JAKE

KATE GOT IN LATE WHILE HE was reading up on a substantial surgery scheduled for the next day at P&E. Her presence wasn’t going to help him in the least. He was feeling worse than a piece of shit, and this time it had nothing to do with what he had done to his family. He’d made Holly feel cheap.

He should’ve known that not messaging her would’ve taken a toll on her, but he’d honestly thought she was fine. In his heart, he’d wanted her to suffer, except that the outcome had been worse than he could have imagined. He’d made her feel like a whore.

Kate walked into the room and fell onto the bed next to him.

Jake looked down at her, at the bright smile spread over her face. “So how were my two boys this evening?”

“Awesome,” he replied, kissing the tip of her nose.

“You probably said yes to everything. What time did he go to bed?”

Jake just chuckled. “Nothing for you to worry about.”

“You are such a sucker for that boy,” she said, scrunching her nose up.

“And for that boy’s mom, too.” He gave her a smile. Her heart would break in two if she discovered what he’d done, but his was bleeding at that moment. It was becoming harder to pretend lately. It would also make her think that he’d never stopped with his shit from a year ago, which wasn’t true. He had stopped.

Kate sulked. 

“What is it?”

“You were right.”

“Aren’t I always?”

“Ha ha, not funny. I’m talking about Embers.”

“I was?” Jake squinted.

“Yes, I met Moira’s intern tonight…” She struggled with her name.

Jake squinted at her, hoping he could hide the sudden flash of guilt that pierced in his heart. His heart pounded. 

“Ugh, why you don’t notice them anymore is beyond my knowledge. You know, the girl with the fake strawberry blonde hair. Haley.” Wrong name, but close.

“I’ve told you before that I go to Downsend to run the fucking place, not to fuck the interns.”

Kate threw her head backward and let out a belly laugh. Jake chuckled, too, even though he’d just uttered the biggest lie ever.

“Why was I right?” He began to worry when she mentioned Holly and Embers in the same sentence.

“She doesn’t want trouble, and I promised not to say anything, so please, you officially know nothing.”

“Who are we talking about now?”

“Haley! Focus, Jake.”

“Okay…” He swallowed past the lump in his throat. “What about her, and how was I right about Embers?”

“He’s a total scumbag. She didn’t want to tell us what happened, but she confirmed that much. I think he’s using his authority to get some nookie.”

“What!” Jake was livid.

“Calm down, she didn’t confirm it; it’s what I think. But whatever happened, she hasn’t reported it as she doesn’t want any trouble. I don’t understand girls like that, seriously. Tanya is working with him now.”

“Tanya would’ve said something a long time ago if he’d done something like that.”

“You think?” Kate had that worried-mother look on her face.

“She might be young, Kate, but I doubt she’d want a prune between her legs.” Jake remembered all too well what Tanya was like. Especially that one night he’d had to take her home after she’d gotten wasted at one of Kate’s parties. She’d been all over him and he’d had to force her off.

Kate giggled but soon sobered. “Still, it’s worrisome. I have to know. Could you please ask her? I know she looks up to you, and she’ll tell you the truth.”

Jake did not want to be alone with Tanya at all; he hated her fakeness. But he needed to know, too. “All right. I can’t ask her at the hospital with him around, though, so I’ll probably have to take her for a coffee. Is that okay with you?”

Kate smiled and kissed him on the lips. “I love you so much, and I trust you, and I trust my cousin. So it’s fine. Just find out the truth.”

He nodded once.

“But please don’t mention Haley’s name. She would know I said something and she begged me so nicely.”

Jake squinted. “You like her?”

“She’s fun to hang out with. A tad quiet in the beginning, but when she realized I didn’t have fangs, she loosened up. Don’t say anything, Jake, please. Do what you can to get that scumbag out of Downsend.”

