Chapter Twelve
Chance
I drank a glass of water and checked the time on my watch. My lecture was about to start, so I pushed myself to my feet. I had spent the whole of Sunday thinking back to my frustrating Saturday night. Everything had been going so smoothly and then I had freaked her out by asking her back to my place.
Why would that have upset her so badly? She was a beautiful woman who was probably propositioned all the time, so I couldn’t quite understand her reaction. She had looked more than nervous, in fact, she had seemed panic-stricken.
I had even dreamed about her the previous night. In my dream, she had been standing in my bedroom, undressing slowly. I just stood there, watching her, and I could feel the excitement build. But all I could glimpse was a peek of her bare shoulders before the dream dissolved and I was left painfully wanting.
In the end, I had abandoned sleep, walked into my living room, and turned on the television. I had stared unseeing at some mindless show and kept imagining Natalie, and all the things I would have done to her had she consented to come back home with me.
I had gone back to Oasis on Sunday night, hoping to run into her again, but she was nowhere in sight. A sexy young blonde had come up to me while I was brooding by the bar.
“Hey, there,” she had said, leaning in seductively. “Wanna dance?”
I stared at her face for a moment before I answered. She was blue-eyed, like Natalie, but her eyes weren’t nearly so bright or so beautiful. They were lacking the awareness, the character, and the subtle self-consciousness that made Natalie so endearingly interesting to me.
I had turned away from her and shook my head. “I’m here with someone,” I had replied.
“I don’t see anyone around.”
“She’s in the bathroom.”
“She’s been in the bathroom for a while now.”
I had turned back to the blonde, realizing that on any other night, I would have accepted her immediately. For a moment, I had just considered going with her. We could have danced for a few minutes, and then I would have pulled her outside and into my car for a quickie in the backseat. It is just sex, I had reasoned, and I had done this a hundred times before. Yet somehow, it seemed strangely wrong to fuck one woman while I was thinking of another. It didn’t make any sense, and yet I couldn’t justify accepting the blonde in front of me.
“I just want to be alone tonight, okay?”
Her eyes had gone wide for a moment, and then she shrugged, obviously annoyed with my lack of interest. “Suit yourself,” she huffed, before walking away aggressively.
I had spent the rest of the night sitting by the bar, watching every dark-haired woman who passed me by. I got a few come-hither looks, but somehow, I turned away from all of them with disinterest. Once it became clear that Natalie was not going to show up, I had abandoned my plan and headed back home to my empty bed.
A part of me was disappointed in myself. I wasn’t the kind of guy to sit at home alone and daydream about a woman. I was a grown man who had decided a long time ago to stay away from any sort of emotion when it came to women. Now I found myself unable to control my thoughts. And even if my thoughts cooperated, my dreams certainly didn’t.
I had even considered calling Sophie and venting a little. But after some thought, I had decided against it. She would just read too much into my preoccupation and get excited and give me stupid advice that I’d never take, and then I’d spend the rest of the conversation defending my lifestyle to her. It was more than I could take at the moment, and I was still hoping this strange new preoccupation would handle itself and vanish after a few days.
As I walked to my lecture, I decided to forget Natalie, at least for the moment. I would visit Oasis the coming weekend and hopefully run into her there. If not, well, my dreams would just have to suffice for the time being.
The lecture hall was half full when I entered. I went straight to my desk and began setting up. Once my USB had been attached, and my lecture slides were up and ready to go, I raised my head to face my students.
I nearly did a double take when I saw her sitting there in the front row. She was sitting where the dark-haired girl usually sat, and I felt my breath stall a little. It was Natalie. It had to be. She was the mousy, dark haired girl who had been occupying my thoughts for the last month.
Except today she looked different. Her hair was still tied up into her signature ponytail, but she had chosen not to wear her glasses.
Acting on instinct, I walked around my desk and went straight towards her. I could see her tense a little as I approached, but I kept my expression and my tone business-like.
“I need to talk to you after the lecture,” I said.
She nodded, and I turned back and walked towards my desk. I found my mind wandering through the whole damn lecture. Every five seconds, it felt like I had to look in her direction to make sure she was actually there. It felt surreal somehow, and I was amazed that I had realized who she was that night. In hindsight, it should have been obvious. But I had been so enthralled by her dress and her hair that I had failed to see what was right in front of me. A part of me felt like a complete idiot.
