young.”
Sarge narrowed his eyes at me. “I’m pushing sixty and don’t pretend you didn’t know that.”
“You’re not actually thinking about it, are you?” I asked.
“I’ve been doing this job for thirty-six years,” Sarge said, and he sounded tired. “Retiring doesn’t sound like a bad idea. I have grandkids I want to see grow up.”
I looked at Sarge, and I saw the kind of man I wanted to be. Seeing as how I didn’t have any real role models growing up, he was the first person I had to look up to and learn from. He was strong, brave, and decisive. He had fought in the thick of things for twenty-eight years before being promoted to chief. And with everything he did around the fire station, he had still done his best for his wife and their two children, both of whom were older than I was.
“Sarge,” I said, looking at him as my mentor for more than just the job. “Can I ask you a personal question?”
He looked a little surprised, but he nodded. “Go ahead.”
“Well… I was wondering if you ever found it difficult to balance this job with your family?”
Sarge listened intently and then nodded. “You met a girl, didn’t you?”
I smiled. “It’s not near anywhere serious,” I said. “We’re purely friends. It’s just that… I don’t really want to take it any further if there’s no room in my life for a relationship.”
“That’s crazy. You can’t put your life on hold for anything—not even this job. You just have to learn to balance it.”
“How?” I asked, genuinely curious.
“By sleeping less,” Sarge replied, with an amused smile. “Family is a big commitment, Phil, and so is this job. You’d be taking a lot on if you decide to one day start a family, and not every woman can deal with that.
“My advice to you is this: pick a woman who understands this job. Pick a woman who respects you for your service and respects what you do for the community. That’s the girl you need to marry.”
“You’re getting a little ahead of me, Sarge,” I said. “I’m not even close to thinking about marriage just yet. I’ve just met this girl, and as I said, we’re strictly friends at the moment.”
“But obviously, that’s not all you want to be.”
“Well…”
“What’s holding you back?” he asked. “This job?”
“Yes,” I admitted. “And the fact that her brother also happens to be my friend.”
“Ah.”
“Yeah.” I nodded. “I’d be breaking a rule, wouldn’t I?”
Sarge shrugged. “Depends on the friendship,” he said. “And depends on the friend.”
“I’m just not sure what I should do at the moment.”
Sarge clapped me on the back. “It depends on how strongly you feel about this girl,” he told me. “Some women are worth breaking friendships for.”
I laughed. “Are you speaking from experience?”
“Maybe,” he said with a little twinkle in his eye.
“Thanks for the advice, Sarge,” I said.
“My door is always open.” He nodded before heading back out to his office.
I thought long and hard about what Sarge had told me. It was good advice, but it still didn’t make my decision any easier. Sometimes I wished I had a family to talk to, but everyone from my childhood had scattered, and we had all taken different paths, some by choice and others by force. I thought about my father and the nights he would stumble home drunk and angry, looking for a fight. He had been buried for ten years now, and I still couldn’t find it in me to miss him even a little.
I thought about my mother and the sad expressions she wore at different times of the day. She had been a beautiful woman, but she lost her beauty there towards the end. She had been so consumed with her disappointing life that it had eaten away at her. I think she must have finally realized that it was either her or us—and she chose herself. There were still days when I was hurt by her choice…but a part of me understood it, too.
I thought about my fearless older brother. He had all the courage and conviction that I had lacked growing up. When I was five, my goal in life was to grow up to be like Paul. And then I got older and realized that my superhero of a brother was nothing more than a juvenile delinquent who was just as lost as the rest of us. He put on a better act than most, but it was an act all the same.
I could see the broken threads of the family I had once had, and it hurt to think that we were no longer even that. I realized suddenly that we had never truly been a family. We were just separate people, brought together by a combination of bad choices and DNA that wasn’t really strong enough to hold us together for long.
After I had been initiated as a firefighter and when I was out on different calls, I would come across families. They were all in different situations in various degrees of stress and emergency, but the one thing they had in common was fear of losing a loved one. Once the crisis had been averted, they came to us with wide eyes and tears of joy and thanked us.
If I was ever in that position, I knew I would have no one to worry about me. I would have no one to pray for me. I would have no one. Period.
It was a sad reality, but it was my reality, and I had made my peace with it. At least, I thought I had. But these last few weeks talking to Megan had made me realize that I missed having a shoulder to lean on. I missed having someone I could confide in. I while I hadn’t actually confided anything too personal to Megan, I realized was that I felt comfortable enough to want to—and that worried me. Or maybe it scared me; I couldn’t really tell the difference sometimes.
Once I was done cleaning out the supplies, I walked back into the day room and contemplating calling Megan to check in. She had been abrupt the last time we had spoken, and I didn’t want to overstep, but I was started to realize that I was growing dependent on our conversations. They helped me sleep at night. She helped me sleep at night.