Fuck. Jake blew out air. “Okay, party animal, my lips are sealed.” Bending down, he gave her a kiss, which led to something more. Heaven knew he needed a clear mind before tomorrow’s surgery, and although she wasn’t Holly and he would probably end up jacking off when she fell asleep, he needed a clear head. 

He was fuming, though, over Kate’s news. He would kill Embers if ever found out the asshole had made a move on Holly.

HOLLY

Over the next two days, she couldn’t stop thinking about Kate. She felt utterly awful over what she’d done to her. Well, it was finally over. Jake was an asshole. She was disgusted not only with him but with herself, even though she had a daughter with him.

That must have been what the three months they’d spent together been; him shagging just another strawberry blonde. Fucking idiot.

She thought back to the married woman. Had she been a strawberry blonde, too? Was that where all his problems began, with her?

Holly’s phone beeped. When she retrieved it from her pocket, she saw the well-known number and sighed. She’d never even replied to his previous message, which simply read, I’m sorry. What did he want from her now?

She sighed and opened the new message, another long one, and read it reluctantly.

I know you said you can’t do this anymore, but I can’t do what you ask of me. I know I’m selfish, but I can’t help it. I’m addicted to you, Holly. I can’t function normally without you, so whatever you want, tell me, and I’ll make it happen. Just say it. You probably won’t believe this, but I never meant to make you feel cheap, and I feel like a dog about THAT. So please, think about it, because I really NEED YOU!!

She read the message again, made sure that it was Jake’s number twice, and read it one more time. 

What the fuck? Where was this coming from? She wouldn’t allow him to mess her head like that again. Now that she’d met Kate, and seen what a wonderful person she was, she was completely done with affair. 

No, she couldn’t do that to Kate and their son again. She deleted his message and put the phone back into her pocket. For the rest of the day her phone didn’t make a peep. But the following day, she received another message.

Please, Holly. Now is not a good time to ignore me. I’m trying to give you what you want, just tell me what it is. We can make this work, for both of us.

This time, she replied.

Jake, just stop with this, please. I can’t. 

Her phone beeped within seconds.

What don’t you understand? I’M ADDICTED TO YOU!! There’s no stopping my addiction.

Holly couldn’t help but smile, imagining him starting to throw a tantrum like a little boy. It was sort of turning her on. The image of his body in her mind’s eye caused her stomach to dip with that treacherous feeling of lust. She took a deep breath. Fuck, she was so pathetic.

I fucking hate you.

Her phone beeped again.

Yeah, well, that makes two of us.

I told you about the things I didn’t like, Jake.

Why had she sent that? What was wrong with her? Kate did not deserve this.

Another message. 

So, kiss on the mouth, speak over the phone, and what else? Or is that it?

Holly fumed. 

You make it sound like a to-do list. I don’t like it.

Seriously woman, I’m tired, I’m cranky, and I’m really trying to negotiate terms here.

What, she mouthed, and then her blood began to boil. Not the slutty-getting-hot type of boil, the opposite. She wanted to kill Jake Peters.

Negotiate!! Go fuck yourself, Jake. I’m not work. Don’t message me again. Good luck with your fucking addiction.

She switched off her phone, took it to her locker, and chucked it into her bag. When she turned, Moira was standing there.

“Who pissed in your milk this morning?”

“A fucking jerk.”

“I should’ve known. Asshole. What did he do?”

“It doesn’t matter, it’s over.”

Moira slapped Holly on the arm. “Good for you.”

They left for another discussion on last week’s cases. Moira didn’t have to be there, so Holly was surprised when she took a chair next to her at the back where all the other interns sat. Tanya, it was apparent, didn’t like that one bit, but Moira merely rested her knees against the chair in front of her, rested her head against the back of the chair, then closed her eyes. Holly shook her head as the lectures began.

Once her shift was over, she went home. She spoke to Jamie at around nine, then went to bed. She’d ignored all the texts that had come through from the moment she’d turned on her phone, and now, alone in her bed, she finally decided to look at them. Five messages. All from Mr. Dickhead.

