THE EMERGENCY LASTED EARLY INTO the morning hours. She helped wherever she could, and when she was finally done, all she just wanted to do was sleep.

She’d gotten a message at three in the morning to meet Jake in one of the doctors’ sleeping quarters. It had one bed, but she was dead tired.

As much as I want you on top of me, I’m fucking tired. I can’t think straight anymore.

I’m tired too, princess, just come.

It’s the coming part that I’m afraid of.

Ha ha, get your ass over here, now.

She did, remembering to lock the door behind her. Jake was lying on the bed, and she crawled in next to him. He wrapped an arm around her, and moved her head onto his chest. It felt nice. She’d missed lying next to him like this. He kissed her softly on the head, then closed his eyes without saying a word. To her surprise, soft snores came from him faster than she ever thought possible. Now she knew why he’d been so beat during his first year of internship, and why they hadn’t been able to talk the way they used to.

She wanted to tell him the truth, wanted to tell him about Jamie, but she was terrified of his reaction. He’d told her back then in so many words that he didn’t want the baby. He’d said those words.

“Jake,” she called softly.

He grunted in reply.

“Are you awake?” she asked. He grunted again. “I have something I need to tell you, something you won’t like.” No reply.

“I couldn’t do it, Jake. I kept the baby, I kept them—we had twins.”

Again, there was no reply. Holly sighed. Why did she have the balls to tell him when he was fast asleep, but couldn’t do it when he was awake?

That night, she dreamed Jake heard every word she’d said and fought with her, yelled at her, asking how she could have done that to him. Why she’d continued with the pregnancy when he’d told her he didn’t want any children. It broke her heart, even in her dream. When she woke, she found his spot empty, and a note on his side of the bed.

I had to drop off Michael early this morning, sorry. See you later.

There was a string of hugs and kisses below it. She pocketed the note and went to face the day.

Around midmorning, she messaged him.

Do you remember anything I told you when we got into bed?

For a few hours, she received no reply, and then one came through.

What? I can’t remember, sorry. I actually spoke to you?

She smiled, and shook her head.

No, I did the talking, but it’s okay. Not to worry. 

No, what’s on your mind? Tell me.

She wanted to come clean about her pregnancy, but changed it to Zürich because of her horrible dream.

You should go, Holly. Moira is right, you are perfect for that program.

The thought of being away for five years, and not just from Jamie, but from him, too, was not something she was prepared to do.

But it’s five years, in a foreign country. I can’t do five years.

She didn’t tell him the same thing she’d told Moira, because he’d just ask her what responsibilities she had to hold her back. That was the end of their conversation, so she went about her duties. But when her phone rang an hour later, she was surprised to see Jake’s number on her screen.

As soon as she accepted the call and put the phone to her ear, she got, “So do only a year.” He sounded tired, annoyed, frustrated.

“I’m not from a royal doctor family line.”

Jake chuckled. “You don’t have to be from a line of doctors. You just need to be smart.”

“I don’t know how to do this.”

“Give them a reason you can only do a year.”

“Which would be?”

“Tell them the truth, that it’s a foreign country and you want to see what it’s all about first. If they really want you, Holly, they will make a plan.”

“Is that how you only got to spend a year in China?”

“You’ve been checking up, I see.”

She giggled. “It was hard not to find that.”

“Yes, that’s exactly how I only spent a year in China.”

“Okay, I’ll try.”

“It’s a good program, Holly.”

“Uh huh.”

Jake chuckled. “Only stupid people say uh huh.”

Holly sighed. She missed Bernie. “Got to go,” she said, disconnecting the call. Why did he have to go and mention that? A while later when she was busy with her rounds, her phone beeped.

I have to leave for Holland, but only for a couple of days. If you want, I can talk to them on your behalf.

And how do you think that will look?

I don’t care what it looks like.

That melted her heart.

Thank you, Jake.

Oh, no, minx. You can thank me later.

Sucking in her lips, she suppressed a smile.

