AT EIGHT THE NEXT DAY, ALL STAFF WERE summoned to the auditorium—where they assembled once a month to discuss fatalities. However, as it wasn’t that time yet, Holly and a few members of staff looked at one another before heading out. 

Holly took the seat next to Rev. A few rows down, Tanya and her friends were making jokes.

Leaning over, she asked him, “Do you know what this is about?”

“Not a clue, but several strange things happened this weekend. It was as if I was stuck in the Twilight Zone.”

“Like what?” 

Before he could answer, Dr. Downsend and his wife, who also happened to be a doctor, walked up to the podium. They looked nervous.

Clearing his throat, he addressed the staff, excluding those not able to attend as they were in surgery.

“I must apologize for the abruptness of this meeting, but due to unforeseen events that took place over the weekend, there is no other way I can soften the blow regarding what I have to say. Just know, that for the past twenty-four hours, the board has tried their best to come up with a solution and looked at all our options. Unfortunately, there aren’t many.”

Holly looked at Rev, who was squinting in Dr. Downsend’s direction.

“It pains me to say this, but if we don’t find a partner soon, Downsend has no choice but to close.”

The shock was palpable. Everyone started to talk amongst each other. Holly felt as if she couldn’t breathe.

“Interns… I’m sorry, but you’ll have to look for openings at other hospitals. At this point in time, I doubt there are many available, but I do know P&E is willing to take on three.”

No way in hell could Holly go to P&E.

“We are contacting other training hospitals as we speak, but it will be impossible to place everyone.”

Deep down in her gut, Holly knew she was going to be one of them, since she’d already searched for other hospitals before settling on Downsend. She would rather quit than face the Peters to beg for a spot.

Dr. Downsend looked both defeated and apologetic when he went on to explain why the hospital was in this predicament. It amounted to fraud. Their head of accounting had robbed them blind, down to the last cent. There was absolutely no way they would ever be able to recuperate the money. The loss was catastrophic. Downsend’s buffer would only carry the hospital for another three months, whereupon their doors would close for good. Most debilitating was the fact that the ER had to be shut down immediately if they were to survive the next three months. It all sounded like a horror story.

As soon as they were dismissed, Tanya was the first to open her stupid mouth. “I’d say I’m sad, but not really. P&E only has two spots, because my cousin will definitely give me the third.”

Holly whirled. “Seriously, what’s wrong with you? Don’t you know when to keep your mouth shut? It’s so nice that your cousin can help you, but there are like a gazillion of us that won’t get placed, Tanya.”

“Holly,” Rev grunted.

“No, Rev. I’m sick of her. You are the most annoying little brat I’ve ever met.”

“Whatever. It’s not my fault I know people in life and you don’t.” She bumped Holly as she walked past. “Sour grapes if you ask me,” she whispered under her breath, but loud enough to be heard.

“Holly, was that really necessary?”

“No, Rev, that—” she pointed at Tanya’s back—“was unnecessary.” That girl made her so livid, she could scream. Just because her cousin was going to become a fucking Peters, Tanya thought she could do whatever she wanted. Holly hated that.

For the rest of the shift, all anyone talked about was their options. It was hard to not think about hers. She decided she was going home, that was it. Where she should’ve stayed in the first place.

Once home, she had a long soak in the bath after phoning her mother to share her not-so-good news. She started to cry, because no matter how hard she tried, fate wasn’t on her side, yet again.

Rod knocked on the door. Holly was having a glass of wine; she wanted to drink the whole bottle.

Without waiting for her permission, he entered. “I heard what happened, Holly.” He bent down to hug her. She wasn’t shy about being naked in front of Rod. He was like one of the girls and envied her boobs. Plus the suds covered everything.

“It doesn’t matter. I give up.”

“Give up, are you nuts? You can get one of the spots at P&E. Your grades are exemplary, Holly. Not to mention the fact that Somers was like a god in the old days. If they knew that the old fart trained you, it would be a done deal.”

“No. I told you, I’m not going to P&E.”

“Holly, seriously? Your career is at stake here.”

“I know, and it doesn’t matter. Just forget about it, okay? If I don’t find another place, I’m going home, quitting. This was a stupid idea to begin with. I mean, who starts medical school at the age of twenty-four?”

“Patch Adams started much later.”

“I don’t wear a red nose and make old ladies swim in SpaghettiOs. I’m not Patch Adams.” Getting up, she grabbed her towel and climbed out the bath.

