HOLLY WAS OFF FOR THE ENTIRE DAY, but when five o’clock came around, she was back at Downsend. She was on night shift the entire week. Hopefully, she wouldn’t see Jake. At all.

After changing into her scrubs and putting her white doctor’s coat on over them, she found Oliver with Aggie.

“Have you seen him yet?” he asked.

“Who?” 

“Tyler, who else?”

“No, I think he’s still in the ICU,” she said.

“You haven’t been to him yet?”

“I’ve got other patients, too, Ollie.” She smiled. “I’ll go and see him as soon as I’m done.”

“Aggie, have you seen Dr. Peters anywhere?” Ollie asked. 

What was with him and all his fucking questions?

“He left an hour ago. He’s a busy doctor, Ollie.”

“You can say that again.” His tone had a tinge of sarcasm.

“Say what?”

“Nothing.” He sauntered away, leaving Holly and Aggie frowning after him.

Aggie shook her head.

“What’s his problem today?”

“Well, if truth be told, it’s not any different from the way you’ve treated Dr. Peters. Like crap, I might add.”

“What? I don’t treat him like crap. He’s just not all moon, sun, and stars when he walks in here, that’s all.”

Aggie burst out laughing. “Admit it, though. You were rude to him a couple times, Holly.”

“I said I’d apologize, Aggs. I’ve just not had the time. And it’s not the end of the world.” Turning on her heel, she headed off to do her rounds.

A while later, she found Rod talking to Aggie at reception. Holly did a double take just in case she was seeing wrong. “Hey, what are you doing here?”

“Hey, Holls.” He gave her a hug. “It feels as if I haven’t seen you in ages. I came to check up on Tyler Benson.”

“That’s awesome. He’s in the ICU. Come, I’ll take you,” she offered. “He really trusts you, doesn’t he?” Holly didn’t ask why he was here instead of Jake.

“He does, but he’s been in a fucking bad mood for the past two days.”

“Oh. Why?”

Rod shrugged, clearly not knowing the answer to that. Strange. Jake hadn’t been in a bad mood when she’d last seen him.

“I hope this kid makes it. That was one hell of a tumor, Holls. He filled me in on it. It’s the first one he’s managed to remove as much as seventy percent. Ty was the perfect candidate. I just wish I’d been here to see him do it,” Rod said, his voice filled with admiration.

“Really?” she asked.

“Yup. Never thought he would do it, but guess TBG has lived up to his name.”

Holly giggled as they entered the ICU. Mavis and George were sitting with their son. They smiled as Holly and Rod entered.

“Hi, I’m Dr. Ballucio, sent by Dr. Peters to check on how Ty’s doing.” Rod shook their hands.

Smiling at Mavis, Holly said, “This is the guy you should thank.”

Mavis couldn’t contain herself; she flung her arms around his neck. Rod allowed the hug, stroking her back gently. “Really, I’m not the one you should thank. Holly did all the work.” Mavis let go and stepped back, smiling.

“Rod, I told her the other day it was you, so just soak it up.”

He chuckled, going over to Ty to check his pupils.

“What are you looking for?” Holly asked.

“I thought you weren’t into yucky brains,” Rod teased.

“Humor me,” she said.

“Jake made me look at what felt like a million scans. I have to report back to him on Ty’s vitals and progress. But he needs time to recover. We’ll only know whether the operation was a success or not when he wakes up.”

George and Mavis shook his hand again and thanked him. Holly walked him out.

“Thanks Rod. You don’t know how much that meant to me.”

“Holly, it wasn’t me, okay? Jake saw it as getting more experience. He doesn’t get many patients like Ty, so you should really thank him.”

“Still, if not for you, he’d never have taken a look at the file.”

“I know you think he’s made of ice—cold and hard—but he’s not like that at all, Holly. He’s actually a nice guy.”

“Yeah, whatever. Enjoy your day, Dr. Ballucio.”

“The way you said that was so sweet. Music to my ears.”

