DOM’S SECRET BABY

Chapter One

Josie

The steady soft beeping sound of my mother's heart monitor was the only thing keeping me awake. My Fundamentals of Nursing book was splayed out on the table in front of me, about as useless as I felt in that moment. I hadn't been able to read a single paragraph from it in the last forty-five minutes. Maybe longer.

My poor mom was fast asleep, drugged with some magic concoction they only give to the dying. Something to ease the pain and “make them comfortable” as they like to say. I guess being unconscious was about as comfortable as she was going to get.

Letting out a long, frustrated breath, I closed my book and packed it away into my backpack, giving up all hope of studying for my midterm. Thankfully, Spring Break was coming up, and I'd be able to get some rest then. There was still a lot going on, though, so I had no pretenses that it would be a week of complete rest and relaxation.

My mom's last round of chemo was scheduled for that week and while doctors remained hopeful and expressed optimism that this round would get rid of the remaining cancer cells lingering in her body, I had to prepare myself for the worst. I had to be prepared for them to deliver bad news like the surgery and chemo hadn't eradicated all the cancer, and that it had already spread to her lymph nodes or liver. Studying nursing and medical procedures while watching a loved one undergo cancer treatment could be helpful in understanding what it was they were talking about, but it also made me realize all the potential for problems as well.

This only increased my anxiety. Sometimes knowing too much was the most horrible thing of all.

After packing up my bag, I leaned over and gently kissed my mom's forehead. Even in her sleep, she gripped my grandma's rosary, the well-worn beads slipping between her almost skeletal fingers, pooling on her frail, sunken chest.

“Good night, Mama,” I whispered.

The woman lying in the bed didn't even look like my mother, to be honest. She was a skeleton. Nothing but skin clinging to bones. Her skin was pale, there were deep, dark circles beneath her eyes, and her gray hair was patchy, yet she still refused to shave it off. Even in her current state, she still clung to her belief that women were supposed to be feminine and have long hair—not shaved heads like men. Although we'd tried to convince her, telling her that a smooth scalp would look more feminine than a head missing large patches of hair, nothing my sister or I could say would sway her.

I gave her a final look and then turned away, fighting back the tears in my eyes. As soon as I stepped out of the hospital room, I checked my phone. I always kept it on silent when I was visiting out of respect. Glancing at the screen, I noticed a missed call from my best friend, Lila, along with a text message telling me to call her back, ASAP.

I had a sinking feeling in my stomach, fearing that something was wrong. I waited until I was outside and in my car before I punched in her number. As if waiting for my call, only increasing my anxiety, Lila answered on the first ring.

“Josie, we have to talk about your birthday sooner or later,” she teased. “You can't keep avoiding me.”

I sighed. And there I thought it was going to be something dire or life-threatening. At least something earth-shaking. But no, it was just something I'd been trying to avoid for weeks. Something that honestly, with everything else going on, I couldn't care less about.

“My birthday is the least of my concerns right about now, Lila,” I said.

“C'mon, you only turn twenty-three once,” Lila said.

“Yeah, well, after your twenty-first birthday, nothing that comes after it matters anyway,” I said. “Except the twenty-fifth, because then your car insurance goes down. Or something like that.”

“No, you're not going to do this, Josie,” Lila said. “I'm not going to let you skip another birthday. Not this time. Not on my watch, baby.”

“My mom has cancer, Lila,” I said. “I honestly have more important things on my mind than my birthday.”

“I understand that,” she countered, her voice softening a bit. “But, you still need to take care of yourself, Josie. You still deserve to have a life too.”

“Fine, we'll get some wine and hang out. Watch some Orange is the New Black. That sounds like a great way to spend my birthday,” I said. “Happy now?”

“Nope. Not even close,” she said, a hint of amusement in her voice. “Because I've got something better planned.”

She practically sang the last part of that statement and it made my stomach drop. Lila had something big planned, and whenever Lila did something big, she tended to go all out. She had the luxury of having rich parents, which made it easy for her to do some crazy, extravagant things.

I groaned. “Please, no strippers,” I said. “I like men just fine, but random genitals in my face is too much. Not really into that, Lila.”

