Chapter Three
Josie
“It's the last night, Josie,” Lila pleaded. “Don't you want to see Gavin one more time before we get back to San Diego? It might be your last chance.”
She'd been trying to convince me all week to go to Hedonistic Heaven, and every single night, I'd chickened out. I shook my head, feeling my heart lurch and my stomach tighten as I thought about those dark, dreamy eyes. I wanted to go, but couldn't bring myself to actually do it.
“You go,” I said. “Gavin would probably like you better anyway.”
“No way,” she said. “You're the birthday girl. And besides, he's your man.”
“My man?” I laughed. “Please. He probably has girls all over him already.”
“But wouldn't you want to see that ass just one last time?” she asked.
I couldn't deny it—I wouldn't mind another view of him. I was also curious about what went down in the club that was ‘only for the most open-minded of guests’. After a few days on the cruise, I'd seen just about everything under the sun. Nude sunbathing, swingers looking to hook up with Lila and myself. We'd declined those invitations of course, though Lila looked sorely tempted. We'd been invited to adult party games where I found myself sitting in the corner nursing a drink, because I couldn't bring myself to get undressed or kiss a random stranger. Lila had a lot of fun, though, and I got some much-needed rest, so it hadn't been a complete waste of time.
“Fine,” I muttered.
I figured that going to the club for a little bit couldn't be much worse than the speed dating event she'd dragged me to. I still couldn't stop cringing at how the guy I'd been paired up with—Harry or Jerry or something like that—ogled my tits all night, eventually asking if he could touch them to “see if they're real.” The mere thought of that creep made me shudder even still.
“Yay!” she exclaimed. “It's going to be awesome, girl. I'm telling you.”
Lila quickly started digging through my luggage, tossing things on the bed until she pulled out a dress, one I'd brought a long time ago because she'd talked me into it. It was a slinky black number with a lower neckline than I was used to or comfortable with, which explained why I'd never worn it. She threw it at me and commanded me to wear it, giving me little choice in the manner.
Lila also did my hair and makeup, chattering away excitedly the whole time. After she was done with me, I'd wiped most of the makeup off in the bathroom because it was too heavy, and I looked nothing like myself, but overall, her little makeover looked good.
My auburn hair fell in soft waves over my shoulders, giving me what I called “Cosmo hair” because it was bouncy and had body to it, just like the models on those fashion magazines Lila loved to read. My lips were a nice, rich shade of red, which paired nicely with my alabaster skin. Lila also managed to bring out the blue in eyes with thick, long lashes that made them seem to pop.
“Beautiful! When Gavin sees you, he's going to want to bang your pretty little brains out,” Lila said.
Her phrasing made my stomach do flips and turns like I was riding a roller coaster, but I had to admit—I looked pretty dang good. Not that I expected to lose my virginity or anything just because we went to the club. As I looked in the mirror, though, and thought about Gavin—and then thought about the entire purpose of cruises like this—I started to have doubts. I had to fight off a wave of nausea that rose up from deep within me.
“I'm not sure…”
Lila stopped me before I could finish my thought, brushing off my words with a wave of her hand. She took my hands in hers and looked deeply into my eyes.
“You're allowed to have fun, Josie. You're allowed to enjoy yourself. And yes, that includes having some amazing, mind-blowing, toe-curling sex,” she said. “There's nothing wrong with a woman enjoying sex. And I have a feeling that you'd really, really enjoy it with Gavin. That man just looks like he knows how to fuck and fuck well.”
I knew she was right, and I wanted to be intimate with men. I wanted a relationship and a family and all that, but my fears and insecurities were holding me back. Every time it got even remotely close, I ran away. And God knew, if push came to shove, I'd probably find a way to run from Gavin too.
I was also battling my own insecurities that rose up like a malignant spirit. All my doubts about myself and the fact that I had no sexual experience made me scared to take a step off the bridge. Although there was a small part of my mind that argued there was only one way to get experience and tried to counsel that even if I sucked in bed, it was a learning experience and I'd never see him again anyway.
“I believe in you, baby doll,” Lila said, smacking my ass playfully. “You're a hot, sexy woman. Now, let's get you laid.”
ooo000ooo
Hedonistic Heaven was dark inside, so dark it took a minute for my eyes to adjust. When they finally did, though, it wasn't what I'd expected. And it wasn't nearly as scary as I thought. I guess I'd been expecting some giant orgy or something, but that turned out to not be the case.