***************

Jake said goodbye two days before he left, which meant that Kate got to spend the final night with him. Holly disliked that immensely.

This affair and his text about not worrying about Kate had clouded Holly’s feelings regarding the woman. Though she liked Kate, she was the one thing standing between her and Jake having a proper relationship. She knew if their relationship came out in the open before Jake broke up with Kate, it would probably tear Kate apart, and Holly couldn’t deny that it brought forth a nauseating feeling. Holly was the other woman, the mistress, the homewrecker, and she struggled to put that out of her mind as she said her goodbyes to Jake. What if he came to his senses while he was in Holland? What if he realized he was screwing up a good thing by keeping up this affair with Holly? She willed her thoughts to disappear as she tried to keep the mood light. “We can have loads of uninterrupted phone sex,” he whispered in her ear, making her laugh. They were in one of the private doctors’ rooms, where they were supposed to be sleeping.

“I’m still on duty, you know.”

“You’ve got a day off, missy.”

“Why are you going?”

“Some seminar. They are usually boring.”

“That will teach you,” she flirted, kissing him.

“Teach me what?”

“What you get for going to Holland alone.”

“If I could take you with me, I would. You know I would.”

Yeah, right, she thought.

His phone rang—it was Kate. He motioned to her to stay quiet. She could hear Michael’s name and Jake replied that he would go fetch him, not a problem. That was the end of their time together, and he left.

Holly wanted to scream. Kate was always going to be a part of their lives, no matter if Holly won him over or not. She had a kid with him, too. Holly didn’t know if she could be a part of their lives if Jake didn’t end up with her.

She couldn’t tell him. She couldn’t. Not yet.

************

Jake messaged her when he landed, when he got off the plane, and when he got to his room. He even sent her a picture of the view. It was breathtakingly beautiful, with a view over a canal. Small houseboats and bridges dotted the picture, along with loads of bicycles. She’d heard that Holland was bicycle country, and she’d love to go there. The weather looked crappy, though, too cold for her liking. She smiled when she read, Missing you already. 

On one of her days off, they had phone sex.

“Holy fuck,” Holly said out of breath once she’d orgasmed.

“I told you I had new tricks up my sleeve.” 

“Yes, you did, and you most certainly do. Are you going to bring me something from Holland?”

“I’ll get you a pair of clogs. You can work in them, that way I’ll always know when you are near.”

She laughed. “Okay, I’m tired. I really need to get some sleep.”

“Bye, Bee Puke,” he said, disconnecting the call.

A soft knock sounded on her door, and she closed her eyes. She hoped she hadn’t been too loud. “Come in.” Her voice broke.

When Rodney walked in, the expression on his face wasn’t a happy one. She hadn’t known he was home, she hadn’t even checked his room before telling Jake to phone.

“Who was that, Holly?”

“What the fuck, Rod? Were you eavesdropping on my whole conversation?”

He folded his arms, huffed, and then let out a sarcastic chuckle. “You know… I saw it all along. I just didn’t want to believe it, ’cause you told me his name was Steve, Holly. That he was married!” 

And with that, she knew that Rod knew. It was written all over his face.

He shook his head, angry tears glistening in his eyes. The look on his face one of pure disbelief. “It all makes sense now. Why you were hesitant about coming to Boston, why you didn’t want to go to P&E, why you didn’t want to bring Jamie here.” He shook his head. “I can’t believe you lied to me, Holly. I thought we were friends.”

Tears welled up in her eyes, too. One rolled down her cheek.

“Why, Holly, why? You know how I feel about that man. Why didn’t you tell me it was him?”

“Because I wanted you to meet him, to get to know him, to work with the man you idolized.”

Rod laughed. “You think he’s a man. He left you pregnant and alone because it was convenient for him. That isn’t a man, that is a coward, and I don’t idolize cowards.”

They stared at one another. Holly looked away first. It was all so messed up.

“So… what, you sleeping with him again?”

“Rod, please,” she pleaded.