“Genitals,” Lila giggled. “It's a penis. A dick. Cock and balls. You're a grown woman, sweetie. It's okay for you to say those words, you know.”

Hearing each word come out of her mouth made me cringe even more. Lila was cackling with glee on the other end of the phone, knowing she was making me uncomfortable. She seemed to delight in making me squirm. Always had.

Sometimes, I wondered how we ever became best friends. She was always the wild one, even back in middle school when we'd first met. She lost her virginity before anyone else in our little group, and I, of course, was going to be the last. Because at twenty-three, I was still a virgin.

Lila continued, “Fine, there aren't going to be any strippers,” she said. “At least none that I know of.”

I groaned. “That you know of?”

“Calm down,” she said. “It's a cruise,” she said. “Just a little sail on the ocean. Harmless as it comes, right?”

“Maybe?” I bit my lip.

I hated that my best friend would be paying for me to go on a cruise. She had that kind of money, sure, but it still didn't feel right. Cruises weren't cheap, and I wasn't the kind of woman who was comfortable taking handouts.

“Listen, Lila, I appreciate it. But I really don't want you—”

“Shush. It's too late anyway,” she said. “I've already paid for the tickets and it's non-refundable. So, you're going on this cruise with me, whether you like it or not. I have a feeling, though, that you're going to end up liking it a lot.”

“I have classes,” I argued.

“It's during Spring Break,” she said. “I already made sure of it. Relax, Josie. I got you covered. I took care of everything.”

“My mom's chemo, though—”

“I've already called your sister, she's going to be there for your mom,” Lila said. “You literally have no excuse. None. Like I said, I took care of everything. Including, anticipating every excuse you'd throw up not to go and making sure it was covered.”

Lila laughed on the other end of the line, knowing she had me in checkmate. I wracked my brain, trying to come up with something, anything, that would get me out of going. But, like she said, she'd already taken care of everything. Dammit.

“You called Amy?” I asked.

“I did. Right before I booked the tickets,” Lila said, sounding rather pleased with herself. “She's coming into town the day before we leave, so you can give her all the info she needs—”

“You're paying her to visit with our mom,” I said, a statement, not a question. I knew my sister too well. “Please tell me you're not paying her for this.”

I felt sick to my stomach at the mere idea that she'd pay my sister to stay with our mother. And the fact that Lila would go that far upset me greatly.

“No, silly. I'm not paying her, so don't get your panties in a bunch,” she said. “I just mentioned that you don't have much time left with your mom, and you both need to make the most of it.”

“So you guilted her into it?” I shook my head. “Not much better.”

“Why not? It's true,” Lila said. “Amy should spend time with your mother. You don't know how much time you have left with her, and—”

“My mom is going to pull through,” I whispered, my voice catching in my throat.

Lila's voice softened. “Of course she is, sweetheart. I'm just saying, she's not getting any younger, and if my mom were still around, you bet I'd spend every waking minute with her if I could.”

Lila's mother had died about ten years back in a car accident. Sometimes her life seemed so perfect that it was easy to forget that her stepmom wasn't her real mom.

“I'm sorry, Lila,” I said.

“It's all good,” she mumbled.

She kept the emotion out of her voice, forcing herself to sound upbeat, but I knew it wasn't actually “all good” with her. Lila was never okay when it came to talking about her mom. It was a wound that, even a decade later, was still raw to the touch for her.

“But it worked. Amy is coming into town and you and I will be embarking on a little birthday adventure,” she said. “That's all that matters.”

“I don’t know,” I hemmed and hawed.

“Come on, Josie. It'll be fun,” Lila said. “And girl, you need a vacation more than anyone I know. You need to get out of this place for a while just to detox from it. And I bet that you find with a little time away, a little time to clear your head and actually have a little fun enjoying your life, you won't feel so burned out.”

She was right. I was worn out from burning the candle at both ends for so long. Most days, I felt exhausted from going to school full-time and being at the hospital the rest of the time. I couldn't remember the last time I got a full night's sleep.

Maybe, this was what I needed, maybe I could get some rest. Maybe, that would allow me to come back refreshed, recharged, and be better for my mom. Because God knew, she needed me.

“Alright, Lila,” I laughed. “I can't believe I'm saying this, but I'll go.”