Holly burst out laughing, hugging him goodbye. She watched him leave. Rod returned twice a day to make sure that Ty was doing all right and then left with a quick goodbye each time. He once drank a quick cup of Holly’s coffee before he went, but not before he wooed all the nurses with his charm and beautiful blue eyes. Even Teresse melted.

“We can see who is rubbing off on you, Dr. Ballucio,” Aggie stated.

“Good, as long as it’s not the only thing that is rubbing off on me.”

That comment had everyone laughing.

On day five, Holly checked in on Ty, taking coffee for George and Mavis. As she was handing each their cup, Ty opened his eyes and mumbling sounds came from his lips. The mumbling soon turned into agonizing, heart-wrenching screams.

Reacting immediately, Holly shouted for a nurse to phone Jake and page Ollie.

Within minutes Ollie rushed into the ICU, first checking Ty’s eyes. It was evident by the look on Ollie’s face that this wasn’t normal.

“I’ve never seen anything like this. It’s not normal.”

The panic Ty’s parents felt was evident on their faces and in George’s tone. “Where is Dr. Peters? He needs to be here.”

Ty screamed again—a sound she’d never heard. And as frustrating and scary as it was, there was nothing she could do for him. A horrible feeling emerged within her gut.

Finally, Jake rushed into the ICU. “Move!” he shouted, pulling Ollie out of the way. He looked into Ty’s eyes. “I know it hurts, okay? Bear with me,” Jake spoke gently.

“My head…” Ty moaned, finally making a sound other than excruciating screams.

“I know,” Jake placated him. Turning, he shot orders at the nurses. They moved so fast, one would swear they’d hadn’t been in the room at all.

“I’ve never seen anything like that, Jake,” Ollie said.

“Of course, you haven’t. Now leave.” Jake was brusque. 

Shaking her head, Holly accompanied Ollie out, too.

Once out of the room, it was clear Ollie was fuming. “He thinks he’s God, just because he takes risks others don’t.”

“Calm down, Ollie.”

“I’ve never seen anything like it, Holly,” he whispered, but his words dripped with emotion. “In all my years as a doctor, not once.”

Ty had been screaming the whole time they stood outside his room. Eventually, thankfully, it stopped. A few minutes later, Jake walked out.

“Who paged you?” he demanded, inches from Ollie’s face. “You had no right to be in there.”

“Dr. Peters, Ty was in pain. I had him paged,” said Holly.

He whipped his head around to glare at her. “Don’t ever do that again. He is my patient.”

She was on the cusp of reminding him that he was fifteen minutes away, but Ollie cut in. “What happened in there is not normal, Jake, and you know it.”

“Agreed. It’s not normal for your typical tumor, but life-threatening tumors are a different story. If you had the gumption to operate, Oliver, you would’ve learned that there are a number of different types,” he spat condescendingly, saying Ollie’s name as if it held venom. He pivoted away.

“Yeah. Pity we all can’t be gods like you!” Ollie yelled after him. “Fucking arrogant bastard.”

That stopped Jake in his tracks. Turning slowly, he retaliated. “In case you’ve forgotten, and let me give you a subtle reminder here,” Jake sneered, “It was this arrogant bastard—” he jabbed a finger into his chest—“who just saved that kid’s life.” Satisfied, Jake lifted a brow, turned, and resumed walking away.

Holly snorted. Now this was the Jake she knew. She grabbed a hold of Ollie’s arm and led him away, to the staircase, of course. He needed to calm down.

She knew he was livid and angry with himself, too, because he couldn’t be more like Jake. He wasn’t brave enough to take risks.

“Don’t let him do this to you, Ollie.”

“He has a point.”

“No, he doesn’t. He’s an asshole, and you should not simply accept what he dishes out. You are a brilliant doctor, too. Don’t try to be a second Jake, please.”

He burst out laughing. She didn’t understand what was funny. At all. “Sorry. But I find it hilarious to hear a woman say that about him, especially one with your hair color.”

Squinting at him, she asked, “What does that have to do with anything?”

“Jake has this thing for strawberry blondes. Ever since I’ve known him, he’s been like that, screwing every single one who happened to cross his path.”