He raised his hand. “Don’t, Holly, you lied to me, and not just lied, betrayed me. You knew how I felt about the man who abandoned you, abandoned his responsibilities. I hated his guts because of what he did to you.” He was sniffling, and he looked heartbroken. “And you made me work with him.”

“I couldn’t tell you.”

“Bullshit, Holly. All you had to do was say that the asshole was Jake, easy as that.”

“It wasn’t that easy!” she yelled at him.

“Does he know about Jamie? Have you told him yet?”

“No.” She jumped out of bed, wearing a pair of boxers. “He can’t know yet, Rod, please.”

“Yet?” He squinted. “Holly what game are you playing here?”

She swallowed hard. “I don’t know how he feels about me, truly. When I know, once I’m 100% sure, then I’ll tell him.” She couldn’t believe how stupid she sounded. Rod merely glared at her.

“If I tell him now, he will be angry with me for keeping her.”

“Them,” he corrected her. “Romalia died, or did you forget about that?”

She shook her head, horrified. “Of course not! I’m thinking about the one who’s alive right now, Rod. He will fight me in court. You know how much money he has. I won’t be able to fight him for my daughter! Please, I’m begging you not to say anything. Not yet.”

“Listen to yourself, Holls. He left you when you needed him the most, and the minute he pulled his charm out, you jump into bed with him? Why, Holly? What do you think this will accomplish? Do you think he’d just come back to you? Do you honestly think he’d be with you if you didn’t fall for his charms so easily? He doesn’t deserve either of you! He’s only screwing you for the thrill of it. I cannot believe what you’re doing. Do I even know you?”

Holly closed her eyes.

Rod laughed sarcastically. “How long has this shit been going on?”

“Rod—”

“How long Holly?”

“Since my birthday, okay?”

He shook his head. “He has a kid, Holly. He’s getting married in less than two months. Do you really think he’s going to leave Kate?”

“I have a kid who needs him, too.”

“Then tell him about her, but don’t fucking screw him!”

She started to cry. “You don’t understand, Rod.”

“Don’t, just don’t. That’s not going to work today. You should’ve told me the truth.”

“And then what? You would’ve gotten an idiot for a mentor and not learned anything. You had to become the best, Rod.”

“Had to become the best? I will become the best, but not with the likes of him! He is a fucking asshole. An asshole I now despise, an asshole who has never been at his daughter’s side, who’s missed every single one of her birthdays, an asshole who has no idea how gorgeous she is. An asshole who has no clue his daughter’s twin died! And you forgave him his sins, just like that?”

“Rod, please, you need to carry on working with him.”

“If you think that that is going to happen, you don’t know me at all.”

“Think, please!” Holly yelled. “He knows we are friends. If you change now, he will put two and two together. I can’t let that happen.”

“Yeah, well, you should’ve thought about that before jumping into bed with him.”

“It’s not like that.”

“Then what is it like? Please, explain it to me, as I clearly do not understand. Because he is not going to break it off with Kate, Holls, so it’s just about the sex to him. I can’t fucking look at you right now,” he said, storming out of her room.

Holly cried his name out, but he didn’t answer.

**********

Her phone rang the next day. It was Jane.

“Hi, mom,” she greeted when she answered.

“What are you doing? I thought you were smarter than this.”

“Rod told you, didn’t he?”

Jane started to laugh. “I knew you were going to do this. Break it off right now before you get hurt, sweetheart. You can’t forget what he did… you just can’t.”

“He’s Jamie’s father, Mom.” Holly tried to make Jane understand her point.

“Don’t hide behind Jamie. You know she is not the only reason you are doing this, Holly.”

“So what? I still love him. I tried, okay? I’ve tried to move on, but I can’t!” Holly yelled, cutting the connection.

She got a text from her mom: Break it off, before you get hurt. Men don’t leave their wives for the likes of us, Holly. We are the ones who get dumped.

***********

She avoided speaking to Jake for the remainder of his Holland trip and tried to ignore him when he got back. Yet she somehow ended up in bed with him.

“What is wrong? Why the long face?”