She started reading through them, one by one. They were short.

Seriously… go fuck myself? It’s not the same if you aren’t doing it. I didn’t mean it like that, but it’s another reason I need you because I am cranky and frustrated. That was number one.

Holly, don’t fucking ignore me, I hate this. Just speak to me. Number two.

Seriously? Number three.

Oh, my word. Jake sounded so insecure, which didn’t make any sense. That made her smile, but she hated herself for it.

Stop ignoring me! Number four.

DAMN IT, woman, please don’t do this. I’m begging you. What do you want? 

That was the fifth one, his last message.

She had to admit, she loved the begging, especially since she hadn’t thought Jake was the begging kind at all. Still, she’d met Kate, and she liked her, so was not prepared wrong her. Not again. 

She fell back onto her bed and thought everything. It wasn’t just Kate, it was Michael, too, and feeling like trash wasn’t going to stop, because she would end up hurting three innocent people in the end, in addition to herself. And Jamie was the last person on earth she wanted to hurt.

But another voice entered her thoughts. She’d always had a tendency to think about other people, and to put their feelings and desires first, and it was starting to irritate her. She’d done it with the scumbag she was addicted to when he hadn’t wanted their baby, which in the end had turned out to be two babies. That was why she’d left, to respect his needs.

And there were others. Her father was one, even though there had been numerous occasions when she should’ve told him to fuck off, he had been there for her when no one else had been. Rodney was another; and as amazing as he was, she’d held off telling him who Jamie’s father really was, mostly because he idolized Jake. And now Kate. 

What about her little girl, who had to compromise on everything because of what all these fucking people wanted?

What about her?

She thought again about the Jake she’d loved. Even if that Jake wasn’t real, he could be. If she could just make him fall in love with her for real… If he were crazy in love with her, then maybe he would come home. And then she wouldn’t have to tell her little girl that her father never wanted her when she stopped believing in fairy tales.

As much as she disliked what she was going to do to Kate and Michael, she had to put Jamie first, for once in her miserable life. She was sure if Kate were in her shoes, Jake would’ve known a long time ago that he had a child with her, no matter who he was with. But… she had to make him fall in love with her before she dropped the Jamie bomb on him.

She looked at her phone again. It was midnight. Jake would more than likely be fast asleep, but she didn’t care.

She started typing her message.

If you treat me like anything less than a princess, it’s over.

After hitting send, she put her phone on the nightstand. She felt happy, she felt good, and she felt like she was wanted. And not wanted by just anyone—by Jake, the only man she’d ever loved. Taking a deep breath, she closed her eyes and held it for a second, then let it out slowly. Her phone buzzed, and her eyes flew open.

Leaning over to grab her phone, she opened the message.

But I’m still going to fuck you like a whore. Goodnight, princess.

Her face flushed at the words on the screen, and a chuckle left her lips. She fell back onto her pillow, her phone next to her. Falling asleep took a while, even though she was dead tired. When she did fall asleep, she dreamed about when she’d been hospitalized, when her doctor had done everything to save her life and that of her babies. She heard the machine indicating a flatline just as she saw Jake running toward her. Then she exhaled her last breath. Holly woke up with a jolt. She hated the feeling of not being able to breathe.

Glancing at her phone, she saw that it was five in the morning. Sighing, she got out of bed, took a quick shower, and went to work. Her day started with rounds as she accompanied Moira and Embers, checking up on patients to make sure the nurses were doing their jobs and administering the necessary medications. Mr. Fumiar, one of their recent pacemaker implant patients, had recently stabilized. 

She took Mr. Fumiar’s vitals and they were generally good. He wasn’t anywhere near to being released from the hospital yet, but he was making progress. After all the attention from the doctors, he was tired, so Holly let him go back to sleep. 

Holly made coffee in the staff room and handed Moira the first cup.

