“these hormones suck. like, seriously,” I complained to Erica as we sat on Marcus’ couch, eating pickles and peanut butter. Okay, I was eating pickles and peanut butter. Erica was sticking to the potato chips she was dunking in frosting, and yet, she was giving me a disgusted look.
“Well, on the plus side, your boobs are a little bigger, I think.” She laughed and nodded towards my chest, causing me to look down.
“Really?” That was a plus. I’d always had a small chest. “Small silver lining when I can’t decide whether I’m pissed off or sad about things. It’s ridiculous.” I sighed. “I don’t know how Marcus is going to put up with me for seven and a half more months.”
“Hannah, he’s dealt with you your whole life. He’s not gonna stop now,” she said. She popped a chip in her mouth, and I smiled at her words. “Besides, you’re really not much more emotional than normal if it makes you feel any better.”
The smile fell from my face. “Bitch,” I muttered, dipping my pickle back in the jar of peanut butter.
“I’m just saying.” She was smirking, but I couldn’t tell if she was kidding or not.
“And I’m just saying that you’re a bitch.”
She flipped me off, and I laughed. Just like that, I wasn’t angry or upset anymore. I was sure that had more to do with Erica than the hormones, but I couldn’t be sure.
“So, you’ve practically moved yourself in here now, haven’t you?” she asked.
If I was anyone else, I might not have seen the hurt in her eyes, but it was gone before I could even acknowledge it, really.
“Kinda, yeah.”
“Mark is okay with that?” When I frowned , she added quickly, “I just meant, I know how you’ve been worried he wanted space. I was just asking if that was resolved, I guess.”
“Oh. Yeah, I think so.” I chewed on the inside of my cheek and shrugged. “I don’t know. Ever since he found out about the baby, after the initial shock, that is, he’s been great. Not that he wasn’t before, but still,” I said with a smile, sighing contently.
“You’re going to say something that’s gonna make me gag, aren’t you?”
“You know, he talks to the baby every night before we go to sleep.” I smiled wide and laughed when she rolled her eyes. She thought it was cute too. This wasn’t the first conversation we’d had about it.
“Yeah, I think you’ve told me that one before.” She winked. “Hey, I’ve always heard sex is better when you’re knocked up. Is that true?”
Erica and I had always had a great friendship, one where we could talk about anything. And we did. I couldn’t believe how relieved I was to have her ask. I’d been dying to bring it up, but I knew I’d been talking her ear off about mine and Marcus’ sex life since we got together.
“God, E. I’m so freaking horny all the time. Another reason to hate these hormones.”
She frowned. “I’m failing to see why you’d hate your hormones when you have a guy like Mark sleeping next to you every night.”
It didn’t bother me to hear Erica comment on Marcus’ looks like it would if someone else had. The jealousy wasn’t there when it came to her. Thank goodness because she reminded me how hot he was a lot.
“That’s the problem.” I sighed. “He sleeps.”
“He just not into it, or…” She frowned in sympathy for me.
“I don’t know. Everything else just seems so perfect. I don’t really want to question it.” I shrugged. “But I’m ready for it. All the time. And I’d like to have a good sex life before I look like a blimp.”
I was already starting to show. Or at least that’s what it looked like. It was really too early, but I had an itty bitty baby bump. That’s what I called it, anyways. It was more than likely just bloating and my body changing with the surge of hormones, but I was worried about the way Marcus would see me when I was huge.
“Mark loves you. He’s not going to be less attracted to you when you’re big. It’s not like you’re letting yourself go. You’re having a baby.”
“I know, but I already feel like I’m getting fat.”
She glared at me. “You’re not going to be fat. You’re growing a human.” She smirked. “Hell of a super power, if you ask me.”
Erica could always make me smile. She was good at finding the good in things even when I was being a pessimist from hell.
“Do you know what I’d worry about if it were me?” she asked. “I’d be worried about if or when I no longer wanted it.” She raised her eyebrows suggestively.
I laughed. “If he already doesn’t want it, then wouldn’t that be a Godsend?” I tried keeping my tone light, but it was still bothering me.
“You gotta make him want it,” she said with a wink.
“Make me want what?” Marcus asked, making us both jump.
I looked over to see he was leaning over the couch to eye us like we’d been up to something. Which we had been, but he didn’t need to know what.
“I think that’s my cue to go,” Erica said with a laugh. She gathered her snacks and took them to the kitchen.