Was that why he’d gone for her in the first place? She forced herself not to scowl. “Well, not this one,” she lied.

Jake returned the next day to check up on Ty. He wasn’t screaming in pain anymore. Holly took his vitals. He was still tired, opening and closing his eyes

“You should sleep,” Holly advised.

“Nope, you shouldn’t. I need five minutes, Ty.” Jake walked in just as she spoke. She wished she could leave, but she wasn’t done yet. Ty smiled as if Jake was the sun.

“How’s the head, Ty?”

“What happened? Was that normal?” Ty asked, his voice soft.

“It happens every now and then,” Jake confirmed. “You up for some math?”

“Oh, please!” Ty groaned. “As much as I love you for saving my life, I will have no choice but to hate you if you do that to me.”

Holly grabbed the mercury sphygmomanometer—the one preferred for high-risk patients—wrapped and tightened the cuff around his upper arm, then pumped the bulb to inflate the cuff so she could get an accurate reading of his blood pressure.

“C’mon, it’s easy. Even my two-year-old can answer them,” Jake teased.

Holly stopped pumping. It felt as if someone had stabbed her in the gut. She resumed pumping again, pretending she hadn’t heard, that it didn’t affect her in the least. But she was rattled, so much so, she had to concentrate to make sure she wrote down the correct readings. 

All she could think about was that he had a two-year-old; Jamie had a half-brother or -sister. He’d chosen Kate’s child above hers. She could feel her heart shattering. She didn’t want it to hurt as much as it did, but she couldn’t deny that it did. A lot. As soon as she was done, she smiled at Ty, then left.

In her safe place, she called her mother. Her free hand trembled as she waited for her mother to answer the phone. She didn’t even greet Jane when her voice came through.

“He has a two-year-old, Mom,” Holly said. She couldn’t get her head around the fact that he had a child, and that he had no qualms about flaunting the fact in her face. What made that child so special, and her girls not? She came from a well-off family, too. Well… her father was rolling in it, as one of the best architects around. Still, they weren’t a doctor family.

She cried while Jane scorned Jake. Her words calmed Holly down.

Her pager beeped. Taking a deep breath, Holly wiped her eyes. “I’ve got to go, Mom.”

“Jake’s a bastard! I’m so sorry, baby.” 

“I’m not, not really. Jamie is amazing, and I’ll always be grateful for that. It’s his loss.”

“It is. You should feel sorry for him. Not knowing her.”

“I don’t. I really don’t.”

Just before ending their call, Jane apologized for going off on her colorful tangent.

 Fuck this. She would confront the bastard. There was a question she needed an answer to. Why was this kid so damn special, and hers hadn’t been? 

Reception was quiet, thankfully. Leaning over the desk, she asked Aggie if she’d seen Jake. She was told he’d just left. Holly knew if she hurried, she could still catch him. Without missing a beat, Holly turned and ran down the main stairs that led to the ground floor, hoping she could beat him to the exit. She didn’t care whether a gazillion people would end up being witness to what was about to take place—because tonight, everyone would know what a bastard he really was.

Pausing for a moment, her eyes caught sight of the blonde woman she’d only seen once in a photo with Jake. She was speaking to whoever was at reception, and Holly could hear their laughter. Her eyes fell on the child in Jake’s arms. The son he’d mentioned. Well, that put an end to her rant session for now. 

The trio made their way to the exit. From where she was standing, Holly could see the boy was the spitting image of Kate. He looked nothing like Jake, and for some reason, Holly found a smidgen of comfort in that.

Holly wanted to kick herself for ever wanting to confront him. She hadn’t been thinking straight. He would’ve discovered that Jamie existed, and she would’ve ruined everything. What had she been thinking? Her fantasy was ruined; Jamie would never understand that her father had a new child and a new wife. 

The following day, Rod was the one to do Ty’s checkup. His recovery was progressing reasonably well and he was moved from the ICU to his own private room back in the pediatrics ward. 

