“two weeks? and you didn’t tell me?” My mother’s distressed voice came through the phone. She made it sound like the end of the world that I hadn’t told her about Hannah until now. My mother and I had always been very close so in a way it was.
“I wasn’t even sure it was going to work out.” My glasses were off, and I rubbed my eye with the heel of my palm.
“Is she why you and Amy broke up? Tell me the truth.”
Fuck. This was not the conversation I wanted to have with my mother.
I seriously grew up thinking my mother had super powers because I could never get away with anything, no matter how good my lie was. She loved Hannah, but she and my father had never really seen us together.
“Maybe?” I answered with a grimace she couldn’t see.
She sighed.
“Mom, this was the right thing to do.”
“So, you hurt Amy to make Hannah happy?”
She always had a way of twisting my words and making complete sense at the same time.
“No, Mom. That’s not what I was doing.”
“I just don’t understand, Marcus.”
I’d told mom that Amy and I had broken up, but I didn’t give her any details. I just left it simple. Mom was upset, and Dad was a little disappointed, but when I told them it was better for the two of us, they’d left well enough alone. Now, of course, Mom wanted more answers. I just wasn’t sure I wanted to give them to her.
“I’m sorry, Mom. I know you liked Amy. But we’re still friends. Everything is all right.”
She made a noise that closely resembled a grunt. But it was not a grunt. My mother didn’t grunt. Ask her yourself.
“And you’re happy with Hannah?” she asked.
I swore sometimes, she could read me even better through the phone sometimes.
“Of course, Mom. I’ve wanted this for a long time.”
I didn’t lie. Just because Hannah had taken on a bit of a clingy streak didn’t mean I wasn’t happy. It was a bump in the road I was sure we could get over. No reason to alarm my mother or, rather, further alarm her.
“Are you bringing her to Christmas dinner?”
I put my glasses back on and sat back in my chair. I had actually forgotten about going to Tennessee for Christmas. I had planned on taking Amy. I was going to ask her after we spent Thanksgiving at her mom’s. Fuck.
Yesterday had gone considerably well. Hannah and I had fun with our friends for our little Thanksgiving dinner, and I didn’t give myself much time to think about missing Amy’s dinner with her mom and probably her niece and nephew. I’d been looking forward to that dinner too, but ours was good. Great, even. Not to mention, Hannah and I spent the whole day together, and I didn’t feel smothered. She even went home last night to stay. I was impressed.
“I was planning on it. Is that okay?” I asked.
“Of course, it’s okay, Marcus. We love Hannah. I just wanted to make sure.”
After apologizing again and getting another mini lecture on keeping my mother up on things, we said our goodbyes. I sighed, hung up, and put my phone back in my pocket. My mother was truly something else.
I sat in the recliner, trying not to think too much. It seemed to make me second-guess everything. I had half a mind to call Hannah, just to see what she was doing, but as bad as it sounded, I didn’t want to rock the boat. Her staying at her place last night and not calling me the second she woke up was a good thing. I just needed her to see that.
There was no reason I couldn’t tell her what I was thinking when it came to spending too much time together. I could break it to her in a nice way and avoid hurting her feelings. At least, I hoped I could.
As I walked into the kitchen, I almost texted Hannah. If I was being honest, I was actually missing her, something she hadn’t given me a chance to feel in the two weeks we’d been together. I was looking forward to her coming over tonight if she still planned on it.
Instead, I opened a new message to Amy. I knew I probably shouldn’t, but I wanted to ask her about her holiday and see how her mom and the kids were. We were trying to be friends. There would be no hidden meaning anywhere in my message.
Hope you had a good Thanksgiving.
I sat my phone on the counter and opened the fridge. Call me weird, but I loved leftovers. I could eat every meal like this and be perfectly content. Especially after a holiday.
I grabbed the foil-covered chicken from yesterday and the bowl of stuffing and set them on the counter when my phone vibrated beside me. I grinned when I saw it was from Amy. See, this friend thing would work out.
I did. Mom and I had the kids, but it was fun. Did you? she texted.
Yeah, I did. We had Chad and Erica over and kept it small.
Sounds like fun, she texted.
I hesitated, not really sure how to reply. Was that her way of ending the conversation?
My phone vibrated again.
Mom got me an apartment on the other side of town.
It was almost like an afterthought. Like she wasn’t sure she wanted to say it or not and then just blurted it out.
That’s great! You excited? I asked.
Yeah. I moved some things in today.
I’m glad. You deserve your own place.
I laid my phone back down for a moment, unwrapped my chicken, and tore off a piece before popping it in my mouth. Amy had gone from living with her ex, to pretty much being abandoned in that apartment, to living with her mom and now her sister’s two kids. She was never alone in a good way. This would be good for her.
