LORI:

Hate was no longer the word I associated with Connor Locklear. Livid, bothered, and despised were the words that I decided to use to describe the asshole.

Did I want it?

Ugh.

The sad part about everything he'd been saying was for my part, he was right. I wasn't in love with Henry. He was a nice convenience but I didn't want to do what I didn't want done to me. I couldn't live with that; which is why I was buying groceries.  I would make dinner to discuss it with him.

"My favorites again," Henry commented as we sat down to eat.

I nodded but he sat back and looked at me. Taking another sip of wine to calm my nerves was probably not helping matters.

"You don't want to get married," he said.

"Henry, I don't love you. I said I was falling for you but I'm not going to lie and say that I feel the same way as you. That's just not right or fair to you."

"You can grow into that, Loriline," he countered.

"What?" I gasped. "No. Who does that?"

"Many people do it, all over the world. Arranged marriages have a higher success rate than the traditional marriages with people who are supposedly in love."

His words did not make sense because he claimed to love me and according to what he was saying now, he might have been lying.

"So, are you saying you don't love me either?" I asked.

"Well, I have love for you, but at present you're more of a suitable match for me. We have fun, we understand each other and we are very compatible." He made it sound so logical.

"Wow." I laughed.

Without a thought, I pulled the ring off my finger and placed it next to him.

"I'd like you to go."

"Wait, wait." He stood up. "Loriline, let's take a moment to calm down before we do or say something we'll regret."

"No,” I said. “This I won't regret. The engagement is off and so is this relationship. What I won't do is deal with lies. You of all people should know, I've been through too much shit to have to deal with this."

"It's that guy, isn't it?" His features turned dark. "You've fallen off the wagon and are holding out for him, aren't you? Have you fallen back into an obsessive mindset yet?"

"Excuse me?" I gasped. "I've done no such thing. We're done."

Moving towards the door, I held it open and waited for him to leave. Slowly, he stood, pocketed the ring and made his way to the door.

"You're wrong. You'll regret this." He walked out. “He’s going to leave you high and dry, then you’ll be back at the center and want me to pick up the pieces.”

Red hot anger threatened to take over but all I said was, "I definitely won't."

Then I slammed the door shut.

After a few more sips of wine, I tossed all of the food and his plate in the garbage then I texted Kylie and Shay.

Me: The engagement is off.

Kylie: What?!?!?!

Shay: Thank God

Me: Y'all were right.

Kylie: Want some company?

Shay: Yeah, I'm coming.

Me: No, no. I'm good. Just getting some shit together.

Shay: You sure. I need you to be honest if you need something

Me: I know Shay. Promise, I'm good. One weight has been lifted

Kylie: Yeah, I know that feeling

Shay: Same

Me: I'll see y'all tomorrow okay?

Shay: Counting on it.

Kylie: Yup – see you then.

After another sip, I sent another text.

Me: Come over w/ food

*****

I HEARD THE ROAR OF a bike and it had me taking another sip of wine. What had I done? Chips and the red wine weren't a good combination but I was hungry and refused to cook another thing that night. I heard the sound of his boots and then I saw him standing on the outside of my gate.

Connor fucking Locklear.

He'd come and brought food.

The gate was open, so he walked in where I was sitting with my feet up on the bench he bought for my garden. The man walked on the pavers all the way to me, picked up my legs and sat down.

"Your favorite." He smirked.

"You have bad news too?" I laughed.

"Nope, best night of my life already," he said.

"No need to butter me up. I'm pretty sure you're going to get it tonight." I chuckled.

Yup, I was definitely tipsy.

"Eat something." Connor handed me the bag.

Yup, the man knew what my favorites were; there was grilled chicken with bacon, and mozzarella cheese on a sour dough bun with a special ranch sauce. I smiled up at him before I took a huge bite. He had one as well, so we ate in silence as his hand rubbed up and down my legs, sending all sorts of electricity through my body.

He smelled exceptionally good, which also triggered the rest of my hormones. As I thought of what we both knew was going to happen, every hair on my body was standing on edge and I wouldn't have been surprised if my actual short cut was standing up as well.

"So..." I didn't fully get my thought out before I was being hurled on top of Connor’s lap as my legs straddled him.

He was looking up at me with bedroom eyes that melted my insides. I wanted to hate him so much but I couldn't and we both knew it.

"I called off the engagement."

"I know." He nodded towards my left hand on his chest.

