walking into work the next day was a chore. Not only was it weird walking without my boot, but I dreaded the conversation I was bound to have with Amy. I’d gone to see my doctor this morning before work, and after viewing the X-Rays, I was cleared to get that damn thing off. It was a relief even if I felt like my left leg was suddenly way too light. At least I’d been cleared to go back to my regular activities, granted I didn’t push too hard to fast. Without the boot on, I could finally forget about the car accident. Not that I’d really had a chance to dwell on it lately with all the drama, but still.
Seeing Amy at the front desk about stopped me in my tracks, but I just nodded and went straight to my office. I wasn’t sure what to say to her. Hannah and I had agreed not to tell anyone until after the appointment yesterday to confirm. Hannah had no idea I’d told Amy. Now, I just had to tell Chad.
I sat at my desk just as Amy was walking in my office. I wanted to smile. Really, I did. But I knew I wasn’t. I just hoped she could tell I wasn’t trying to be awkward, but I had no idea how to act.
“Congratulations,” she said quietly.
This was weird. I shouldn’t have told her. What had I been thinking?
“Uh, thanks.” I took a deep breath, running my fingers through my hair and randomly realizing I needed a haircut. “I’m really sorry for just spilling that to you the other night.”
“No, it’s okay,” she said, but she shifted nervously between her feet.
I thought telling her would help us both approach this friend thing a little better. I was wrong. Seeing Amy only confirmed that I still had feelings for her. As if those feelings would vanish because of a baby. I wished they would have. I had other things to focus on right now.
“I was in shock, and I just needed to tell someone right then.” I was rambling.
“Marcus, you don’t have to worry. I understand.” She sat in the chair across from my desk. “I’m glad you told me, and I didn’t just hear it around.”
“I wouldn’t let that happen, Amy. You deserve to hear it from me,” I said with a small smile.
“Yeah.” She looked down at her hands for a moment before looking back up at me, a new determination in her eyes. “Are you excited?”
All the awkwardness aside, I could talk about this with her. Amy was sweet and understanding and wouldn’t make this harder than it needed to be for us. Our lives were changing, and we both knew it.
“Yeah, actually.” I smiled wide, lacing my fingers over my head as I leaned back in my seat. “I mean, the timing nor the situation aren’t really ideal, but I am excited. Nervous, though.”
“That’s just because it’s new.” She smiled back, a real smile.
I knew she was happy for me in a way, but I could also tell she was upset at the same time. It killed me because I was feeling the exact same way. I just didn’t know how to say it.
“Yeah, and sudden.” I shook my head, chuckling a bit. “When Hannah told me, she was freaking out so badly I thought she had cheated on me. Kept saying she knew I’d leave her.”
She frowned at that. “That’s not you, though. You’d never abandon your child.”
I hated and I loved that she knew me well enough to say that with confidence.
“You’re right, but with everything that’s happened recently, I guess I can see her worry.”
“Yeah.” She bit her lip.
I tried not to stare, but I couldn’t help it. She must have realized where my eyes were and immediately pulled her lip from her teeth.
“So, how far along is she?” she asked.
“Uh…” I shook my head subtly, getting my mind back on track. “About four weeks, they said yesterday. She goes back on the twenty ninth for the first ultrasound.”
In four weeks, I’d be able to see my baby. I’d be able to hear his or her heartbeat. I’d be able to know exactly how big he or she is and have a better estimate on when they’d be here.
Sure, I was nervous. I was anxious about finances. I was worried about Hannah and I being able to keep our relationship going for the right reasons when we were still so new. I was worried about how my life was going to change. I was worried about the possible complications I’d tortured myself with by trolling the internet the past two days.
But I was also happy. I always knew I was going to be a dad one day. It was just coming sooner than I expected.
“That’s great, Marcus. Really it is.” She smiled.
I smiled back. “Thank you. It really means a lot to me that you think so.”
She nodded and clapped her hands on the arm of the chair. “Well, I better get back before people start showing up.” She stood.
I did the same. “Yeah.” I put my hands in my pockets, watching her turn to leave my office. “Oh, hey. If you see Chad, can you make sure he finds me as soon as he gets here? Don’t even let him up the stairs because once he’s with Devon, I’ve lost him.”
She laughed. “Sure thing.” She turned back to the door.
I came around the desk. “Amy?”
When she turned around, I walked right over to her and impulsively wrapped my arms around her shoulders. She tensed at first, and I couldn’t blame her. I probably shouldn’t be hugging her, but I couldn’t bring myself to stop. When I thought I’d just made things worse for us, her arms came around my waist. She was really hugging me back.