“Holly, don’t be stupid.”

“I’m not going to P&E.”

“But they’re the best!”

“It’s how I feel. I’m not going to change my mind, Rod.”

Stomping off to her room, she got dressed in a T-shirt and a pair of boxers. “If you don’t mind, I’m tired. I want to sleep.”

“Okay, but think about it, please.”

She didn’t answer. P&E was not an option.

**********

For the next couple of weeks, the hospital had a different vibe clinging in the air, like a dense, dark cloud. Doctors and nurses alike were taking other positions, some even in other cities. 

Holly had absolutely no idea what she was going to do. She couldn’t go to P&E, but she really didn’t want to quit her first year as an intern, even though she’d told Rod as much, then have to start all over again.

What she didn’t understand was how the fuck Rod hadn’t worked things out yet. He worked with Jake every single day. Jamie was the spitting image of her father; they had the same color eyes, the same smile, and the same pitch-black hair. The only difference was that Jamie had Holly’s curls and her temperament. 

What-ifs don’t exist, she reminded herself. Get your head back in the game. What am I going to do?

“Holly!” Oliver yelled in her ear. 

She jumped. “Sorry, Ollie.”

He laughed. “It’s fine. Let me guess, you’re worrying about what to do next?”

She nodded. “I can’t go to P&E,” she said, cringing that she had to say can’t and not don’t want to.

“I don’t blame you. Most of those doctors walk with their noses in the air. It’s just a matter of time before they mess up.”

“You really believe that?”

“Holly.” He shook his head. “Let’s just say I get why you don’t want to go there. I wouldn’t, either.”

She smiled. It wasn’t really the reason she didn’t want to go there; she didn’t share Ollie’s opinion. They wouldn’t mess up for years to come, unless it was that person’s time, but not through a mistake. The Peters were perfectionists.

“I’m not going to tell you that everything is going to be okay, because I can’t see into the future, but I can give you the advice my nanna gave me.” His dark, smoldering eyes bored into hers. “Everything will end the way it’s meant to. Everything happens for a reason, so stop stressing. Things like this are out of our control.”

Holly smiled. “A doctor who believes in God. Ollie, I’m impressed.”

Throwing his hands up in the air, he shouted dramatically, “Finally!” They both burst out laughing. His beeper went off. “I’ve got to run,” he said, walking backward. “Don’t stress, otherwise you are going to end up in here.”

Laughing, she challenged, “Is that doctor’s orders?”

“Definitely.” 

Ollie turned and ran, leaving Holly with a smile on her face as she shook her head. She continued to watch him for a few seconds. Why she couldn’t fall for a guy like Ollie was all Jake’s fault. He sure hadn’t had any problems getting over her, though. Why was the fact that he was getting married bothering her so much?

He didn’t want you, or his babies. As she took a deep breath, her beeper vibrated against her hip. It read 911 and gave Holly the room number she needed to get to. Turning on her heel, her hunger pangs forgotten, she made her way back to Ellie’s room. The five-year-old had been in and out of hospital ever since Holly started working in pediatrics—leukemia was an unforgiving disease.

Nearing the patient’s room, she heard the heart machine screeching—Ellie was flatlining. Nurses were trying their best to control the mother when Holly stepped in. Grabbing gel for the defibrillator paddles, she smeared it gently over Ellie’s fragile body. Connie had lost it completely. Holly knew it was exactly the way she would act if it was Jamie, but that wasn’t the moment to think about it.

“Get Connie out of here, now!” she yelled at Aggie, who had started on the fourth floor full-time after the ER closed. The kindhearted nurse led Connie out the room.

“Come on, Ellie. This is not the age to die,” Holly whispered softly, jolting electricity through her heart again. Please, God, please, she begged. The next jolt changed the rhythm of Ellie’s heartbeat. Everyone worked fast in stabilizing Ellie, and when Holly was confident that she was safe from her close encounter with death, she went in search of Connie. She paused at the door and looked at one of the nurses. “Page Dr. Matthews. She should get here as soon as she can.”

“She’s stable.” Holly touched Connie’s arm gently, and the woman pulled her into a tight hug. 

“Thank you, thank you, thank you.”

“You should thank Him.” Holly gestured upward. “I’m just the doctor on call.”

Connie nodded.

“At the moment, there isn’t much else we can do until Dr. Matthews gets here. I will make Ellie her first priority. I’d advise you to get some rest. She is safe here.”