I looked down when I felt the next message come through, just as my front door opened. I had just enough time to read Amy’s thanks before I turned to see Hannah walking through the door. I grinned.
“Hey, I was just eating some leftovers. Want some?” I popped another piece of chicken in my mouth.
“No, I’m good,” she replied quietly.
I leaned on the counter to look at her. Something was wrong. She was chewing on the inside of her cheek, a clear sign of nervousness, and she couldn’t keep her eyes on me. She kept looking around, not focusing on anything. Not to mention, she looked a little pale.
“Hannah, are you okay? You look sick.” I could have kicked myself. I didn’t mean to sound insulting. “I didn’t mean—”
“No, it’s okay,” she cut me off with a small smile. “I know what you meant.” She took a deep breath and turned towards the living room. “Can we sit? Talk for a minute?”
I blinked but nodded and followed her to the couch.
When we sat down, I couldn’t keep the frown from my face. Hannah looked worried and was still chewing on the inside of her cheek and wringing her hands in her lap. My stomach was suddenly in knots. Maybe things weren’t going as well as I’d thought. Maybe she’d picked up on my wanting space and was taking it a step further. I felt sick with the possibilities.
“Hannah?”
She still didn’t look up at me. She was going to break up with me. I knew it.
“Hannah, please talk to me. You’re worrying me.”
Without warning, she started to sob. “Marcus, I’m so sorry! I don’t know how this could have happened!” She buried her face in my neck, clutching my shirt in her fists.
My heart stopped. What the hell could she be talking about? If I didn’t know better, from the way she was talking, I’d have thought she cheated on me. After everything that she’s been through, I knew that was impossible.
“Hannah, shh, it’s okay. Just talk to me.” I gently held onto her shoulders and pulled so I could see her face. Her eyes and face were red from crying, and she was struggling to catch her breath. “Calm down, babe, and just talk to me.”
“I…I don’t know how,” she choked out. She tried to hide her face again, but I wouldn’t let her. “You’re going to hate me.”
I wanted Hannah to be okay. I never wanted her to be upset, but I couldn’t shake the feeling that I’d just been fucked.
“You’re really starting to worry me. You have to tell me, Hannah.” I lifted her chin with my finger and looked right into her red-rimmed eyes. “Please.”
She spoke, but it was so soft I barely heard her. I frowned and leaned a little closer so I could hear her, but I prayed I’d heard her wrong the first time.
“I’m pregnant,” she whispered again, just a little louder than before.
My entire world stopped.
i didn’t pass out, but I might as well had. I was blank. It was the only way to describe the way I was feeling. Hannah was snapping her fingers in front of my face and occasionally tapping my cheek, but I didn’t really hear or feel it.
Hannah was pregnant? How in the hell did that happen? Fuck. How the fuck did I let this happen?
I groaned in realization. That first night we got together, when we just jumped into bed, I didn’t use protection. How stupid could I fucking get? I was always prepared, but I hadn’t gone over there with the intent on sleeping with her. I’d just wanted to talk. One thing had led to another, and we’d slept together.
“I thought you were on the pill?” I finally found my voice. I didn’t mean to make it sound like I was accusing her of this. It wasn’t her fault.
“I am.”
I blinked, shaking my head. “Then how did this happen?” I whispered.
She took a minute to sob again, and I didn’t have the strength to try and comfort her just yet.
I was an ass.
“I don’t know. The pill isn’t foolproof, apparently.” She wiped her eyes and looked up at me pleadingly. “Please don’t be mad, Marcus. I didn’t plan this. You know that, right?”
I took a deep breath and nodded. “I know.” I brought my arms up and wrapped them around her, pulling her to me.
It wasn’t Hannah’s fault. I was wrong to act so detached. I was in shock and didn’t know how to handle it. That was no excuse. I wasn’t the only one going through this, and I needed to remember that.
“What do we do?” she asked into my shirt, making me sigh again.
“I don’t know.” I rubbed her back and kissed the top of her head. “But we’ll figure it out.”
She gasped and looked up at me. “You’re okay with this?”
I chuckled nervously and shrugged. “I wouldn’t say I’m perfectly fine with it, but it happened, there isn’t much we can do now. I’m just a little shocked.”
“You’re not going to leave me?” she asked, her eyes tearing up again.
“No, Hannah.” I brushed her tears away with my thumb. “What kind of a jackass do you think I am?” I gave her a small smile. “We’re in this together. We can do this together.”
“Oh, Marcus,” she cried. As she clung to me, I wrapped my arms around her, kissing the top of her head again. “I love you.”
I took a deep breath and let it out, rubbing her back gently as my mind went about a mile a minute. “I love you, too.”