CHAPTER 27

Julie

The sun woke me the next morning but, seconds later, the sound of toddler squeals filled my ears. I rolled onto my side just in time for my bedroom door to burst open. Layla sprung inside and bounced on my bed, landing heavily on my stomach.

“Ouch.” I laughed. “Be careful with Aunt Julie. I’m fragile.”

“It’s Kissmas!” Layla said. “Santa came!”

“He did?” I asked. “Did he bring you presents?”

“Yeah!” Layla said. She bounced up and down.

When I looked up, Bethany was standing in my doorway. She grinned at me and came inside to sit on the edge of my bed.

“She wanted to wake you up before we went downstairs,” Bethany said. “You better hurry because she won’t wait much longer.”

“Well, let’s go!” I said.

Layla squealed and jumped to the floor. Bethany and I hurried after her, laughing and running to keep up.

“Wait!” Bethany called. “Let Mommy help you with the stairs.”

Layla barely slowed down, but Bethany grabbed her hand. They bounced down the stairs together, giggling the whole way.

My mom and dad were waiting for us in the living room. Bryan was making coffee in the kitchen, but he hurried over to watch his daughter open her gifts. We all sat around together, watching Layla rip open wrapping paper and yell with delight as each present was revealed. There was nothing like watching a little kid open gifts on Christmas morning.

The morning flew by quickly. Layla finished opening her presents, and then the adults took turns. We all ate breakfast together and then got dressed for church. My mom insisted we all attend Christmas service together, and we knew better than to argue. By the time we got home, it was after lunch.

Everything happened so fast that I barely had a chance to think about Michael. It wasn’t until we ate dinner that I finally slowed down long enough to miss him. I made my way out back for some alone time.

I thought about the gifts I had for Michael under my tree. I never got the chance to give them to him. I’d spent days trying to find the perfect gifts and, now, Christmas was here, and I didn’t even get to see him.

“What are you thinking about?” Bethany asked as she came outside to join me.

“Michael,” I said simply.

“Still missing him?” Bethany asked.

“More than ever,” I said. “It’s Christmas. I just wish things could be different.”

“They can be,” Bethany said.

I nodded but didn’t say anything. Bethany was so sure that everything could be fixed. She tried to convince me that one phone call would solve all my problems. It felt naïve. Ridiculous. There was no way I could just pick up the phone and call Michael. Not after ignoring him for days.

“He wouldn’t want to talk to me,” I said. “Not now.”

“Didn’t he call you last night?” Bethany asked.

“How do you know that?” I asked.

Bethany shrugged. “I looked at your phone.”

“Seriously?” I snapped.

“I’m your big sister,” Bethany said. “If I can’t pry, then who can?”

“You’re insane.” I shook my head, but Bethany was totally unfazed.

“Just call him,” Bethany said. “You miss him.”

“I do,” I said with a sigh. “I wish we could have spent today together. I wanted him to meet you and Bryan and Layla. I was even willing to bring him around Mom and Dad.”

“Poor guy,” Bethany said.

I glared at her. “But then everything changed,” I said.

“I know it did,” Bethany said. “But who says you can’t change it back?”

“Because life doesn’t work that way,” I said defiantly. “You can’t just snap your fingers and make things perfect again.”

“Look,” Bethany said. She moved closer to me. “The only thing standing in your way right now is you. You’re miserable, and it’s all your fault.”

“Thanks,” I mumbled.

“I’m serious,” Bethany said. “I know you’re hurting. I know Joshua messed you up and that this whole thing with Michael is complicated and painful. Okay? I get that. But right now, all you can do is move forward.”

“How do I do that?” I asked.

“You either let go,” Bethany said. “And forget about both Michael and Joshua for good. Or you call the man you love to make things right.”

“Love?” I blinked.

“We both know how you feel,” Bethany said. “So, don’t try to deny it.”

I looked down at my shoes. Bethany wasn’t wrong. My feelings for Michael were stronger than I ever imagined they could be. Despite all the pain he’d caused me, I still couldn’t shake him. Letting go was impossible when it meant cutting Michael out of my life forever. No matter how hurt I was, I knew I’d never be able to do that.

“We have to get Layla home,” Bethany said. “Just think about it, okay?”

I nodded. “Yeah. I will.”

Bethany kissed the top of my head and then disappeared back inside. I stayed where I was, frozen on my parents’ back porch with my mind spinning in circles. I had a million options in front of me, a million paths I could take. But none of them felt right. The only thing I wanted to do was keep hiding. From Michael. From Joshua. From everything.

Even as I thought it, I knew I was being immature. Hiding wouldn’t solve anything. I’d spent days dodging Michael’s phone calls and ignoring my own feelings. The only thing I’d accomplished was pushing my own happiness further and further away.

I knew Bethany was right. The only thing stopping me from being with Michael was my own selfish pride. I didn’t want to give him the satisfaction of answering his phone calls or returning his text messages. I wanted him to feel alone and ashamed. I wanted him to feel guilty about everything he put me through.

