RODNEY WASN’T HAPPY ABOUT IT, AT ALL. After much thought, Holly decided to share the Embers ordeal with him. They argued, which nearly led to her blurting out the truth about Jake.

“I can’t take that chance. I have no proof, Rod.”

He glared at her, fuming, and rubbed his face. “Fine, but I swear, if he hurts you in any way, I’m storming into that fucking hospital and I will break his fucking neck, you hear?”

For Rod to swear twice in one sentence proved how upset he was. 

All she did was nod. She changed the subject. “I got leave, by the way. Downsend didn’t even ask questions.”

“Why would he?” Rod asked.

“I don’t know. I just didn’t think it would be that easy.”

His face fell. “I tried. Jake is extremely busy in November, because he’s going to take off from mid-June up until July for his wedding, and he needs all the help he can get.”

“It’s fine, you didn’t promise her, remember? You said you’d try your ‘damn’ best. And you have.” She laughed at the memory.

“I know, but it will be the first one I’m going to miss, Holly.”

“She’ll understand, Rod.”

“I hope so. I miss her too, you know.”

“I know you do.”

He smiled. “She phoned me today.”

Holly froze. “What do you mean she phoned you?” Her heart beat like crazy.

“We were busy with a procedure when my phone rang. One of the nurses took the call and put her on loud speaker.”

Holly wanted to vomit. Jake heard her voice! Shit. Did he speak to her? Why had her mother allowed that?

“Holly, it’s not the end of the world.”

“It’s not that. I just don’t like it when she bothers you while you’re working. Next time, don’t answer your phone, okay?”

“It was just to say hi.”

“It doesn’t matter. If you want to speak to her, do it outside of working hours. I’ll speak to my mom about this.”

Rod frowned at her. “Hey, it’s not a problem, really.”

She ignored him and went to her room. Picking up her cell, she dialed her mother’s number.

“Hey, baby.”

“Jamie phoned Rodney,” she whispered.

“Holly, she missed him. I didn’t think it was going to be a huge deal.”

“Mom, he works with Jake. She was put on loudspeaker. There’s no doubt he must have heard her voice.”

“He is? Since when?”

“Oh, please. If this goes south, I’m blaming you.”

“Baby, calm down. I’m sorry. It will never happen again.”

“I knew this was going to be a mistake. I should’ve never come here.”

“Holly, stop that. You’ve done great so far. Just take it easy.”

She sighed loudly.

“I’m sorry. I really didn’t know Rod was working with Jake.”

“Rod is like his prodigy or something.”

Jane huffed. “I take it he hasn’t put two and two together yet.”

“No, and we’re not telling him either, Mom. Just don’t let Jamie phone him again.”

“Okay, baby. I’m truly sorry.”

“It’s fine. Love you.”

“Love you more.”

Disconnecting the call, she lay on her bed thinking of every way this could have turned out horribly wrong. Jake was going to find out about Jamie, sooner rather than later. She could feel it in her gut.

*********

Over the next few weeks, Holly stayed on the fourth ward. She only went to the cafeteria with Teresse or with one of the nurses—Dennis, Katelynn, Aggie, or Sue.

The nights Embers worked, she made sure she shared a room with Rev or one of the girls when she took naps. To her surprise, nothing happened. Then again, she was being overly careful.

The weekend of the 13th drew nearer. It was cold, and the expected snow wasn’t far off. She could feel it in the air. Rod had helped her pay for the plane ticket—an early Christmas present. She couldn’t believe she wasn’t going to spend Christmas with her baby.

Boarding the plane late Friday afternoon, Holly was homeward bound. The flight wasn’t at all long, a mere six hours, but it felt like she’d been traveling forever.

When the plane finally landed, she couldn’t wait to get her ass to the terminal where her baby was waiting for her. Rod and Holly had scraped money together to buy a doll she’d really, really wanted. They’d wrapped it up together and got her a beautiful card to go with it.