“This is why I love her so much,” Moira said to Gale, a nurse working in the cardio ward’s reception area. Gale smiled.

“We all love Dr. Scallanger, especially her coffee. The folks from peds come and steal our coffee every other day.”

“At least they bring supplies,” Holly replied, coming to their defense. Grabbing the clipboard with the day’s surgeries, Holly waited for Moira to gulp down the last of her coffee then followed her out.

When they got around to checking on Mrs. Denali again, they were pleased to see she was stable. She was a sweet lady, although she sounded somewhat disappointed they’d saved her life. Holly wondered what her story was, and where her loved ones were; she hadn’t seen anyone visiting her.

Moira was very caring to all her patients, especially the older ones. After seeing Mrs. Denali, Moira and Holly went to the sixth floor to check up on another patient.

They walked in on a scene.

The patient was young, only twenty-eight years old. Desire was being led out of the room, trying to reassure him. “I understand how you feel, Mr. Swanson, but please, you need…”

Jake ducked as a cup filled with ice chips hit the wall. Both Moira and Holly stared at the patient, their eyes bulging out of their sockets.

“You need to calm down, honey,” his mother said, but he just mumbled angrily under his breath.

“Go, I’ll deal with this,” Moira said to Jake, pushing him out of the room.

Holly followed Moira inside, even though she was worried about their safety. The patient had lost it; he was screaming and crying. Holly realized why all of this was happening. Something had gone wrong with the brain surgery, and now he was blaming Jake for it. It was a sad case, and one of the things Holly hated about her job. When something did not go according to plan, it was always tragic.

She left the room because the young man was still screaming, and a crowded room wasn’t good for any patient in that situation. Jake was speaking to Desire, and she noticed with anger—probably jealousy—that Desire was touching his arm.

She went over to the nurse’s station.

“Is he okay?” David asked.

“I don’t know. He’s freaking out. If it were up to me, I would sedate him.” She sighed and looked at David. “I mean, he clearly doesn’t want to listen to anyone, so sedating him for a while might do the trick, don’t you think?”

“He needs to come to terms with who he is now, Holly,” Desire said from behind her. “I know you are passionate about your work, but you’ll learn soon enough that some things need to be dealt with as soon as possible.”

“No, Holly’s right. That sounds like a great plan,” Jake said. Desire stared at him. Ignoring her, he said, “David, please give him two CCs of midazolam.” 

David ran off in the opposite direction, with Desire tripping behind him, but not before she gave Holly a glare.

Great, her next inventory day was going to come sooner than she wanted.

Back in Mr. Swanson’s room, the anger still raged, but it didn’t last long after David injected the sedative into his system. When all was quiet, Moira and David came out. David had tears in his eyes.

“Are you okay?” Holly asked.

“I hate this part of my job. It sucks.”

“Tell me about it.” Seeing a patient in distress was heartbreaking.

When eleven rolled around, Holly sat in on a surgery with Moira and a resident. She managed to answer most of the questions Moira asked, laughing when the woman told the others why she liked working with Holly.

It was clear that the others didn’t share Moira’s feelings at all.

Holly’s phoned vibrated. 

Meet me for lunch.

She squinted at the message. Was he seriously asking her to lunch? Everyone would see them.

Can’t, I’m in surgery. Okay, that was a fib, but it was good to make him wait.

What kind? 

Double bypass. 

Then I’ll see you at two. 

Where? 

Your little screaming spot. 

Hahahahahaha.

The day he’d found her there, they’d screamed at each other, with Jake threatening her with a warning. It seemed like such a long time ago.

Jake didn’t reply, so she continued watching the surgery, which took two and a half hours, finishing at half-past one. 

“I’ve got to go,” said Moira. “Hair appointment at two.”

“Oh, really?” 

“Yes, I need a cut. Make sure my patients are still alive when I get back, Holly.”

Holly laughed, shaking her head as Moira disappeared around the corner. Something told her that Jake had known about Moira’s hair appointment.

