after some begging and my best puppy dog eyes, I finally talked Andrew into going to the playground with me. He acted like it was a chore when we first walked out of the building, but he smiled as we approached the swing set.
We spent the entire afternoon together, goofing off while we went from each piece of equipment on the playground. I’d be twenty-six next month, and I was more childish than this boy was sometimes. It was really sad, all the responsibilities he must have at home. This was a really nice distraction for the both of us, I would say.
It started to get cold as the sun began to go down, and Andrew excitedly asked if we could make some hot chocolate. I couldn’t deny that boy his request when he asked in such a carefree way.
We went inside, and I cleaned him up. Then I started making hot chocolate for everyone. Natalie was sad she missed out on the playground fun and proceeded to tell me how much fun she and Mam had while they were out running errands. She even made me bend over so she could whisper that Mam bought her some ice cream, but she wasn’t supposed to tell. I smirked. Mom was shaking her head like she honestly couldn’t believe a four-year-old would rat her out.
We all sat down to watch a movie on Disney Channel with our hot chocolates, all squeezing together on the couch.
Suddenly, Natalie looked up at me with wide eyes. “Aunt Amy, why can’t we live with you forever?”
My heart broke all over again for these kids. Tears stung my eyes. I looked over at my mom for help. Mom was trying to hide her emotions for the sake of the kids.
She sighed and put her hand on Natalie’s shoulder, pulling her attention from me. “Honey, don’t you think your mommy would miss you if you stayed with Aunt Amy? And wouldn’t you miss your mommy?”
I took a deep breath, her words hurting me a little.
Of course, they would miss their mom, but her asking to live here wasn’t because she had fun here. It was because she didn’t like being at home. She’d told us before. Kids really would say the darnedest things.
Andrew was more reluctant to talk about home. He was at that age where he knew things were happening, and he wasn’t supposed to say anything. He may not want to live with his mom, but he loved her and didn’t want her to be mad at him.
It made me hate my sister. She used that to make sure he didn’t openly talk to us. What little boy or girl would say something they knew it made their mom mad or upset? It was a cruel tactic she used whatever the hell she was doing in that house without anyone finding out.
Natalie sighed, “I would miss my mommy,” then went back to watching the movie.
Mom reached over behind Natalie’s head and squeezed my shoulder. Although I couldn’t fight the tears, I did keep from sobbing. I sucked it up when the movie ended and they were ready to move around again.
It didn’t take long for Natalie to be ready for bed. I got her dressed and laid her in my bed. She was out within minutes. When I came out of my room, Andrew was lying on the couch with his blanket, already dressed for bed.
“Squirt, you wanna sleep with Nat tonight?” I hated the idea of him sleeping on the couch when there was a perfectly good bed in there.
He looked uncertain.
“I’m not tired and thought Mam and I might watch a movie. Unless you want to watch it with us?”
I wouldn’t have minded a bit if he did. We could have easily found something he would enjoy. Plus he’d sleep better in the bed, although he was too polite to ask. I had no idea where he picked up on the politeness. It exceeded every other nine-year-old on the planet.
“No, that’s okay. I’m tired anyways.”
He stood, leaving his blanket on the couch. He went over to hug my mom goodnight, and she kissed his cheek. When he walked to me, I kneeled in front of him and wrapped him tightly in my arms. I wanted to cry again at the love I felt for this boy, but I didn’t want to upset him. Andrew was too observant.
“Night, Squirt. I love you.”
He smiled when he pulled away and mumbled, “I love you.”
I stood and watched him go to my room before taking his place on the couch. Mom gave me a sad smile. It was hard not to think about how bad things could be and how there wasn’t a lot we could do about it.
Those kids were my world. I wanted nothing more than to make sure they were safe and happy. Without them, all of my thoughts would be on Marcus and our failed relationship.
sitting on the couch with Mom Sunday afternoon had us both a little depressed. Alisha had picked up Andrew and Natalie a couple of hours ago, and even though they could both be handfuls at times, we really missed them when they were gone.
“Mom? Have you ever thought about…” I looked up to see her give me a sympathetic look. It wasn’t the first time I’d brought it up. “Legally adopting them?”
She sighed and patted my knee. She was trying to break this to me gently like she had in the past. Maybe I just figured if I brought it up enough times, she’d change her mind and help me.
“Amy, it’s a hard process, one we might not even win if we did pursue it.” She sighed and took my hand.
