AFTER DOING THE DISHES, HOLLY WENT shopping with Amelia and Moira. Amelia stormed into one clothing store and out of another. She just kept on buying clothes and shoes and things Jamie didn’t need.

“Amelia,” Holly scolded.

“I missed five years, Holly. I’m not blaming you, but I am going to spoil my niece. Deal with it. Besides it’s not just coming from me. It’s from Jake too. So, you cannot say no.”

Holly loved and hate it at the same time. Loved it as she always wanted Jamie to have everything, hate it because she couldn’t give it to her, and was scared they were going to turn her into a spoiled brat. But what choice did she have? She’d kept Jamie from them for five years.

She could’ve easily ignored everyone around her and phoned one of them. Easily. And she would’ve found out so much sooner that he wanted them. Maybe Romy would’ve still been alive. Gus wouldn’t have withdrawn the formula.

She was part of this mess.

She should’ve just made that damn call.

When shopping for clothes was done, it was Toys “R” Us’s turn. Amelia bought a mountain of toys. Dolls Jamie had always wanted, which Holly could never afford. Sullivans forest animal figurines with all their dollhouses and furniture. The toys were expensive. Holly had only ever bought them as incentives. Even though Holly always felt Jamie was too little for incentives, Frank had believed otherwise. She was smart, she knew exactly what incentives were and she made all of them. Now, Amelia was buying everything for her at once. Bye-bye, incentives.

“Amelia, you have to stop, it’s too much.”

“Holly, no. I’ll say when it’s enough.”

Holly glared at her, but Amelia ignored her.

“She is my niece. Just this once, please,” Amelia begged when Holly didn’t cheer up.

“Okay, but it’s more than enough. Please.”

“Okay, I’ll stop.”

“Thank you.”

Holly sighed as they stood in the checkout line. She cringed at the amount of money Amelia was spending

“You do know that she is going to get everything she wants now?” Amelia asked without looking at Holly.

“I know you mean well, Amelia, but she needs boundaries.”

“She’s five, Holls. She needs to be surrounded by gifts and dolls and…”

“Boundaries. I’m not raising a spoiled brat.”

“No, but you are raising a Peters.”

Unamused, Holly just looked at Amelia. 

“And she’s our spoiled brat. Deal with it.”

“And when there’s no money, Amelia, what then?”

“There will always be money.”

Holly sucked in her lips and tried not to cry.

Amelia shook her head. “He’s not that guy, Holly. You’ll see.”

She looked down. For some reason, she felt horrible for still thinking that about him.

“Please stop punishing him. Because he’ll never be able to forgive himself if you can’t forgive him first.”

She didn’t know what to say and was glad when Amelia stepped up to the cashier.

Holly stepped aside. She didn’t want to know what that bill was going to be.

It was so wrong how some people could just buy things without looking at what they cost and others had to struggle, working two jobs to just get extra money for the little things.

She would’ve loved to give Jamie what Amelia was doing right now. But she didn’t have that kind money. Not even her father bought her those types of gifts and here, on the very first day, Amelia wanted to acquire the whole fucking store just to make Jamie happy.

The ride home was quiet.

Moira was constantly on her phone. She sat awkwardly against a huge dollhouse and boxes with the Sullivan treehouse and nursery and ice cream shop. Thousands of dollars for all this junk.

 “I’m sorry. I know you are mad. Jake is going to kill me. I just want to show her how much we love her. I know it sounds stupid Holly. We’ve only known her for a few hours, but I do love her. This won’t happen again. I promise.”

Holly nodded and gave her a smile. “One thing I can tell: she is going to pee herself.”

Amelia laughed. “What’s so wrong with that?”

“I didn’t raise a spoiled brat.”

“She’ll be our spoiled brat. I promise.”

JAKE

They finally stopped on the other side of the lake. Armand moored the boat at one of the docks, and Jake jumped off, tying the rope against the dock.

He helped everyone to climbed off before grabbing the beach umbrellas from Armand.

He hoped Amelia wasn’t pissing Holly off and stepping on her toes during their shopping trip. The last thing he wanted was to get back to the cabin to an angry Holly who’d want to leave with his daughter the second they disembarked.

After selecting a good spot to spend the day, Jake and Armand set up umbrellas and chairs, and Jake sank down on one of them, a happy sense of calm washing over him as he watched his daughter rushing over to Jane. He handed Jane some sunscreen so she could reapply it on Jamie.

Jane rummaged through the bag she carried and pulled out Jamie’s swimsuit. Rodney moved over to them, covering Jamie with a towel so Jane could help her get dressed. 

Jamie emerged from the towel dressed in an adorable two-piece bathing suit, which was also Frozen-themed. His little girl was a real cutie. He smiled when she turned her head toward him, a wide grin on her face.

Jake stood up and took off shirt. He walked over to Jamie and picked her up, heading straight into the water.

His father followed them and they played with Jamie, throwing her back and forth. Her giggles were high-pitched and contagious.

After a few more rounds of tossing her around, he set her next to him in the water and they started swimming and talking. She babbled on about everything under the sun, all the things she liked, and everything she disliked.

