JAKE

“AND YOU THINK THIS WHY, JAKE?”

“I don’t know, Blair. I’m just telling you what I’m experiencing.” Jake was sitting on the white couch again, the one he’d thought he’d never see for the rest of his life. Until three days ago, when he suddenly couldn’t breathe.

“You think it has anything to do with... say… getting married?”

Jake chuckled. “It’s not cold feet. They are toasty warm. But seeing them everywhere…” He rubbed a hand over his face in frustration. It felt unreal, like he was stuck in the Twilight Zone. He sounded utterly stupid. Pathetic. “…Doesn’t help.”

“Them. So what, you can’t say the name now?”

Jake sighed. “I don’t know what it means. Maybe I’m not ready to get married. I don’t know. That’s why I’m here. Again.”

“Jake, you sorted all this out two years ago.”

“I know. But it’s like fate doesn’t want me to be happy.”

“Bull,” Blair countered. He couldn’t help but laugh. “You are the only patient that I can be totally open with, the only one I can tell how I truly feel. You have all the right in this world to be happy. You survived something horrible no one should ever have to go through, and you got out by moving forward. Just look at what you have achieved. Seeing strawberry blondes everywhere isn’t fate telling you not to marry Kate.”

“Seeing real strawberry blondes, not the bottle kind.”

Blair looked up at the ceiling, closed her eyes, and smiled.

“I never used to see them. Now they pop up like daisies everywhere. It’s weird.”

“It’s not fate, Jake,” she said, looking back at him.

“Then what, it’s a test? I’m starting to feel as if I’m going to lose my mind again. What if I fail this test?”

“How are you going to fail it, by running after all of them and what, screwing their brains out?”

Jake almost choked.

“You are not that Jake anymore.”

He gave her a puppy-dog look.

“I don’t know why they’re popping up, er… like daisies. All I know is that you are past this. You don’t need me anymore.”

“Then why do I feel—”

“Jake, do you hear yourself? Look at you. You’re doing so well. Don’t let a couple of strawberry blondes make you feel otherwise.”

It was silent for a while. 

“You still see her in every one of them?”

Jake nodded. “For about five seconds and then it disappears, revealing whoever that person really is.”

Blair sighed. “You are wired differently than most of my patients. If you weren’t so bloody smart, and your mother wasn’t one of my best friends, I would’ve chucked you in an asylum.”

Jake laughed. “I wasn’t far from locked up once.”

“Bull again. You are strong, and seeing these women…”

“Yeah, you’ve said it already.”

“It’s the truth. Be happy, Jake. Only you can make that happen.”

“Okay, fine.” He got up, and took a deep breath. “So what do I do with these urges whenever I see one?” he joked.

“What urges? I thought we were past this.” She was getting upset.

Jake started to laugh. “Just joking. No urges.”

She rolled up a piece of paper and chucked it at him. “Just go, before I truly admit you to a nuthouse!” she yelled after him as he closed the door.

Cido smiled at him with bright, beautiful white teeth as he passed the reception desk. 

“I’ve made a weekly appointment for you again. Hope you don’t mind.”

Jake grimaced. “Cancel them, Cido. I’m fine. Don’t need to come and see the loon anymore.”

She giggled; they used to joke that it took a loon to treat a loon.

“Man, and here I was excited to see your sweet ass every week again,” she flirted, without an ounce of shyness in her tone.

“Sorry about that. This ass needs to get back to the hospital.” Walking toward the door, he swung it open as fast as he could and ran down the step two at a time. He hated the flirting. 

When he opened the door that led outside, he almost walked into another strawberry blonde. The real kind. “So, so sorry. Are you okay?” He looked at her, and all he saw was Holly’s face. His heart contracted. Closing his eyes, he took a deep breath, and when he opened them again, she had disappeared.

“I’m…” the woman cleared her throat. “…I’m fine, thanks,” she said, her cheeks flushed.

Jake apologized again, stepped to the side to allow her access, then closed the door once she’d entered the building.

Ten altogether now. Ten fucking strawberry blondes in three days. And they were all natural, not bottle enhanced. That was something he could tell a mile away, since it had an awful chemical reaction that turned their hair a pinkish or orangey hue, which was just hideous.