“It’s nothing to worry about. I’m just tired,” she lied, turning over to sleep.

Jake kissed her on her shoulder, then lay back down, placing his leg over one of hers. She loved the closeness. This whole situation was a huge fucking mess. As much as she wanted to tell Jake about her fights with Rodney and her mother, she couldn’t, because she’d put everything in jeopardy. Why had she been such a fucking idiot? She should have just left him well enough alone. She should have stayed in Seattle.

“It’s Rodney, isn’t it?” Jake asked. 

Holly sighed. Why did it feel that he could at times read her mind? She turned around to face him. 

“He knows about us, doesn’t he?”

Stupidly, she nodded, wanting to cry.

“It’s not the end of the world, Holly.” He wrapped his arms around her. “At least I now know why he doesn’t want to scrub in anymore. He thinks I’m a douchebag.”

“He isn’t scrubbing in anymore?” she asked.

Jake chuckled. “He told me it was time for the other interns and residents to learn something, too, even going as far as to let Julia get a couple of scrub-ins. You want me to explain it to him?”

“No, he will make a scene. Just let him deal with it.”

Shrugging, Jake kissed her on the nose.

“I mean it, Jake.”

“Okay, whatever you want, princess.”

Relieved, Holly closed her eyes, but she couldn’t fall asleep. She lay there, lost in her thoughts, until Jake called her name about an hour and a half later. She decided to pretend to be asleep. Not long after, she felt him move as he got out of bed, then left.

Tears of frustration rolled down her face. He was giving her what she wanted, yet he wasn’t. Fuck. She was so dense!

Rodney was right. He’d never leave Kate or his son.

However dire things looked, she still wasn’t prepared to believe that her chances were screwed. He wasn’t married yet.

JAKE

Jake straightened his clothing as he watched Holly run through the door to the pediatrics ward. Something had been off with her last night and he’d grabbed her on the stairs today to see if she was still in a bad mood. His little minx was not in a bad mood today. Their little make-out session had been so fucking hot, he was still trying to tame his hard-on. He hadn’t even cared if someone caught them; no one ever did, anyway.

He took his phone from his pocket and sent her text.

I hate watching that sexy ass of yours leave.

He chuckled when he sent it off, and when the door opened, he thought for a split second that she’d returned. But it wasn’t the face he was hoping for.

It was Agneta.

Jake gave her a huge smile, but she didn’t return it, which was proof that she’d been on to them for a couple of weeks now. He’d had an inkling. He should have been more careful.

“Jake, what are you doing?” she asked.

He played dumb. “What are you talking about?”

She gave him that knowing, raised eyebrow, look. “Don’t play coy. I’m not stupid,” she scolded.

Jake burst out laughing.

“Boy, this is not a joke, you’re marrying Kate, who, by the way, doesn’t deserve this. Not to mention Michael. You have to stop whatever the heck it is you’re doing.”

“No!” he said, a little too forcefully, making her flinch. “I can’t, okay?”

“Jake, she is not—”

“Aggie, seriously? It’s her. It’s Henry.” Shaking his head, Jake moved around her and walked out. Aggie had still been working at P&E the night he’d taken Holly in to examine her hand.

Jake made his way to reception. He couldn’t stop seeing Holly, he just couldn’t. 

Aggie followed and now stood next to him. “A word please, Dr. Peters.” She cocked her head in the direction of the storeroom. Jake had no choice but to follow. He didn’t need a scene.

As soon as Aggie closed the door, she asked, “I thought it might be too close of a resemblance. I really didn’t think that it was her. Sorry, baby. But you need to face the truth. Don’t you remember how broken you were when she left?”

Jake nodded, stiffly. “Why the fuck did she have to come back?”

“Well, then, you have quite the decision to make. You’re going to have to think long and hard about this situation and make that all-important choice.”

“What choice, Aggie? I have no choice,” he spat. Just thinking about it made him feel as if someone had him by the throat. 

“There is always a choice, Jake. Have you forgotten what she did?”

“Of course not. But it doesn’t matter anymore.”