And then, she threw him for a loop when she blurted out her next words.

“Are we going to live with you?”

“I don’t know, baby girl, but I’m going to try my damn best.” The minute the words were out of his mouth, he knew he shouldn’t have said that. But he meant every single word. He wanted to give Jamie the moon and the sun, and he’d do everything in his power to make her dreams come true.

Never in a million years had he thought he would love someone the way he loved this little girl. His little girl.

After splashing around for a while longer, they got out of the water and dried off before heading to the umbrellas to grab some snacks.

Jamie sang a song, making small movements with her hands as she did. Jake couldn’t take his eyes off her. Holly used to do that exact same thing. 

When she ended the song, everyone applauded and praised her. Jake asked her if she knew any others. She nodded and carried on singing, ending her little performance with “Somewhere Over the Rainbow” with Jane helping here and there when she forgot the words. It melted everyone’s hearts. 

 His little baby girl didn’t have a shy hair on her body after introductions. She was giving them all a show. 

With a grin, Jamie asked if she could go swim again. Armand jumped up, wanting to spend some time with his niece.

Jake was sitting in the chair next to Jane, still shirtless.

“What are these?” Jane asked, staring at his arms.

“Oh, that. It’s the girls’ birthdate.”

“You tattooed it onto your arms?”

Jake shrugged.

“I’ve never liked tattoos, but those are beautiful,” she said.

He shrugged it off, instead asking her more questions, and this time Gus listened, too. She told him about how Dr. Rikus tried to get in touch with him about the trial for the P47, but he was never available.

“I had to take a short break. It was the time Jake was…” He shook his head, unable to finish.

Jane looked at him. “So… tell me what it was like for you.”

“It doesn’t matter, it wasn’t near as bad as what she went through.”

“Jake, I’ve answered everything I can. All that’s left to talk about is what you went through.”

“Not easy,” he said.

“Not easy is an understatement, my boy,” Frank said.

Jane looked at Frank. “Was that why you’ve always wanted to know who their father was?”

“I just thought that maybe the lass had changed her mind. I always had my suspicions, Janey.”

“Then why didn’t you ask me?”

“Excuse me! You know how many times I did.”

All three laughed.

“You should’ve explained the entire story to me, Frank. Maybe I would’ve told you then.”

“C’mon, it’s not going to fix anything now.”

Jake looked at both Jane and Uncle Frankie. He couldn’t handle this. “It’s too late for all that now… I’m going to go in and have a swim with my daughter.”

“You go do that,” Jane said.

Jake knew that the minute he entered the lake, his father would tell her everything. He just didn’t want to be there to hear it all. To relive it all again, and then have to sit there waiting for her to pity him. He was not that type of person.

HOLLY

By the time Holly, Moira, and Amelia walked back into the cabin, it was already afternoon. She had thought the others would have been back already, but the cabin was quiet and the boat wasn’t docked.

They prepared lunch, knowing that the others would be hungry by the time they came back, and set up the table under the trees where they had breakfast this morning.

Holly noticed the hammock suspended between two trees. Amelia told her to go and try it out.

She did and somehow must have dozed off.

After what felt like mere moments, she felt a tiny body joining her on the hammock, but she didn’t open her eyes.

She could hear Jamie’s whispering and other people talking all around her, but she was too tired to open her eyes.

Jamie’s voice quietened down and her body relaxed as it usually did when she was falling asleep.

Holly heard Jake’s voice, asking if anyone had seen Jamie. They were playing hide-and-seek.

“No,” Amelia said.

“What did you buy today?” he asked.

“What I said I was going to buy.”

“If you stepped on her toes…”

“Jake, seriously.”

“I’m just saying, Amelia. She has rules with Jamie. We need to fall in with them, not make new ones.”

“I hear you.”

It was quiet and then Amelia’s voice spoke again. “She’s in the hammock.”

“I…” Jake started and didn’t finish. Holly felt awake but her eyes and body was still asleep. It was the weirdest feeling. She couldn’t see Jake, obviously, but she could feel his eyes on them.

Hair tickled her nose softly at the sound of a soft kiss being placed on Jamie’s head.

“Sweet dreams, sweetheart,” he spoke softly and then he was gone. Everything went quiet.

For a long time, Holly heard nothing, and she fell fast asleep until she woke up from Mara’s voice.

“Tell her the truth. I’m not going to be the bitch in this story. You all agreed with your brother. He didn’t want the baby.”

“Mom, don’t do this. Holly, don’t listen to my mother.”

She looked around for Jane, for Frank, but neither of them were there, and neither was Rodney. It was just the Peters and they were all fighting. She couldn’t handle the screaming and the fighting.

Jamie was there. She was scared. Armand didn’t want Holly to go and comfort Jamie. Mara did.

“Tell them, Jake. Tell Holly what you told her. I’m not the bad guy here.”

“Fine,” Jake yelled. “It is what it is, Holly. I got to go.” He turned around and walked away. Holly yelled after him to stay, but he didn’t listen. 

Suddenly, she woke up.

