12  Chapter 12

SHIZ

This fucking woman was a pain in my ass and it took everything not to go in that house and kiss her until she told me what I wanted to hear. 

Nope.

We were both taking the piss and I was miserable.

Sitting in my car watching over her was even more of a mistake because she was so close but so far away. Around two in the morning, I drove my ass home and tried to ignore the raging hard-on that I’d had for the past few days. My hand was of no help as he wanted one thing and she was not even talking to me. 

The anger that coursed through my body was similar to when I finished burying my brother. I was alone again and upset with no release. My new brothers were instrumental to my transformation but now, it seemed more significant.

The loneliness.

My father.

My brother.

They were mine.

Her.

She was mine but now the pain in my chest reminded me that she wasn’t. That I was back in the very same place which made me think the ear-splitting migraine that was bringing me to my knees. That should have been my clue in the universe, that it was my time to go too.

Everyone that loved me was gone or left. Prematurely, at that. My pops was fifty-five. The man should have had thirty more years at least. He could have met her. Told me she was out of my league but wanted me to try. Not be afraid of taking a chance, but try.

And Jordan.

He was my older brother. Who dies of cancer in their early thirties?

People that love me, that’s who?

My fingers dialed a number I hadn’t reached out to in a long time. Only because life had gotten in the way and in some ways contacting him reminded me of a time when I was at my lowest point.

“Shiz,” the older man answered after the first ring. “Shiz.”

“Uh, hey,” I finally answered once I realized I hadn’t actually spoken.

“What’s wrong?” His voice was alert and there was noise in the background.

The man was probably on duty and saving lives as he saved mine. He couldn’t save my brother but that wasn’t his fault. Cancer was no one’s fault, it was just a disease running amuck without a cause.

“Shiz,” Dr. Brown called again. “Where are you brother?”

Yeah, I was now his brother, men a part of the same group.

“Home,” I managed to say. “I’m home.”

“On my way,” he said with no hesitation. “Sit tight. I’ll be there in fifteen.”

I wasn’t going nowhere. Shit, I was sitting on my kitchen floor with my head between my legs praying for relief from the pain that seemed to double. The same pain that was in my head and my heart.

There was no medicine to cure that. I heard the doorbell ring but I was in no condition to get up. A door opened and then I heard my name being called. The noise pierced through my head as if a bullhorn was right there.

“Shiz,” Dr. Brown yelled.

“Fuck,” I murmured.

Brown came through the kitchen doors and stopped. I could barely lift my head, which must have put the doctor on alert.

“What happened?” he asked while sliding to the floor to examine me. “Son, what’s wrong?”

This man.

He called me brother and son all within one hour and they were both accurate and true. I was a wreck when my brother died. Dr. Brown was the one that got me the grief counseling when I told him I had no reason to live. He was the one that connected me with Razor after he saw me watch my brother disintegrate before my eyes. The man gave me life and more brothers than I could count. He took me under his wing in more ways than one. I owed him. He shouldn’t be rescuing me when I was in crisis again.

“Fine,” I mumbled.

“You’re not.,” he replied. “Calling the wagon if you don’t tell me something.”

That’s right, he was a doctor.

“Just a migraine.” I murmured before I shrugged and added. “Haven’t had one since Jordan passed.”

“Hell,” he hissed. “Stress. What’s going on?”

“Nothing really.” I lied. “Just wanted to talk.”

He snickered and then said, “Yeah? Talk huh?  How about, let’s get feeling better before we talk.”

Quickly, he stood, moved around the kitchen, some doors or cabinets opened and he was back.

“Take this, drink this, and put this on your head.” He was in full doctor and dad mode.

Slowly, I did what he asked and then he was on his feet and pulling me up.

“Let’s get you in bed.” He helped me along.

With all the lights off, I crawled into my bed and nearly passed out as soon as my head hit the pillow. There were no dreams of unicorns or sheep. Not even my dad or brother, just her. Short, sexy, thick, quirky and the fucking love of my life.

Smiling up at me. Telling me she belonged to me. Me taking her and making her mine.

The notion should have been sweet but they were torturous because she wasn’t mine.

The next morning, my head felt one hundred percent better, but my heart was in no better shape. The smell of coffee hit my nostrils which gave me an ounce of hope. Could it be?

Trying not to rush downstairs, I sprinted into the kitchen and was met with a familiar black man in light blue scrubs.

“Oh...” I said as last night came crashing back in.

“Fucking good to see you too,” Dr. Brown laughed. “Foods there.”