Connie nodded again, thanking Holly before she went back into Ellie’s room.

“That’s the third time this month,” said Sue, a nurse who reminded her of Aggie. Standing next to each other, the two could be mistaken for siblings. Her big black eyes reminded Holly of the old woman in The Princess and the Frog movie Jamie loved so much. She wasn’t that old, but she sure had a kind and funny nature.

“I know. I hope Teresse comes up with a solution quick. I don’t know how much more she can take.”

“Holly, you are a young doctor. Most of the time, these patients don’t pull through.”

“She’s too young. Teresse can’t give up.” She gave Sue a stern eye. “I’m not ready to give up on her, either, and neither should you.”

“I’m not giving up.”

“Good,” Holly stated, then left. She could hear Becca, a fellow nurse, chirping behind her back, but she couldn’t care less. Holly hadn’t taken the stand to promise she was going to let people die, she’d promised to save lives and that was what she intended to do. Little girls should not die at the age of five—children shouldn’t die, period. They should run around and play. We’ll find a way to pull Ellie through this.

*********

Opening her eyes the next morning, the doubt of her future rested heavily on her chest.

She woke up in her room. Nowadays, whenever she lay her head on a pillow, she had no idea where she was when she woke; hospital or home, that was how exhausting it had all become. Today was the day she would get an answer, and a part of her told her that it wasn’t going to be good.

“You are very quiet today,” observed Rod while they ate their cereal together at the breakfast nook.

“I’m just scared.”

“Then take the position at P&E.”

“I told you, I’m not going to P&E,” Holly said for the thousandth time.

“Holly, you’re being stubborn.”

“It’s okay, really. I’ve sort of made peace with going home. I think it’s for the best. I miss Jamie and—”

“Stop hiding behind Jamie. It’s just a hospital, Holls. It’s less than six months.”

She shook her head. I can’t! But she didn’t say it out loud. How could she ever go to P&E? It was a miracle that she hadn’t run into Jake yet. It would be disastrous if she showed up at P&E as the new intern from Downsend. Not to mention all the questions she would have to answer about why she wanted to become a doctor. Jake would think it was because of himself, that she was too lame to let him go, and that it was her way of holding on to him. It was a dumb excuse, but not the reason she wanted to become a doctor. She couldn’t tell him her reason, though. She would simply say nothing, and he would have no choice but to think it was because of him.

They left at around five-thirty for work. It was still dark outside, and Rod didn’t even say goodbye when he dropped her off at Downsend.

She knew he was pissed off, but how the fuck was she going to tell him that the doctor he praised and wished to be like one day was the same guy he despised? That she’d lied and given him a false name? Everything would change. Rod would refuse to work with Jake. She couldn’t allow that to happen; he needed to be the best neurosurgeon the world had ever seen.

Those who remained at Downsend were nervous about today. Notices had been put up around the hospital on every floor, reminding staff that today was the day. Doctors would be called in first, followed by nurses. In twenty minutes, Holly would know her fate.

In the intern changing rooms, she went to her locker right at the end and practically fell onto the bench. Taking a deep breath, she closed her eyes and prayed for a miracle. One that wouldn’t close Downsend, maybe one that would help her once she got home, far away from Jake, where she could finish her internship in peace without having to look over her shoulder.

Her thoughts were interrupted when a group of interns walked in. Holly rolled her eyes. Why she couldn’t click with them was beyond her. Rod was their age, and he was her best friend. Then again, Rod was years older than them mentally.

“It’s a done deal. When Downsend closes, I’m going to P&E,” Tanya said. “Kate is marrying Macaroon. And he’s already vouched for me.”

“Macaroon?” Tiffany queried.

“It’s what the P&E interns call him.”

They laughed as Holly shook her head.

Grabbing her scrubs, she put on her wheelie shoes. It fit with her mental picture of pediatrics, even though she’d really wanted to become a heart surgeon. Just another thing that the Peterses would use to make her into a pathetic woman who wasn’t able to let go of the past. Kate was a heart surgeon, too; she had graduated with Jake. 

She really had to stop thinking about them. It was not good for her. Besides, what-ifs didn’t exist. It would be good thing if she went home, away from all of them.

All set to start her shift, she went down to the auditorium. Spotting Rev, she flopped down into the chair next to his. Tanya and her gang took the chairs in the row in front of them. The place filled up quickly. Staring at the back of Tanya’s head, Holly thought that no matter what she did, she couldn’t find a way to like her. Tanya was a bully and only thought about herself. Embers had gotten what he wanted from her, and three years down the line she would turn out to be just like her cousin. It was a good thing, too, that she no longer worked with her. The constant competing for scrub-ins would’ve gotten the better of Holly.