She was still in the hammock, which was rocking like crazy.

“Easy.” Rod was at her side in a flash and stabilized the hammock.

Holly’s heart was beating furiously. She felt like crying. That dream was so real.

“You okay?” he asked.

She shook her head. Jamie wasn’t next to her anymore. “We need to leave. Now.”

“Holly, come here.” Rod pulled her close and held her tight. “It’s was just a dream. It’s not real.”

She was close to tears. “It felt real.” 

“You okay?” Jake’s voice came from out of nowhere.

She pushed Rod away. “I think it’s time to go,” she said and walk past him.

“Holly, what happened?” Jake asked, running after her.

“Nothing. I just think we should go.”

“Talk to me. What is it?”

“Stop hovering, Jake. Please,” she cried.

“It was just a dream.” It felt as if he could read her mind again. “Stay, please.”

“I don’t want to impo…”

“You are not imposing,” he spoke a little too loudly. “Just stay, please. Dinner is coming, and Jamie is in the bath.”

“Jake, if Holly wants to go…”

“With all due respect, Rod, just stay out of this, just this once, please.”

They both had a mini stare-down, then Jake looked back to Holly. “Please.”

“Fine,” she said and walked to the cabin. She heard Rodney saying something to Jake, but she couldn’t make out the words.

Rodney followed her into the house and pulled her into the bathroom to speak to her.

“Holly, if you want to go, we can go. He’s not the boss of you.”

“It was just a dream.”

“Dreams shouldn’t be ignored.”

“So what, he’s lying now? Is that what you are saying?” Her voice hitched on the question, the emotion thick in it.

“What did you dream?”

“What I always dream, just differently.”

“He said the words.”

“He always says them.”

He hugged Holly again. “I don’t know whether I can trust him I can trust him.”

“Why is it so difficult for you?”

“Because he’s too damn perfect.”

“He is, isn’t he?”

Rodney sighed. “I want to trust him, Holly. But I don’t know if I can.”

“I know. I’m sorry I’m not more like you.”

He hugged her again. “Don’t ever apologize for who you are. I just hope he realizes how lucky he is that you are the mother of that gorgeous little girl and not another person.”

She sniffed.

“Whatever you decide, I’m always there. You got it?”

She nodded.

He kissed the top of her head, squeezing her tightly.

*******

Jake shook his head and left before Rodney and Holly left the bathroom and found him eavesdropping. Who was Rodney to Holly? Their relationship seemed far too lovey-dovey for his liking. He loathed everything about their closeness. He was sure Rod wasn’t Holly’s boyfriend, because he knew about the affair and he was still here with her. All Jake really knew was that Rod hated him for what he thought Jake had done to Holly, and that Jake hadn’t been there for her and Jamie.

He turned and went into the kitchen just as his father and Frank came in through the door with the Chinese takeout. As Jake started dishing up the food, Jamie came barreling out of his room with Amelia following right behind her. She’d taken a bath in his bathroom because of the spa bathtub. She had spent close to an hour playing in it.

His thoughts wandered to what he had overheard Holly and Rodney speaking about. How many times had she had that dream? Did she dream it as often as he dreamt that they were a happy family? Those words were still haunting her, even after he’d told her he hadn’t uttered them. He should have told her he’d already seen his mother and spoken to her, then all of this could have been avoided.

He couldn’t understand why she’d believed all the lies so easily. He had been so sure she’d known how much he’d loved her, but perhaps love hadn’t been enough.

“You okay?” Amelia asked, snapping him out of his reverie.

He nodded as he opened one of the boxes with the black beef oyster dishes. Chines takeout was his favorite, and from the way Jamie was tearing through her food, it was hers as well. Now the knowing smile on Holly’s face during their picnic lunch made sense. Jamie loved Chinese food, and he’d reminded her of that.

Holly and Rod entered the kitchen. Jake averted his gaze, watching Holly from the corner of his eye. She leaned down and kissed Jamie on the top of her head.

“You have a nice sleep?” Amelia asked.

“Yeah, that hammock sleeps like a dream.”

Amelia laughed.

More like a nightmare, Jake thought to himself as he picked up some beef and rice with his chopsticks.

“You hungry?” Amelia asked and Holly shook her head.

“Sweetheart, you should eat something.”

“I will when I’m hungry, Mommy. But not now.”

She didn’t look at him. What did these dreams portray him as, a fucking jerk? How was he ever supposed to make things right with her, if he had to fight against her dreams—and Rodney? It was hopeless.

After dinner, they all went outside. Armand made a wicked bonfire. They all roasted marshmallows and made s’mores.

Jamie wolfed three s’mores down, her little body snug on Jake’s lap.

He felt Holly’s eyes on them, but whenever he looked at her, her gaze shifted to the fire.

Jamie tugged on his shirt. “Daddy, can I go watch cartoons?” 

Jake nodded and stood up, balancing her on his hip and made his way back into the house and into his room.

Amelia joined them after a while.

She looked at Jake. “You shouldn’t be hiding in here.”

“I can’t do this, Amelia. Not after what she’s been through,” he whispered.