He pointed to the microwave.

“Thanks.” I uncovered the plate and reheated it, then grabbed a mug of coffee.

It wasn’t until I was deep into eating my food that Dr. Brown sat on the stool across from me and asked, “Who is she?”

Oh fuck.

With my fork in mid-air, I moved my eyes and not my head to the older man, still in scrubs from last night.

“She?” I asked.

He raised one eyebrow on his bald head and said, “Can’t be a brother. Can’t be the shop. Can’t be family. Got to be a woman.”

I scoffed and scarfed down the rest of my breakfast and coffee while ignoring the lingering and now annoying man standing at my counter.

“Thanks for coming over. You didn’t have to,” I told him, while putting everything away.

“Must be right,” he said more to himself than me.

“And...” I let it hang. “What about it?”

The big man folded his arms over his chest and said, “Must be serious and if that is the case, then she must be important. A keeper but I don’t see her here. Thinking, maybe you let her go, which is odd because you held on longer than anyone to keep your brother alive. That man stayed here on this earth three months longer than anticipated and that was largely because of you. So, you wouldn’t have given up on her, which leads me to believe she left you. However, the brother I know, he wouldn’t let that happen.”

Dormant emotions began to rise as he mentioned some of the hardest times in my life. With fist clenched and my face turned a few shades of burgundy. Rage coursed through me as I was ready to tackle him if he said another fucking word.

“Watch it,” I growled.

He was assessing me and seemed to note that he’d struck a live wire. His hands went up in surrender, before he said in a low voice, “Shiz, I’m here for you man. Women are fucking complicated. You got to talk to them, share how you feel and shit. Believe me, Margo done stunned me from time to time. Love that woman with all my heart but she’s a stickler for shit like talking to her. She made us go to counseling and you know what, I’d go every day to make sure she never left me.” He nodded.

That transparency took my guard down just a bit because I had been over to Margo’s house many times and she was in love with him. It was clear and evident but if she threatened to leave him, one could never tell.

“Thing is, she’s my other half. You know,” the doctor continued. “She’s just for me and no man that don’t feel like that about a woman, he should let her go because she’s probably not the one. Man to man, fuck what anyone else says. You never let her go. Hold on and convince her that this is the best thing for her life. Your life. Shit, ask Razor, Bronx and especially Apollo. Even Bear. They’ll tell you the same as I am. They found the one for them and if their ladies decided they were leaving, you’d see some of the strongest men I know turn into weeping pups. Broken because they’re not whole or in a drunken stupor to numb the pain.”

My eyes took him in and then I sat on the stool. Despite my broken heart, his words stung a little bit more than I expected. He was right, I would have never let go of Jordan. Pop either, if it was up to me. Hell, I wasn’t planning to let go of Avery to be honest but seeing her in the arms of another man who was holding her hostage. That shit sent me to another place. The only reason, I didn’t kill him dead was because that would have been one more thing that traumatized her. One man already died at the hands of a monster, exposing her to a world she didn’t belong in. Hell, I hadn’t even processed that with her because I was a fucking animal. She deserved someone better than me. Stronger than me. Someone, other than me. But it was too late.

“She, Avery, is a woman who just fucked me up.” I scoffed. “She came in and as I was trying to run, she barreled through and has me by the balls. I had her move into my unit on Massanutten street, and after I almost lost her, I couldn’t handle it. Just started to pull back because it reminded me of Dad and Jordan. I can’t bury another person. I got nobody. No kin, no attachments and she just came from nowhere. She’s crazy talented, wasting her time at an insurance place. She could do a number of things, but she wants her shit in museums. She’s better than a museum, to be honest. The pure emotion she can put in one single picture, speaks more than any word. She’s funny, cute as hell, fucking crazy. I’d protect her with my life, but I may have pushed too far.”

He nodded his head with both ends of his lips turned down in a thoughtful manner.

“Yeah, you’re gone.” He chuckled.

“Yeah,” I chimed in as I realized what I said.

“Well, Shiz...I’ll tell you like I tell all my sons.” He folded his hands on the table. “Make that shit right. Peace of mind. No stressful migraines. Any man with someone like you’re describing, will tell you the same thing.”

He was right but I wasn’t sure where to begin. The first thing I did know was that I needed to find her.

Dr. Jones left after we talked a bit more about other shit outside of Avery. Once Apollo gave me the details on who was tailing her, I called Jug.

“Hey brother, how are you?” He answered.

“Good. You on Avery?” I asked.

“Naw, not now. She’s not back for a couple of days yet,” he said with surety.