“I’ve been thinking a lot about it lately,” I admitted, looking down at my lap. I could hear her sigh again. “They need a stable home, Mom.” I looked back up at her. “I could be that for them.”
She shook her head, her eyes filling with tears. She took a deep breath, and her brows furrowed. I’d heard it all before, really.
“Amy, before when you’d asked about it, you were with Josh. I’m sure looking back now, you can see where that wouldn’t have been a good place for them.”
I cringed hearing his name. I’d never told mom anything in particular about my time with my ex-boyfriend Josh, but she wasn’t stupid. She could see the way he treated me even if he was a perfect gentleman in her presence.
Josh was an overbearing, controlling man who’d rather eat glass than let a woman think she was his equal.
Had I known that when I met him, we never would have had a first date, but he was so wonderful, so attentive. I couldn’t believe this attractive, successful man was single. He completely won me over, and I fell head over heels for him way too quickly.
He was a professional, committed to his career. He was sweet and kind. And he was interested in me. I thought I’d won the lottery.
I was very wrong.
We’d been together just a couple of weeks before I moved in with him. I’m not proud of how quickly I threw away my independence, but I honestly thought we’d be together forever, and he’d treat me the way I deserved to be treated.
Boy, was I wrong.
It didn’t take long to see how he really was, but by the time I figured it out, he had me too scared to leave.
He only ever hit me once. That should have been my breaking point, but afterwards, he cried for hours. I was so heartbroken for him that I comforted him. He promised he wouldn’t do it again and begged me not to leave. So, I stayed, and he kept his promise, surprisingly.
From all the verbal abuse and humiliation I got from him, there were times I almost wished he’d hit me and get it over with. Bruises healed faster than broken hearts.
In the year and a half we were together, I’d lost all my friends, I didn’t talk to my family, and I’d quit my job at the bank, which I was lucky to have gotten in the first place. I was completely isolated, which is exactly what he wanted.
He scared off my friends when they’d call, telling them lies or flat-out telling them they weren’t worth my time. He put up a front when my mother was around, which wasn’t often to begin with. Eventually, he told me that he was my family now, and I shouldn’t talk to my mom as much as I did. No respectable grown woman should rely on her mother. I only listened because I couldn’t bear the thought of his anger and hurtful words being turned on my mother.
One evening in particular, just a few nights before he left me, he’d come home drunk from a night out with his friends, which usually included a few girls. He’d been more than in the mood for extra sex. I told him no and pushed him away, but it didn’t faze him.
I was terrified for my life. His actions worried me that much.
Surprisingly, before anything could happen, other than him scaring me, he seemed to realize what he was doing and stopped. Without saying a word, he had left me where I lay on the bed, naked. My clothes had long been ripped from my body. My breasts had been slightly bruised from his rough hands. I didn’t know where he found his restraint that night, but I was grateful.
I should have left then, but I didn’t know where to go. He didn’t come home for days, and when he did, he accused me of being a seductress, using him to get what I wanted. I was so thrown I could only stare at him with my mouth wide open. Apparently, he’d gotten it into his head that it had all been my fault. I’d hoped he was too drunk to remember what he almost did to me, but I was wrong. And he seemed to think it was all me.
I guess I should be grateful he left me in his high-class apartment where the rent was too expensive. He left me. I was free of him. I was very grateful for that.
I had no idea what had gotten into his head, or I guess in his pants would probably be more accurate, but I almost wanted to look them up just so I could thank them. Then, of course, I’d feel awful because I knew if he was with someone else, she’d be treated like shit too.
Another thing I was thankful for was that it didn’t get worse. He could have continued to hit me. He could have actually raped me the night he decided to leave me. There were a lot of things he could have done worse, and he didn’t. So yes, I was grateful for that too.
Josh was my past. I wouldn’t dwell on him a second longer. Instead, I wanted to look to the future.
“I could find a place of my own now,” I said.
Once again, she shook her head. “Honey, you were with Josh for almost two years. You just started living your life again when you met Marcus.”
Just hearing his name made me I frown.
“I think you need to take some time for yourself now. Just you. You don’t need kids running around now.”
I sighed. She had a point. Taking time for myself would be nice. I hadn’t really been alone in quite a few years.
But adoption would stay in the back of my mind. My mind was already made up. I was getting more information on adopting Andrew and Natalie even if I could only get some kind of temporary custody. Maybe it would actually give my sister initiative to clean up her act.
Or maybe she’d be forced to or risk losing her kids forever.
I just hoped she would take that seriously and fight for her children.