Holly wished the same could be said about Ellie. She was slowly deteriorating—everyone saw it, except Holly. Ellie was almost the same age as Jamie, and though Holly had experienced the loss of a child, she fervently believed children should not die. Holly kept Ellie in her prayers every night. There’s still reason to hope she’ll pull through.

A week after Ty was moved into his own private room, he finally got the go-ahead to be discharged. It was a difficult day for Holly. She’d grown quite attached to Ty, but she was grateful his parents were able to take their son home. Mavis hugged her for a long time, as did George. Ty, on the other hand, looked like he’d won the lottery. He’d gotten a lot of spark back. He embraced Holly.

“Make you a deal. If you are not married in five years, you’re mine.”

Holly scoffed. She was glad Ty’s humor was back.

“You’ll be twenty-one, Ty.”

“Don’t care. Dr. Peters, as awesome as he is, is an idiot.”

She just smiled. It should make her feel better, but it didn’t. 

“Thanks, Ty.” She gave him another hug. “Please, I never want to see you back here with another tumor.”

“Doubt that will happen. But I can’t promise to never see you again. I might just break a leg, or an arm. I’m going to live, Holly. You only get one life.”

She gave him a scolding look. “Your parents went through a lot, Ty. At least give them a multitude of years before you go and do something stupid and dangerous.”

They all laughed. “Thank you, Holly. For a second my heart flopped down to my stomach.” Mavis smiled.

“So, only radiation left.” It was more of a statement than a question.

Ty nodded. “He wanted me to do it at P&E, said his sister is an oncologist, young one, too.”

Holly laughed, since she knew where this was going. “Extremely gorgeous as well. Just do me one small favor. If you ever meet her, don’t mention my name.”

Ty frowned at her.

“I don’t want his family bothering me with questions as to why I left him.”

“My lips are sealed,” he said with mock solemnity.

Teresse walked in with his discharge papers and said her goodbyes. Holly decided to accompany the Bensons out. As much as she was going to miss Ty, she was glad that her nightmare of constantly seeing Jake was finally over.

Wishing them well, she returned to the children’s ward. Just as she stepped out of the elevator, an alarm went off. She quickened her pace. It came from Ellie’s room. She was coding. Teresse had already left, and Holly knew she wouldn’t get back in time. Holly took matters into her own hands, immediately starting with CPR. When that failed to get any response, she yelled at the nurses to bring in the defibrillator.

“C’mon, Ellie! This is not the time to die,” she begged as electrical currents jolted throughout Ellie’s body. Nothing happened. Holly ordered the nurses to up the voltage and after rubbing the paddles together, she jolted Ellie again.

“Holly,” Aggie called softly.

All she could hear was Connie’s crying, which was driving her insane. That was not what she needed, although to see one’s child on the verge of death was heartbreaking.

“Sue, get her out of here!” Holly cried. She didn’t look up from Ellie, but she could hear Connie’s sobs anymore.

Holly prepped the paddles again, administering a further two jolts—nothing. Desperate, she screamed at Ellie to fight, but she knew it was no use. Twenty minutes in, and the heart monitor’s loud, incessant beep still hadn’t changed. Holly refused to give up. Miracles happened all the time, and Ellie was entitled to one. Even as her mind told her she needed to stop, Holly’s heart urged her to carry on. She wouldn’t stop. If this had been Jamie, she wouldn’t want the doctor to stop.

Aggie, on more than one occasion, attempted to stop Holly, but she ignored the older woman’s commands. If she were honest, she didn’t have a clue what the nurse was saying.

A strong pair of arms wrapped around Holly’s waist, forcefully pulling her away from Ellie.

“Enough. She’s gone, Holly,” Jake said loudly, taking the paddles from her hands.

Rage boiled inside her. What the fuck was he still doing here?

“You are insane!” Connie yelled at her. “I swear, I will sue this hospital.”

Sue the hospital? Whatever for? She had tried her damnedest to save her little girl’s life. Pushing away from Jake, Holly barged out the door to the stairwell. She took the stairs two at a time until she reached the highest level, just under the generators. She and Rev had discovered this spot together. They went there whenever they needed to rid themselves of their frustration. She screamed at the top of her lungs until her throat burned, and when she couldn’t scream anymore she kicked at the wall so hard, her foot hurt. 

