Chapter Thirty-Four
Chance
“Soph,” I groaned. “I really, really don’t want to talk.”
“You missed dinner yesterday.”
“Because I knew you were going to grill me and like I said, I really—”
“Really don’t want to talk,” Sophie finished for me. “Yeah, I got that.”
“And yet…”
“Forgive me for worrying about you,” she said defensively. “But I care.”
“I know that,” I sighed. “And I love you for it, but…nothing’s going to change at this point and I know the only reason you want to talk is to try and convince me to make it work with Natalie.”
There was a second of silence on the other line and I knew I had guessed right. “You never told me what happened,” Sophie reminded me.
“I don’t want to get into it right now.”
“Why?” she demanded. “Because you have better things to do?”
“Yes.”
“Like what?”
“Like get drunk,” I said. “I have to go.”
“Wait,” Sophie said. “Please, Chance, this isn’t right…”
“People break up all the time, Soph,” I reminded her. “Didn’t you and Tony break up for a while there right before you got married?”
“The point is that we got back together,” she reminded me.
“Uh-huh,” I said, with disinterest. “What happened there?”
“You’re trying to change the subject, aren’t you?”
“I know how much you enjoy talking about yourself.”
“Ha-ha,” Sophie said sarcastically. “You’re funny when you’re depressed.”
“What makes you think I’m depressed?”
“Oh, I don’t know… The fact that you won’t come to dinner or talk about the breakup,” she reeled off. “The fact that you get all prickly every time I mention Natalie’s name. The fact that you sound like a broken man right now.”
“I’m not broken—"
Sophie snorted. “Please… I know you, little brother,” she said. “And I also observed how you were with Natalie. You looked at her like…”
She trailed off, and that piqued my attention more than her words did. “What?” I demanded.
“Nothing.”
“No, tell me,” I insisted.
Sophie sighed. “You looked at Natalie the way Dad used to look at Mom,” she replied.
I remembered that look well. Still, to this day, I maintained that my father always looked the happiest when he was glancing over at Mom. It was like a blind man seeing the sun for the first time; it was transformative, if you paid enough attention to notice.
“That was another love story that ended in tragedy,” I pointed out.
“But yours doesn’t have to,” Sophie said firmly. “Because I happen to believe that Natalie loves you just as much as you love her. It was different for Mom and Dad. Mom…if she ever loved Dad, it faded over the years. She wanted other things in life, and he wasn’t one of them. But you and Natalie… It’s meant to be.”
“And you know all this because?”
“Because she told me.”
“Who told you what?” I demanded.
“Natalie,” Sophie replied. “She told me how much she loved you. She admitted to me that you were the love of her life, her first love, and…”
“And?” I asked, desperately clinging to the words as though I would suffocate without them.
“She hoped you would be her last.”
I breathed out slowly. “Oh.”
“She made me promise not to tell you that,” Sophie said. “She thought it might freak you out.”
“Oh,” I said again, not knowing what else to say.
“Is that what happened?” she asked. “She wanted to take things to the next level, and you freaked out?”
“No,” I said firmly. “That’s not what happened.”
Sophie sighed. “Tommy misses you,” she said. “He misses Natalie, too.”
“Tell him I’ll see him soon,” I said.
“You’re different without Natalie… You know that, right?”
“What do you mean?”
“She softens you,” Sophie explained. “She makes you nicer than you really are.”
I frowned. “Gee thanks.”
She made no apologies. “You’re my brother, and I love you. But I also have to be honest with you. As a person, Chance, you can be…cold. There’s a distance you create with people that keeps them at arm’s length. You’ve been doing it since Mom left.
“But with Natalie, she bridges that distance you’ve created. She makes you…more accessible, warmer. You realize that you’d barely had a conversation with your nephew before Natalie entered the picture, right?”
She was right, and I knew it. Which made the reality of my situation that much harder. Natalie was perfect for me. She was the yin to my yang, and that had never made much sense to me until just now. She made up for all my flaws, she covered up my weaknesses, and she made up for all the qualities I lacked. She was my soul mate, and I had been forced to break her heart and drive her away.
“I have to go.”
“Oh, Chance,” Sophie sighed. “I wish you would just talk to me.”
“I will one day,” I promised. “But right now…there’s an empty barstool out there with my name on it.”
Before Sophie could interject, I said goodbye and hung up. Then I grabbed my coat and headed to Oasis. I wasn’t exactly sure why I was going there of all places. It was where I had first met Natalie, but then again maybe that was precisely why I wanted to go there. I wanted to bask in my memories of her because apparently, I was a sucker for pain.
As usual, the bar was crawling with people when I arrived. Luckily, I managed to find an empty stool because everyone was dancing. I ordered a couple of beers and sipped moodily, trying to drown out the laughter and chatter that choked the air around me. I had just started on my second beer when I felt someone tap at my shoulder.