There was a dance floor filled with people, and a bar on one side of us that was filled with couples. The attire of most everybody there was a bit on the skimpy side, though, that was something I'd grown used to on the cruise. But overall it looked like your average club upon first entering it.
I had to admit, I was shocked and even more surprised to find that I was a tad bit disappointed.
Lila and I walked over to the bar, and she ordered us both shots of tequila. I shot her a look, and she smiled.
“Just to loosen you up a bit,” she said. “Take some of the edge off.”
Starting off with tequila seemed dangerous, but I downed the shot alongside my friend anyway. I grimaced as the liquid burned in my throat, moving down into my stomach, making me feel a bit queasy. As the warmth spread throughout my belly, I hurried and sucked on the lime, hoping to drown out, or at last dull the alcohol flavor lingering in my mouth.
“Another?” Lila asked.
“I'm good,” I said, shaking my head and laughing. “I don't want to get wasted.”
“Probably smart,” Lila said, sounding a tad disappointed. “You'd probably like to remember your first time.”
I cringed. As much as I'd love to find a man to hook up with, I knew it wasn't likely going to happen. This was me we were talking about after all, and I wasn't a random hook up kind of a girl. No matter how much Lila—and even part of myself—wanted me to be.
“Wonder where he might be?” Lila said.
She turned her head this way and that, squinting her eyes as she scoured the faces in the crowd. She stood on her tip toes and searched the dance floor for Gavin, but judging by the look on her face, it was obvious she wasn't having much luck.
“Maybe he's already found himself a woman,” I said, shrugging and looking around at the gorgeous, scantily clad women in the club. “I mean, there are a lot to choose from here and he's not a guy who'd have trouble finding one.”
“Probably didn't think we'd come,” she said under her breath. “I knew we should have gotten to the club earlier.”
Then Lila stopped, and I watched a slow, wide smile spread across her face. It was a smile I knew meant just one thing, and I felt my stomach drop into my shoes. She grabbed my hand and before I could stop her, she was dragging me to the other end of the club.
“I see him,” she whispered.
“I kind of assumed that already,” I said.
My heart raced with each step we took. I still didn't see him, but Lila apparently had and like a bloodhound on a scent, she was in pursuit. Her grip on my hand tightened.
My eyes finally landed on him and I felt my pulse race and my breath catch in my throat. He was sitting in a private booth in the far corner of the club, just looking out at the teeming mass of flesh on display.
“He's alone,” Lila said. “We should definitely go talk to him.”
“He might like being left alone,” I said. “Or maybe he's just waiting for his date to come back from the bathroom or something.”
Lila cocked an eyebrow at me as if to say, “Really?”
“Come on, I'll go with you,” she said. “Just to get the ball rolling and get you talking to him.”
Still gripping my hand, Lila started walking toward him, but my feet wouldn't move. I just stared at him, with my eyes wide and my jaw on the floor. I was a melted puddle of goo somehow rooted in a block of cement. No matter how badly I wanted to, I was unable to move. Lila gave me a mischievous little smile and a reassuring squeeze as she shook her head.
“Seriously, Josie, he's not going to bite,” she said. “I mean, unless you're into that, then he might if you ask real nice.”
Somehow managing to pull my feet free from the quicksand that had been holding them tight, I let Lila walk me over to the booth, where Gavin was sitting and staring out at the dance floor. He was back behind a roped off section, likely the reason he was alone, which made me think again, that maybe he wanted to be. When we started walking toward him, he turned his dark gaze to us and I almost tripped over my own feet. Thankfully, Lila caught me and kept me from making a bigger buffoon of myself.
His dark eyes penetrating me, he smiled and waved us over, beckoning for us to step behind the roped off section.
Standing up as we got to his table, he said, “I thought you two would never stop by.”
Given all the gorgeous women in the club, I was shocked that he'd remembered us. “Yeah, it took some convincing, but my friend finally got the balls to come out,” Lila said, giving me a playful nudge. “She's a bit shy.”
I glared at her. “I can see that,” he said.
But instead of being put off by it, Gavin made it sound like it wasn't a bad thing. In fact, as he looked me up and down, licking his lips, he made it almost sound like my shyness turned him on.
