i was being a coward. I hadn’t even tried to talk to Hannah in almost two weeks. That was the point of this break up with Amy, but I couldn’t seem to do it. I felt like I’d be betraying Amy in a way. But that was stupid. She’s the one who told me to do this. Otherwise, we’d still be together.
Work was a little awkward at best. We exchanged pleasantries during the day, but it was hard to just drop what we had. That easy-going friendship we had before we dated was trying to break through, but I knew what would follow once it did. Whether she was right or wrong about this thing with Hannah, I was still in love with Amy. It wasn’t like these feelings came with an off switch.
So I tried to be friendly. I was finding that harder than not speaking to her at all. It was tough to remember we were just friends. I’d catch her grinning at me, and I had to grin back, causing her to blush slightly from being discovered and look down. It was like we had just met, and there was that innocent flirting going on. I hated it in a way.
There was something else I hated more at the moment though.
“How is your relationship with Amy going, Marcus?” Mrs. Kelley asked. Being sixty-four years old, you’d think she wouldn’t care about things like that. But she was my favorite regular here at the gym and I knew she actually cared. She had a way of getting me to talk about anything sometimes.
I mentally groaned. I knew this was coming. I hadn’t seen her since my accident, and she had taken a small vacation with her sister once I was back.
“Well…” I didn’t know what to say.
“Marcus.” She glared at me. She kind of reminded me of my mother at that point. It was the same disappointed look I could see her giving me.
I raised my brows. Amy and I hadn’t exactly broadcasted our relationship before, but it had been obvious, just like I had a feeling people could tell that something was wrong. We hadn’t broadcasted our break up either, which made things a little harder. Like this.
“We broke up, Viv.”
She actually gasped. “Marcus, why ever for?”
I just shook my head. “I don’t really want to talk about it if that’s okay.”
Her face was full of sympathy. I hated it. I knew she cared about me and wanted me to be happy, but I already felt like an ass about what was going on. I didn’t want her to think I did something to cause this. I hadn’t. Not really.
“It’ll work out, Marcus. You’re a good boy,” she said.
I reluctantly returned her smile. It was hard not to be in a good mood around Viv even when she was asking embarrassing questions, which she did often. She also had a way of making me feel better no matter what was bothering me. Much like a grandparent would, I’d guess. Not that I had any personal experience there.
“Thanks,” I muttered in response.
“Well, I’m off then. I will see you next week.” She winked and walked out of my office.
I watched her go, silently praying she didn’t stop and talk to Amy. Luckily, Amy had a couple of people at the desk so Viv could only sneak in a wave goodbye. It wasn’t over yet however. Soon, Vivian would get the answers she wanted. The thought actually made me laugh, though I was dreading it.
The sight of Chad coming down the stairs drew my attention away from the front desk. Well, more the sight of Chad and Devon walking down the stairs. I smirked. Chad had finally worked up the nerve to talk to Devon at the party a few weeks ago, and it was paying off. They were spending more and more time together at the gym and, by the looks of it now, possibly outside of the gym as well. It was lunchtime after all.
Chad looked in my office as they were going by and caught me grinning. He said something quickly to Devon, who nodded and kept walking while he turned to come inside. He shook his head at the sight of me smiling but grinned back nonetheless.
“We’re going to grab lunch,” he said casually like it wasn’t a big deal. Maybe it wasn’t to some people, but it was for Chad. “Want anything?”
I smirked. “Nah, I’m good, man.”
“Have you already eaten?”
I laughed. “No, I haven’t, but I’m not hungry.”
“You gotta eat. Quit moping. I’ll bring you something.”
“I’m fine, Chad.”
He rolled his eyes. “You ever gonna tell me why Amy broke up with you?”
“What makes you think she broke up with me?” I asked, feigning shock.
“Please, dude. You act like someone kicked your dog.” He closed the door to my office and leaned against it with his arms folded. “Talk.”
I let out a breath and relayed the events to him, trying to be quick about it because I knew Devon was waiting for him to go get food. “So, yeah. Amy broke up with me because she thinks I need to try things with Hannah to see if it would work out between us.”
Chad’s eyebrows were raised and his eyes were wide, “Wow.”
“Yeah.”
“Well,” he started, relaxing his posture. “I can’t say that I blame her.” He said cautiously, swinging his arms casually and lightly clapping his hands together when they met in front of him.
It was my turn to show some surprise. “Really?”
“Well, yeah. I’ve been around a long time, man. I know how long you’ve felt like this about Hannah. Long before Amy came along.”
I sighed and nodded my head to show that I heard him, not that I necessarily agreed. “Okay, true. But Amy,” I trailed off, just thinking.
“Amy isn’t Hannah.” He pushed himself off the door and put his hand on the door handle. “Look, I like Amy. She’s cool and you guys work well together. But she isn’t Hannah.”
I watched as he opened the door slowly, still looking at me. “So, you think this is a good idea too, then?”
“I do.” It wasn’t what I wanted to hear, but I respected Chad’s opinion.
He turned to leave but stopped in the doorway and rapped his knuckles against the doorframe with his back to me like he was debating whether or not to say something else to me. After a moment, he turned around.
“When are you going to talk to Hannah?” he asked.