“This is your responsibility, too. You need to take her somewhere and fight like you never fought before. I’ll stay and watch over Jamie.”

He sighed and nodded, got up and changed his clothes. He put on a white button-up shirt and a pair of jeans with flip-flops. Amelia was right. He need to have a private conversation with Holly. He went over to his desk and took out the black folder that carried all the forms Holly had to sign and went back downstairs. He went out to his car and placed the folder in the side panel of the driver’s door and the headed back to the bonfire.

He only caught a little of the conversation as he neared.

His dad and Rod were joking with each other, but then he heard both his and Jamie’s names. Jake paused.

“Seriously, she told me the guy’s name was Steven,” Rod said.

“Baby,” Jane scolded.

“He wanted to work with Jake. I couldn’t tell him.” Holly said.

Jake laughed and walked out. “I’ll take that as a compliment,” he said and made up his mind. This was it. Rod needed to understand one thing.

Jake went and sat next to Rod.

“You going clubbing?” he asked Jake as he offered him a beer, but Jake declined the offer.

He merely stared at Rodney, which made him uncomfortable. 

“You sure you don’t want a beer, Jake?” Rodney asked holding one in his hand. His family laughed at how serious Jake’s expression was as he looked at Rod.

“Nope,” said Jake.

“Then why are you staring at me?”

Jake chuckled. “You thought I was a douchebag.”

“What? Like I said, I didn’t even know she was your kid.”

Holly smiled.

“Seriously, dude, how could you not see that she’s mine?”

Rod laughed, too. “Okay, fine. I thought you were a major fucking douchebag,” he said, and looked at Jake again.

“You should’ve said something.”

“I just said I didn’t know. I only found out through one of Holly’s painting sessions.”

Holly almost choked on her drink, coughing hard. Jane hit her on the back as she started to laugh. “Sorry.” She blushed and Rod chuckled.

“Painting session?” Jake asked not having a slightest idea how a painting session lead to him finding out. Did Holly paint a picture of him? He didn’t even know she could paint.

“Baby… you paint?” Jane asked, too.

“Mom, please.”

“Oh, Holly paints masterpieces, Jane.” Rod sounded serious but slightly sarcastic at the same time.

“Rod, stop, please.” Holly was grave.

“Why do I get a feeling we are not talking about real painting here?” Jane asked again and Holly just closed her eyes and suppressed her smile.

“If I wasn’t gay, Holly and I would’ve painted masterpieces.”

He didn’t just say that! He’s gay.

“Ohh, painting.” Her mother got it and started laughing.

“Seriously?” Holly asked Rod. Jake just stared at him. Now their relationship was making sense. Rod was gay? 

“Dude, you’re gay?” Jake blurted, and everyone laughed.

 Rod’s eyes became as big as saucers.

“How did you not know that?” Rod and Holly asked at the same time.

“Seriously, I’m dying to know, too.” Jane looked at him again.

“My gay radar is usually good. You don’t act gay.”

“How must gays act?” Rod asked.

“Well, they usually become extremely annoying around me,” Jake said.

Everyone chuckled.

“Maybe you’re not my type.” Rod sounded serious.

“Fuck, finally,” Jake said to the sky, which had everyone in stitches. Then Jake burst out laughing, too. “Painting lessons… I get it now. You are a fucking idiot, you know that?” He looked at Rod, who simply shrugged.

Jake finally stood, keys in hand and looked at Jane. “You sure you’ll be comfortable here?” he asked.

“Comfortable?” Holly asked her mother.

“We are more than comfortable.” Jane ignored Holly which was still looking at her mom.

“Holly,” Jake turned his gaze to her. “Would you like to join me for a drink?” He turned his head Rod’s way. “And, no, it’s not another painting lesson.”

“Oh, no, it’s just a painting lesson that brought you here.”

“So embarrassing,” he said and shook his head as both Gus and Frank started laughing, finally catching on to what painting meant in this context.

“So, I guess you will be scrubbing in again soon, Dr. Ballucio?”

“You bet,” Rod confirmed as Holly got up.

“Can I just go and grab my jacket?” she asked and he nodded.

He decided to wait for Holly in the kitchen as he didn’t want to be near the conversation that would take place at the bonfire.

Holly returned in less than a few minutes with a black leather jacket over her summer dress.

 She looked beautiful in everything, but tonight wasn’t about that. Tonight, he had to fight.

HOLLY

Jake left the front door first and Holly followed.

“Enjoy your evening,” Jane yelled.

“Mom!” Holly said when she saw the painting gestures her mother was making. Seriously.

The Beast was parked right where Amelia had left it this afternoon. They both got in, Jake started the engine, and they drove off.

It was quiet at first as they drove out the black gates and down the bumpy road. She couldn’t stand the silence. 

“You guys enjoy the day at the lake?” she asked.

“Uh huh,” was all he said without looking at her. 

Her heart beat at how cold he’d turned in a fraction of a minute. It made her angry. “Is this how it’s going to be tonight? You answering me with uh huhs?”