Confusion and panic hit me at once.

“What?” I said in a low voice.

Jug cleared his throat, sensing the change in my tone. “She went out of town. I took her to the airport this morning around six. She said you were in the loop about her moving on, so I thought it was okay. She wanted me to call you, but I trusted that you knew if she was telling me to call you. Plus, I didn’t want to bother you so early in the morning. Did I do something wrong?”

Did he do something wrong?

“Where did she go?” I annunciated each word, in a measured voice.

Jug’s voice cracked when he said in a low voice, “She never said.”

I hung up the phone because I was seconds from blowing my top on the young recruit. He was not fucking ready for that and he didn’t know any goddamn better. A pretty girl, playing him like she did. I was going to spank her ass.

For two days, I went by her house to find her not there with the lights out. That’s when I went into the lion’s den and approached the ole’ ladies; Kylie, Shay, Lori and Dessy.

They were sitting at the bar, since Dessy was on duty, Shay was showing her baby bump and Lori was smiling like she’d just won the jackpot. She just got married, so I guess she was still in marital bliss. Dessy and Bear’s wedding was in a couple of months, so she was next up to tie the knot.

“Ladies,” I greeted them.

“Shiz,” Kylie said with more snarkiness than I expected.

I didn’t have time to go back and forth with them, so I got straight to the point.

“Where’s Avery?” I asked.

Shay scoffed and said, “If you don’t know, then serves you right.”

“Fair enough, but I need to know where she’s at,” I said with more steel in my voice than I normally displayed to my brother’s women.

This caused Shay to raise an eyebrow and Kylie to fold her hands over her chest. Lori’s brows slid up and Dessy glared at me before saying, “We ain’t telling, so...unless she’s in trouble, you’ll have to wait until she gets back. If she comes back.”

My head nodded, and I knew that if I told them she was in trouble, they could easily verify that with their men, so I said, “I know there’s the code and all that. But, Dessy...you of all people should know especially after I helped you out with Bear after you moved out. I ain’t trying to hurt her, I’m trying to fix it. Shit, y’all can think what you want about me, but I need her. I want her, and I’ll fight for her with or without your help.”

Like the women in love that they were, they understood men fucking up and trying to make it right. They also knew how they had made silly choices when they were trying to run away from the inevitable.

“New York,” Shay stated. “She’ll be back tomorrow.”

My heart dropped but my head nodded. My girl went to New York and for what?

“Obliged,” I said with a tilt of my chin. “Y’all have a good evening.”

Leaving with my tail between my legs was an understatement. The shop was still open, and I really needed to get busy so I wasn’t consumed by the giant hole in my heart.

Was she leaving me?

Did something happen?

What impulsive thing was she doing now?

Three tattoos later, my mind was still boggled with the uncertainty of where my life was headed after the woman had run over my bike and my heart with those wheels and heels.

My plan was to sit at her house until she returned, but duty called.

My phone rang just as I pulled into her driveway. The lights were on, meaning the woman was already back. That was good until I saw the secure line blinking on my screen.

“Fuck,” I mumbled and answered the call. “Yeah.”

“Compound.” Was the only thing said and the line went dead.

My eyes scanned the area to see if someone I knew was on Avery’s detail. I didn’t recognize the truck, but it was in the right location. A place where it could see the front, back and side of the house. I flashed my lights towards them, they flashed them back and then I left for the compound.

When I arrived, there was soberness that filled the old warehouse. Quickly making my way past some members and recruits to the boardroom, I saw the usual men there when it came to the Vipers.

“Catch him up,” Razor told Bronx.

It was that same no-nonsense vibe happening. No games, no pussy-footing around just business.

Bronx leaned over and said, “We’re striking. Another guy was beaten up at a bar like your girl’s brother. A body turned up, who we suspected to be the guy that was trying to take your girl too. Well, according to her and Sway’s description. We’re Guardians, so we don’t sit back and let shit like that happen. Therefore, we strike in multiple ways. They have a gun deal today. We’re interrupting that with the police, at the same time their compound is getting raided. It appears, they’ve pissed another local gang of women off. They usually play by the rules until one of their members comes through their doors with two black eyes, broken ribs and a concussion. They are looking for blood and we’ve got their backs too. Swag is already down, so it’s them and us. It happens tonight.”

I nodded my head and asked, “I’m down. Where am I going first?”

Bronx nodded before answering, “Most of us are going to their compound. And a skeleton crew will block the escape at the raid. Mostly the police will conduct and run the raid, we’re just back up.”