Then he grabbed my hand and placed it on his mouth, where he kissed it repeatedly. Then he kissed each finger and tip before he placed one of them in his mouth to suck on the greasy digit.

It was hot as hell and my panties were soaked.

Those kisses traveled to my wrist, elbow and shoulder where Connor pulled my dress strap off exposing my left boob.

"So fucking beautiful," he sighed before he wrapped those lips around my nipple.

The moan that escaped my mouth was louder than I expected. My fingers wrapped around his long locks as I pulled him into me for more. My body was on fire and I swear the man just poured gasoline on the blazing flame. Connor finally pulled back and grabbed my other hand to repeat the same process. When he finished, he pulled back and said, "Stand up."

I obeyed him and then he instructed me to turn around, where he unzipped my dress and let it fall to the ground. There I stood, in nothing but my thong and sandals. I placed my hands over the sides of my thighs to cover the cuts because there was no way I wanted this man of all men, to know that about me.

"Turn back around," he directed.

Unashamedly, I obeyed and we stared at each other hopefully passing the same silent messages back and forth. His eyes were blazing and they were on me.

"You want this?" he asked.

I nodded my head but he shook his.

"Need the words, sweetness."

"Yes." I nodded.

"Fuck," he muttered. "You're going to be the death of me."

Connor stood up, lifted me and carried me to the back door, up the stairs and to my bedroom. He pulled off his cut, ripped his shirt off and dropped his jeans while kicking off his boots. His chiseled chest with the skull tattooed in the center and his Celtic ink scrolled down his arm both seem to come alive as the heat in the room scorched away all my good sense. Throwing a few condoms on the bed, he said, "If it gets too much, just tell me."

"Talk is cheap," I countered.

He laughed and said, "I'm missing a patch of hair from the last time I made your pretty little pussy cum."

My legs spread wide open for him to do that again and he said, "Yup, she knows who she belongs too."

I was about to counter that claim until his lips started sucking on my clit. That was all she wrote because I was on cloud nine as he brought me to two climaxes with his mouth as I was holding onto chunks of his hair.

When Connor finished, he put on a condom and said, "Ready, sweetness?"

"The question is, are you ready?"

He slapped my wet pussy and I loudly moaned my pleasure. Connor mounted me and rubbed his large head over my wet cunt and slowly pushed in.

Goddamn, he was huge.

"Rub that pretty clit, sweetness," he murmured as his seductive gaze coated my body causing me to fall under his spell.

He'd get no objections from me as I rubbed and rubbed until he was all the way inside. Then he grabbed me by the wrists, put them above my head with one hand and started to make the headboard bang against the wall over and over. The wings of the dragon that he had tattooed under his left rib seemed to move as he powered in and out of me.

It was so goddamn hot.

OMG.

Connor rocked inside of me causing me to climax again and again until he finally released. When he finally let my wrists go, I was completely out of breath and damn near licking the sweat from his chest. Well, I was biting his nipple but God, he was everything. Demanding, controlling, sweet and definitely a number fifteen.

He was dripping and I was soaked with him from the strenuous but beautiful activity. My senses were dulled and nothing could have woken me from that haze. I'd never been ravished like that and shit, it was awesome.

"Sweetness," Apollo said as he dropped off to my side. "You alright?"

"God, yes," I breathed.

He exhaled and pulled me into him while he played with my hair.

"Why'd you cut your hair?" he asked.

"Makeover." I was still slightly out of breath. "New me, new scene."

"Hmm." He mumbled in my hair.

"You don't like it?" I asked.

"I like something to grab on to besides that heart-shaped ass." A hand came down on my bare butt, causing me to moan into his chest.

Without any thought, I wrapped my arms around him and closed my eyes. Though I’d dreamed of this happening for many years, and it was now damn-near impossible to see continuing, we had the rest of tonight to enjoy.

Connor pulled me into him and sighed, "Don't let this night end."

There was no need to say anything because it would end effective the next morning.

******

IT WAS WRONG AND ALTHOUGH I knew it in advance, I still rolled out of bed, freshened up and snuck out my own house to go see one of my co-workers at the library. We had a project at work which required some old-school research that was only available in the digital archives located at the Lancaster Library. That was sure to keep my mind off the man I left in my bed and the one I could never see again.

"Mami, you look, uh, fresh outta bed." Vita smiled. "Like with a man who likes to pull hair, outta bed."