He blew out a breath, his lips vibrating, and walked to his SUV. A part of him thought that he was never going to get over what happened four years ago. Ever. But Blair was right; he had to move on, he had to be happy. Even if it was just for his family. He’d put them through so much already. They didn’t deserve any more shit.

HOLLY

Before Holly knew it, the first month was over. Just another three and she could go home to see Jamie for her fourth birthday.

Her roommates weren’t that bad. Okay, Rev was a total slob, but she was grateful for him and his car, which meant the days he didn’t work, and she did, he left her the car. It was fabulous.

Bridgette was a tall blonde. She was curvy but not fat and really had the most beautiful face. She was funny too, and Rod had connected with her the same way Holly had. 

Julia was this tiny petite thing with long brown hair and big, brown doe eyes. She was also one of those girls who couldn’t stop talking about Macaroon. 

Holly hated every moment she talked about her fantasies aloud, and to top it all off, for the past two weeks she’d had to listen to lengthy descriptions of how perfect Jake was, as Rodney scrubbed in almost every day with him. It wasn’t like she could have avoided it. Rod was gifted, a go-getter. Jake could choose who he wanted to work with; it seemed Rod, even though he was only an intern, had earned that privilege. Nothing scared her friend off. He was a neurologist’s dream, clever as hell, and knew as much about the brain as Holly knew about hearts. He had a steady pair of hands, as all doctors should have, but his were near perfect, and his reflexes were crazy fast. Holly was sure he would give Jake a run for his money when he finally came into his own. Dealing with death was another of his strong points. Holly, on the other hand, hadn’t yet had the opportunity to find out how she would deal with death. 

Rod had already lost three patients—or rather, Jake had lost three while Rod was scrubbed in with him. All three had been given a ten percent chance at recovery due to their tumors, which by any normal standards were crazy huge. Rodney couldn’t stop chattering about it whenever they saw one another, even though their time was limited. He’d learned, in one month alone, more than he’d learned in his four years at med school. 

What Rod was learning from Jake was more precious than her feelings, and she would never rob that from him just because she couldn’t stand hearing about Jake.

Most doctors wouldn’t even treat tumors that size or dare remove them, but Jake wasn’t one of them. Holly still admired that about Jake, the Jake Rod had in his head. Not the Jake who’d shunned her and their babies. She just hoped Rod never told Jake the story about his friend who refused to work at P&E. 

Thankfully, she hadn’t run into him yet. There were only eleven more months to go before she was home free. But it cost her a lot, since she spent most of her time at home while the others went to the bar near P&E. Often, she’d even pretend to be too old for the crowd when they went to the beach.

Despite all the downs, Holly wasn’t doing badly at Downsend. Dr. Embers afforded her numerous opportunities to learn. One day, she was asked to answer questions in a presentation of a case that had gone terribly wrong. She provided several scenarios that could have been attempted, at which most of the attendings merely looked at her, mouths agape. Holly had a great love for hearts, and Somers had taught her so much in the two years she’d spent at his free clinic. 

As for Tanya Niagelli, the girl hated every second of it. Girls like her, who’d come from a ‘royal’ doctor family, thought everything would be handed to them on a silver platter because of their last names. Not this time, and not at Downsend. 

Holly had been wrong about Embers. True, he checked her out way too much for her taste, but that was about it. He never grabbed her or made her feel uncomfortable in a way she couldn’t stand. It helped that he was excellent at his work. They talked easily to one another, and she got to know him as a family man, which made her think her first impression of him had been wrong. 

Rev still had his doubts, however. He continued to warn her to watch out for the old player.

But Holly laughed it off, practically running after Dr. Embers like a lost puppy to do rounds or whatever might lead to scrub-in time. She scrubbed in at least once a week, a rarity for an intern’s life. Most of them admitted patients, counted stock, or did rounds with doctors in their first years. She was one of the lucky ones.

This morning was her first big surgery. She was both nervous and excited at the prospect, since it would be a five-hour ordeal. She’d counted the days off for this surgery. She’d only seen Dr. Somers do it once—the day she’d fallen in love with cardiology.

As she ate breakfast, she had to endure listening to Julia beg Rod to give her one of his surgeries with Macaroon. Holly rolled her eyes, sighing, while Rod laughed it off. Julia wanted to become a neurosurgeon, too, but Holly doubted it was for the right reasons. On second thought, Julia must have gotten decent grades if P&E had chosen her for their internship program. Still, the crap that managed to make its way out of her mouth worked on Holly’s last nerve.