I wondered momentarily if that was the real reason she had run from me. Had she been hoping I would recognize her? Had she been waiting to see if I was paying attention? Maybe she just didn’t want to sleep with some schmuck who didn’t know who she really was.
I kept stumbling through my lecture, making one mistake after another. When the hour came to a close, I breathed a sigh of relief as I came to the last slide.
As everyone piled out of the lecture hall, a few students came up to me to ask a couple of questions about my poorly-executed lecture. I answered their questions and watched them shuffle off, leaving me with an empty room. When I looked towards the seats, I realized that Natalie wasn’t alone. Jason was standing next to her, and they were talking.
Frowning, I took a step closer and listened in on their conversation unapologetically. I felt a little twinge of some emotion, but I refused to call it jealousy. Why would I be jealous of some douche who doesn’t even know how to speak to women? Still, I had no other word for the emotion I was feeling. It was odd, more so because of the fact that I’d never truly experienced the emotion before.
“You look amazing today,” Jason said, looking her up and down without any sense of subtlety.
“Thank you,” Natalie said, looking down self-consciously.
“Seriously, you look so, so good,” Jason continued. “I like the new look.”
“I have Missy to thank,” she said.
“How was your birthday celebration?” he asked.
I noticed there was a hint of irritation in his voice, as though he was angry about something, but he was hiding it under a false smile.
“It was great.” Natalie nodded. “Thanks for asking.”
I could see that she was trying very hard to be polite, but I could tell from her body language that she wasn’t a fan of Jason. That observation gave me a little burst of satisfaction.
“What did you do again?” he asked.
“Um…just stayed in,” Natalie lied, but she sounded guilty. She must have realized that, too, because she changed her story. “Actually, Missy and I did end up going out that night,” she admitted. “It was a last-minute decision.”
“Oh?”
“Yeah.”
“And, did you have fun?”
“I did,” Natalie nodded.
“You could have called me,” he said bluntly. “I would have loved to celebrate with you.”
I gritted my teeth, but I maintained my distance. This was none of my business. Jason had every right to ask Natalie out, and Natalie had every right to say yes. She had made me no promises, nor did I want her to. Yet, even as I thought that, I felt another little spasm of what could only be jealousy.
“I… I just wanted it to my Missy and me,” Natalie said.
“Oh, so you weren’t interested in meeting guys?”
“Uh, Jason, I really have to get going,” she said politely.
“Oh right, of course,” he said, but he was still blocking her path. “I won’t take up too much of your time. I just wanted to ask you a question?”
“Oh,” she replied. She looked weary, and I knew instantly that she knew what he was going to ask and really wished he wouldn’t.
“Will you go out with me?” he asked. “On a date?”
She was quiet for a moment. Then she gave him a small, apologetic smile. “Jason, that’s very sweet of you, but I have to be honest with you; I’m really not interested.”
I saw his face change instantly. He looked disappointed at first, then annoyed, then angry. Natalie seemed to notice this, too, because she tried to walk away from him.
“Wait—” he said, but Natalie cut him off.
“Jason, I’m sure you’re a really nice guy,” she started quickly. “But I just… You and I… It’s never going to happen. I’m sorry, I would really appreciate if you would leave me alone.”
His eyes narrowed slightly, and I saw his jaw set firmly. He looked like a bully at that moment, and I took a step forward. It was obvious that neither Natalie nor Jason were aware of my presence.
“Hold on,” he said, as he reached out and grabbed her arm. “You’re a tease; you know that?”
“Jason—”
“You’ve dressed like you’re asking for it,” he hissed. “What’s the point of the slutty outfit, huh?”
I gritted my teeth and rushed forward, reminding myself not to punch him. When he noticed me, Jason dropped Natalie’s arm instantly and took a step back.
“You’re not going to endear yourself to women if you insult them, Jason,” I told him coldly. “And, grabbing them certainly isn’t going to help any.”
He turned red, and he started to stammer over his excuses. “Get out of here,” I said, under my breath.
He met my eyes for only a second. I saw a flash of humiliation there, underneath a veil of anger. Then he turned on his heel and made for the nearest exit. I waited till the door had swung closed before I turned back to Natalie. She was looking at me with those beautiful blue eyes, and I felt the tension drain from my body.
“Hi, there,” was all I could think of to say.