LORI:

Everything Shay had said was whirling through my mind almost all week. I didn't think it was that serious of an issue but what she said made total sense. It wasn't wise to make any decisions but I did want to discuss some of those things with Henry. That was bound to be awkward but it needed to happen.

It was Friday night and our usual routine included me cooking dinner for Henry on Fridays at my place. He lived outside of the city and closer to Harrisburg, so he didn't want me making that ride. This was fine by me because I did not like to drive and I especially didn't like to at night.

"All of my favorites," he noticed. "What's the occasion?"

Henry was seated at my square table that was actually a full-size one but was pushed together to save space. It was a nice, expensive set; which meant it was sturdy and I loved it for my future family. That's what I had in mind when I purchased the monstrosity but Mother convinced me that the pull-out piece made it more manageable.

"Nothing in particular," I laughed. "Just miss you, that's all."

I bent down, kissed him on the mouth and returned to the kitchen to get the rolls.

Baked barbeque-chicken, garlic mashed potatoes and asparagus with a touch of salt. Henry could be very particular about his food, especially his salt intake. His father had high blood pressure and so did his father's father. Therefore, this was something he was conscience about and made it a priority to monitor.

Once we were seated, we started talking about our week’s ups and downs and what we had planned for next week. Then when the conversation hit a lull, I asked him, "Sexually, what do you want from a woman?"

Henry nearly choked on his bread after he processed what I had asked.

"Uh, where is this coming from Loriline?" he asked.

"Nowhere, Henry. I just wonder if sexually you have other fantasies besides what we've done in bed. It's perfectly normal if you do but those are things we should discuss, right?" I took a bite of my chicken with every attempt to appear normal and un-phased by the topic.

"This isn't you," he said as he eyed me warily.

That comment stung a bit as I sat there looking at him. Then I said, "Well, that's the thing, Henry. If I'm asking, it is me and it's something I want to discuss."

He sat back in his chair and put his napkin on the table next to his empty plate, before he said, "Okay, fine. You want to discuss sexual preferences. Let's talk."

"Good." I nodded.

"Why bring this up now?" he asked.

"We've been having some rather heavy conversations lately about love, marriage, kids, etc. I think everything needs to be on the table before we get to those things and this is one of them." I placed my napkin on my half-eaten plate.

No other food would be consumed at this point. Henry nodded his head and said, "Well, since it’s sex you're bringing up, then let's talk about what you obviously feel like you're lacking."

The issue of having fair skin was every sort of emotion could sometimes be so obvious as the red flush of heat rose towards my face.

This was one of those times and it was not from embarrassment, it was heat from anger. Henry detected it and tried to say something else but I had already started.

"Henry Acevedo, what you will not do is come in my house and play counselor with me," I exclaimed. "I am not one of your patients. Nor. Will. I. ever be one of your patients. I asked you one simple goddamn question about your sexual preferences and you turn that on me?"

Livid was an understatement about how I felt.

"Calm down," he hushed. "You're angry and I..."

I stood up then and said, "You've yet to see angry."

"Fine, fine," he hurried out. "Uh, sexually, I think what we do is fantastic."

"I'm not looking for you to compliment me." My arms were folded. "I asked about your fantasies."

"Loriline, I'm not really sure right now is the best time to have this discussion. You're upset and I'm a bit off kilter. How about we table this for another time?" he asked.

"Yeah, I think that's a great idea." I grabbed my plate and his to bring them into the kitchen.

I heard his chair scrap the floor, and then I felt his presence in the medium-sized room. His hand touched my shoulder but I kept my back towards him.

"Lori, I'll just head out now, so we both can have some time to think, come back together later and talk about this." His body heat drew closer and then I felt warm lips against my cheek.

The front door squeaked and then the lock clicked. Henry had gone and I was hotter than a Sahara rock in the middle of the desert. That did not go as planned and more importantly it also confirmed some things that I tried to keep at the back of my mind. He was a counselor and I was once a patient. Those were the conditions that we met upon and on some level, I questioned if he'd always see me that way.

Goddammit.

******

KYLIE, WITH BOTH HANDS on her protruding stomach, stared at me for what seemed like an hour and then she asked, "Girl, what in the hell? Who does that?"

I continued to shake my head as the conversation continued to play over and over in my mind.

"I'll tell you who." Shay took a sip of her beer. "People who got shit to hide or he just realized she was about to tell his ass that he wasn't good in bed."

Kylie shook her head before she said, "Yeah, I guess so. Damn, girl. Razor would have made me spell that shit out. We would have not gone to bed until it was put to rest and believe me, he'd had me on my back, on top or bent over something to make me recall what he was good at."