Aggie gasped, her expression one of disbelief. 

“I know I’m a fucking idiot for ever looking her way. The heart wants what it wants, even though my head doesn’t. I’m so confused.” He leaned back against the wall, the palms of his hands pressed into his eyes.

“Then speak to her.”

“And then what, Aggie? Get my heart broken all over again? Is that what you want, to turn old wounds into new ones? No. I don’t care what she did. What’s past is past. I want her.”

“And what about Kate, Jake? About Michael?”

“I’ll figure something out. I can do this, Aggie.”

She gaped at his reply. He knew it sounded fucked up. And then she closed her mouth, reached into one of the boxes, and threw a couple bandage rolls at him. “Listen to yourself. What is this girl doing to you? I’ve never been this disgusted in my entire life.”

With that, she wrenched the door open and left. Jake understood her disgust, but he couldn’t live without Holly. He just couldn’t.

HOLLY

Over the following week, she saw Jake almost every day.

Rod fought with her every chance he could. At least he was speaking to her again, but she wished things could go back to the way they were, before he’d found out. Now Rod was constantly lecturing her, telling her she was being stupid and selfish, and that she was only going to get hurt again. But Holly refused to believe that.

“Watch this video if you don’t believe me, Holly.” Rod paced the length of her room, one hand running through his hair as he held his phone out to her.

“I’m not going to watch that.”

“You know I’m right.”

“He’s not married yet. You know I have to try for Jamie.”

“Stop hiding behind Jamie. He didn’t want her to begin with, so what makes you think he’ll want her now? Holly, this video is proof that Jake only wants one thing from you. You’re going to get hurt! I just want you to be careful,” he begged. “Please just watch this video.”

 Her eyes searched his face, and she saw her old loving and caring friend. Resignedly, she took the phone and hit play.

The video showed Jake and Kate in the P&E cafeteria. She couldn’t hear what they were saying, but Jake whispered constantly in Kate’s ear, and she was laughing and kissing him, confirming that he wasn’t at all unhappy with her.

“He’s got his bread buttered on both sides, Holly. I promise you, if you ask him to choose…” He shook his head. “He won’t choose you.”

“You don’t know that!” she yelled.

“Holly, are you blind?”

She burst into tears. Rod wrapped his arms around her for the first time in a very long time. “You need to break it off, Holly. I’m begging you.”

“Fine! I’ll give him the fucking choice.”

“Okay,” he said, then left.

***********

Jake didn’t make an appearance for the next two days at Downsend. It was as if he knew what she wanted to do and he wasn’t going to give her the chance.

On day the third day, she caught sight of The Beast in its usual spot. She’d have to talked to him today.

Jake texted her the entire day, and for a moment, the lingering doubt from the video vanished, and hope replaced it. Hope that he’d choose her.

When Holly watched the start of the sunset out of the window of the cardiology ward, she knew she couldn’t wait any longer. She had to see him. She knew he was in his office, so she grabbed a couple of old patients’ files to make it seem as if they had a meeting, and went to his office.

She smiled at Aggie, who merely gave her a weak smile in return. She was sure Aggie knew something was going on. The way she’d been treating Holly lately wasn’t the happy nurse she’d known. Aggie also sported that all-knowing look—not a judgmental one—but the look that made Holly feel as if she knew what the two of them were up to.

She knocked on Jake’s office door twice then opened it.

“Oh, shit, sorry. I’ll come back later,” she said, shutting the door quickly. Kate’s laughter was clearly audible. Close to tears, she hurried toward her screaming spot, but changed her mind and headed to the fifth floor, instead. She didn’t want Jake to find her. He was the last person she wanted to see or speak to. She found a room she’d never slept in before, and once inside, shut the door, then burst into tears as she slid down against the door.

Rod had been right. She was such a fool, thinking Jake would leave Kate. After what she’d just seen, she knew it would never happen. The image of them together on the floor, buck-ass naked, was burned into her mind.