Marcus watched her with a disgusted look on his face. “Chips and frosting?” He turned back to look at me. “Are we sure she’s not the pregnant one?”
“Ha ha. Funny, Mark.” She smirked at him before winking at me. “Catch you guys later.”
When the front door closed behind her, Marcus slid over the back of the couch to sit next to me. His hands went to my stomach, which was always the first thing he did in greeting.
“So, what were you guys talking about?” He grinned at my stomach before looking at my pickles and peanut butter with the same disgusted look he’d given Erica. He was wise enough not to comment though.
“It’s nothing,” I said quietly, looking down at where he hand laid on my stomach, covering it with mine.
“What do you want me to know, Hannah?”
I looked up at him, his gaze still on my stomach and the smile on his face. He sounded annoying, but maybe it was just my imagination.
“Do you still want me?” I blurted the question out before I could stop myself.
He looked at me then, and I was happy to see shock in his eyes. “What? Why would you ask me that?”
“I don’t know.” I looked down for a minute, just staring at our hands. “We haven’t had sex in over a week.”
I knew I sounded petty and I refused to look at him. He probably thought I was petty too, and I didn’t want to see it on his face.
“Hannah.” He sighed, and my stomach twisted because I just knew he was trying to think of a way to tell me he didn’t want sex. “That isn’t because I don’t want to be with you, that I don’t want you.”
When I still didn’t look up, he used his free hand to place under my chin and turn my head to look at him.
“Then what is it?” I whispered, sure I didn’t want to know the answer.
“I…” He blinked like he didn’t know what to say. That was only making it worse. “It’s not you. I swear.” He bit his lip, looking away briefly. “It’s the baby.”
“What?” I blinked over at him, not sure what he meant by that.
“I don’t want to, you know…hurt it.”
I blinked again, before chuckling lightly.
“Marcus. You’re not going to hurt the baby. I promise. It’s perfectly safe to continue with our sex life.”
“Are you sure?”
I gave him a look, and he laughed.
He knew how sexually frustrated I’d been, but instead of telling me why he wasn’t taking care of me in that way, he’d pretended to be too tired or pretended to not notice my hints. I flicked his arm, but he didn’t stop laughing.
“I’m sorry, Hannah,” he said when he finally caught his breath. “I really had no idea.”
“I need our sex life, Marcus.” I glared at him when it looked like he might laugh again.
“This is a weird conversation, isn’t it?”
“I don’t care. My body is not my own right now. It’s been demanding sex, and I haven’t been able to satisfy that need.” I said it all in a rush, knowing that if I didn’t, I wouldn’t have the balls to finish my thought.
“Hannah,” Marcus said, his voice suddenly thick with lust.
Thank God. He still wanted me. I could see it in his eyes. Hear it in his voice.
Without replying, I wrapped my arms around his neck, pressing myself to him, my lips finding his. We devoured each other. It was as if we wouldn’t survive without having each other right now. My body was about to explode without even touching because I was already so worked up.
Without any words, Marcus lifted me from the couch and took me to the bedroom where I knew he would satisfy my needs. At least for now.
i laid back on the bed, listening to Marcus murmur against my stomach as he trailed kisses down my body. It was like a private conversation between him and his child so I kept my head on the pillows so I wouldn’t intrude. It didn’t stay there for long.
I gasped and lifted my head when I felt his tongue against me, my clit still sensitive from my climax just moments ago. He wrapped his lips around my swollen clit, and I arched off the bed. The feel of his warm mouth on me was enough to make me almost come again, but it wasn’t until he moved just a little lower and thrust his tongue inside me, his nose rubbing against where his tongue had just been, that I came again, crying out his name.
When I came back down, I moaned softly when he kissed my inner thighs before coming back to rest his head on my stomach and continuing his conversation like he hadn’t just taken a break to make me come on his mouth.
That was how it had been for the last hour.
When Marcus brought me to bed, he made sure to show me just how much he still wanted me. After having sex the first time, he laid on my stomach to bond with our child for a little bit before pleasing me yet again by burying his face between my legs. And then he started the cycle.
I was out of breath, and my legs felt like Jell-O. There was no way I was getting out of bed any time soon, and by the way I could feel Marcus’ heavy breath on my belly, I didn’t think he would be either.
“Come here,” I said to him, holding my hand out.
He took it and crawled up and over my body to lie beside me on the bed. He was still gloriously naked. I was too until he pulled the sheet up over my lower half. He didn’t cover himself up, for which I was grateful. I loved looking at him. Especially after sex.