“Well, well,” Lindsey smiled. “Fancy running into you here.”
“Lindsey.” I nodded.
She sat down on the stool next to me and regarded me carefully. She was dressed to kill in a tight dress with a neckline that was cut so low that it fell between her breasts.
“You look good,” I said, without feeling.
“Do I?” Lindsey asked, and she leaned in towards me. “Well, you look…pretty scruffy at the moment, actually.”
I gave her a half-hearted smile. “I haven’t shaved in a few days.”
“I can see that.” She nodded. “But lucky for you, I find the caveman look extremely attractive.”
I smirked. “Can I buy you a drink?”
“Not necessary,” she said. “There’s a tall drink of water that I prefer to dip myself in.” She leaned in a little further and caressed my arm suggestively.
I gave her a polite smile and withdrew my arm. “I don’t think I’ll be much fun tonight.”
“Maybe you need me to show you how,” she suggested. “Fair warning, though: it doesn’t involve any clothes.”
I looked up at her, wondering what her end goal was. I was fairly sure she wasn’t really interested in me. “We’re friends,” I pointed out.
“So?” Lindsey said. “Friends can still have sex and not have it mean anything.”
“A year ago, I would have agreed,” I nodded. “In fact, that would have been my ideal situation. But now…it doesn’t make sense to me anymore.”
“Because of Natalie?”
I tried not to let the sound of her name bother me. “Yes.”
“A good fuck might help get your mind off her,” Lindsey pointed out.
“I can’t even imagine looking at another woman that way, let alone sleeping with someone else,” I said. “And to be completely honest, pity sex isn’t a huge turn on.”
“What makes you think I’m offering you pity sex?”
I gave her a pointed look and Lindsey smiled. “You really do love her, don’t you?”
“I do,” I said, with confidence. It was the first time in a long time that I’d been completely sure of something.
“And you’ve heard nothing from the little shit who orchestrated this whole thing?”
“Nothing,” I said. “He knows to stay out of my way now. I’m not beyond punching him in the face.”
“Hmm… Well, it doesn’t seem right that he gets away with this.”
“No, it’s not,” I agreed. “But such is life.”
“Fuck that,” Lindsey said, shaking her head. “Life is what you make of it. And you’re no victim, even though you’re acting like one right now.”
“What am I supposed to do?” I demanded. “I have no alternatives.”
“There’s always an alternative,” she said. “You just have to find the right one.”
I turned back to my beer and took a big swing out of it. “My alternative right now is getting drunk and sleeping through this weekend.”
“I was suggesting something a little more…proactive.”
“Like what?”
Lindsey looked at me carefully and then shook her head. “Sometimes men can be a little hopeless,” she said. “I suppose it’s up to the women to save the day.”
I frowned. “Are you drunk already?”
“Sober as the day I was born.”
I smiled. “Then what are you talking about?”
She smiled. “You don’t have to worry your pretty little head about it. Why don’t you continue with your original plan and get drunk? I’ll talk to you later.”
“You’re leaving?”
“I’m just leaving the bar, darling,” Lindsey winked at me. “And heading to the dance floor. I see a few old friends that I want to reacquaint myself with.”
I glanced over and noticed two guys standing on a corner, smiling at her. She waved at them, and they gestured her over. They looked a little young, but then Lindsey was popular with the students.
“Old friends?” I asked. “Or old fucks?”
“Don’t be crude,” she said. “You might need to thank them later.”
I frowned. “What?”
Lindsey laughed, and I could tell that she wasn’t telling me something. “I’ll see you on Monday.”
“Lindsey… Wait—”
But she had already started walking away from me. I watched her receding figure and could admire from a detached stance how attractive she was. Another lifetime ago, she would have been exactly my type, and yet, nothing about her turned me on anymore. It was as though Natalie had robbed me of every sexual feeling towards any other woman.
I kept glancing around, spying all the women coming and going, drinking and dancing. There were beauties in the bar all around me, but I couldn’t muster up a single iota of interest. When I thought about sleeping with someone other than Natalie, my insides churched uncomfortably, and I knew that wasn’t an option for me right now. The breakup was still too fresh and the scars still too deep. I needed to get some distance before I could approach another woman.
I wondered how Natalie was doing. I hadn’t seen her since that night in the restaurant when I had ended things. I had been tempted to text and ask how she was, but then I figured a clean break might be best for both of us. Once I was finished with my fifth beer, I paid my tab and headed back to my place. I was at the door when I noticed Lindsey. She was not on the dance floor.
Instead, she was huddled in a corner with the same two men, and they were talking with some urgency. I frowned, unsure of what she was up to. On another night, I might have approached her and asked point blank what she was planning, but today, I was too drunk to care.