A few moments later, Swag walked through the door, “We ready?”

“Yeah, let’s end this shit,” Razor answered, with fire in his eyes.

We all were filled in by Apollo about what would take place and as I looked around the room to my brothers, I realized everyone was personally invested in this. Bronx, Bear, Apollo, Razor and even Swag because of their women. I knew I vowed vengeance when fucking Sway drove Avery to our compound rescuing her from those fuckers. But then beating up women like it was a sport, that shit wouldn’t stand.

Ever.

Not with any man in here.

***

MOST OF THE VIPERS had to be out but we kept a lookout anyway. I was leading the team to the back of the compound with a few brothers, two of Swag’s men and a couple of the lady bikers. They called themselves the Phoenix Riders. Their board and several members were in attendance and looked ready for war. I wouldn’t fuck with them.

We entered the back in sleuth mode, encountered a large biker, who I subdued by cutting off his oxygen so he passed out in a large heap on the floor. There was a slight commotion behind me and when I turned, a man had one of the smaller women by the hair and was growling something in her ear, until we saw that initial grimace turn into a smile.

We started to move towards them, but she had a long black stick the extended in her hand. Threw it back, hitting the man square in the face, causing his nose to spurt out blood. She turned on one heel and hit him in the neck, hopped up and wrapped a leg around him, bringing him to the ground until he passed out due to the power of her thighs.

Fuck me.

I ain’t never seen no shit like that.

That’s when one of the women, nodded to me and said, “That’s why she’s our Sergeant of Arms.”

I nodded my head and made a mental decision that I didn’t mind her having my back. We encountered two more like that until we met up in the center with the other tactical teams led by Razor, Swag and Bronx. Apollo had the team outside and Bear was doing the management of everything.

“Numbers?” Razor asked when the rest of the place was clear.

“Four down,” I stated.

“Three, neutralized,” Swag chimed in before Apollo said, “I had one, but that fucker was huge.”

“That means, ten were guarding the house. Get them all out, we burn it down today.” He swung his head around to Bronx.

“Copy.” All heads nodded in agreement.

Looking around there was twenty-eight of us from three different groups on one mission. It was telling what type of organization we were and who we attracted, including our leadership. It was one that I was proud to be a part of. Something that allowed me to sleep peacefully at night and not always looking over my shoulder. I knew men and now women had my back and with no family to call in, that was paramount.

We drug the guys out of the compound, lit the place on fire and called the cops. Razor’s theory that they had warrants or other shit panned out because even the assault on the Phoenix Riders put three of the gang members behind bars.

The gun bust was also successful since Lancaster’s finest were on the job along with the local task force. The dealers were from New York and were put on radar from an undercover operation in Brooklyn. The lead gun guy wasn’t caught but a large number of his right-hand crew were arrested along with one hundred different guns.

Lancaster PD thought it was a win and so did Razor since the fake Vipers we’re now disbanded, clubhouse burned down, and the leader was in jail for gun trafficking, resisting arrest and murder. The amazing thing about this outcome was Avery didn’t even have to testify since his own degenerate crew flipped on him to lessen the charges the police had on them for the guns, aggravated assaulted and accessories to various other crimes.

Most of us spent the night at the police station giving statements and then we went to the compound. There we got to know the Phoenix women who were not only a bad ass but serious about their club business. Bear was impressed and nothing besides Dessy impressed this man.

Their leader, Justice was a black woman with shoulder length straight hair and a quiet demeanor that spoke volumes. They, like us, were trained and I suspected their VP and Sergeant of Arms were probably in special forces prior to civilian life. Cut was the name of the VP and she had a knife in her hand cutting through an apple as if that’s what regular people did on their own time.

I was glad she was on the good side.

By the time I finally hit my bed at seven the next morning. I literally fell asleep in my clothes and everything. It was a wonder I actually made it home in one piece.

The next afternoon, I’d made up my mind that I would go to Avery’s and find out why she left town. It wasn’t a well-thought-out plan, but I would get to see her. It was the best I could come up with.

It was hard to tell if she was home or not but when I heard footsteps come to the door, my heart leaped. The door opened, and I could tell her heart did the same thing too because it was clearly written on her face. However, I didn’t know if that was good, since she didn’t invite me in nor did she give me her Avery greeting.

“Shiz,” she nodded like we were neighbors and I was coming over for sugar.

I didn’t respond because the pounding in my chest seemed to be unbearable.

“You don’t have to worry about the Vipers anymore,” I found myself saying. “We neutralized them last night.”