Jake had seemed surprised, but there had been no other emotion on his face, and Kate hadn’t even flinched at being caught in the act. Her laughter was still ringing in Holly’s ears.

The pain at seeing them together stabbed at Holly’s heart, piercing through her with such intensity that she was sure she could hear her heart shattering. She had felt like she was the girlfriend and Kate the fling. But she was wrong. He was never going to choose her. Standing up, she switched off her beeper and slid it into the pocket of her white coat before shrugging it off and hanging it on the hook at the back of the door. The files lay discarded on the floor.

She should never have done that. Fate, the fucking fickle bitch, knew that the video wasn’t going to be enough to convince her. She needed further evidence, which turned out to be the display in his office, so that it would finally sink in. Fate was giving her another wake-up call. 

She trudged over to the bed, her footsteps heavy and dragging, and fell on it. She was sick of crying. Her tear ducts had run dry with all the crying she’d done since Jake had reappeared in her life. She felt numb. Jamie’s father was never going to come home. He was going to stay in the rainbow until it was time to tell her the truth.

Why hadn’t he stayed with her? Why was Michael everything to him, when he’d never wanted their baby? Perhaps, if he’d stayed with her, if he and his family hadn’t wanted her to get an abortion, she’d still have had access to Gus’s formula, and her babies wouldn’t have been born premature—Romalia could have survived.

Her thoughts turned to disgust for herself over all the things she’d done with Jake when her phone beeped. She knew it was him… who else would text her?

Sighing, she pulled her phone out of her pocket and opened the message to see what the ass wanted.

Where are you? We need to talk about this.

Without replying, she hugged the phone to her chest.

Talk about this my ass, she thought.

Another string of messages came through but she wasn’t interested in what he wanted anymore, so she ignored them.

Through all of this, she somehow fell asleep, waking up to soft lips on her shoulder. It could only be Jake. All she wanted was to turn around and bury her face into his chest, just to breathe his sweet scent in, but in that second the visions returned—she saw Kate beneath him—and pain jolted through her chest.

“Jake… we can’t do this anymore.”

“Holly, I didn’t know she was going to be here.”

“It’s not just that, Jake. It’s everything.” She sat upright hugging her legs to her body. “I can’t do this anymore. You have no idea how I feel inside. Aggie knows. She’s been giving me that look. I just cannot do this anymore.”

“I don’t give a shit about Aggie. About anyone. I’ve done everything you wanted. What more do you want from me?” He pushed himself upright and rested his head gently against her shoulder, his lips close to her cheek. “You know I can’t survive without you.”

She huffed, smiled, and then sighed. “Then prove it.”

“How? I’ve shown you what a mess I am without you. What more do you want?”

“Leave Kate.”

Jake’s face fell. Looking past her, he let out a groan. He turned, flinging his legs off the bed, giving her his back. He dropped his head into his hands.

Holly tried her best not to burst into tears. Lifting a hand hesitantly, she touched his back gently. But at the contact, he stood, taking two steps forward and then turned to face her.

“Don’t do this.”

“I can’t do this anymore. Leave Kate, Jake. If you mean all those things, leave her, because I promise you it’s either her or me. Tonight. You can’t have both anymore.”

“Don’t make me choose, Holly. It’s a complicated situation… I-I can’t just leave her.”

“Complicated situation?” she repeated sarcastically, when all she wanted to do was cry. “People make things complicated, Jake.”

“It’s not that easy, Holly.” Anger tinged his voice, and she turned her head away, wiping at a stray tear and swallowing hard to get rid of the rest before getting up, too.

“So, Kate it is,” she said, moving past him into the small bathroom in the room and locking the door behind her. She sat on the toilet lid and cried softly.

“Holly, please, I’m begging you… if it were that simple, I would choose you, but it’s not, okay?”

“Just leave, Jake. Just go. You’ve made your choice!” she yelled.

As a growl escaped from Jake’s lips, she heard his fist connect with the door, making her jump. In the silence that followed, Holly could think of nothing except how naive she’d been. She should’ve left a long time ago, she should never have kissed him that night at the bar, and she should never have given in to his demands. He’d hurt her once; he would do it again.