My face had to have gone pale because Vita gasped and said, "You did get some with a man that pulls hair."

"Is it that obvious?" I whispered as I tried to smooth my short style into submission.

"Oh, don't worry." Vita was beaming. "It's a good look. I get none these days. This job has me working double time since I'm going for that promotion. Plus, I can't even find a half decent man. These guys here in the Burg are ugh."

Vita always used her hands when she talked so we all knew to back away when she started to get upset. I was the newbie at our branch but she had been there for a few years already. Therefore, she was the veteran and I learned a while ago, when on a new job, sit back, listen and learn for the first year. Don't run your mouth, don't side with anyone but see who the real movers and shakers are on the job and Vita is definitely one of them. She was super cute, nice and vocal, which fit her personality.

"There are many hot guys where I live. Hope you don’t have anything against motorcycle clubs, because most of the guys I know are bikers but they’re the good kind. They have a bounty hunting business along with so many other ventures. It's some new age shit but they're good," I vouched.

"What's the name of the club?" She looked interested.

"Oh, they're the Legion of Guardians."

"Ohhh, yeah. I've heard of them. A group had helped a cousin of mine a few years ago. Mami, you know them? Did one of them do that?" She pointed at my hair. "Girl, please let me tag along."

I laughed as I thought about who did that to my hair.

"Uh, yeah. One of those bikers did this but we're not a thing. That was just once," I clarified. "However, the Guardians are all over."

"Okay. Then, I'm down. I need to get a life, Lori." She laughed, then she turned serious. "I've accomplished everything I've ever wanted. I'm going for this position because I need something to focus on. But, I've realized while it's great to attain all of these things in life, if you have no one to share it with, what's the fucking point?"

She shook her head.

"I bought a house, I own my car, I've traveled and I have a couple of friends but their married and I don't want to seem like a third wheel. So, should I take up knitting or something?"

We laughed but I understood what she meant. Women that were highly successful for the most part didn't really settle early and sometimes not at all. Even Kylie and Shay were older when they settled. It could be quite discouraging.

"I completely understand." I assured Vita. "I do."

"Come on, let's get this done. Didn't mean to whine about my lack of drama." She half-laughed.

"No problem. Who do we share this sort of stuff with if not fellow sisters." I thought of Shay. "My best friend, Shay, says we should always let it out. No matter how bad it gets or it is. Anyway, you're welcome to hang out with us wherever we go. The more the merrier."

Vita looked at me with careful eyes before she said, "Lori, you got a deal."

My phone was in my purse and on vibrate during my time at the library. When I finally checked it on the way back to Manor, I had twelve missed calls. Two each from Shay and Kylie and the rest were from Connor. There was no need to check the voicemails because I could already hear him growling through the phone.

Instead I called Shay and Kylie on three way.

"What's up?" I asked them.

"Girl, what did you do?" Shay asked.

"What?" I asked.

"Apollo is blowing up our phones looking for you," Shay said.

"He just left here looking for you," Kylie added.

"Oh God," I muttered. "It's a long story and I'll tell you when I see y'all. Do we have to go to Peppers?"

"Yeah, I have a gig tonight, plus Razor wants us to meet with one of the new recruit’s lady. She's coming to check out the town and of course the company."

"When did we become the welcoming squad?" Shay asked.

"When y'all decided to get hitched to the President and Vice-President," I reminded them.

"Oh yeah." Shay laughed.

"Well, that ain't me...so when y'all finish, swing by for some ice cream and I'll share all," I said.

"Oh no, heifer," Shay interrupted. "You better bring your ass down to Peppers, or I'll sic Apollo on your ass."

"You wouldn't," I gasped.

"You already know she would," Kylie reminded me.

"Fine, but I'm telling you – I will make a scene if he comes at me the wrong way," I warned them.

"I'm sure you'll be fine." Kylie was trying to keep the peace as usual.

"Yeah." Shay sounded less sure.

"Fine, don't say you weren't warned," I said. "See y'all soon."

****

I HAD TO TIME MY ENTRY into Peppers just right. The guest had to be there and Connor had to be there because Bronx and Razor would keep him from making a scene, or so I hoped.

We met with a vibrant woman named Phoebe and her man's name was Goliath. She was funny as hell and had a contagious laugh. We sat over there making fun of the alpha men, while they sat staring at us.

"They're probably over there, scared of what trade secrets we might share with each other," Phoebe joked.

"Girl, yes." Shay nodded.