Once the staff were settled in their seats, Dr. Downsend took the stand. Silence filled the room—you could hear a pin drop if someone had one to drop. 

Clearing his throat, he began to speak. “I know you’re all scared about your futures, of not knowing what will happen. But, I just want to take this moment to thank the nurses who’ve stuck around to help out.” He exhaled, loudly. “Now that that is out of the way, I’ve got some good news.”

Holly held her breath.

“We have found a partner willing to help out financially with our expenses, which will enable us to keep Downsend open. In fact, we are going to expand. New equipment will start arriving within the next couple of days. We’ll be back on track in no time at all.”

Not a sound was made, because everyone simply stared at him. Holly, on the other hand, didn’t know if she should cheer. Her heart was pounding. Had she heard him correctly? She’d been dead sure that the only place she was going was home, going so far as to tell her mother of how big of a possibility that was.

Now that Downsend would remain operational, it meant that she would be staying, and it once again meant that she’d have to continue to keep herself invisible from the Peterses for another seven months. A part of her wanted to cry. It was all too tiring and stressful. How could one be both happy and sad at the same time?

So deep in thought was she, she missed all the cheering. When it died down, Dr. Downsend continued. “I’m happy to announce that our new partner is only a fifteen-mile drive from us.”

Holly’s eyes grew as she shrank down in her chair. Please, don’t say it. Please… please… please!

“I’m talking about P&E, namely, the Peters.”

Cheers broke out once more. And all Holly could do was drop her head into her hands. She was jinxed, she had to be. This was her worst nightmare come true. Part of her wanted to quit right there and then. And horror of horrors, the voice she heard next sent chills down her spine.

“When we heard that Downsend was in a serious predicament—” Mara’s voice reverberated around the room. Holly could only look through her fingers, but kept her body hidden. “—we knew there was absolutely no way we could, or would, let Downsend die. We are honored that we are in a position to help out, and before you know it, Downsend will be one of the best hospitals in the world, right alongside P&E.”

Applause broke out, as Mara mentioned the salary increases attendings would receive for their loyalty. Holly felt like she was in a parallel universe, wishing that whatever was happening would end. An awful feeling twisted her gut. The memories of that not-so-long-ago day, the one on which Mara screamed at her that Jake didn’t want the baby… Where others saw this beautiful saint, Holly saw that day. The woman was a monster.

She really didn’t want to run into Jake, but Mara… she couldn’t ever bear to be in that woman’s presence as long as she lived. 

“We won’t be personally involved with Downsend, per se, but some of our doctors will do consultation work now and then.”

Sighing with relief, Holly felt more at ease. Still, she would do anything to be able to crawl out of the room unnoticed, and go hide out on the stairs until her next shift. As soon as the meeting concluded, she was practically the first one to exit, head down, hot-footing it out of there. So desperate was her haste to escape, she ended up on the stairs faster than it actually took to get there, thanking the good Lord above she hadn’t bumped into either Mara or Gus.

Dialing her mother’s number, she sat down. On hearing Jane’s voice, words spewed out of her mouth so fast, Jane couldn’t get a hold on what she was saying.

“Holly, calm down. What is going on?”

“The Peters… they’ve just become Downsend’s partners! Mom?”

“Calm down. Take a deep breath. Whatever happens, happens, sweetheart. Don’t get yourself into a state of distress.”

“It’s not that easy, Mom. What if—”

Jane cut her off immediately. “What-ifs do not exist, Holly. You know that. All you can do is take each day as it comes. What you must not do is start losing your head with all of this. You worry about things that may not even happen. They are partners, that’s it. Just seven more months, then you’re back home.”

Holly blew air out through tight lips. “Fine! How is Jamie?”

“She’s perfect, sweetheart. Just dropped her off at school.”

“I really don’t want to be here anymore, Mom.”

“You have no choice. You need to finish, Holly. You can’t give up. If you do, you’re letting them win. Don’t let them win.”

Holly sighed. “You’re probably right. Besides, what else am I going to do?”

“That’s my girl.”

“Speak to you later?”

“Of course. Love you.”

“Love you, too, Mom. Big hugs.” Swiping her finger across the screen, she disconnected the call, then switched her phone off.