Jake shook his head, biting down on his lower lip. He was angry at her. “I just don’t understand why you never phoned me, Holly.” He’s voice was soft, his tone filled with disappointment and hurt. “When you discovered you were having twins, didn’t you for once think that phoning me, or my father for that matter, might have saved Romalia’s life?”

She fumed. He hadn’t said more than a few words to her the entire day, but begged her to stay when she wanted to leave, and now he wanted to fight with her? “You think I don’t punish myself for that every day, Jake? Knowing that there was something out there that could’ve perhaps saved her life, yet I was too big of a fucking coward to give him a call?” she yelled. She didn’t need this right now. She wiped away a tear as she looked out the window. She’d known he’d be angry at her, she just hadn’t thought it would come this soon, which happened to be right after he’d joked about their affair.

“You have no idea how hard it was today, spending time with Jamie knowing there should’ve been two.”

Holly chuckled sarcastically. “You’ve had it for one day, Jake. Try living with it for five years!”

“You didn’t give me that chance!” he yelled, hitting his hands hard on the steering wheel, causing her to flinch. “You just ran.”

“I had no choice. You said you didn’t want the baby.” Her voice broke.

“I never said that!”

She’d never seen him this angry before. She knew he would end up blaming her and she wished that she could just go back home. She wasn’t ready for any of this.

The rest of the trip was bumpy and spent in silence. She hated every second of it and she struggled finding her breath.

Finally, the town’s lights started to show between the trees and a few minutes later, they drove into the busy street. Jake stopped at a restaurant and parked the SUV.  

He got out, slammed his door, and walked with huge strides to the restaurant. Sighing, Holly followed suit.

Jake was in friendly mode when speaking to the hostess, who had a huge smile on her face as he spoke to her. Holly could see she was wondering how Holly could be with Jake.

The hostess hastily grabbed menus.

“We’re just going to have something to drink, please.” Jake smiled again.

Placing the menus down, she said, “Sure, follow me,” and led the way. Holly hated how he’d casually said that. They were taken to a table close by. 

“Do you have something more private?” Jake asked and the hostess looked at Holly again.

“Sure.” She then led them to a corner table. “How is this?”

Jake smiled. “Perfect, thank you.” He put his keys on the table with a folder and sat down. Holly looked at the folder before she took the chair opposite him. He ordered a Chivas on the rocks. She couldn’t help wondering what the hell was in the folder.

“Holly…” he asked her.

“Light beer, please,” she said, and the hostess disappeared.

Jake didn’t say a word. Instead, she found him glaring at her.

“Don’t look at me like that. I had no choice but to leave. If I’d stayed, you would’ve convinced me to get an abortion and I would’ve done it. I wouldn’t have been able to live with myself.”

“I would never have asked you to get an abortion.” He sounded disgusted. 

“I didn’t know that then. To me, you were this fucking idiot who had changed his mind.” Holly used the same tone he had, then looked at him again. How much longer was he going to blame her for all that had happened? “Believe me, you are not the only one angry here, Jake. Your mother is good at what she does. She said horrible things that day, and when you did pick up…” She shook her head and sniffed. “How was I supposed to know it was a recording from a conversation you never even mentioned?” 

“It wasn’t meant for you. I said those words to my mother.”

“I didn’t know it then, okay? If you’d just told me about that…” She wiped a tear with her hand. None of it mattered anymore.

“I didn’t want to upset you. You’d already dealt with so much.”

She shook her head.

“Why didn’t you phone me, fight, yell, anything?”

“Believe me, I attempted to call you, but it’s hard when my father is fighting with me on one side, telling me what an asshole you are for having dumped us like that, and my mother is telling me what-ifs don’t exist, well… not for us Scallangers. They have their faults, Jake, but they tried to make things easier on me back then, tried to spare me more hurt. They didn’t know any better. I wasn’t raised like you; I was taught to run when things couldn’t be sorted out, not fight for them. You grew up with siblings. Mine died when she was fifteen, and we hardly fought. So, I’m sorry I didn’t stay and fight, but I never had role models as you did.” She burst into tears. Jake just sat there. He was so angry, but she was, too. 

The waitress returned with their drinks and Jake thanked her again with a soft smile. As soon as she left them, he started asking more questions. Questions about her father, becoming angry again as to why she’d gone to the man she hated the most for help, when she hadn’t stayed and fought for someone she didn’t loathe. He just didn’t get it.

She didn’t want to make him see it either, because it was going to force her to tell him how she’d really felt back then. It would make her sound pathetic, and besides, she still felt the same way about him. So, they argued some more. 

He even asked her what happened that day, to recount it in her own words, which she hated to relive it again. He had an expression on his face that she couldn’t decipher. It was as if he didn’t believe her. Well, if Jamie wasn’t enough proof and Romalia’s death didn’t convince him, nothing would. She had evidence.

He picked up the folder and took out two forms. He slid them across the table to her.

“What are these?” Her voice broke as she continued to stare at the papers. If he thought she was going to sign her daughter away, he was in for a huge fucking surprise.

“Just sign them, please.”