Shay laughed out loud and hit the table when she said, "Right! Bronx too. That shit wouldn't have flown and he damn sure wouldn't have left."

They had a point. Not that I wanted a guy like Razor or Bronx but maybe on some level I did. To leave me with whatever I was thinking or feeling seemed a bit amateurish or maybe it was the counselor in him. I wasn't sure but I knew I did not like it. I felt abandoned in a way. He left with thoughts that turned into me mumbling what a son of a bitch he was.

We were at Pepper's around six in the evening. Kylie was on duty because she insisted on working and Dessy was at the bar serving up drinks to the folks that just got off work. Not many people were there yet and none of the bikers were there, which was great for me. I had planned to get out of there within the next hour.

"When are you going to talk to him?" Kylie asked me.

"Honestly," I said. "I don't want to talk to him. I'm still in shock he did that."

Taking a sip of my drink to calm my nerves seemed to make it worse. It was like a nightmare that kept playing in my head. I went to take another sip but stopped mid-air when I heard a familiar voice call my name.

"Lori."

My heart literally stopped as I knew that voice. Shit, I knew it well and there were some nights I had prayed, wished, and fantasized this man calling my name like that. Just like that. I couldn't even turn around to see him on my left side.

"You got a moment?" the voice said.

Yup, I still wasn't breathing, my drink was in mid-air and my mouth was gaped wide open as anything could have flown in there or I could have simply died. Looking at Shay, I tried to communicate what I could not say at that moment.

"Uh," Shay interjected. "Maybe..."

"Lori, I just want a moment," Connor said again.

Finally, I put my glass down, closed my mouth and stared ahead.

"No, I don't have a moment," I said without any reservation. "Please leave."

"Lori..." he started to say but Shay interrupted.

"Apollo, now may not be a good time." She had turned to face him and when he was about to say something else, she said, "Remember our conversation?" There was a pause. "Yeah, not now."

What conversation?

It wasn't clear what had passed between them but I felt his presence leave without another word.

"Holy shit," Kylie muttered.

"Oh God," Shay whispered.

Once I took a deep breath, I reached into my purse, threw a ten-dollar bill on the table and said, "I got to go. I'll see y'all around."

"Wait, Lori," Shay called but between my wide stride and determination to get out of Pepper’s, it was too late.

I had no business being there in the first place. What the hell was going on in the universe for the stars to align against me all in one week? I didn't even believe in astrology but there was a greater force at work for the current boyfriend to act up and the prior obsession to not only call me by name but want to talk.

Immediately when I got home, I started my meditation exercises and tried to clear my mind. However, after failing miserably at that, I called my therapist since I was allotted two sessions a month. After a half an hour session, I actually did clear my mind, drank a glass of wine and began to journal.

That man had no business feeling like it was okay to speak to me. My therapist told me about the phases I'd probably experience and now I was at the anger phase. Who in the hell gave him permission to attempt to rise from the ashes from which I casted him? He was dead and needed to remain that way.

There would be no exceptions for that.

*****

THE NEXT DAY, I WENT to the hardware store to get some decorations and gardening tools for the tomatoes and zucchini I wanted to plant in my new patch of grass. Oddly enough, all of the gardening tools were in a separate shed next to the main store, so I had to go around the outside where I thought I saw a familiar truck.

No, I saw a familiar truck and it belonged to Connor. As I was about to turn around and leave, I decided he would not run me from my own town again. I was born and raised in Manor, in this neighborhood, and one man would not be the reason for my departure. Getting married or taking a new job away from here might be a reason but it wouldn't be Connor. Plus, I doubt he was doing any gardening.

I found the first employee that didn't look busy and showed them my list of items that I needed for the beginning of my garden. In one of the home magazines, I had found an entire layout that I loved. Therefore, my goal was to create each part one section at a time, starting with the mini-vegetable garden. It was also something that I picked up at the rehab center and proved to be calming and that was what I needed.

We walked towards the back to get pavers that would lead the way to each patch of vegetables.

"Lori," that voice called but this time I did not freeze.

Slowly, I turned around and said, "I'm going to need you to leave me alone. There is nothing you need to say to me ever in this lifetime, so reserve this conversation for hell and even then, I wouldn't really want to hear it."

My eyes were on his and my posture was straight as an arrow. He, on the other hand, looked conflicted.

"Look, I don't need much of your time, I just..."

"Connor, I don't care. Leave me alone," I said and walked towards the back.

"Fuck!" he yelled. "I'm trying to make amends."

Where the fury came from I wasn't sure, but I double backed and got in his face to sneer, "Fuck your amends."