She was angry. Angry that Ellie had to die. Angry at Jake for having another child when he’d wanted her to abort theirs, angry at herself for wanting to become a doctor, angry that she’d miss an entire year of her little girl’s life to give her what, exactly? The life she should’ve had if Jake had never left? 

Now, she’d never have that. She would never get the chance to meet her father, not while Holly was still alive. How would she ever explain to Jamie about his other kid? Jamie would never understand. Hell, she didn’t understand.

Tears of frustration streamed down Holly’s face as it all sank in. As far as Jamie was concerned, her father would always be stuck in a fucking rainbow. She let out another scream as she cried. Years of frustration had been cooped up inside her, and it needed to be released.

She wasn’t sure if she was cut out for this doctor stuff, any of it. The oath she’d taken was to heal and save people, not allow them to die. Old people in their nineties were an altogether different matter. But children? Where was the justice in that?

Holly didn’t know how much time had passed as she sat there sobbing—the ugly kind. Arms wrapped around her, hugging her tightly. By the smell, she knew it was Teresse. Someone must have phoned Teresse after Ellie died. Teresse said nothing, but simply continued to hold her tight.

“I’m so sorry, Holly!” she yelled. The noise from the generators was horrific. But this wasn’t the place where one talked. The whole point was that one could scream bloody murder, and no one would be any the wiser.

“Can we talk somewhere else? I can’t even hear myself think!” Teresse yelled again. She showed no signs of having cried.

“Give me a minute,” Holly yelled back. Nodding, Teresse left.

A minute went by before Holly finally managed to pull herself together, mostly, then went back to the stairs.

“I’m so sorry.”

“Everyone warned me she wasn’t going to make it. I just didn’t want to listen, didn’t want to believe it.”

“You need to learn how to deal with death. You left marks on her body, you need to know when to let go.”

“I left marks?” More tears welled up in her eyes. She hadn’t realized how far gone she’d been.

“If she had woken up, she wouldn’t have lived long.”

Another sobbed racked through Holly’s body.

Teresse hugged her tightly. “You tried to save her life, as is right. But you just didn’t know when to stop.”

“I left marks on her body. Connie is going to sue the hospital.”

“Jake handled it. He’s really good at handling things like that.”

A sudden bubble of laughter rolled in Holly’s stomach, but she pushed it down. Surely, Teresse was joking. He handled shit? With her, he’d taken the easy way out—the coward’s way.

“It’s going to be okay, Holly. I promise.”

She nodded. It didn’t feel like anything was ever going to be okay, but she had nothing further to say.

Sensing that, Teresse said, “Go home, come back tomorrow. You’ve had enough for one day.”

“But—”

“Go home. Doctor’s orders.” Teresse smiled, leaving Holly where she stood.

Taking Teresse’s advice, Holly changed, grabbed her stuff, and left. When she got home, she crawled into bed as she was and cried until she passed out from exhaustion.

Feeling movement, she woke up. Rod had climbed in bed next to her. He scooted closer and took her in his arms, cradling her.

The floodgates opened once more. Her sobbing was uncontrollable.

“I heard what happened today. I’m so, so sorry, Holls. You’re too close to your patients. You need to learn to distance yourself from them.”

“But I’m not made that way!” she yelled at him. Why couldn’t he understand that?

“Then you need to learn how to deal with death, Holls. C’mon, you need a break, let’s go have a drink.”

“I don’t want a drink. I want to be alone.”

“Holly?”

“Please, Rod, give me time to digest and sort things out in my head.” She was desperate to tell him about Jake, but she couldn’t. She’d do Rod more harm than good if he knew Jake was the one who’d left her, and Jake was the one who’d turned his back on his children.

Reluctantly, he nodded, kissed her on the head, and left.

Holly was left to her misery until sleep claimed her.