“My pager’s on. If anything happens, let me know ASAP. I’m going to take a nap,” Holly said to Gale after filing a chart for a patient who’d been released. 

Her heart beat faster as she climbed the stairs, not quite believing she was going to have lunch with Jake. Would it feel just like old times? She wondered if maybe she shouldn’t aim for old times. But she’d changed and so had he, so she should concentrate on how he was now and do the things he loved doing. Hopefully, that would be enough for him to call off the wedding to Kate. Holly smiled, but it already felt like a hopeless case. Kate was perfect.

There was a note on the door that said Lock the door behind you.

Right, it wasn’t just going to be lunch.

She pulled the note off the door and, opening the door a crack, she slipped through it, flicking the lock behind her.

Turning, she made her way past the first few generators and then the air conditioners, the noise diminishing somewhat as she continued forward.

“Jake!” she yelled.

“Here!”

As she moved toward his voice, it became slightly darker too. Peeking out from around the corner was an edge of a blanket, and on it sat Jake, legs stretched out before him, a flashlight on one side, a huge bottle of grape juice, plastic cups, and Chinese take-out boxes on the other. Holly suppressed her laughter, suddenly realizing where Jamie had gotten her love for Chinese food from. She was so much like her father. Suddenly, she felt better about what she was doing, because if he loved Michael, he could love Jamie, too.

 “This is nice,” she said loudly.

“What can I say, one of my many talents.”

Laughing, she took one of the boxes as she sat down opposite him.

“I hope you don’t mind Chinese?”

She shook her head. “Let me guess, your favorite?”

“No, you are.” The look he gave her was seductive. It left her speechless, so she turned away. 

Chuckling, Jake filled one of the paper cups and handed it to her.

She loved grape juice. In fact, she had to admit she was really liking everything about the lunch. Neither said much, but Holly kept glancing down at her pager.

“Are you waiting for something to happen?”

“Just on my toes. Your cousin is really awesome, by the way.”

“Of course she is. She’s a Peters.”

“Ha ha,” she laughed mockingly, scooping up more rice and dumplings out of her box with her chopsticks. “So, what happened with Swanson?”

He shook his head and finished chewing before he answered her. “Not sure. The surgery was by the book, but that’s the thing about brains—you never know in what condition your patients are going to wake up.”

“Will he speak like that forever?”

Jake shrugged.

“What do you mean you’re not sure?”

“That’s the wonder of being a brain surgeon. Every human brain is different. Some patients are fine when they wake up, some need healing first, and others… well, only time will tell.”

“And you’re okay with that?”

“It’s the fun part of being a neurosurgeon.” He gave her his million-dollar smile, the smile that always turned her legs to rubber. Good thing she was sitting.

“Now you know why I could never be a brain surgeon. I’d absolutely die if that happened with all my patients. Why did he put up such a big fight if his condition might change?”

“He didn’t give me a chance to explain. It’s normal, Holly. Waking up not knowing how you got there in the first place—opening your mouth to speak and nonsense coming out—has that effect on a person. I would’ve been worried if he hadn’t done that, to be honest.”

He was right; it was terrifying. She pitied Mr. Swanson now. 

“Can I ask you something?” Jake’s voice was suddenly even more serious.

“Let me guess, you want to know why I became a doctor.”

The curves around his mouth pulled slightly upward and he nodded.

“It’s hard to explain.” She couldn’t tell him the pure truth, so she had to tell him a different version of the truth. She rested her head on her palm after making herself comfortable on the blanket. “I just woke up one day and it sound like an awesome plan. Did I ever think that our paths would cross again?” She answered her own question with a shake of her head.

Jake laughed. “You seriously didn’t think our paths would cross?”

“No, I didn’t. I thought I would remain in Seattle. I know how you hate cold, so I never thought you’d be out there. I really didn’t do this because of you, if that’s what you are wondering.”