I dipped my head down, pressing the side of my head against hers, amazed at how well she still fit in my arms. She was taller than Hannah, and we were a little more proportional. Like we were made for each other. But that was impossible now, wasn’t it? This couldn’t really continue, and I needed a goodbye. A goodbye to us, not to our friendship.
“Thank you for being my friend,” I said.
It was lame and corny, but it was the truth. Besides, I didn’t really have another excuse for hugging her. I just wanted to touch her, no matter how wrong it was.
“Thank you, too,” she replied.
I let her pull away.
She looked up at me for what seemed like forever before she smiled. I expected her to leave right away, but she just stood there. It wasn’t exactly awkward, but I had a feeling she had something more to say.
“You’re bootless,” she said quietly, looking down at my leg with a quiet laugh.
I couldn’t help but laugh with her. “Yeah, I am.”
“Good. It wasn’t really your color,” she said with a smirk as she looked back up at me, making me laugh a little more.
Her smirk turned to a smile, and I returned it. She left me standing in my doorway, leaning against the frame. I watched her for a moment, still grinning.
We’d be okay. It would take time, but we were both adults. We could do this.
telling chad was hard. i wasn’t sure how he’d take it. He was so hot and cold about how he felt about Hannah and me to begin with. Not that he hated the idea of us. More like he wanted me to choose and get it over with. He didn’t want me stuck between two girls any more than I did.
“She’s what!” He stared at me with wide eyes. The towel he’d been running over his face fell from his hands.
It was late, and there weren’t many people still at the gym so I decided to meet up with Chad for a workout, one where I could finally run again. We hadn’t had a ton of time together lately because of our girls, but that was okay.
“Yep.” I nodded as I started to change out of my sweaty gym clothes.
“What the fuck? How did that happen?” He was so shocked I couldn’t even tell if he was happy or mad about it yet.
“Well, Chad, when two people—”
“Shut up. That’s not what I meant!”
I still chuckled a little. “Apparently, the pill isn’t foolproof, or so Hannah keeps reminding me.” I pulled a clean shirt over my head.
“How are you so calm about all of this?” He was quiet now. He actually sounded disappointed, which is something I really couldn’t handle right now.
“What else am I supposed to be? It happened. There’s nothing I can do about it now.” I shoved my dirty clothes in my bag. “There’s no sense in worrying about something I have no control over. I’m actually kind of excited.”
He blinked. And then again. “Man, I’m sorry for being a prick. I’m just a little shocked.”
I chuckled again but his expression didn’t change. “You are being a prick, but I forgive you. It’s a lot to take in.” Throwing my bag over my shoulder, I raised my brows. “Are you gonna change?”
“Oh, right.” He swapped out of his dirty clothes, threw them in his bag, and met me by the front door.
“Hannah’s excited. She wants a girl,” I said as we walked out of the locker room together.
“You want a boy?” he asked, still not seeming to be too interested yet.
“Yeah, but I’ll take whatever comes out healthy.”
I’d already locked up my office. We walked out of the building and towards our cars. Chad was watching his feet as we walked.
“You seem to be taking this harder than I did at first, Chad.”
He looked over at me as we reached our cars and turned to lean against his hood. I followed suit.
“I don’t know how to feel about it,” he admitted, shrugging his shoulders. “You don’t think she planned this, do you?”
I glared at him. At least he had the decency to look contrite. This wasn’t like him. He knew Hannah better than that.
“What the fuck, man? How could you ever think that about Hannah?”
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it. It’s just…” He avoided my gaze.
I sighed loudly, drumming my fingers on his car. “Amy is taking this better than you are, you know.”
His head whipped around, his eyebrows raised. “Amy knows?”
I nodded. “I told her after Hannah told me.”
If Chad was upset that I didn’t tell him first, he didn’t show it. He just nodded, lost in thought.
“That’s surprising. That she’s okay with it, I mean,” he finally said.
“I don’t know if I would say okay, but she’s taking it better than I’d have given her credit for.”
“She has a right to know. I’m glad you told her. You’re a bigger man than I’d have been.”
That really wasn’t true. Chad would have done anything to do the right thing in this situation.
“That’s why I was so upset,” he added after a few minutes. He shrugged. “Amy is my friend too. I never wanted this for either of you.”
I nodded, understanding that he meant the whole situation and not the baby exactly. It made me admire Chad a little more. He was a good man through and through. When I had my head stuck up my ass, I could count on Chad to put me in my place and make sure Amy was okay.
Making sure Amy was okay was all I’d ever wanted. Wasn’t it?