Holly was called into Teresse’s office the next day. “Have a seat, Holly. I must apologize for this, but Dr. Peters insisted on it.” She slid a piece of paper across the desk to Holly—a warning notice.

Not even bothering to read what it said, she signed on the dotted line, and slid it back across to Teresse. “How many of these before I get sent home?”

“Three,” Teresse answered.

Nodding her understanding, Holly got up and left without another word.

The asshole didn’t show his face for the next couple of weeks. Holly got a few opportunities to scrub in, but she doubted her capabilities constantly. However, she was grateful another patient hadn’t been lost.

She would never forget Ellie. Ever.

*******

The hospital was extremely quiet this evening. If she was lucky, she could perhaps get a good five or six hours of sleep before the next emergency. But that was wishful thinking.

Dr. Matthews had already left for the day. Holly had done her rounds twice already, making sure everyone was doing all right. Most patients were sound asleep.

Her pager went off. She needed to get to the ER immediately. She took off running. When she reached the ER, a horrible scene awaited her. She froze on the spot when she saw a little girl with raven-black curls. For a second, she thought it was Jamie, but what would Jamie be doing there? When she rushed over to the girl’s side, she was relieved it wasn’t her daughter. This little one was slightly older. By the looks of things, it seemed she’d been in a car accident. It was also evident that the child hadn’t been strapped into a car seat from her quick assessment; she had minor wounds on her arms and legs, but the worst was the deep gash on her head, where congealed blood ascertained that she’d clearly gone through the windshield during the crash. Her pupils weren’t reacting to bright light, either.

“Page neuro, now!” Holly yelled. She just wished Ollie would hurry up and get there already.

“Move, Scallanger,” Desire demanded.

“Like hell I will. This is a peds patient, and you are not the right doctor for this!” she yelled adamantly. She knew Desire had no experience when it came to children. She’d seen it around Ty. 

Desire gave her a scathing look, one that said she was going to regret this soon, but Holly let it go.

“OR 2. There is already someone waiting, Holly.”

“Thanks, Dave,” she said as the nurse helped her with the bed. 

“Where is my mommy?” the little girl cried.

“Shit, she’s waking up,” said Dave.

“It’s going to be okay, baby. What is your name?” Holly asked.

“Maggie Davenport.”

“Maggie, my name is Holly, and I’m going to be right here until your mommy comes for you, okay?” She smiled. “How old are you?” Holly kept the conversation going, gathering important information while she was at it. Dave gave her an injection for shock. She asked Maggie what her favorite TV show was, which made Holly smile when she replied; as it was Jamie’s, too—Paw Patrol. Holly chattered about the characters and Dave laughed.

She hoped Ollie would be able to save her life. She couldn’t go through another child’s death. Especially this little girl, because she reminded Holly too much of Jamie.

On the way to the OR, Holly had made up some fantasy that they were going into a ship that would take her off to Neverland, where she could play with Chase, Marshall, Sky—in fact, every Paw Patrol character. Even Jake from Jake and the Neverland Pirates made it in there. Such a stupid name for a character who looked like he’d been drawn from the Jake she knew. Speaking calmly, she managed to put Maggie at ease, saying that she’d only be in there for a little while as she pushed her into the OR. It helped children a lot if they weren’t scared of the OR. 

Holly was still chatting away with Maggie about how fun Neverland was, that she would have a ball with Peter Pan and the Lost Boys. The look on Maggie’s face was priceless, like she couldn’t wait to go there, when Dave interrupted.

“Here’s her CT scan, Dr. Peters.”

Holly clenched her jaw. She should’ve given this case to Desire when she’d wanted it, but she’d had no choice. The woman didn’t have a soft spot for children.

“Where is Dr. Matthews?”

“Clearly, she’s not here,” Holly said, sarcastically.

Dave just looked at Holly as she stroked the little girl’s head. “Remember what I said. It’s time to sleep now, okay? Have fun,” she said softly, nodding at the anesthetist to hand her the gas mask, which she carefully put on Maggie’s face, pulling the elastic over her head. With another nod, she gave him the go-ahead. She could feel Jake’s eyes boring into her back, but she didn’t care. The child had been scared a moment ago, and now she was calm.