“Oh, that’s good. You Guardians stay on top of your stuff.” She nodded and placed her body in the door so I couldn’t see inside.

“Can I come in?” I asked as my annoyance grew with being shut out by her literally.

“I’m in the middle of something,” she answered. “Can I catch up with you later?”

What the fuck?

Avery went to close the door after I said nothing but blankly stared at her. Then I heard her feet walk away.

Oh fuck this.

Pulling out my keys, I unlocked the door and saw big brown boxes stacked high in the foyer.

What the Fuck?

A growl must have escaped me because Avery not only turned around but looked genuinely scared when she saw my face.

“Explain,” I snapped. “The fuck is going on?”

She muttered something and before I realized it, I was in her space and looking down at her beautiful face. This steeled her back and she dared to defy me by not answering.

“Avery, you better start talking soon,” I said through gritted teeth.

She cleared her throat and with a tilt of her head upward, she stated, “I’m moving.”

“What?” My voice grew to a steely growl.

“I’m moving,” she repeated.

Fuck this.

My face was probably purple when I shook my head once and said, “Absolutely fucking not.”

Avery blinked once with her mouth open, then she scoffed and said, “Yeah, okay.”

“Ha,” I snapped back. “You’re not moving.”

“Oh, watch me.” She shook her head. “You’re unbelievable.”

“Check your lease sweetheart. You’re not going anywhere,” I countered.

Her eyes grew, then she stomped towards the kitchen and returned with the stapled lease papers. After flipping through the five pages, I said, “Clause seventeen.”

Her mouth moved silently, then her eyes grew big as saucers as I presumed she read over the clause that spoke about her rights. Avery looked up at me and said, “You can’t do this.”

One of my eyebrows raised as a challenge right before I said, “It’s already done. You’ve signed it, my attorneys have it and therefore you will remain here.”

The woman flung the papers to the side of her and snapped, “That doesn’t just say I’m here. It says I’m yours.”

Yeah.

It did.

“Mine.” I took a step towards her. “Mine to keep, cherish, hold, love, fuck, argue, cook for, worship, make her cum. Yes, all of that shit. Mine.”

“How could you?” Avery hissed. “You didn’t even want me then. I didn’t even see that or misunderstood it. Why didn’t you explain it? Why would you do that, Shiz? I don’t understand?”

Her face was a myriad ball of confusion and unbelief. This was the third time we were here dancing around how we felt, how the other had hurt one and dealing with it. She was fucking crazy as shit, so was I. We’d needed to deal with it and get over it.

Those were the only choices.

“Avery,” I sighed. “Any man that has red blood running through his veins and in their right mind would want you and that makes me no different. You’re smart, sexy, cute and crazy as fuck. You come crashing into my life like a goddamn tornado, come and press your lips against mine, giving me a taste. Yes, I want to make you mine. Told you, once I had a taste, like an addict, I’d be lost in you.” My voice lowered, and I looked her square in the eye before I shared, “Well, you win, sweetheart. I’m lost in you. Wrapped all the way up and as I told you before, I ain’t letting go. My pops died young, my brother died young. I’m probably going to die young and as much as I don’t want to put you through that shit, I can’t see myself denying me from having you. Tried it. It hurts like a bitch, and I ain’t doing it no fucking more.”

Avery, no longer looked at me like she was confused but that she was beginning to understand. Therefore, I kept going.

“You in the arms of that man... that sent me for a spin. I can’t bury someone else I love. Well, I don’t want to. I was holding on to you so tight that I was starting to suffocate you and I needed to balance that shit out. So, I gave you some time. Gave you some space. Tried to get my shit together cause I don’t want to run you off.” I moved into her, now that her defenses were down, so I could cup her face. “Want to see your belly full of life. The one that we create. Want to buy you a house that will have you twirling in it, like you did in this one with a big yard and an art studio so you can draw whatever you want.” My voice grew low as I whispered against her lips. “Want my ring on you. My mark inked on that perfect skin. Little tiny terrors running me fucking crazy like their mama.”

My fingers wiped the tears from her eyes as I kissed her lips softly at first. It was when her hands grabbed my hair that I took the kiss further. Her moan had me wrapping my hands around her ass, then her thighs to lift her and put her against the wall. Rounding my hips, to grind into her core, I pulled back and whispered, “Can’t leave, sweetheart. I won’t let you.”

This time, it was Avery that growled and pulled me in, so she could take more.

She could have it all.

Absolutely everything, if that meant she was staying.