Rod felt awful for not being able to join them. So bad, he called Jamie the night before to give her the bad news. She’d been sad, of course, but knowing that her mommy was going to be there trumped the sadness. She was beyond excited.

Before boarding the plane, she’d texted Rod telling him not to sulk on Sunday. Jake would only ask him why he was walking around with a long face, and he would probably tell him. Not that Jake would know she was his by that alone, but he would when he inevitably bumped into Holly, more than likely with Rod at her side. He’d put two and two together for sure then. She didn’t mention any of this to her friend.

She didn’t know whether he’d replied, as she’d had to switch her phone off for takeoff. Now that they’d landed, she switched it back on.

Immediately, a message came through.

I promise; besides, I’m going to spend the entire day in the ER. Jake is fitting in as many patients as he can. Safe flight.

She felt horrible for being angry that Jake wouldn’t take the time to see Ty. She knew Jake was busy. Hell, she saw how exhausted Rod was whenever he was home. She pushed the thoughts to the back of her mind as she scanned the baggage claim area.

“Mommy!” a tiny voice shrieked.

Smiling, she shoved her phone into her pocket and ran. Jamie flew straight into her arms. Holly scooped her up, twirling her about, kissing her beautiful face repeatedly. She had to fight back the joyful tears. The memories and photos she paged through regularly didn’t beat holding her daughter in her arms.

Putting Jamie back down, she ran her eyes over her daughter. Her hair had gotten a trim. She was breathtakingly beautiful.

Jamie cackled when Holly tickled her.

“Did you miss me?” 

“So much, as much as all the stars in the sky, and all the sand in the ocean.” Jamie’s eyes sparkled as she said it. “Did you find the rainbows?”

Holly’s heart wanted to break, but she smiled. “No, baby. I tried, but they disappeared when I got too close. I’m so sorry.”

She shook her head, her raven-black curls dancing with the movement. “It’s okay. I didn’t want you to get too close.”

Holly smiled. “You will never lose me like that. I promise.”

Turning, she gave her mother a hug. Deciding on a quick lunch, they ordered burgers and coffee, while Jamie played. Jane asked her about everything, obviously. Holly covered everything from Embers to Jake, to Rod and the apartment, and then their roommates.

Midafternoon, they stopped off at a park so Jamie could burn off some of her energy. Typical of her, she quickly made two friends. After two hours of watching the kids play games, they headed back home. 

Holly had missed her bed and the familiar smell of home. Not to mention holding her bean in her arms. She’d missed her a lot.

Saturday flew by in a whirlwind. Jamie spent the morning with Frank, as both Jane and Holly had a million things to get ready for Jamie’s party. When Frank brought her back to the apartment, her eyes were like saucers once she saw all her presents. Then she saw her mother and grandmother, who were dressed like Cinderella and the fairy godmother respectively.

Tears swam in Holly’s eyes at the thought of Rod. He would have more than likely dressed up as a prince or one of the stepsisters. Her thoughts turned to Jake and his family. If things had not turned out as they had, what would Jamie’s birthday party be like if that fucking family were there? Gus had once thrown on a dress to support Amelia with a cause she didn’t believe in one hundred percent. If she had, she would’ve never sided with her brother. Would they have dressed up for Jamie, too?

Her eye caught Frank’s. He was gazing at her with soft and somewhat sad eyes. She blinked the tears away, and tried to be happy for what she did have. What-ifs didn’t exist.

8*********

Holly lit the candles on Jamie’s princess cake. “Come baby, come blow out your candles. Remember to make a wish.”

Jamie scrunched up her eyes as she took a deep breath to blow out her candles. With a big whoosh sound, Jamie managed to extinguish all the candles out on her first try.

“So, what did you wish for?” Charles asked his granddaughter when she sat on his lap to open her presents. He’d arrived fifteen minutes before Holly brought the cake out.

“If I tell you, it won’t come true,” she answered.

Holly laughed. Jamie tore open the first present, which just happened to be the one from her and Rod.