“Seriously, Julia, enough,” Holly begged. “All you ever speak about is Macaroon. It’s becoming tedious.” She could feel Rod’s eyes on her, but she didn’t bother to look at him.

“Who pissed in your milk this morning?” Julia’s voice rose.

“Nobody, but really, the guy is getting married, for crying out loud. To be honest, I don’t give a shit how hot he is or how he wore his hair yesterday. Really?”

Rod and Rev snickered.

“You’ll sing another tune when you see him, Holls. That guy is a ten plus,” Bridgette teased.

“I doubt that,” Holly grumbled, knowing it was the truth. Jake was a twenty; he was beyond gorgeous, even though she couldn’t remember every detail about him anymore. The pictures she used to show Jamie would take her breath away and she’d find herself in tears afterward... from a stupid fucking picture. She’d never thought she’d miss a backside so much.

Finishing up, she rinsed her plate in the sink and poured her coffee into the paper cup Rod was holding out. Rev had to quickly gulp his breakfast down to keep up with her. Holly just wanted to get out.

“You know how Julia is, Holly,” Rev said as they jumped into his car and headed off to Downsend. “And Bridgette’s got a point.”

“I’ve seen his pictures, Rev.”

“Pictures don’t do that guy any justice, trust me. You should meet him in person. He’s like the fucking sun. Soaks up all the energy around him and makes all the girls drool. I’m sure some men, too.”

She rolled her eyes. “You’ve met him?”

“Once, when I was still at Harvard. He came over for a presentation and everybody just loved him.”

She huffed. It sucked to be her. “Still, it’s damn annoying listening to the same crap every morning.”

“Just take it easy. You were pretty hard on her this morning.”

“She’s a big girl, Rev. I’m sure she must know how disgusting she sounds sometimes.”

“He doesn’t hear her, Holls. I wouldn’t mind if a girl perved over me like that.”

“You don’t mean that.”

“Oh, I would be in seventh heaven.”

This time, Holly couldn’t help but laugh, just as they pulled into Downsend’s parking lot. She went to the lockers, changing quickly, before making her way to the cardiology ward on the third floor. She greeted everyone who passed her, even managing to share a joke or two with the nurses. 

“Good morning, Dr. Scallanger,” Dr. Embers greeted her in his chirpy, overly excited tone at reception.

“Morning, Dr. Embers.” She returned his greeting with a smile.

“Okay, take me through today’s procedure for the bypass surgery.”

“After Dr. Jenkins renders Mr. Forbes unconscious, an endotracheal tube is inserted and secured, and mechanical ventilation starts. We open the chest via a median sternotomy and examine the heart. Then we harvest the bypass grafts—in this case, from the internal thoracic arteries. Mr. Forbes will then be given heparin to inhibit blood clotting.” Holly continued to babble as they took the elevator down to the OR. She made sure to mention each step, from placing the sutures cannulae into the heart, to instructing the perfusionist to start a cardiopulmonary bypass—a CPB. Once CPB was established, they would then perform the bypass in beating state. One end of a vein graft would be sewn onto the coronary arteries beyond the obstruction, and the other end would be attached to the aorta or one of its branches. The stabilizing devices would be removed and protamine would be administered to reverse the effects of heparin. Chest tubes would be placed in the mediastinal and pleural space to drain blood from around the heart and lungs. To complete the surgery, the sternum would be wired together and the incisions sutured closed. 

Dr. Embers smiled once she was done explaining the procedure. “Someone has done her homework.”

“I’ve been waiting a long time to scrub in on this procedure, Dr. Embers,” she replied as they scrubbed their hands at the basins before walking into the OR. One of the nurses helped her with her gloves, and another assisted Dr. Embers.

Dr. Embers spoke gently to Mr. Forbes, reassuring him that he would see him soon. Dr. Jenkins started with the sedating procedure. When Mr. Forbes was fully unconscious and the lung machine had started breathing for him, Dr. Embers addressed the entire OR. “Good morning, everyone. It’s a brilliant day, so nothing can go wrong, you hear?”

“Yes, doctor,” everyone replied in unison.

The surgery was done by the book, exactly how Holly had predicted, each step of the way.