“I’m not signing anything until I know what it is I’m signing.” She picked the forms up and was surprised to see the P&E logo on top of the one page, not a lawyer’s firm. Her eyes scanned the page and stopped when she saw her daughter’s name. “What is this for?” 

“I need you to give me permission to see their files.”

“Why?” 

“Because I need to know what happened. If I’m going to be able to get over this, I need to know everything, Holly.”

She shook her head. “Why didn’t you ask Frank or any of us today? We were there waiting.”

He didn’t say anything. 

“I’m not going to do that.”

“They are my children, too, Holly. I have all the right to know what Romalia died from. Frank can’t say much by law. Please, I need to see their files.”

“Then what, Jake? You are going to blame me more for not calling any of you. It’s in the past, we can’t go back and save her. She’s dead.”

He shook his head, his mouth slightly agape. It looked as if he was going to breathe fire. She hated the tears that welled up in his eyes, knowing it was because she’d said their daughter was dead, like she’d meant nothing. It was the total opposite. 

Jake continued to stare at her with his blue eyes, which were freaking her out. “You lost her five years ago. I lost her two days ago. A little more compassion wouldn’t kill you,” he said through clenched teeth as his voice broke.

“I didn’t mean it like that. Just let it go. You really don’t need to know.”

“I can’t.” He was adamant.

“Jake.” Please, God, just give me the strength I need.

“Holly, I need those files. Not negotiable.”

“Fine,” she said. She didn’t have the strength to fight. God hadn’t listened to her plea tonight. She grabbed his pen and signed the first one. She turned it over and found a second one with her name on it. Her files. “You don’t need mine.”

“It’s not for me, it’s for my dad.”

“It’s not going to help anything, Jake. It’s in the fucking past.”

“Just sign it, please. He learns a lot from cases like yours.”

She hated every second she was enduring his company, because it felt like she had no voice at all. Talking to a brick wall was more like it. “Fine,” she said, signing on the dotted line. “What else do you want me to hand to you on a fucking silver platter, Jake?”

He stared at her, but didn’t say anything.

“I can’t do this with you.” She was drained. She got up to leave.

“Holly, we are not done yet.”

“I want to get back to Jamie.”

“She’s with Amelia and your mom. She’s fine. We need to sort this out.”

Holly pinched her eyes and took a huge breath.

“Sit back down… please.”

The chair screeched loudly and she dropped into it, her jaw muscles pumping.

“Would you stop that? I have the right to be a bit pissed off, don’t you think?”

She stared at him in disbelief. “You have the right? What about me, Jake? You have no idea how any of this feels. Knowing that, for some stupid fucking reason, your mother never liked me. That she actually did what she did?” She couldn’t finish her sentence and wiped away her tears again. Angry tears. She’d tried to hide them, but it was no use.

“Holly, I can’t talk to you when you are crying.”

He was so fucking cold.

“I don’t want to sort anything out anymore,” she said to him, sniffing. “I knew you were going to blame me.” 

Jake looked sorry that he’d been so hard on her, but his eyes gave him away. He was still furious.

“You want the truth, Jake? It’s a mess. Everything is a fucking mess, and I don’t know how I’m going to tell a five-year-old anything without crushing her dreams. I’m tired. I just want to go home.” She sighed. She didn’t know how much she could take anymore. 

Jake looked down and shook his head. “No, it’s not going to be that easy. We are going to sit here until this is done.” 

Holly huffed. “What else do you want to know so we can be done with this?” she spat. She’d tried to protect her girls from someone she thought wanted to kill them. Why couldn’t he fucking see that?

“The bills.”

She took a huge breath. “They are paid for, Jake, my dad paid for everything.”

“I don’t give a flying fuck if he paid for everything, Holly. They were my responsibility.”

She chuckled. “You think my dad is going to accept any money from you? Best you think again. He won’t buy into this for one second, Jake.”

“I don’t need him to, Holly. I only need you to believe me.”

Sitting back, she sighed. Jake squinted at her, shock in his voice. “You do believe me, don’t you?” He didn’t look at her when she looked at him.

“It’s a lot to take in, Jake. Even you must admit that.” She sighed. “But I guess this is a normal reaction from someone who wanted something and didn’t get it, so… yes. I do believe that you didn’t throw us away.” She remembered that he’d wanted to get them a place to live in, their own home. He’d wanted a life with her.

“Then I’ll have the funds withdrawn and you or your mother can give it to him.”

She had to admit, Jake wanting to pay for everything was a relief. She wouldn’t owe Charles a cent anymore, and he wouldn’t be able to claim visitations from Jamie when she didn’t want to.

“Okay,” she said in a tired voice.

“And back-pay for child support.”

“No, Jake.” On this, she was putting her foot down.

“Holly.”

“She is my responsibility, too, not just yours.”

“She didn’t have the life she would’ve had if you’d stayed. Not negotiable, Holly.”

“I’m not going to take it.”

“Then I’ll give it to your mother. I’m sure she will be grateful for the money.”