"We’ll just tell them it was about sex and then they'll be like – oh yeah," Kylie said and we all erupted in laughter.

"The crazy part is they are nothing but big ass teddy bears. As big as Goliath is and as tough as he is, I swear that man will cuddle in lap and stay there all day if I didn't have to pee." Phoebe laughed. "Then he's like, hurry back."

She extended her hand in the air, demonstrating him. We were in stiches and I thought of Apollo, hugging me as if I were going somewhere. Well, I did but still.

"Your bikers cuddle, right?" Phoebe leaned in and whispered.

"Do they!" Shay replied and looked at Kylie.

"Hell yeah."

We all laughed again as I knew the answer to that but I couldn't reveal it to them just yet. After a while, Razor had summoned us over but I hung back and kept my distance. They all talked as I tried to remain silent and low-key until I felt a presence near my side.

"Need to talk with you," Connor whispered.

I whispered back, “Leave me alone, Connor.”

“I need to talk to you now, Lori. Now are ya coming or am I putting you over my shoulder?” He was no longer whispering.

“Fuck,” I exclaimed and turned towards the door to leave with him trailing behind me.

I dared not look at my girls but instead burst through the door.  There Connor grabbed my shoulder and pulled me back further into the parking lot behind a truck.

"What the fuck was that this morning?" he said through gritted teeth. "The best night of my life and I wake up to a vacant bed and house."

"I had to go and handle some business," I replied with my arms over my chest.

"Lori, don't fuck with me, not you of all people. Don't fuck with my head. You know what last night meant and you just bailed." Connor was livid.

"I'm not sure what it meant for you." I unfolded my arms and glared back at him. "For me, it was an old dream come true but that was it. Nothing more and it's over. So, we move on with our lives."

"You're not this bitch you've portrayed yourself to be. Cursing, short hair, fancy clothes, nice ride; this isn't the Lori I know." He was shaking his head.

"No, the Lori you know was pining after you like a love-sick puppy. Stalking and following you like the sick person she was and after her wake-up call, that ended. No more," I explained. "That Lori is not coming back, Connor."

"I don't want that Lori back. I want my Lori back. She was kind-hearted, sweet, simple and honest." He took a step towards me and said, "I want my Lori back."

My face moved into his where I sneered, "You never had Lori."

"Bullshit," he snapped back. "Told you the first two times, one kiss would prove it all."

His forehead hit mine. We were breathing heavy.  My heart was racing and my adrenaline was pumping. His body was pressed against mine and my hands were on his chest, while his right hand had my hair in a possessive grip.

“Connor, we cannot do this, okay?” I was pleading.

“Why?” Apollo said through gritted teeth. “Why won’t you fucking admit it. It’s okay to want to be with me. Nobody cares about before. I was drunk, fucked up, and out of my mind. How long will you make me pay for that shit? Told you, I know about it. I know what it’s like.”

“You’ll never understand.” I shook my head. “You don’t get it. You fucking humiliated me. The whole town has cried for poor Lori. Feel sorry for Lori. She was so in love and now I’ve been publicly embarrassed. You think now I can just go out with you, like nothing ever happened. Like, oh poor Lori, finally got her man. No!”

I pushed against him.

“I’ll never be with you. Never!” I yelled because he needed to leave me alone.

“Even though you love me. Even though, I told you I’d spend my life making it up to you. Even though you want me more than that prick you were thinking of marrying. Despite all of that, you care what people think. You’re better than that. You came back and said, fuck me.  Now why can’t you say, fuck them?” Connor asked as he let me go.

I straightened my clothes and sneered, “I won’t say fuck them because they weren’t the one who stole my heart, crushed it into a million tiny pieces and then tried to waltz back in my life to tell me to get over it.” 

Tears started pouring down my face.

“They didn’t do that, Connor. You did. Now, for the last time, leave me the fuck alone. We will never be!”

Those were my parting words as I turned the opposite way and went back towards the bar. I heard him calling after me, but as soon as I got back inside, I went through the side door so I could leave undetected. Connor wouldn't stop and I was not in the mood to deal with his shit.

The tears wouldn't stop coming down my face nor would his declaration that I loved him stop running through my mind.

Why was he doing this to me?

I just wanted to live my life and I'd reconciled that it would be free of Connor Locklear when I was away. That dream died when I cut too deep.

It died and it needed to stay dead because that sick version of Lori could not live again.