They opened Mr. Forbes’ chest, and Dr. Embers inspected the heart, teaching Holly as he went. They harvested the graft from inside the ribcage, a millimeter from either side of the sternum. The grafts were carefully placed into a disinfected container. Dr. Embers nodded at Dr. Jenkins, who administered the heparin to inhibit blood clotting. Dr. Embers allowed Holly to place the devices to stabilize the heart, and she did it perfectly.

The grafts were sewn on. By that point, Holly had no idea how long they’d been working. She watched in awe as Dr. Embers repaired the patient’s heart—a miracle all on its own. For hours, her senses were on alert, her eyes missing not one single step, soaking up every detail of what he was doing.

Just over five hours later, Dr. Jenkins gave Mr. Forbes the protamine to reverse the heparin. They waited patiently for Mr. Forbes’ heart to start beating again.

The anticipation was palpable. Holly held her breath. Mr. Forbes could not be the first patient she lost. Sure, he was old, but not that old. When his heart finally started to beat, the entire OR exhaled as one and applauded—Holly included. It was an experience she would never forget. The final steps of the surgery were concluded, and Mr. Forbes was closed up. This was left to Holly, who used the delicate stitch Dr. Somers had taught her, the stich she’d practiced over and over, whenever she could, on bananas, mangoes, or any fruit with delicate skin she could find.

A handful of doctors watched from the gallery. Holly knew she was one of the lucky ones who had been blessed with this opportunity.

“May I see you in my office when you’re done filling out the chart?” Dr. Embers requested, leaving before she could answer.

The request wasn’t new to her. They would go over the surgery in his office and talk about the possible things that could have gone wrong and offer solutions as to how they could have fixed them. That was what she liked about Dr. Embers. He taught her so many things, on so many levels.

The nursing staff took over and moved Mr. Forbes to the ICU unit for recovery. She put the file back in the patient’s room when she was done documenting the entire procedure, then she made her way to the second floor where Dr. Embers’ office was located.

Knocking, she opened the door and walked in. He wasn’t at his desk, but from the corner of her eye she saw the swift movement of an arm closing the door. Turning, she ended up in his arms. He started kissing her neck, then moved to her lips. She pushed at him with all the force she could muster. She managed to pry him loose, forcing him to stumble back a few steps. “What are you doing?” she shrieked, shocked.

“C’mon, Holly. I know you want to. You know you want to.”

“Are you insane? You’re married, for crying out loud!”

“And what was all that in the OR? I could see it on your face,” he questioned.

“It’s called admiration, respect for you as a mentor. Nothing else.” She was damn angry at herself. Angry that she hadn’t listened to Rev. He’d known this was going to happen.

“Well, sweetheart, this is a two-way business deal. You enjoy scrubbing in with me, and I enjoy a bit of you.” He stepped forward.

“No!” she yelled, and shoved him in his chest. “If that’s the way you teach your interns, I really don’t want to be one.”

“Don’t be stupid, Holly. You need me.”

“Not like this, I don’t.” Pushing past him, she tried to open the door, to no avail.

He flung an arm out, and kept it closed with the flat of his hand. Her heart was galloping. At that moment, she wished she’d taken Jake’s offer four years ago when he’d wanted to teach her how to punch an idiot.

“Don’t go tell anyone about this. Say anything and you will get sent back home, just like that,” he warned, snapping his fingers. “We both know you can’t afford that.”

She closed her eyes, grinding her teeth hard.

“My offer still stands, but as of now, there are others willing to learn.”

“Do what you need to do. I really don’t give a shit.” Grabbing his hand, she flung it away and opened the door, storming out. Her angry strides took her to the emergency exit, where she sat on the steps and fumed. Her hands were shaking. Her whole body trembled. She was furious at him for taking advantage of her like that. She’d never shown any interest in him that way. All she’d shown was admiration and appreciation for the opportunity he’d given her. She couldn’t believe he thought she’d sleep with him. What an ass!

Rev eventually found her. He handed her a muffin and a can of Coke. “I didn’t see you at lunch, and since Tanya was sporting a huge smile on her face, I figured you must be hiding somewhere.” Grimacing, he sat down.

“Thanks.” 

“So what happened?”

She gave him her famous disbelieving chuckle, the one that was laced with disappointment. “You know what happened.” She could feel his eyes on her, but was too ashamed to look up. He’d warned her.

“That bastard!”