She had no idea what the time was, or how long she’d stayed in the bathroom for, but when she finally came out, there was no sign of Jake. Crawling back into bed, she curled into a ball to let her sorrow wash over her. 

For the remainder of her shift, she walked around like a ghost sporting red-rimmed eyes. Glad her shift was over, she went to change. Outside, The Beast was gone, and she knew she would never see Jake again. 

She texted Rod.

It’s over. He chose Kate.

She hated telling her mother, because Jane had been right from the very start. Holly had only gotten hurt.

The week that followed was hard, and she tried to concentrate only on work. Moira, however, noticed that something was not quite right. Try as she might to cheer Holly up, nothing she did worked. Because in the end, she was a Peters.

When week two rolled around, there was still no sign of Jake. If he had gone attend to any consultations, he must have done so when she wasn’t on duty. He hadn’t texted her, either.

It was over. Jake had made his decision, and it hurt that he had chosen Kate instead of her. The nightmares returned—the ones she’d had five years ago about Jake leaving her and their baby.

But by week three, she saw him in the hallway. Her heart beat like crazy as he walked toward her, but she kept her head bent and looked at the ground. When she walked past him, she felt his gaze on her. Jake didn’t say anything, not even hello. She stayed clear of him the entire day.

Her Skype meeting with Zürich was the only highlight of her day. She decided that, and after speaking to her mother about it and Jane telling her to go for it, that she’d be stupid not to do it.

It seemed she would be running away from Jake again.

Then the thought of parting with Jamie enters her mind. It was pulling her heart into all directions. She wanted to take her with, but she couldn’t. She felt like a bad mom again. Luckily, her contract for Zürich was only for a year, thanks to Jake pulling strings when he was in Europe. With all the emotional upheaval in her life, she’d completely forgotten that he had spoken to them when he was in Europe, and had never told her the outcome of his talk with them.

She couldn’t thank him. Thanking him meant speaking to him, and speaking to him would just lead to her opening her heart to him again.

By the end of that month, she thought she was over the worst, when one day she overheard Tanya talking about how beautiful their bridesmaid dresses were.

In less than three weeks Jake would be married.

It was a bitter pill to swallow. She wished she’d never laid eyes on him. She would never find anyone like him again.

Oliver wanted to take her out for drinks but she declined, saying she was too busy making sure that everything was in order for Zürich. Going out with Oliver would just end up in a mess, and she would end up hurting yet another person in the process to get over Jake Peters. She’d hurt a lot of people because of him.

The excitement over the bridesmaids’ dresses continued. Holly walked in one morning for her shift just as Tanya and a couple of interns were getting ready to leave for their day off.

“You’ve got to be shitting me… Hawaii?”

“Yes, Macaroon changed the venue at the last minute. I’m going to freakin’ Hawaii, guys.”

“Could that guy be more perfect? Kate is such a fucking lucky bitch.”

“She is. I would do anything to have someone like him. Ben is a bit too young still, but he is the perfect likeness of his brother.”

Holly huffed inwardly. Ben wasn’t the only one who was the spitting image of Jake. She had a little girl that looked just like him, too. She wondered about telling Jake about Jamie. Getting married to another person without knowing the facts… She shook that thought from her mind. No, he would be angry. He didn’t want her, and a child wasn’t going to change his mind, either.

Shutting her locker door, she exited the locker rooms, leaving the girls drooling over Jake and what a perfect guy he was. She didn’t care about Hawaii, either. Sure, like everyone else, she’d like to see the place, and someday she might.

Life was unfair, but she knew she would be okay. One day. She would become a great doctor. She would eventually be able to give her daughter the life she deserved.