“Ouch, that actually hurts.”

“I didn’t mean it like that. I’m just saying you weren’t the reason I decided to become a doctor. It was just the best idea for me at the time.”

He nodded in an awkward way, and Holly had no idea if he bought her explanation. “One thing I can say is that you’re really good, Holly. Moira’s told me so many times that she feels like she can’t teach you much. You know how to do Dr. Somers’s special pump-action technique?”

Holly wiggled her eyebrows. “What can I say? I almost gave him a heart attack with that blowjob, but…”

“Ha ha,” Jake mocked her. Putting his box down, he crawled over to her, lying on his stomach with his head inches from hers. “You need to remind me what they are like. I mean, just the idea of it when you licked that cream off Tofu that night at your party had me biting my tongue.” He smiled. Her stomach flipped a million times. He leaned forward and kissed her softly on her lips.

“We’ll have to see how you behave.”

“I love it when you talk to me about behaving.”

Smiling, she shook her head. Jake kissed her again, but didn’t move down to her neck this time. The kiss was hungry, and slightly filled with anger. He bit and scraped her bottom lip harder than usual, and his mouth was rougher on hers than it had been before, but it turned her on instead of hurting.

She nipped him back, and felt his hand guiding her leg and wrapped it over his own leg. He stroked the back of her thigh hard, making her skin tingle with pleasure, all the way to her butt as he pulled her even harder against him, rocking into her in a slow, sensual movement. When her breathing deepened, Jake rolled onto his back, pulling her on top of him.

Their lips melded together in a frenzy. One of Jake’s hands sought entrance, delving under her shirt to cup her breast. The bulge in his pants strained for release. He tore his lips away from her to push himself upright so that she was sitting on his lap, he positioned her with his free hand exactly how he wanted her. A tiny moan left her lips. Opening her eyes a fraction, she saw Jake staring at her through half-moon eyes.

Desperate to kiss him again, she leaned forward, but Jake had other ideas, inserting his thumb into her mouth, instead. She gazed at him as she swirled her tongue around his thumb, before closing her lips and sucking on his with a seductive fervor. He groaned from the action and squeezed his eyes shut, his chest heaving with desire.

Emitting a low growl, Jake removed his finger to grab her behind her head and pull her toward him, replacing his finger with his tongue again. The kiss was savage and tender all at once. He kissed her as if tomorrow was never going to come. Her blood sang, and the butterflies in her stomach felt like a swirling vortex. 

Removing his hand from her breast, he grabbed her thighs and pulled her closer, rubbing himself between her legs, forcing a moan from her lips. Biting her lip, Holly rocked back and forth on his hardness. The friction of his cock rubbing against her nearly had an orgasm pulsing through her, even though they were both still fully dressed.

Jake’s kisses became more demanding, as did his hands. He tugged on her pants. Holly, desperate to have him inside her, scrambled off his lap to remove them. Wasting no time, Jake got rid of his in a flash. 

Foregoing any further tenderness, Jake pulled her onto him, capturing her mouth again in a hungry kiss. He shoved his tongue into her mouth as he sank her onto his cock.

Holly gasped and Jake groaned at the contact. Having Jake fully sheathed within her drove her straight to euphoria. His fingers dug into ass and thighs as he guided himself in and out, his groans growing louder as the pace escalated.

When he flipped them over so he was on top, he went wild, savagely thrusting into her. Their moans reverberated through the air, their breath mingling as they panted together. Yet through all that she was feeling, her mind reminded her that he wasn’t hers. Not yet, anyway. But she was going to change that. He would be hers again, and this time, she didn’t give a fuck that he already had a family.