“Something tells me I’m not going to see the inside of another OR anytime soon.”

“He didn’t.”

“Oh, he did. Told me if I changed my mind, I knew where to find him.”

“Report him, Holly.”

“And what, get sent back home? No one’s going to believe me, Rev. He has a wife and a family.”

“Still.”

“Just leave it, okay? Don’t say anything. I’ll avoid him somehow.”

“Holly?”

She could hear the disgust for the man who’d used his authority to get what he wanted in his voice. “No, Rev. I mean it. I can’t afford to go home.”

“Okay, fine.” He sounded pissed off, which she didn’t understand one bit. Without another word, he got up and left.

Holly sighed. She really didn’t have time to deal with Rev and how he felt right now. Taking her phone out of her pocket, she texted Rod. In short, she recounted what happened, ending with the fact that she would never get another opportunity to see the inside of an OR again.

A few minutes later, her phone buzzed.

You are fucking with me.

Wish I was.

Report him, Holly!

He said he’d make a story up. I’ll get fired.

Holly, this is bullshit.

I’ll be fine, Rod. I’m used to not getting the things I want.

She knew she was feeling sorry for herself, and she knew she was going to get it from Rod, too.

Stop feeling sorry for yourself. Report the bastard.

I can’t lose this internship. I’m fine.

He didn’t send anything after that. She put her phone back into her pocket and returned to reception.

The surgery she’d had scheduled for tomorrow morning was given to Tanya. Holly hated that her initials were written under Dr. Embers’s name. It was a routine surgery, but it was still cardiac-related.

“I would love to know what you did wrong. Then again, I don’t care. I just need to thank you, Holls Polls,” Tanya mocked. Holly ignored it.

She should wish the bitch good luck, but if she didn’t know any better, Tanya might just give the old bastard what he wanted, just so she could get what she wanted. Holly wouldn’t put anything past her. It was probably why she hadn’t connected with her at all—the girl knew how to push her buttons.

Holly disregarded most of what went on. From the looks Rev was shooting her way, Holly knew he had no idea how she could just sit back and take whatever was dished out. It was because of the OR time she’d gotten, being witness to the intricacies of the heart, learning things. That was how she dealt with it. But now, she might stoop to Tanya’s level and retaliate. After all, there was only so much a person could take.

For the rest of the day, she handled minor cases. She might as well get used to it and learn to love it, since it was how her year at Downsend would go from now on. Sue, who was working the day shift this month, kept asking her what happened. Why wasn’t she in the OR learning, watching surgeries, or scrubbing in with Dr. Embers, who had called her his prodigy—the third years hadn’t liked it one bit. Shrugging their dislike off as if it played no importance in her life, she merely smiled. She simply said that she’d had her quota learning from Dr. Embers, and that it was time for another intern or resident to have their turn.

The old bastard walked past her late in the afternoon, not even glancing her way. A part of her wished she could waltz into Dr. Downsend’s office and report him. But something told her that Dr. Embers’s threat was real. She didn’t have strength to deal with that, so she just carried on as if nothing happened.

While showering later that evening, Holly felt dirty. She hadn’t thought that Embers was capable of doing that to her, despite Rev’s warnings. What scared her the most about reporting his ass to HR was the fact that it might make her look weak. What about the next time he found her alone? It could very well lead to something much worse.

When her shift was over, she went home alone. Rod was on night shift this week. After dinner, she practically collapsed into bed.

She would finally have her off day and come what may, she was going to sleep.

*********

On the fifth day of her new boring life as an intern, a little girl of about five was wheeled into the ER. She’d been in an accident and was badly hurt. Holly took care of the munchkin as if she was Jamie. When Dr. Matthews joined them, she surprised Holly by requesting that she stay to update her on the details surrounding the accident and share her diagnosis. 

Holly talked fast, not leaving anything out, while Dr. Matthews examined the patient.

“Get her a CT scan. We’ll take it from there. Page Dr. Green, please.”

Holly, along with one of the nurses, wheeled the patient to the radiology ward, while Sue, who’d overheard, paged Dr. Green.

The CT came back, shocking Holly with its result. The patient was literally bleeding from the inside out. Not wasting any time, she ran to Dr. Matthews, who with one glance immediately booked the OR for an emergency surgery.

“Scallanger, you’ve earned yourself a spot. Scrub in with me.”