“It’s gorgeous, Mommy.” She lifted the box up, eyes twinkling. Jane got up and help her separate the doll from its box while Jamie rambled about how she’d always wanted the Jenny doll.

“It’s from me and Rod.”

“Can I call him?” she asked.

“No, he’s working, baby. But he promised he would call you, okay? No more sneaky phone calls to him, Jamie. He’s very busy saving lives.”

“You know about that?” The look on her face was one of pure guilt—it made her look increasingly like Jake.

“I told you mommies know everything.”

Jane cupped her mouth to hide her laugh so Jamie would realize this was a stern moment, but Jamie burst into a fit of giggles anyway. 

The rest of the afternoon zoomed by. Holly filmed a couple of videos on her phone to show to Rodney when she got back to Boston. 

The party drew to an end, and everyone exchanged goodbyes. Holly and Jamie gave Frank a tight hug for helping out with the party. Even though her mother wasn’t dating him anymore, he’d become a good family friend. The Scallanger girls were a lucky to have him in their lives, especially Jamie, whom he treated as if she were his own granddaughter.

When everyone was finally out the door, Holly scooped up a very tired Jamie and plonked her down in a bubble bath with her bath toys. Her phone rang on the sink counter. Holly wiped her hands on a towel when she saw Rod’s face lighting up her screen. She swiped the button on her screen.

“I wondered when you were going to phone.”

“Shit, I’m so sorry. I didn’t forget. I literally just stepped out of a twelve-hour surgery. Can I speak to her?”

“I’m going to put you on speakerphone. She’s in the bath.”

“Okay, how was today?”

“Really good. We missed you.”

“I wish I could have been there.”

“Us, too. Okay, hang on, I’ll put her on.” Holly turned around before pressing the speaker button on her phone. “There’s a special call for you,” she said. 

Jane popped her head through the door and mouthed, “Is that Rod?”

Holly nodded and Jane slipped into the bathroom, taking a seat on the closed toilet.

“Hello, baby.”

“Roddy! Did you forget?”

“No, never!”

Jamie giggled. “I miss you.”

“I miss you more than all the stars in the sky and the sand in the ocean.”

“Not fair, Mommy already said that.”

“Okay… how about all the ants on earth?”

“Wow, that’s a lot.”

Holly and Jane laughed.

“You ready for your birthday song?”

“Yes! Go!”

Rod laughed. “Okay, I’ve asked a couple of friends to help me, okay?”

Holly’s stomach knotted, and she closed her eyes. Please not Jake. Please, please, please. When she opened them again, Jane was looking at her with concern. They held each other’s eyes for a few seconds.

“Okay, here it goes.”

Rod started to sing in a rap style, then another guy joined in. Two girls followed, which sounded like Julia and Bridgette. Jamie giggled at Rod’s rapping and the beatboxing sounds he was making.

“Happy birthday, Jamie!” they all shouted, followed by a huge round of applause in the background.

The fucking idiot was there, she just knew it.

Rod gave Jamie the sweetest birthday wish then ended the call.

Holly spent the entire night worrying. What if Jake asked Rod who exactly they’d done that for? Or worse, asked for a photo and Rod, not knowing any better, provided it for him? All the possible scenarios were making her stomach turn. But to her surprise, she didn’t hear from Rod again.

Dinner came and went for the three Scallanger girls. They’d ordered Chinese takeout—Jamie’s favorite—and lit five candles on another cake for Romy. Sad as it was, it was something Holly did every year. She felt the need to celebrate Romy’s birthday even though she wasn’t with them. It was a tradition, and she doubted she’d ever stop. She hugged Jamie close, cuddling her tightly, needing the comfort only her daughter could give her. The five-year-old was beat, and though she tried her best to keep her eyes open, exhaustion won and she lost the battle to dreamland.