“You think you know my mom just because you spent a day with her? You don’t, Jake. Jamie isn’t a homeless kid we found who turned out to be yours. She’s my kid. We sat with her for days when she got sick and believe me, she wouldn’t take it, either.” He was going to learn the hard way that money couldn’t buy everything.

“Then I’ll put it into a trust for Jamie.”

“That’s a great idea,” she said. “Anything else?” 

“Zürich.” Jake looked at her.

She’d forgotten about Zürich. What was she going to do? How was she going to do it? Her lower lip trembled softly, and dropping her head onto her arms, she began to cry.

Jake didn’t say a word. She wished he would get up and leave. From the silence, Holly was sure that he had left, but when she sniffed and looked up, he was still sitting in his spot, turning his drink around and around.

“Holly, I just want to know…”

“She’s staying, Jake, okay? She’s not going with me because it is a foreign country, one where she wouldn’t even understand the language. I’ll be working long hours and she would be miserable. So, my mom and I decided that she was going to stay here while I…” She covered her eyes with her fingers while resting her elbows on the table. “What kind of a mom would just leave her child for another year?” She didn’t care anymore if he was going to get annoyed with her.

Leaning forward, he stroked her arm, something she thought he would never do again. She ground her teeth. Jake was getting everything he wanted, and Holly was once again putting everyone else first. She looked at him.

“The kind who got dealt a shitty hand and is trying to give her child what she should have had to begin with, Holly. You are not a crappy mom, believe me, you are far from a crappy mom. I promise you, I’ll make sure you see her once a month while you’re in Zürich.”

“Jake.”

“Take it, please. You have suffered enough.”

She shook her head gently. What? He’d been fighting with her since they’d left the house, and now he was saying this? He was so confusing.

“Just take it… please.”

“Thank you,” she finally said. “We will need to sit down with my mom and arrange for visitations, see how that goes.”

Jake gave her a look. It was soft, but behind it was anger filled with something else.

Holly looked at her watch. “Jake, it’s really getting late.”

Nodding, he asked for the bill. “Just one more thing,” he said.

Her entire posture stiffened. “What?”

“All these years, you thought I dumped you, so how on earth could you allow yourself to have an affair with me, Holly?”

“Don’t, please. Not tonight.”

Sighing, Jake looked down at the table. “Okay.” 

The waitress brought the bill, and after working out the tip, he placed money in the folder and closed it. Holly had already gotten up and was walking to the door. She just wanted to go home.

She could hear Jake saying goodbye and thanking the waitress again as she pushed the door open. He followed close behind her. As soon as the car beeped, Holly opened the door and got in. Jake jumped into the driver’s seat as she closed her door.

After he started the car, he turned to her, saying, “I’m done fighting now.” Holly looked at him. “And I never want to hear you blame yourself again for Romalia’s death. You are the last person I blame, Holly.”

She continued to look at him, mouth agape. It certainly hadn’t felt like that tonight.

“I’m sorry I made you feel like I blame you, it just…” He grunted and stroked his face hard. “I’m really expecting to wake up any moment and not feel the way I feel.”

She didn’t like that. It made her feel as if he would rather have the lie again. She couldn’t even look at him.

“Holly?”

“It’s fine, Jake. I understand.”

“That’s not what I meant.” He turned the engine off. “Look at me.”

She did, with her arms folded across her ribcage.

“My mother told me that the formula wasn’t working, and that she begged you to wait for my dad, to speak to him.”

Holly shook her head. He really hadn’t known her at all. “You really think that I wouldn’t have gone to your father myself? I was terrified of your mom, Jake. Your father was one of my favorite people in the world.”

“I know. It’s why I didn’t believe her at first. We fought like hell. Bernie actually told her to her face that she was a psycho as she didn’t want to believe any of it, either.”

Holly smiled. Amelia told her the same thing this afternoon.

“But when you didn’t phone Bernie, she started having doubts.”

Tears welled up in Holly’s eyes. 

“Why didn’t you just phone her?”

She wiped at a stray tear. “Leo is your best friend. I made a choice to keep them safe and I thought I did the right thing. Phoning Bernie would’ve been wrong. That’s what I thought back then, okay? I didn’t know that if I actually had phoned her, well… that none of this would’ve happened.”

Jake went on to tell her about everything that took place five years ago. It all matched Amelia’s version. He hadn’t seen Leo and Bernie in the past two years. Leo had gotten a new job offer in California and they’d taken it. As far as what happened with Holly, it was hard on all of them when his mother informed them that Holly was going to abort the baby. She’d lied to them, made herself sound like a saint, and then had sat back and watched from the sidelines how her lies almost destroyed her family.

The hair on Holly’s arms rose as Jake told her how much it had messed him up, how he’d searched for her for months, and how his parents had found him fifteen miles from Seattle. He’d been so close. He’d had to see a psychiatrist then because he couldn’t cope, becoming a womanizer as a result, sleeping with hordes of women just to feel better, instead making him feel worse. 

