Chapter Thirteen
Natalie
“Hi, there,” Chance said, with this charmingly cool smile playing on his face.
I stood there for a moment, nervous and tense and self-conscious all in the same breath. “Hi,” I replied. “Thank you…for helping me out with Jason.”
“Of course.” Chance nodded. “I would have done the same for anyone.”
“Oh...” I said, unsure of what that meant. “Right.”
An awkward silence fell in between us, and I lost all memory of what to say next. I had actually practiced with Missy prior to the lecture. We had decided that I would act calm and collected. I realized now how unrealistic our plan had been.
“Natalie, am I right?” he asked.
I wrung my hands together and nodded. “You didn’t know who I was that night, did you?” I didn’t sound calm and collected at all. I sounded like an unsure child, desperate for approval and totally besotted to boot.
“I’m sorry,” he said immediately. “I should have known… I think a part of me did know. It was just, you looked so different that night. You look a little different now, to be honest.”
I smiled. “I know.”
He looked around the empty lecture hall. “This is an odd place to talk,” he said. “Why don’t we head back to my office? We can talk in peace there.”
I nodded and followed him out of the lecture hall. It felt a little strange to walk beside him through campus grounds, but it also felt exciting. His office was a small space on the fourth floor of the Spacey Building. There was just enough room for a desk, two chairs, and a few shelves. He ushered me inside and closed the door behind him.
“Take a seat,” he said politely.
“Thank you,” I replied.
It felt odd, to sit opposite him, knowing he was my teacher and knowing that we had shared an intimate moment so recently. Obviously, I was the only one affected by that fact because Chance looked completely in control. He was the one that was calm and collected and I realized just how confident a man he was.
“How long has Jason been harassing you?” he asked, breaking the silence.
I knew he was trying to ease into the topic of us and I was grateful. “I wouldn’t say harassing is the right word,” I said, unsure of why I was defending Jason. “He’s just a little…intense.”
“I thought that, too, when he came to me,” Chance nodded.
“He came to you?” I asked, in surprise. “About me?”
“He didn’t mention you by name,” he replied. “And even if he had, I wouldn’t have known whom he was talking about. But he did want my advice about talking to women. Apparently, he chose not to take my advice.”
“I don’t think he can help it,” I said. “He just comes off a little… Well, he comes on too strong and…”
“Desperate?”
I suppressed a smile. “Yeah.”
“I thought he was a decent enough guy when he came to me,” he admitted.
“I thought so, too,” I nodded. “The first time…”
“Ah…”
“It’s just that he doesn’t seem to get the message,” I said. “And, I’ve been as blunt as I possibly can be.”
“I think he’ll stay away from you now,” Chance said. He sounded sure, and I thought perhaps he was right. Jason had looked pretty embarrassed by Chance’s statement.
“I hope so,” I said.
Another silence settled between us, and I knew it was time to talk about Saturday night. I wondered for a moment if I should initiate the conversation, but every time his eyes met mine, I lost all the words forming in my head.
“Did I apologize for not recognizing you?” Chance asked.
I smiled. “Yes.”
“You know, I was drawn to you well before that night,” he revealed.
I frowned at him, unsure if he was just lying to make me feel better. “No, you weren’t.”
He smiled. “I’m serious. I noticed you the first day I started lecturing. You were seated in the first row, and you were wearing the same jacket you have on today. Except you had paired it with loose jeans and a black Coachella t-shirt. And, you were wearing your glasses.”
I felt my jaw drop slightly, as I realized he had really noticed me. “You really noticed me?” I asked, in amazement.
“Yes.”
“Why?”
“Why?” he repeated, sounding amused by the statement.
“I’ll be the first to admit that I’m not the most…noticeable girl out there,” I said. “In fact, I’m often been called plain and forgettable.”
Chance frowned. “By whom?”
“Guys in high school.”
“Since when do high school boys know shit about shit?”
I laughed at that. “I believed them.”
“You should stop,” he said firmly. “They were all bastards. You are stunning.”
“You still think so?” I asked, in surprise.
“Most definitely.”
“Even with my glasses and my ponytail, and my complete lack of a fashion sense?”
“Even with your glasses and your ponytail and your complete lack of a fashion sense,” he replied, looking me in the eye.
I smiled, hoping to control the blush on my cheeks. “Thank you.”
“Natalie?”
“Yes?”
“Why did you run away from me that night?”
I gulped. I was far too embarrassed to admit the truth to him. How could I tell this gorgeous, confident man that I was still a virgin? How could I tell him that I had never even kissed a man till the night he had kissed me? How could I tell him that I had no experience and even less confidence? It was just too much, and he was still just a stranger to me. I desperately wanted to impress him, and I was fairly sure admitting my secret to him was not the way to do it.
“Natalie?”
“I… I was out of sorts that night…”
Chance raised his eyebrows. “You were out of sorts?”
“I had drunk a lot that night,” I explained, trying to invent excuses out of thin air. “And I was already out of my comfort zone, and I think I just…got flustered.”
“You were already out of your comfort zone?” he asked curiously.
“I told you I don’t like socializing much.”