“Come, sit,” he said. “Join me for a drink.”
“Are we supposed to be back here?” Lila asked, pointing to the velvet ropes.
“Of course, you're welcome back here,” Gavin said, waving at a passing cocktail waitress. He smiled at me, which made my heart flutter. “You're with me.”
Lila motioned for me to sit down, which would put me between Gavin and her. I hesitated, but then he looked over at me with an expectant look in his eyes. I knew that shaking my head would look weird, so I just went with it. I sat as close to Lila as I could, trying to keep some distance between Gavin and I, but the booth was pretty tight for three of us, and Gavin wasn't nearly as shy as I was.
“What are you ladies drinking?” he asked.
“Surprise us,” Lila said, leaning back in the booth.
Gavin grinned, then winked at me, as he leaned over and whispered his order to the waitress. The woman, who was wearing a very short leather mini skirt that had her ass cheeks practically hanging out, turned and walked away. Most men would have stared at that tight little ass, but Gavin turned his attention to me, ignoring the woman completely.
“So, Josie,” Gavin started, “what brings you on a cruise like this?”
“Uh, well, Lila sort of didn't tell me what sort of cruise it would be,” I said.
My hands were clasped in my lap and I could hardly meet his gaze. My heart was thundering in my chest and my stomach was a ball of knots. Every time I looked into his eyes, I'd feel my cheeks flare with heat and I'd be forced to look away.
It was so stupid—he was just a man, after all—but I couldn't help it. I was just having a very strong reaction to him. Very rarely had I seen a man as handsome as him with his perfectly chiseled features and long, chocolate brown hair. He had just enough stubble on his face to make it sexy without looking sloppy. The heat in my face only grew as I imagined what that might feel pressed against my thighs.
“Are you having fun?” he asked me, though he cocked an eyebrow at Lila.
“Yeah, it's all been a bit… eye-opening… to say the least,” I laughed.
The waitress brought us our drinks and I took a sip. I was surprised to find a fruity cocktail that wasn't too sweet, nor too heavy on the alcohol. It had a light coconut flavor with a creamy texture, and it was really good.
Gavin seemed to be having something heavier—a scotch or something equally as strong. He took a long sip, never taking his eyes off me.
“How has the cruise been eye-opening for you, Josie?” he asked. “Have you learned something about yourself?”
“Maybe,” I said, shrugging.
“Not enough,” Lila added, a mischievous grin on her face. “She needs to experience more, but she's scared.”
Gavin cocked an eyebrow, and leaned forward, his expression intensely curious. “Is that true, Josie? Do you want to experience more?”
I bit my lip, and although my mind screamed out for me to stop, to pull back, my body betrayed me, and I felt myself nodding slowly. When no one said anything, I lifted my head and met his gaze. Our eyes were locked on each other and I felt a bolt of something—courage? Assertiveness? Something I couldn't identify—shoot through me.
As he looked at me, I nodded again. “Yes, I would, actually.” I was surprised to hear myself say.
Without missing a beat, Gavin asked, “Would you like to go upstairs to a private room with me then?”
My breath caught in my throat, and I looked over at Lila who silently mouthed the words, “Yes, do it!”
My body ached with a need I'd felt but had denied myself for so long. I so badly wanted to experience whatever this man had to offer me. I wanted to say yes so badly, but my head was spinning. What if I chickened out? What if I wasn't any good? What if—
“There will be a safe word, and we can stop at any time,” he said. His voice was low and gritty, and it sent a chill down my spine. “But I can say, without a doubt, you're not going to want to stop.”
As if my body were acting of its own accord, I nodded my head, surprising even myself. Gavin took my tiny hand in his large one, helping me out of the booth. He looked down at Lila and smiled.
“I'll take good care of her,” he said.
“I have no doubt you will,” Lila said, grinning at me as we walked away.
I turned and looked over my shoulder, and she waved at me, her eyes sparkling, a wide smile on her face. My heart was racing, and my mom's voice echoed through my head, telling me good girls didn't do things like this. Good girls didn't go upstairs to private rooms with men they just met. Good girls didn't need safe words.
I looked up at Gavin and in that moment, I lost myself in those dark, sensual eyes and realized that I didn't even care what my mom's voice was saying. If being a good girl meant I'd have to miss out on being with him, then fuck it. I wanted to see what being a bad girl felt like.