Holly took it without hesitation. 

The surgery turned out to be difficult. The amount of blood that poured out of someone so young, so small, was shocking. For a moment, Holly thought the little girl wouldn’t make it, and she couldn’t bear the thought that a child would be the first patient she’d lose. She prayed that would not be the case. After a long battle and an endless supply of blood for the transfusion, Dr. Green and Dr. Matthews came out victors. She made it. She was alive. It was a miracle.

Holly accompanied Dr. Matthews, who delivered the good news to the father. Luckily for him, he was the only one who managed to escape being injured. Her mother, though, was still in the OR. As is often the case, a drunk driver crashed into them. Holly was livid. The driver was a fucking asshole, whoever he or she was.

When would people learn never to drink and drive?

The father fell to his knees, crying with relief when he learned that his daughter was going to be okay. It was something Holly had never experienced, considering her own father was long gone when she’d needed him. In a sad twist of fate, her babies had ended up with the exact kind of man her father was. 

Holly envied this man’s wife. She hoped that the woman knew how lucky she was and prayed that she would be okay.

The one thing Holly learned right from the beginning when she decided to become a doctor was that a good doctor should always remember who the opponent was when going into surgery. If He decided that that was it, nothing would save a patient. It was impossible to fight a higher power—the reason she always prayed before entering surgery. She truly believed that her faith was why some of the patients she’d assisted had made it.

For the remainder of the week, Holly looked in on the little girl as often as she could. She’d woken up the very next morning, which was amazing all on its own; children recovered quicker. Her mother, sadly, had gone into a coma.

Holly would tell the little girl—Candy—stories when her father wasn’t around, but had the grace to step out when he’d return.

By the fifth day, the munchkin’s face would light up as soon as Holly entered her room. Grinning like the Cheshire cat, Holly would take her vitals and make small talk, half the time giggling at something funny. When Dr. Matthews walked in, she plopped a set of bunny ears on Holly’s head.

“You look funny,” Candy said.

“I’m apparently a bunny.” Holly scrunched up her nose, which made Candy laugh.

“Good news, Candice. Your dad can take you home and your mom has just woken up. Isn’t that just the best news?”

“She has? She’s not going to heaven!” the little girl yelled with excitement, just as her father walked in, his eyes red-rimmed. Bending over the bed, he hugged his daughter. This simple action of affection clogged up Holly’s throat. She couldn’t watch. There were a lot of things she could handle, but when it came to fathers actually being fathers, it was hard.

She waved and left, leaving Dr. Matthews to talk to the girl’s father. Upon reaching the children’s ward’s reception, she noticed Aggie with a huge smile on her face.

“Congratulations!” Aggie squealed.

“For what?” Holly asked.

“You got bunny ears, which means she’s going to have the talk with you soon.”

“Oh, ha ha. They’re cute. What talk, though?” She knew Aggie, who now worked in the children’s ward, was speaking about Dr. Matthews, or Teresse, as she’d asked Holly to call her on numerous occasions.

She jumped as Dr. Matthews slapped a file onto the counter, which had all three women laughing.

“You okay?” Teresse asked. Holly nodded. “Do me a favor, will you? Make sure all the release forms are filled in properly. She’s good to go.”

“Sure.” Holly smiled.

“You should really think of changing your profession to pediatrics. Just give it a try. You were wonderful with her this past week.”

Holly looked back toward Candice’s room. “It wasn’t that hard. She’s cute.”

“Still, not everyone has what it takes to connect with them.”

She smiled and watched Dr. Matthews leave.

“That is the talk?” She looked up at Aggie.

The old nurse laughed. “She is not going to give you a chance to decline. She’s right, though; you are really good with kids. Which is extremely important on this ward, Holly. You should consider it.”

Holly smiled. “So… what, it’s bunny ears every day?”

“No, sometimes it’s cat ears, other times it mouse ears, dog ears, bee antennae. You get the idea.”

Holly laughed.

Pediatrics was better than the ER. Still, with the ER, she might get a heart surgery with the other surgeon.

It was something to think about, though.

She handed the release form to Candice’s father, then helped him get her down to her mother’s room. Candy was elated to see her mother. Holly had tears in her eyes as she watched the woman kiss her little girl. After the father had thanked her for what seemed like the millionth time, Holly smiled and went back to the ER.