Chapter Thirty-Two
Megan
“You’re taking the class?” Marta asked, looking at the form on my desk.
“Yes.” I nodded. “I decided not to wait…plus I need the distraction.”
“Good for you.” She nodded. “It’s not healthy for you to be moping around, pining for Phil.”
“I’m not pining,” I said defensively. “I’m just…hopeful.”
“Any news?”
I knew what she was really asking. “Not really,” I sighed. “After that talk we had at the park, I haven’t seen or spoken to him. And that was almost a week ago.”
“How did you’ll end it?” Marta asked.
“He told me he needed time and I told him I’d wait.”
“Time for what?” she asked in confusion. “Wait for what?”
I sighed. “I thought I knew at the time, but now I’m fucking confused,” I admitted. “I think he meant time to decide if he wanted to continue our relationship or end it for good. Which terrifies me to no end… What if he calls me one day and says he’s done?”
“It has been a week,” she said, with a frown. “What if you don’t hear back from him for months?”
“He wouldn’t do that,” I said, feeling my heart skip a beat and not in a good way.
She pursed her lips and looked at me sympathetically. “When does your course start?”
“In a week,” I said. “I’m late in applying, but Miriam said she’s put in a word for me, so I should be okay to enroll.”
“What made you change your mind?” Marta asked.
“I guess I was just tired of postponing everything,” I said. “I need to figure out a plan for myself, and that means jumping in head first. There’s this girl named Stephanie who lives in an apartment complex a few blocks from Brent’s. She put out an ad for a roommate, and I answered it. The rent’s much cheaper, and I can afford to take a course at the same time. So that’s what I’m going to do.”
“Well, I’m proud of you.” Marta nodded in approval. “You’re making strides.”
“I don’t know about making strides,” I said. “But I’m trying my best to stay distracted.”
“Don’t worry so much,” she said comfortingly. “He’ll come around.”
“What if he doesn’t?” I asked.
“Then…you’ll survive and be stronger for it.”
I sighed. “Somehow that doesn’t make me feel better.”
“Have you tried calling him since you last spoke?”
“Uh…no,” I said, shaking my head.
Marta raised her eyebrows. “Why the hell not?”
“He wanted time…and space,” I pointed out. “That’s the one thing he asked for. How could I just ignore it? And what if he doesn’t want to speak to me at all until he’s made his decision?”
“Then, I’m sure he’ll find a way to let you know,” Marta said firmly. “My point is that you’ve got to keep trying. You’ve got to keep fighting. You need to show him that you’re not going to take him for granted. You’re going to make it really hard for him to leave you.”
“It feels like he’s already left me.”
“You need to stop feeling sorry for yourself and get proactive about this boy,” she said firmly. “You need to make the same effort for him that you’re making in your professional life.”
“Shouldn’t I respect his wishes, though?”
“You were friends with Phil before you were a couple, right?” Marta asked.
“Yes.”
“Then start there and see where it goes.”
I frowned. “You know…that’s not a bad idea.”
“I’m full of great ideas and sage advice, don’t you forget that.”
I smiled. “Thanks, Marta.”
“Anytime, honey,” she said, giving me a wink.
That evening, I made a small detour after work and found myself in the park again. It wasn’t just because the atmosphere reminded me of Phil. It was because I hated going back to Brent’s lonely apartment. A part of me was still processing the fact that he was in jail and would be for a very long time. My feelings about it were extremely complicated.
I felt so incredibly sad at how much of his life Brent would waste behind bars, but a part of me felt like he needed this lesson. It was the only way he had a chance of becoming a better man.
Mom and Dad had called me a few times over the last week, but they had started throwing blame at everyone but Brent for what had happened. After our last conversations three days ago, I had stopped answering their texts and taking their calls. It was too much for me to handle right now.
So really the only person I had to talk to was Marta, and while I loved her to death, she just wasn’t Phil. I missed him so much sometimes that it actually physically hurt. I sat down on the swings and pulled out my phone as I thought about Marta’s suggestion. She was right, though; we had been friends before we had been a couple.
I decided to just call and check in…keep things as casual as possible, without talking about anything too serious. I dialed in Phil’s number and waited with baited breath.
“Megan?” Phil’s voice sounded a little surprised, and I prayed that he wouldn’t make an excuse and hang up on me after two seconds.
“Hi,” I said nervously. “Are you busy?”
“Been home for a few hours, actually,” Phil replied. “I have a late-night shift today.”
“Oh, okay.” I nodded. “So, you probably need to catch up on your sleep, huh?”
“Well… I slept enough, actually,” he said.
I felt a little blossom of hope. I had given him an easy out if he had wanted to avoid talking to me, but instead of taking it, he had opened up the possibility of a conversation.
“I just called to say…uh…”
“Yes?”
“I just called to say that I watched Silence of the Lambs the other night,” I said.
“You did?” Phil asked, and I noticed his tone change. He had suggested the movie to me months ago, but we had never gotten around to watching it. “And…what did you think?”
“It was a great movie,” I said. “And terrifying.”
“That’s the brilliance of Anthony Hopkins.”
“Anthony Hopkins was scary, definitely,” I nodded. “But Buffalo Bill was pretty damn frightening, as well.”
“More so than Hannibal?” Phil asked, and he sounded perplexed.
“Well… I thought so.”
“What?” he said. “How can you think that Buffalo Bill is more frightening? Hannibal is so…intensely intelligent, not to mention the fact that he happens to be a cannibal.”
“Okay…cannibalism is pretty up there on the horrific scale, but skinning women in order to make yourself skin? I mean, come on, that’s pretty gruesome.”
“He’s eating people!” Phil said indignantly.
I laughed. “I’m not saying it’s not horrible,” I said. “I’m just saying Buffalo Bill was creepier to me, I suppose.”
“Okay, that I’ll grant you,” Phil nodded. “But let’s be honest; who would you be more scared to come across in real life?”
“Both,” I said immediately.
“If you had to choose.”
“Ugh…”
“Come on,” he prompted. “Give me an answer…and think about it.”
“Well, I suppose I’d be more terrified of coming across Hannibal.”
“Thank you!”
“It’s only because he’s so damn charming and intelligent. You’d probably invite him to your house for tea and ask him for advice… It would never even cross your mind that he was a murderer, let alone a cannibal.”
“Finally, something we can agree on.”
I laughed and breathed an intense internal sigh of relief. It was just like old times, almost. This was exactly how it used to be in the beginning, before we had been a couple and when we had just started to get to know one another. Phil’s initial tone, which had started off slightly weary, had turned happy and upbeat and over the course of our conversation, we both relaxed.
Neither one of us mentioned anything about the trial, Brent, or our relationship. In fact, we didn’t talk about ourselves at all. I didn’t ask him about work, and he didn’t ask me about mine. We just spoke about movies and actors and timeless classics that we needed to watch again. I barely felt the time pass by, I was just so thrilled to be talking to Phil. I was even more thrilled that he was giving me this much.
I had half expected him to ignore my call or make some polite excuse after a few minutes. But he did neither, and before I knew it, we had been on the phone for almost two hours.
“Megan?”
“Yes?”
“I’ve got to go,” he said. “My shift starts in an hour, and I have to get ready.”
“Oh, right… Of course,” I said. “I’m sorry about keeping you…”
“You didn’t,” he said. “I had fun talking to you.”
I felt a little trickle of hope, and happy tears rushed to my eyes. “I had fun talking to you, as well,” I said.
“Goodnight.”
“Goodnight,” I replied back.
A second later, the line went dead, and I sat in the park for a few minutes longer, wondering if this was a brave new beginning or simply the beginning of the end.