But none of that was right. It didn’t make sense. I missed him so much that it hurt and, still, I continued to hide from him. I wasn’t just hurting Michael, I was hurting myself. As I sat outside with my blanket wrapped tightly around me, I finally caved in to my true desires.

The phone only rang twice before Michael picked up. I melted when I heard his voice slip through the phone.

“Hi,” Michael said. “I’m surprised you called.”

“I thought it was about time,” I said.

“I’m glad you did,” he said quickly. “Merry Christmas.”

“Merry Christmas.”

We fell silent for a few minutes, just listening to each other breathe. There were so many things I wanted to say to him that I didn’t know where to begin. I opened my mouth ten times, but no words came out. Every time something popped into my head, I convinced myself it would sound stupid.

“Listen,” Michael finally said. “Julie, I’m sorry for what happened. I shouldn’t have lied—”

“I miss you.” I blurted out the words before I could stop myself. Before I even realized what I was saying, it was out there for the entire world to know.

I didn’t know if I was doing the right thing, but I didn’t care. I was done hiding and fighting with myself. I stopped thinking and let myself feel, acting only on my emotions and nothing else. All I could do was sit back and hope for the best.

Michael inhaled sharply on the other end of the phone. I wished more than anything that I could see his face at that moment. If I saw his eyes, I would know exactly what he was thinking. Instead, I just had to wait for him to speak. My heart raced the entire time.

“I miss you, too,” Michael said softly. His voice was weak. He sounded close to tears.

I closed my eyes and inhaled the cold air. The sound of Michael’s breathing was enough to comfort me. I hadn’t felt so relaxed in days.

“How was your Christmas?” I asked.

“It was…” Michael trailed off. “Eventful.”

“Oh?” I asked. “Tell me about it.”

“Well,” Michael said with a soft chuckle. “Josh came over yesterday, and that didn’t go very well.”

“I’m sorry,” I said. “I never meant to come between you and your brother.”

“You didn’t do anything wrong,” Michael said. “None of this is your fault, Julie.”

“I know,” I said. “But that doesn’t mean I want to see you hurt.”

“The only thing that’s hurting me is being away from you,” Michael said. My heart skipped a beat. “Josh isn’t even on my radar right now.”

“I’m sorry for avoiding you,” I said. “I just wasn’t ready to talk yet.”

“I understand,” Michael said. “What I did was pretty unforgivable.”

“Why did you do it?” I asked. “Why didn’t you just tell me the truth that day in the café?”

Michael hesitated. I could tell he was thinking how best to respond. I waited patiently, just happy to finally talk to him again.

“I didn’t know how you would react,” Michael said. “I thought you would freak out and run away.”

I laughed. “I might have. I left Dallas to escape Joshua. If I knew I’d met his brother during my first week in town, I probably would have lost it.”

“Exactly,” Michael said. “And I hated that. I just wanted to get to know you. You have to know that I never intended for things to go so far. When I sat down to talk to you, it was just to talk. I didn’t think I would like you so much.”

“Why did you talk to me at all?” I asked softly.

“I knew about your relationship with Josh,” Michael said. “I knew how he treated you, and I knew you didn’t deserve it. I can’t tell you how many times he pissed me off when we would talk about you.”

“I can imagine,” I said. “Joshua was never very kind when it came to me.”

“He told me about your breakup,” Michael said. “And then, there you were. Just sitting in the café. I was surprised, but I also couldn’t walk away. It was like a magnet was pulling me to you. There was nothing I could do to fight it.”

I closed my eyes and listened to his voice. Everything he said sounded perfect. It was exactly what I’d wanted to hear for days now. But I was scared. Terrified. The idea of getting hurt again was almost too much to bear.

“I’m sorry I lied,” Michael said. “It was wrong.”

“I think I understand,” I said weakly. “It wasn’t an easy situation.”

“That doesn’t make it right,” Michael said firmly. “I fucked up.”

“You really did.” I laughed.

Michael laughed with me, and soon, we were just talking. I told him all about Christmas with my family, and he told me about the trouble he’d been having at work. We talked for hours, steering clear of any more emotional topics. Instead, we laughed a lot and bantered back and forth just like always.

By the time our conversation came to an end, I felt lighter and more like myself. I still wasn’t ready to forgive Michael for everything, and I didn’t know where we stood, but I wanted to see him.

“When do you get back to town?” Michael asked.

“Tomorrow,” I said.

“Can I see you?” Michael asked. There was a hint of nervousness in his voice that made me smile.

“Yes,” I said. “I told you. I miss you.”

“I miss you, too,” Michael said.

“Well, tomorrow it is then.”

“Perfect.”

We said goodnight, but I stayed outside for a little longer. I felt relieved and more relaxed than I’d been in days. The promise of seeing Michael tomorrow was enough to bring a smile to my face. I didn’t know if we’d be able to pick up where we left off. Too much had already happened between us, but I was hopeful that, if nothing else, we could start over.