Connor's head tilted back as his mouth opened in shock. He blinked once and then nodded.

"See you're going to make this difficult."

I almost answered him but I decided that I'd like to get my items and get the hell out of there, so I walked off and left him standing there. We saw him once more when I went to check out but there was no need to pay him any mind.

He wanted to make amends my ass.

The only thing I ended up doing was putting everything in the back. The pavers were red stone and in the shape of a leaf. Bringing those suckers in one by one was a task all in itself, so everything could sit in the garden until I could get to it later that weekend.

On Saturday morning, I woke up to banging in my backyard which was portrayed in my dream as someone knocking on the door. I looked out the window and saw 'that man' in my yard.

Connor fucking Locklear.

I stomped downstairs and out the door before I could take account of my appearance.

"What do you think you're doing in my yard?" I yelled with my hands flailing in the air.

He slowly turned around with a blue bandana on his head, keeping his hair back, a ruler in his left hand and a pencil in his right.

"Morning," Apollo nodded.

"What are you doing in my yard?" I asked.

A smirk rose on his face and faded as he said, "Settin' you up."

"Connor, get out of my yard." I was through having these asinine conversations with this man.

He rose and sauntered towards me with worn jeans that looked like they'd seen better years, a torn ash grey t-shirt, and brown boots. His eyes were on mine and they never left.

"I'm making amends." He said the same thing he'd stated yesterday.

"I told you what you can do with your amends." I folded my arms over my chest.

He was looking up at me from the bottom of my back wooden, five-step staircase.

"Lori, I need to do this. I'm not saying you need to forgive me but it's something I have to do."

Forgive?

"Forgive you for what?" I asked. "Hurting my feelings. Oh, I'm over that. Now I just want you to leave me alone. Alright. Do I need to say that in front of the whole town for you to get that?"

"Can't do that." He patted the banister. "Got to make amends."

Then it hit me, he might have been in some Alcohol or Drug anonymous program and he needed to make those amends.

Ohhhh.

Dammit.

"Look, fine. Can you make amends by doing something else and leaving my house?" I asked.

"You want this, right?" Apollo pulled a familiar, folded magazine page from his back pocket and showed it to me.

It was my design for the yard and I planned to build it by myself. It was supposed to be therapeutic.

"Well, yeah." He must have picked it up with the items I left in the back a couple of days ago. "However, I would like to do this. It's um, good for me."

"Calms you?" he asked with what seemed like sincerity. When my eyebrows pulled together, he added, "My old therapist assigned me to gardening and working with my hands. Hence why I work at the bike shop."

What in the holy hell was happening?

"Uh, okay," I said because I never knew that and I used to be an expert on all things Connor Apollo Locklear.

Well, so I thought.

"You can help but this is in my wheelhouse; I can do all of this in a week." Apollo nodded.

"A week," I gasped. "Look, it's fine. I'm not really comfortable with you being here."

That was when he took a step up and assured me, "Lori, you're safe with me."

"No, Connor." I shook my head. "I just..."

He took another step up and said, "I'm Connor now?"

A loud sigh escaped me as I started to feel more uncomfortable around him. He was known in all of Manor as Apollo and when I went to rehab, I had to put my old thoughts and feelings away. Therefore, he became Connor, a stranger, that I was no longer attracted to, or so I figured.

"Thanks but no thanks." I didn't answer the question.

"Look, Lori. Let me do it and I'll be outta your hair. My debt will be paid and then you won't have to see me anymore unless you want to."

I nearly choked.

"Why are you doing this?" I was suspicious. "Are you one of those guys who likes having all the attention on them or something? When no one is thinking about you, you're available but when I was embarrassing myself all around town, you wouldn't even look my way."

Apollo took another step up and said, "Let me make amends."

I shook my head and finally said, "Whatever, just don't start banging shit around at seven in the goddamn morning."

I turned around to leave him on that second step by himself and get out of his presence. Before the backdoor slammed, I heard him say, "Got it, sweetness."

Rolling my eyes, I went back upstairs to continue my sleep but that wasn't going to happen anytime soon. Therefore, I spent that time reading a book and when it was a Godly hour, I sent a group text to Shay and Kylie.

Me: You will not believe who's in my damn yard

Kylie: You let him

Me: Well, I told him to leave three times. He's a Guardian – they don't listen.

I wasn't sure what to say to that because it wasn't like she was picking sides but it felt like it. She knew him and felt she owed him but I knew it was juvenile to feel like that was a slight to me.

Me: Gotcha

Kylie: Well, whatever. It seems like he's trying to get friendly with you