********

A week before Jake’s wedding, Holly again thought about speaking to him, asking him why he’d left them, and about wanting him to know the truth before he said ‘I do’ to Kate. She couldn’t do any of it over a text message. But her fear of being rejected by him again wasn’t something she’d be able to handle. She had to think about Jamie. Any hope of a life with Jake was over—she would live only for Jamie now, as she had ever since the day she was born. Jake Peters didn’t exist, at least not the fantasy Jake in her head, who would never have abandoned her in the first place, and would never have chosen Kate. It wasn’t that complicated.

Whenever Holly saw Jake, she badly wanted to go up to him and scream at him until her voice gave out, but she didn’t. Instead, she headed in the opposite direction, willing her tears away. He’d now abandoned her twice.

Holly got an idea. There was no way she’d be able to go back to Seattle. She wouldn’t see Jamie before she left for Zürich, but if Jake and his whole wretched family were going to Hawaii, it was safe to bring Jamie to Boston to spend that week with her before her trip. Jane thought it a brilliant idea, with the only question now being which day Jake and his entourage were going to leave.

Rod managed to find out the date. Before Holly knew it, the night had finally arrived. Her phone rang, and when she glanced at it, she saw her mother’s number on the screen. 

She smiled and picked up the phone.

“Hey, Mom.”

“Hey, baby, just letting you know we are…” Jane started, and then Holly heard, “Hey, Mommy! We are going to come to you soon,” said Jamie excitedly, making Holly giggle. 

“Okay, we’re finished packing. Missy, let Nanna talk quick, okay, then you can say hello properly. Is he gone yet?”

“Rod said he’d message me, but he’s leaving tonight. When is your plane leaving?”

“Early tomorrow. We land around ten in the morning.”

“Okay, I’ll make sure someone’s there to pick you up. I have a heart surgery tomorrow with Jake’s cousin, and she’s leaving afterward.”

Jane knew about Moira, but Moira had no idea about Jake and Holly’s relationship five years ago, or what the asshole had done.

“She doesn’t know, Mom, and I doubt she’d tell him I have a daughter. It wouldn’t even cross her mind.”

“Okay, good. How are you doing?”

“I’m fine, really. I can’t wait to hold Jamie in my arms. Heaven knows I need that little girl. I have no idea how I’m going to do this for an entire year, Mom.”

“You are not a bad mother… We’ve spoken about this, baby. She will be grateful one day, not only for all the things you will be able to give her, but for the sacrifices you’ve had to make. You have to do this, Holly.”

“I know. I just feel so crappy.” 

“Love you. Just a few hours to go. She is so excited. I don’t know how I’m going to get her to bed tonight.”

Holly chuckled. “Let me speak to her.”

“Love you, my girl.”

“Love you, too, Mom.”

“Mommy, we are going to see you tomorrow!”

Holly smiled. “I know, and I can’t wait.”

“One more sleep! Nanna said it’s a short sleep, not even that long.”

“Nanna is really smart, so she’s right, but you need to go to bed when she says so, okay? I know you’re going to be wide awake when that time comes, baby, but if you don’t sleep, you are going to be so tired tomorrow you won’t enjoy the beach.”

“The beach! We’re going to the beach?”

“Yes, with Rod. Mommy’s not going to be there, but Rodney will.” Hopefully.

“Yay, yay, yay!” Jamie yelled. Holly felt pure joy for the first time in a long time.

“So, remember, when Nanna says go to bed, you go to bed, okay?”

“Okay, I’ll try.”

“Good girl. I love you.”

“Love you more.”

“I doubt that. Give Nanna a big kiss for me, okay?”

“Okay. Bye.”

“Bye, pumpkin.”

Holly smiled, but thinking about Zürich tugged at her heart. A year was such a long time. She was going to miss a lot in Jamie’s life; her fifth birthday, another school concert, everything.

Her phone beeped with a message from Rod.

He’s gone, everyone just said goodbye to him.

Thanks, Rod. I can’t wait for tomorrow. 

She slept like a rock that night, not quite believing that when she awoke, she’d have just one more shift, and then she’d be holding her everything in her arms. She knew the minute she held Jamie in her arms, it would take away every ounce of pain Jake had left her with, and that everything was going to be fine.