Picking her daughter up gently, Holly carried her into her room and settled her into her double bed. She only had one more day before she had to go back to Boston. She hated saying goodbye. Placing a kiss on Jamie’s forehead, Holly went to the bathroom and broke down, crying uncontrollably. Her heart ached for the daughter she never got to bring home. Even though Jamie was the light of her life, her reason for breathing, she missed Romalia so much. When would her loss become bearable? Would it ever? The pain that gripped Holly shook through her body. She trembled as she clutched at her chest.

A knock on the door had Holly wiping at her face with shaking hands. Jane opened the door and walked over to Holly. She wrapped her arms around Holly and held her as she emptied her sorrow onto her mother’s chest.

“Why don’t you come sit with me for a while? We’ll have a glass of wine,” Jane said in a cracked whisper.

Holly nodded and followed Jane into the living room. She sank down onto the sofa, and a minute later Jane took the seat next to her and handed her a glass of wine. Jane’s eyes were red-rimmed. Jane took hold of Holly’s free hand and gave it a squeeze. “I miss her too, baby, so much. I know your heart breaks with every milestone Jamie reaches.”

Holly said nothing, merely took a big gulp of wine. She blew out a breath. They sat in silence for a few moments, but gradually started talking. Holly voiced her fears about going back to Boston.

“Holly, you’ve kept a low profile for five months. You’re almost halfway through. You can do it.”

“What about Jamie, Mom?”

“Don’t worry about her so much. That’s why I’m here, isn’t it? I’ve talked to her about you coming home for a couple of days here and there. She may be young, but she understands and is well prepared.”

“Thank you. I know you’re right, but I miss her so much when I’m away. I should be here.”

“Life isn’t always fair. I thought you’d learned that by now. Sometimes we need to do things we don’t like to give our children a better future.”

“I know.”

Holly drained her glass and decided to call it a night. She had limited time left with Jamie, and she wanted to cuddle up next to her. She gave her mother a tight hug, stood up, and headed off to bed. 

Holly lay still in her bed for some time, silent tears for Romalia streaming down her face. There should’ve been two of everything today; two presents, two birthday girls, two cakes with two sets of candles to be blown out at the same time. A rush of hate bubbled in her stomach at the Peters having decided to side with Jake and honor his wishes. She really didn’t want to go back to Boston.

Eventually, exhaustion took over and she fell asleep next to her baby girl. 

She woke up with Jamie at her side, where she belonged. She sighed and reluctantly got out of bed. She took a quick shower and got dressed, then woke Jamie up and got her ready.

They joined Jane in the kitchen for breakfast before heading off to church. A wave of sadness tinged the day. Holly kept having to remind herself that she was working so hard to give Jamie a better life. Lunch at the airport with Charles, Gabby, Jane, and Jamie was a bittersweet affair. She was departing at one. She wished she could have gotten a later flight, but there hadn’t been one, and a connecting flight would only get her to Boston at around eight the next morning. Her shift started at six.

It was hard to say goodbye again. Jamie wanted to know how many more sleeps before she visited again, but Holly had no idea what to tell her. She thought for a moment, and told her it would be a lot of sleeps, a bit longer than it had been this time around.

This time, Jamie didn’t get bored with the ten long kisses. She wrapped her arms around Holly’s neck, so tightly. Neither of them wanted to let go. Holly swallowed. It was much harder to leave her daughter than the first time around.

The loudspeaker crackled with the announcement that passengers needed to board the plane.

Kissing Jamie one last time, she broke their hug. “Love you baby. Speak to you tonight, okay?”

“Love you more.”

Holly forced a giggle, but all she really wanted to do was cry. “Not possible.”

Getting up, she kissed her father quickly, said goodbye to Gabby, and hugged her mom. “Thanks for everything, Mom. Love you.”

“Love you more.”

Holly smiled, and with a wave, walked through the boarding gate.

Once seated, the tears rolled down her face. She should not be on that plane. She should be home with her daughter who needed her. Just one more thing to add to the Why I Hate Jake list.