As soon as Maggie went under, Jake moved in. Desire walked through the doors a second later. She could have the case, as far as Holly was concerned. Walking out of the OR and into the cleaning area, she removed her bandanna. Watching through the glass doors, she watched Jake and Desire work quickly. Abruptly, he stopped and stared at his hands.

Panicking, Holly put her mask back on and went back inside. “What’s going on? Why are you stopping?” she demanded. All the nurses looked at her.

Not Jake, though. “Don’t, Scallanger,” he said through clenched teeth. He stepped away from her. 

“What are you doing?” Holly yelled. An eerie silence filled the OR. All eyes were on Jake, whose back was to her.

“I said don’t,” he repeated. “It’s too late.”

“But… but…we were talking just a moment ago. Fix her!” Holly yelled. She was losing it again. 

Jake’s whipped around, his eyes angry, staring at her. 

“You’ve got to fix her!” she screeched. “She’s only a little girl!”

Fuming, Jake roared to no one in particular, “Get her out of my fucking OR!”

Dave, who was closest, grabbed Holly by the arm and pulled her out.

The fucking asshole! He’d just given up on a child. Just like that. She’d seen it with her own eyes—he’d stepped away. Just like he had with her two babies. Why was he doing this to her? Why was he torturing her like this?

Holly escaped up the stairs once again, her blood boiling. Her outburst was going to lead to warning number two, she knew it. Speaking to a doctor in that manner, in the OR, in front of the staff, was wrong on so many levels. But she hadn’t cared. Jake was a coward for not trying.

JAKE

She’d fucking done it this time. He’d had enough. He didn’t give a shit, and Teresse wasn’t there to calm him down. If that infuriating woman thought that any of this was easy for him, she’d just made a fucking mistake.

He went to the ER. Sue was working tonight’s shift. “You see Dr. Scallanger anywhere?” he barked.

“No. Is everything okay?”

He shook his head, and stomped off. He could hear Denise, one of the OR nurses, giving Sue a breakdown of what Holly had done. He went to pediatrics and found Dennis. “You see Holly anywhere?” He didn’t care about addressing her correctly anymore.

“No. Try up by the generators. She goes there a lot.”

The stairs.

Jake made his way there, barging through the doors and running up the stairs two or three at a time. Why the fuck had she come back? Why was she so hostile? She had no fucking reason to be. He had the right to be pissed, not her. She was going to get a piece of his mind.

HOLLY

She sat there and vented. Then the asshole walked in.

“You’re not welcome here, so get the hell out. I really do not want to see your face right now!” she yelled at him.

“I am a fucking attending at this hospital, Dr. Scallanger. You will not speak to me like that ever again in front of any staff. Anyone at all. Period. Step out of line one more time, and you can go back to wherever the hell you came from!” he roared, loud and clear.

“So be it. See if I care.”

“Excellent!” With nothing else to say, Jake left.

Her second warning would be on its way soon enough. He’d just made that crystal clear.

Holly found a bed late into the evening and tried to sleep, but she couldn’t. She never thought she’d hate Jake more than she already did, and she was well on her way to doing just that. She’d thought keeping the babies would prevent her from hating him fully, but right then, she couldn’t stomach the sight of him.

Maggie Davenport was now the second child to die and she wasn’t sure her heart could handle another loss. Perhaps switching over to pediatrics had been a bad idea.

As she couldn’t sleep, she passed the time by going to the nursery. She went around to each baby to make sure they were okay. NICU was empty, and she was glad about that. Being amongst the babies calmed her down, so she made her way back to bed and fell asleep.

The next morning, she was called into Teresse’s office before her shift ended.

“You will never work with Dr. Peters in another OR ever again. Do you understand?”

Holly nodded. 

“I know you two have history, Holly. I don’t know what he did, but you can’t…”

“I know. He just makes me so angry. I spoke to that little girl, Teresse, for quite a while, until he started to operate.”