When he met Kate—not something he really wanted to talk about—Holly knew she was the one who’d helped him move on with his life again, which in turn, made her an amazing woman, no matter how much Holly wished she wasn’t. The fact was that she’d been there for Jake when Holly left. It was unfair as she hadn’t wanted to leave him. She should’ve fucking stayed and waited for him. They’d had that real type of love and his mother couldn’t handle that, for whatever fucking reason, and it had driven a wedge between them. It would never work between Holly and Jake ever again.

“I’m glad you had her,” Holly said and smiled.

“Yeah.” He smiled, too, then started the car. He pulled out onto the road as Holly looked out the window again, silently wiping at another tear. This was why it was complicated, it was what he’d meant that night when she’d asked him to choose.

“So, did you enjoy the day?” he asked, smiling.

“Yes, I caught up on some sleep. You really think my mom will accept your money?” She had to know.

He smiled. “Your mom is one of the coolest women I’ve ever met, and it’s clear she loves you a lot. I’m glad you made peace with her.”

“Me, too. She hasn’t had a drop for the past six years and she’s a real rock, one I could count on and lean on when things got too hectic.”

“Too hectic? What… Jamie challenged you a bit?”

“Don’t get me started.”

He chuckled. 

Holly told him about school, how Jamie didn’t pay attention, and how the teachers had a hard time with her. She was really worried about that, but when Jake’s lips curved slightly at the corners, she could feel another Jake-thing coming on.

“She’s clever, Holly, and it’s normal for someone like her to feel bored with tasks that she can do. I went through the same thing.”

“You did?”

He nodded.

“How did you solve it?”

“I skipped a grade.”

“You skipped a grade?”

“She’s smart. A little genius, if you ask me. Who can blame her? She got it from both her parents.”

“I’m not that clever,” Holly said.

“Excuse me, do you have any idea how hard it is to even get into medical school for someone your age?”

“Yeah, and I did it.”

He laughed. “You are far from average, Holly.”

She couldn’t believe he was the same guy from earlier. He was the complete opposite, which made her miss him again. Why had he chosen Kate? She knew why, but she still didn’t want to accept that. Her mind flashed back to the night he’d said, “Not this shit again.” He hadn’t wanted to stop seeing her, but he got angry when she gave him an ultimatum—her or Kate—which resulted in him hitting the door. 

She should fight, like Amelia begged her this afternoon. The way he’d drilled it into her head tonight. She should fight for him. He couldn’t marry Kate, not when he had a daughter, one who was his flesh and blood. She couldn’t lose him again, not like this.

They stopped in front of the black gates. How had they gotten here so fast? If she opened her door and got out, it would be too late. She saw the gate open, and doubt filled her mind, but her heart and body did the opposite.

Holly went for it, didn’t think about it, just found herself on Jake’s lap, kissing him. He returned her kiss and it was fierce, like he wanted it, too. This was it. The right time to ask him again.

The kiss gave her some courage too.

She broke the kiss and dropped her head onto his shoulder and breathed in his scent. She’d missed him so much, only God knew how much.

“You cannot kiss me like that and not speak to me about it,” he whispered in her ear. Silence followed. She was dreading asking him the question. But he was still her Jake. He’d wanted them.

“Don’t marry Kate. Stay with us. Just come home and be with Jamie and me,” she begged, feeling an influx of tears coming and a lump forming at the back of her throat. She cleared her throat and sniffed hard. Her head was still on his shoulder; she didn’t want to see the expression on his face.

He didn’t say anything, just held her tight against him. He smelled so good. She couldn’t live without him. She’d tried and it was so hard. It wasn’t a money thing, either. She would chew rocks with him if it led to that. It was just... him. 

The silence knotted her stomach. She knew what his answer was going to be; he was going to Hawaii, he just didn’t know how to say it. Amelia was wrong. She felt so pathetic.

“Okay,” he said, making her heart stop.

In utter shock, she looked up at him. “What?”

He stroked the side of her head, curling a strand of hair gently behind her ear. “It’s not going to be easy canceling the wedding. Kate is… she’s a lot like my mom in so many ways. That kind of people doesn’t take no for an answer. But I have to admit something, Holly.” He looked at her neckline, before he looked her in the eyes. “I can live with Kate. We made it work for more than a year. If I marry her, it will work. I’m a tad apprehensive that when it comes to you. I’m scared you’ll run, leave without fighting for what you want the first time something goes sour.”

She didn’t like that one bit—it wasn’t who she was, just something she’d done back then to do the right thing. It hadn’t been easy for her to leave him.

“But I need to stop kidding myself.” A grin appeared on his lips. “I enrolled in a program at Zürich, which would’ve had me going there at least once a month, and I did it after you told me to choose. So, I wasn’t done with you yet.” He smiled at her. “And now that I know Jamie exists… I don’t want to miss another minute of her life. She’s wrapped me around her pinky finger. She is the most amazing little human being. I don’t want to live without either of you. My marriage to Kate would have never have survived.”

Blinking a couple of times in shock at his admission, she snapped out of her stupor and kissed him. Jake returned it with fervor. She was waiting for the sound of her alarm or something that was going to wake her up, but it didn’t come. Only a zing in her ears confirmed it wasn’t a dream. Jake had chosen her. He’d chosen Jamie. They were going to be a family.