He raised his eyebrows. “That’s not what you told me.”
I hesitated for a second. “It’s not?”
“No.” He smiled. “You said you didn’t like the bar scene very much.”
“And I don’t,” I said. “It’s just I prefer…”
“Staying in and reading?” he finished for me.
“Yes.”
“You did mention that.” He smiled. “So, your birthday was an attempt to socialize?”
“I suppose.” I nodded. “Missy’s hell-bent on introducing me to new people… She thinks my friend group is far too small.”
“And, you don’t agree?”
“No, I do, actually,” I said. “She’s right most of the time, but especially in this case. I tend to be shy about meeting new people, and because sometimes it can be awkward, I tend to just avoid it altogether. I haven’t ever really been the face-your-fears kind of girl.”
“There’s always time to change,” Chance pointed out.
“I know.” I nodded. “And, I’m trying. It’s not always as easy as people think it is.”
Chance looked at me curiously, as though he couldn’t quite figure me out.
“I know what you’re thinking,” I blurted out before he could speak. “I’m a freak.”
“That’s a harsh word.”
“Okay, a weirdo at the very least.”
He smiled. “I don’t think you’re either.”
“No?”
“No,” he said decidedly.
“I could still surprise you,” I said carefully. “I could still prove you wrong.”
For one insane moment, I wondered how he would react if I told him the truth. It was on the tip of my tongue when I stopped myself. I was too scared to confess, and I craved his attention too much to risk telling him now.
“Could you?” Chance asked, and he sounded intrigued. “Sounds like a challenge.”
I smiled. “Maybe it’s a warning.”
He tilted his head to the side and gazed at me thoughtfully. I couldn’t read the expression in his eyes, and I wasn’t sure I wanted to know exactly what he was thinking. I felt self-consciousness overtake me and wanted to hide behind something.
“I wish you had told me who you were that night,” he said after a moment.
“If I had, you might not have opened up to me like you did,” I pointed out.
He paused for a moment. “That’s right… I told you a few things, didn’t I?”
“You told me about your sister and your nephew,” I nodded. “You told me that when it came to relationships, you always fell short.”
“Hmm…looks like you weren’t the only one who had too much alcohol that night.” He spoke without a smile, and I wasn’t sure what he meant by that.
“Do you regret sharing all that with me?” I asked, half afraid of his answer.
Chance looked at me. His hazel eyes were far away for a moment, and then they focused in on me. “You know what’s strange?”
“What?” I asked nervously.
“I don’t regret sharing anything with you,” he admitted.
I let out a little burst of laughter. “You sound so surprised,” I pointed out.
“That’s because I am.” He nodded. “I’ve never been very good at opening up about my personal life, especially to someone who’s practically a stranger to me. But somehow…”
“Somehow?”
“I guess you just make me feel like I can talk to you,” he admitted.
I was thrilled at his admission and tried to control the delirious smile that was bursting to get out. “You make me feel the same way,” I told him.
“I would like to know more about you.” He spoke softly, almost as though he were just talking to himself. I wondered if it was my imagination or if there was a note of surprise in his statement.
“You can ask me anything,” I said willingly.
He smiled. “Unfortunately, I don’t think this is the time or the place.”
I felt my face drop. Was he about to tell me that we couldn’t see each other? Were all his compliments just a way of softening the blow? The university had very strict policies about students dating teachers, and I wondered if Chance was one of those professors who considered those rules extremely important.
“Natalie, would you like to have dinner with me this Friday night?”
A relieved sigh escaped me, and I tried to cover it up with a question. “Doesn’t the university have a rule about student-teacher relationships?”
He shrugged. “They do.” He nodded. “But to be honest, I’ve recently come to realize how archaic that rule is. It doesn’t make sense to forbid two consenting adults from pursuing a relationship. Don’t you agree?”
“I do,” I said immediately. “But I’ve heard that there are severe penalties for teachers and students who are found disregarding that rule.”
“I’m willing to take that risk,” he said. “But I understand if you’re not.”
“I’ve been avoiding risks my whole life,” I told him. “I think it’s about time I did something…for myself.”
He smiled. “So, does that mean we’re on Friday night?”
“We definitely are,” I said, feeling excitement burst through me. If there was ever a time to jump for joy, I knew this was the perfect moment.
He smiled. “We’ll need to keep this a secret, though.”
“Of course.”
“If anyone finds out…”
“I know,” I nodded.
“And Jason?” Chance asked.
“What about Jason?” I asked, with a frown.
“I just hope he’s not going to be a problem.”
I thought about that for a second. Jason’s obsession with me was starting to become more than just an irritation. It was starting to become a nuisance. But I reasoned that just because he was odd, that didn’t mean he was dangerous.
“I think he’ll stay away from me from now on,” I said. “I made it very clear how I felt.”
Chance smiled. “Unfortunately, no is never good enough for some guys.”
“It’ll have to be good enough for him,” I insisted. “Because I’m…”
I stopped short of saying that I was only interested in one guy. He fixed me with a curious smile, as though he suspected what I was going to say.
“Yes?”
“Nothing,” I said quickly, and Chance laughed softly.