“Her brain matter had lost color, which means that it wasn’t getting blood. That’s why he stopped, Holly. She was braindead.”

“But… but… how come she was able to talk to me moments before he stopped? He heard us, I know he did.”

“It happens. Dave, however, did tell me that you made her time in the OR extremely peaceful. That is the reason I wanted you to consider pediatrics. You’re a natural, Holly.”

“I don’t think I’m cut out for this, Teresse.”

“You are, but for some reason, you’re scared to step up to the task. You were made for this, Holly. I’m pretty sure pediatrics is your calling. Whatever you are holding on to, let it go. It’s getting in the way of you becoming one of the best pediatric surgeons there is. Few doctors are able to treat children the way you do.” She gave Holly a concerned look. “Here.” She slid another warning across the desk. “I begged him to reconsider, but there was no budging him. He was livid, and he had every reason to be.

“It’s fine,” she said and signed.

“It’s not fine. One more…”

“He made it very clear last night, Teresse. I’m gone.”

“Please don’t let that happen, Holly.”

She nodded. She wouldn’t let it happen again, because she was going to do everything she could to avoid him from now on. 

JAKE

What the fuck he was doing at Downsend, he didn’t know. It had been almost two weeks since the incident in the OR. He’d hoped that incident would have caused her to topple off that pedestal he still kept her on, but he was wrong. He’d never thought Holly could upset him so much.

Walking past reception, he greeted Pam and Sue, then went to his office.

“Sue!” he yelled, throwing his bag down onto the sofa. He poked his head out of his office door.

“Yes, Dr. Peters?” She smiled.

“Could you please be a darling and get me a cup of coffee from pediatrics? They have the best coffee there.”

Nodding, Sue giggled.

Jake sighed inwardly. Walking around his desk, he plopped down. Smack bang in the middle of his desk was the signed warning notice he’d issued for Holly—the one he’d given her for speaking to him in anger for not saving that little girl. 

Guilt, he knew, was obviously causing all of this. Because of it, she wanted him to save every kid’s life she came across.

Why was she doing this to him? If she thought it was easy for him to see children die, because neither of them got to see what their baby would’ve looked like, she was so very wrong.

He stopped his thoughts from going to a place he didn’t want them to visit. He refused to trudge through the events of his life five years ago. Yet it was all he could think about lately. Why the fuck did she have to come back and mess up his life again?

All of a sudden, he was struggling with surgeries and losing more patients than he was accustomed to. She was messing him up again. The worst part was that he couldn’t talk to Blair about this. He knew whatever he said would somehow make its way back to his mother.

The warning on his desk would end up where the first one ended up. He knew he’d do the exact same thing. Her third warning, should it come to that, meant that she would be sent packing if she fucked up again. Sighing, he sat back in his chair. Why the fuck had he not filed the first one, instead of shredding it? For some inexplicable reason, he couldn’t imagine not having her around. As much as she tore his heart to pieces and made him mad every time they fought, he couldn’t stand the thought of her leaving again.

Every bit of stress she’d caused him, everything she’d put him through, not to mention the night when Teresse placed the baby in his arms, was driving him nuts. That night, she’d just left. Obviously, she couldn’t stand watching him hold a baby when she’d aborted theirs. He hoped the guilt ruined her. He’d tried to stay away from this fucking hospital. God knew he tried, but his anger always found a way to work itself out, and he’d returned in the hopes of seeing her again. Why was life so difficult?

All he wanted to do was wrap his arms around her and remember what it felt like to have his lips on hers. But this couldn’t and wasn’t going to happen. He’d fight against it with everything he had. His family couldn’t go through that again. He looked down at the warning again. It’d taken him hours to type it up and now… Leaning forward, he snatched it off his desk, turned and fed it to the shredder. Rubbing his forehead, he sighed and leaned back. This wasn’t fair. Not to him, and not to Kate or Michael. He shouldn’t be at Downsend, and yet he didn’t want to be anywhere else.

Jake finally worked out what having Holly around meant. She was his own brand of kryptonite.