“I don’t know.”
I’ve had two weeks to think about what Amy said to me. Two weeks to realize she might have a point. Two weeks to dwell on the fact that in the short time Amy and I knew each other, she already seemed to know me better than anyone else, better than I knew myself. That both scared and excited me.
I wanted Amy, but I couldn’t have Amy without doing this. She’d made herself very clear. I could sort of see where she was coming from.
All the fights I’d had with Hannah while Amy and I were dating were enough proof of Hannah’s feelings for me. The jealousy came out when I was with Amy. The more Hannah and I argued, the more my jealous side had come out. I got along with most of Hannah’s boyfriend’s over the years, or maybe I was just good at overlooking it. Hell, she’d even dated a couple of my friends in high school. This had been all different. I wasn’t sure if it had anything to do with Amy or not, but she definitely made the difference.
I had to admit I’d been scared I’d lose what Hannah and I had because of my feelings for Amy. I’d never had to worry about that before. Deep down, I knew I wasn’t going to end up being with the other girls I’d dated forever, but with Amy, I could definitely see forever with her.
That was what made this so hard. I wanted to please Amy, but it was extremely difficult to even think of being with Hannah. Not that I would ever tell Hannah about how this was Amy’s idea initially. Fuck. I was already planning on hiding something from Hannah. Not good.
But she didn’t need to know.
Yes, I did want to see where things went with Hannah. If Amy wasn’t in the picture, I probably would have let Hannah kiss me that night. No, there was no probably. I would have.
Before Amy, Hannah was the only girl I ever felt like I connected with. I truly loved her, but I didn’t know if I was in love with her. I thought I was, but that was before Amy. I was torn.
Was it possible to be in love with two people at the same time?
I hadn’t realized Chad had said something to me until he was right in front of my face, blocking my view of Amy.
“Quit staring,” he said.
I blinked and looked up to see an amused grin on his face. “Sorry, what?”
He laughed at me. “Look, man, I know this is hard for you, but you need to make a decision. Just remember, there’s really only one decision to make.” He nodded towards Amy before walking out to go meet Devon.
I had two decisions. Either I tried this with Hannah, or I didn’t. Only one decision would get me back together with Amy if that was what was meant to be. I sighed.
I felt like a complete dick about it, but my decision was made.
i left work a little early for me. I was usually there until at least eight on a Friday, but I wanted to make sure I didn’t lose my nerve.
I had no idea what I was going to do or say really when I got there, but I drove my mom’s car to Hannah’s apartment and parked the car. Then I sat there, trying to convince myself this was the only course of action for me.
Finally getting the nerve to go out, I walked up the stairs to their door. I paused. I’d been here plenty of times, but it had actually been a while since I was here last. What if Hannah wasn’t home? What if she didn’t want to see me? I groaned, telling my mind to shut the fuck up for two seconds.
I knocked quietly, clapping my hand to my fist in front of me a few times as I waited. After what seemed to take forever, the door opened to a very shocked Erica. I started to say something, but she cut me off with a very hushed tone.
“What are you doing here?” She wasn’t angry, which was a relief, just surprised.
“I need to see her, Erica. Is she home?”
She chewed on the inside of her cheek in hesitation, but she nodded.
I breathed out a sigh of relief. “Can you do me a favor?”
She nodded.
I pulled my house keys out of my pocket and held them up. “Can I have some time alone with her? You can go to my house.”
Erica looked from my keys to me a few times. When she turned around, I thought she was going to slam the door in my face, but she grabbed her bag from beside the door and snatched my keys out of my hand with a grin.
“You owe me.”
I gave her a big smile as she went to walk by me. “Thank you.”
I started to walk into the apartment when she said, “I’m glad you’re here. I think she needs you right now, but she’s too stubborn and embarrassed to ask.”
I just nodded, and she walked away towards her car. I took a deep breath and walked in the apartment, shutting the door behind me.
I stood by the door, giving myself a few minutes to at least think about what I would say. I still had no idea. Taking a few steps inside, I realized I was more anxious than nervous about this than I thought. Since I didn’t see her anywhere in the main part of the apartment, I started off towards her bedroom.
I brought my hand up and knocked lightly on her closed door. I could hear her groan from inside. I knocked again.
“Go away, Erica. I’m fine.”
I could tell from the sound of her voice that she wasn’t fine.
I took a chance and turned her doorknob, walking slowly inside. She sighed loudly when she heard the door open. Erica must have been hovering a bit. She was laying on her bed with her back to me, curled into the fetal position under the covers. Even from the behind, I could see she looked broken.
I did that to her. Maybe not all of it, but I obviously hadn’t helped. My heart broke for her again.
“Hannah?”
She startled at my voice and lay completely still.
“Hannah?” I tried again.
She still didn’t respond at first. I could see her breathing deepen from where I stood. Finally, she sat up and turned to look at me with wide eyes, apparently shocked to see me. I couldn’t blame her. We hadn’t talked in two weeks.
“Hi.” I tried with a small smile.
“What are you doing here, Marcus?” Her voice sounded hopeful, and tears formed in her eyes.
My eyes were getting misty as well. I answered her and didn’t realize until that moment how true my answer really was.
“I came for you.”