“Do you still have doubts that I want you?” he asked, running his fingers through my messy red hair.
“No.” I blushed a little. “Thank you.”
He smiled, laying his head down on the pillow. “What made you think that? Besides the fact that we hadn’t had a lot of sex lately?”
I took a deep breath, trying to think about how to approach this.
I could tell him the truth, but I knew how whiny the truth sounded. I didn’t want to annoy him, especially after making so much progress about the news of our baby.
But I couldn’t lie to him. He wouldn’t lie to me.
“I don’t know. You just seemed to be trying to distance yourself from me lately.”
He frowned, his hand pausing in my hair, and I suddenly wished I hadn’t said anything.
“I’m sorry I made you feel like that.” He moved his hand from my hair and rolled onto his back, his arms behind his head. “It wasn’t that I didn’t want to be with you, Hannah. It’s just that…we jumped so suddenly into our relationship I needed a slow down.”
I let out a breath. It wasn’t really me? Well, it was, but not the way I was thinking? Or was it?
“So, I was smothering you, wasn’t I?”
He turned to look at me with a sigh. “Yes and no.”
My head fell at his words, but his finger was there, under my chin, to lift it back up.
“Like I said, it was such a sudden transition, I needed time to adapt. That’s all.”
“But you still wanted to be with me? Still want to be with me? Right?”
“Of course. We’re going to have a baby.”
His words should have comforted me, but instead, they stung. Maybe it was my stupid hormones, but I didn’t fail to notice that he mentioned the baby like it was the only reason he was still here. What if he was? I knew Marcus well enough to know he’d want to do the right thing. He might have convinced himself he wanted to be with me for the sake of the baby and not even realize he’d done it.
I didn’t want to talk about it anymore. Instead, I just leaned into him and laid my head on his chest. His arms came around me, holding me to him. Even with the stupid doubts in my head, I still felt comforted in his arms. This was where I always wanted to be. That would never change.
“Can we just talk?” I asked him, running my finger lightly over his chest.
His chest rumbled with a chuckle. “Sure. About what?”
“I don’t know. Anything. Tell me something I don’t know.”
He laughed now, making me giggle a little too. “Hannah, you know more about me than anyone.”
He started to play with my hair. I loved that he remembered that it was a comfort for me when I was a little girl.
“Okay, then let’s play twenty questions,” I said, and he laughed again.
“Fine. You start.”
“All right, do you want a boy or a girl?”
His hand stilled in my hair. I already knew the answer.
“Boy. Are you nervous to tell my parents about the baby?” he asked.
I glared at him. He already knew that answer as well. “We’re not very good at this game.”
We both laughed.
“Fine.” He cleared his throat. “How many guys have you slept with?”
I looked up at him with wide eyes, blinking in shock. “Marcus…”
“Just answer the question.” He grinned to reassure me. “This is supposed to be about learning about one another, right?”
He had a point.
“All right.” I laid my head down on his chest again so I wouldn’t have to look at him. If we were going to ask these kinds of questions, I didn’t want to see his face. “Four.”
“Who were they?”
I couldn’t tell if he was shocked or angry.
“Nope. My turn.” Maybe this wasn’t a bad idea. We should be able to talk openly about these things. “Okay, how long had you gone without sex before Amy?” I cringed saying her name and hoped he wouldn’t notice.
After a minute, I was convinced he didn’t want to answer, but then he cleared his throat again. Apparently, he was cautious about this one.
“A month.”
I looked up. A month? He hadn’t been dating anyone. It had been like two years or something since he was in a relationship.
He sighed, laying his head back on the pillow. Yeah, he definitely didn’t like answering that one.
“Remember Sondra?” he asked.
I rolled my eyes. Of course, I did. I remembered everyone he ever dated. She was one I tolerated a little more than the others, probably because everyone had a feeling they’d been better off as friends.
“She and I…kept hanging out. After we broke up.”
“Hanging out?” I didn’t really want the confirmation, but I couldn’t stop myself from asking. “Like hooking up?”
He nodded.
I was shocked. I’d never known Marcus to just have casual sex. I couldn’t help but feel jealous at the same time. I just couldn’t believe it.
I laid my head back down so he wouldn’t have to keep avoiding my eyes, and the game continued as I tried to hide my reaction from that particular question. This was a good idea, apparently. We needed to get to know these things about one another.