it wasn’t surprising that alisha dropped her kids off the day before Christmas Eve. I was actually very glad they were going to spend Christmas with us, but I couldn’t help but be angry at her for not caring about spending time with them. Andrew could tell when Mommy didn’t want to be around them, and Natalie was getting at the age where she was starting to notice too. It pissed me off.
All I could do was make sure they had a great time and knew how loved they were. If it was the last thing I ever did, I’d give them that. They deserved the world.
Mom had met with the lawyer at the end of last week. Everything was underway for the adoption. Even temporary, it was the best for the kids. I didn’t understand the details of the entire ordeal, but from what I did understand, they would start the investigation after Christmas.
The major plus was that the kids would more than likely be placed with Mom for the duration of the investigation. Otherwise, they would have been placed in foster care until a decision was made. According to Mr. Brooks, Mom’s lawyer, he didn’t see an issue with her getting a twelve-month temporary custody. They just had to prove my sister’s drug use, get proof that she was an unfit mother and couldn’t provide for them or give them a decent place to live, and then work at getting her in a rehab program.
The biggest downfall was that unless she wanted to fight for her kids, they couldn’t make her enter rehab. I almost cried when he told us that. If she chose not to fight Mom, she would just be handing over her kids willingly so she could continue her lifestyle.
I had to believe she would at least fight for them.
I looked over at where they were sitting in the floor in front of the television, hot cocoa and cookies between them as they watched Rudolph and the Island of Misfit Toys, our own little tradition, and I couldn’t imagine someone not wanting them, especially the woman who gave birth to them.
“Who wants a refill?” I asked, hoping my voice sounded cheery.
“Me! Me!” Natalie squealed, holding up her mug, not even taking her gaze off the T.V..
I laughed, taking it from her before reaching for Andrew’s. “What about you, Squirt?”
“Maybe a little,” he whispered, handing me his mug as well.
I smiled and walked into the kitchen to refill them while Mom was finishing up her Christmas prep.
“When will Andrew learn that he doesn’t have to worry about what he eats or drinks?” I whispered, waiting for the water to boil on the stove.
“I don’t know, but it breaks my heart,” Mom replied, putting foil over the turkey to place in the refrigerator until tomorrow.
Andrew was old enough to know things he definitely shouldn’t like when his mom didn’t have enough money for food, Andrew was the one making sure Natalie had enough to eat even if it meant he didn’t get much if any at all. Alisha and whatever ‘friend’ she had over always had plenty, when they felt like eating anyway. I guess it just depended on what drug they were doing at the time.
He was also the one who made sure Natalie wasn’t around for some of the “bad things” as he called them. Alisha had been known to bring home abusive guys, thieves, the whole nine yards. Thank the Lord, they’d never laid a hand on either of the kids. That was probably more thanks to Andrew though.
He didn’t realize he’d been “tattling’ when he opened up to me recently. Mom and I knew things were bad, but we didn’t realize how terrible they were. Andrew was a kid who didn’t have a chance at being a kid. My mother would win this case, and I’d do everything in my power to make sure Andrew didn’t have to be a grown up until he really was a grown up.
When the water finally started boiling, I poured it into the mugs and added the cocoa. Mom brought over the ice tray after I mixed it up, and I added a cube to each to cool them down enough to drink before adding the marshmallows and a sprinkle of peppermint bits for Andrew even though he wouldn’t ask for them.
“I’m glad they’re here,” Mom said as I started for the living room.
I smiled at her from over my shoulder. “Me, too.”
“i wanna open that one!” Natalie points to the big green-and-white wrapped box in the back. She changed direction and now pointed to a silver one beside it. “No, that one!”
“That one is for Andrew.” I scooped her up in my arms bridal-style, leaning down pretending to eat her belly, loving the sound of her high-pitched giggle as it fills the room.
“Which one is mine?” she screamed in between giggles.
“I don’t know,” I say as I sit her down, out of breath from our play.
She giggles again and tugs on my hand. “Come on, Aunt Amy. Let’s go find one.”
Natalie starts looking through the gifts again, searching for her name. I sit down with Andrew, where he’s waiting patiently.
My mom comes into the room. “Remember, guys. Just one,” she tells them gently as she sits beside Andrew. “It’s not quite Christmas yet.”
“And Santa has to bring the rest,” Natalie reminded us.
“That’s right,” I say with a wink to Andrew, who grins shyly.
Andrew didn’t believe in Santa Claus anymore, but being the good big brother that he is, he continues to pretend for Natalie’s sake. Last year, he even helped me write a letter to her from Santa reminding her to be good after a particularly rough time.
I scoot closer to the tree and grab one of the presents for Andrew that was from my mom. I held it up to see if he wanted to open that one, and he nodded, trying to hide his smile. I handed it over to him and grabbed one for me that was from both Nat and Andrew and one for Mom from all three of us. Natalie was already dead set on the big one she’d found behind the tree with her name on it.
Mom and I pooled together to get her a sled because last year, apparently, a trash can lid just wouldn’t do even though she wasn’t quite big enough to ride Andrew’s by herself. It was a wooden sleigh, your stereotypical sled except hers was purple instead of red.