Reaching orgasm, she cried out when she exploded, but Jake didn’t stop, pounding into her as if he wanted to make up for the years they’d missed. The way he crashed into her every time he penetrated her felt amazing. The heat in her belly intensified. Her pussy was wet, enabling Jake’s member to slide in and out of her more easily than before. Holly’s second orgasm hit her with force, and she clenched around Jake’s cock as the pulsing subsided. Using her foot as leverage, she pushed Jake to his back and rolled on top of him. Her beeper went off just as she was ready to give him his orgasm.

“You are not fucking going anywhere now,” he grunted.

“Four minutes,” she mumbled out of breath, pushing him back down. She turned around, sliding down on his cock as his hands stroked over her back. His grunts became louder and louder, and when he grabbed her hair from behind and pushed her down on his cock, gripping her hip with his free hand, she knew he’d reached his orgasm. Jake stilled. Her pussy clenched, and her legs ached, too. She was exhausted and would give anything for a nap, but unfortunately, she had to get to the emergency she’d been paged for.

“I’ve got to go,” she breathed out.

“I guess.” Kissing her on the shoulder, he tapped her on the ass to get her to move. She got up, feeling him slide out of her as she moved. She grabbed her pants, and tugged them on. 

“See you later,” she said over her shoulder at the door. 

Grabbing her arm, he pulled her back into him, and gave her one last passionate kiss. “See you later.” He squeezed her butt cheek and nibbled her lower lip, forcing a breathy moan to escape her lips, before letting her go. With a pounding heart, she took the stairs two at a time back down to the cardiology ward.

She reached one of her patients just in time squirt some detergent into her hands and a pair plastic gloves before entering the room. Mr. Ali was struggling to breathe. She took the tube lodged in his trachea out of his mouth.

*******

Moira returned around three. Holly didn’t know what she would have done if she’d had to tell her they’d lost Mr. Ali, a double bypass patient who was in post-op now and should be recovering well. What would her reason have been? Oh, I’m so sorry, Moira, but you see, I was busy fucking the living daylights out of your cousin. My apologies again, Moira. I shouldn’t have done that.

She blew her breath out heavily, the sensation of Jake filling her so deeply still lodged firmly in her mind.

Licking her dry lips, she gave up on filling out Mr. Ali’s chart. “I’m not done with this, so please don’t file it yet. I just need a cup of coffee,” she said to Gale.

Pulling her phone out, she sent Jake a text.

Thanks for lunch. I’ll struggle to get that out of my freakin’ head.

As soon as she reached the staff room, her phone beeped. Before reading the message, she poured herself a cup of coffee.

Good, now you know how I feel. Welcome to the sex addicts group.

Holly laughed. 

I don’t have an addiction, per se. I’m just saying that I’m struggling to get that Chinese food out of my head. 

SNORT! Talk to you soon, and you know I’m not really referring to actual communication, I’m talking about fucking the living daylights out of you, since that was hardly a fuck.

She shook her head. She wanted to ask him how soon was soon. However, she didn’t want to sound like an overeager little slut.

You did not just say that. 

See you later, princess.

At six, Holly changed out of her scrubs, and for the first time in a long time she touched her scar. It was not that visible, and you really needed to look hard to see it. Why she was so scared of Jake seeing it? But there were also the slight stretch marks over her boobs and the couple of ugly stretch marks on her abdomen. They might give it away.

The drive home had her thinking about what it was she was doing. She hated feeling unsure, hated not knowing if she was wasting her time or if she was going to end up with him by her side forever. She wanted a future with him so much, especially now that she knew a part of him couldn’t function normally without her and would always crave her. But how big was that part? What if Kate found out about them and gave him an ultimatum? Would she be able to live in a world where Jake was going to pretend she didn’t exist?

A part of her felt pathetic. She’d been doing great without him. For four years, she’d made do. Why had she kissed him that night? If she hadn’t, none of this would’ve happened, none of it. Then again, even if she hadn’t kissed him, would she have really been okay letting him go without a fight? It was all so confusing, and she realized that she couldn’t really get to the bottom of why she was doing what she was doing. Was it really for Jamie, or was it for her?