I sat back in front of the couch with my present in my lap and took a moment to watch them open theirs. Mom had gotten Andrew a new GameBoy. I’d tried to tell her we could buy a used one, but she insisted that she wanted to give him the best, and I couldn’t blame her.
He’d never really had anything for himself until he started staying with us. The first time he’d played a video game was PacMan on my phone. I caved and bought a used Xbox the next week. He needed to be a boy and play video games, just as long as he kept playing outside.
Seeing Andrew’s face when he opened it was priceless. He failed to hide how excited he was. He turned to look at me, and I held my hand out with a grin. He handed it over, and I took it out of the box for him and quickly set it up for him. I put in the game Mom got with it, Super Mario Bros, and handed it back. He started playing it immediately.
It took all of two minutes for him to put the game down and go to Mom to give her a hug. She cried hugging him back, and tears stung my eyes.
He let go, got his game, and sat down next to her, waiting for her to open her gift.
Natalie was struggling with her gift, mostly because it was behind the tree. She was having a hard time getting around to it, though she’d gotten some of the paper off.
I went over and pulled it out for her. It didn’t take long before the box of the sled was visible, and she squealed loudly from excitement.
“A sled! Just like Andrew’s!” She squatted, her little hands curled into fists and squealed again before standing straight and dancing around. We all lost it. If we would have videotaped her reaction, we could have sent it in to a home video show for a chance to win some money.
“We’ll take it out as soon as it snows, Nat. Then you can ride with Andrew, instead of taking turns.” I tell them.
She squealed again before running to me and throwing her arms around me, repeatedly yelling her thanks in my ear. I was still laughing when she repeated the same process with Mom before sitting on the other side of her, bouncing up and down on her knees.
“Your turn, Mam. Open it!” she said excitedly.
I’d taken the kids to the mall a few weeks ago to get their mam something special for Christmas. Natalie insisted that she needed that “thing that cooks all that stuff at once” she’d seen advertised on T.V. I had absolutely no idea what she was talking about so I had to persuade her that Mam would rather use her stove and oven. She was sad at first until we got to the jewelry store and picked out a ton of things well out of our price range. It wasn’t hard to get Natalie and Andrew on board with what I already had in mind.
When my mom opened the box, her gasp told me all I needed to hear. She pulled out the white gold bracelet that had little charms around it, one for Alisha, me, Andrew, and Natalie, our birthstones on one side and our birthdays on the other. It wasn’t the best. I had to go with the cheapest real one I found. I didn’t want to go with sterling silver when I could get her the real deal.
My mother deserved so much more than I could give her.
“Oh, my gosh…” She didn’t even get the words out before she started to tear up again.
“Do you like it, Mam? I picked it out!” I snorted at Natalie’s claim to the gift but Andrew’s huff didn’t go unnoticed.
“We all picked it out, didn’t we Nat?” I gave her a pointed look and she sighed and nodded before crawling into my mom’s lap.
“I love it. I really love it.” Mom wrapped her arms around both of them, holding them tightly.
Every time we were together, I realized that what we were doing was right. I hated to think of it as us taking them away from their mother. That wasn’t what we were doing. We wanted to give them a better life. To do that, yes, we had to get them away long enough for Alisha to get the help she needed.
“Mam, don’t cry. Here. I’ll help you.”
I chuckled at Natalie’s assumption that Mom was crying because she couldn’t get it on.
In the end, Andrew had to help too, but they eventually got in on Mom’s wrist. She looked over at me as Natalie played with the charms. Mom mouthed her thanks, tears silently streaming down her face.
I discreetly placed my box back under the tree. Watching all of them open their gifts was all I needed tonight. They were so wrapped up in theirs they didn’t even notice.
that night, i lay in my old room with Natalie curled up to one side and Andrew on the other. Mom had gotten them a queen-sized bed so we had room for the three of us. I’d tried sleeping on the couch, but Natalie was afraid I’d scare Santa away so here I was, pleasantly squished in between them.
I couldn’t sleep. It felt like the wheels in my head would catch fire from how fast they seemed to be turning. No matter what I did, I couldn’t turn my mind off. I kept thinking about everything the lawyer had told us and what that would mean for Mom. When the kids started school after winter break, she could get a regular schedule back at the store, but until then, she’d had to cut her hours so she could be home while I was working. She couldn’t afford to do that for too long, but I helped as much as I could.
My phone chimed, and I struggle to get it from the bedside table without waking Andrew. I had to blink a few times for my eyes to adjust to the sudden bright light of the screen when I unlocked it. It was Marcus.
Merry Christmas.
I frowned, looking at the time at the top right corner of my screen. Twelve thirteen. It was officially Christmas.
I didn’t want to think about why he was still awake or whether Hannah was awake. I didn’t really want to be thinking about Marcus right now either, but it was inevitable.
I sent him my reply and shut my phone off, not wanting to be tempted to strike up a conversation.
I’d done well today, had kept my thoughts of him at bay, but every once in a while they’d slip through. Whenever I was getting better, he’d do something as simple and as innocent as texting Merry Christmas, and I’d be right back at square one.
Damn him.
No. Damn me.