Ben didn’t sleep for shit after Allie left. Physically he was satisfied and tired, but his mind wouldn’t shut down.

He never could have guessed meeting up with Allie would lead to them in bed together, again. On one level he’d hoped there might still be something there on her end, and he’d wondered if what he thought he felt was real.

Seeing her had confirmed that he was still physically attracted to her, and talking with her had confirmed that he was still in love with her.

He’d been trying to shake her for fourteen years. Ever since the night he’d written her that letter she’d been on his mind. When he’d come home from his tour it had taken everything he had to not call or email her. He’d wanted so badly to reach out to her, just to hear her voice. He’d needed his best friend, but he couldn’t be selfish. Ending things had been the best thing he could have done for her, but now he was worried he’d made a mistake.

Even though he’d hated the thought, he’d hoped Allie would find happiness. He’d wanted her to get married, have kids, and enjoy her life. He’d hoped she’d finish her education and get a good job so she could finally have some stability in her life. He’d wanted her to have lots of friends and people she could count on, and he’d hoped her family would be able to patch things up.

From what she’d told him none of that had happened for her. She had a good job, but it wasn’t connected to her field of study. She may have friends but she’d hinted at being isolated and alone. She hadn’t mentioned a significant relationship, she was single now so she obviously hadn’t found her match, and she wasn’t a mom.

She wasn’t happy. Something terrible, unfathomable, had happened to her and he had a feeling it wasn’t the only trauma to have befallen her since they last spoke. He’d tried to give her a chance at a better life, and instead he’d opened her up to loneliness and even violence.

He glanced down at Zeus and sighed. He wanted a drink, but he’d been sober for almost six months now. With all the progress he’d made and the effort he’d put into getting healthier and to stop self-medicating, he couldn’t give in. The house was dry anyway, so if he was going to drink than he would have to get up and go to the store.

“Why can’t I be a dog?” He chuckled as Zeus rolled over so his belly was up and he was lying on Ben’s feet. “Ow. You’re getting heavy there, tubs.”

Zeus snorted at him and waved his legs around.

“Fine, you win.” He bent down and rubbed Zeus’s strong stomach. “You’re a good boy. What did you think of Allie?”

Zeus’s tail started thumping on the floor as he wagged it.

“Yeah, I like her too. What would you say to her being around a bit more?”

Zeus’s tail slapped against the floor as his tongue fell out of his mouth in a doggy grin.

“You really like her, huh?” He ran his hand up to pet Zeus’s chest. “I don’t know what’s going on, but maybe you’ll get to see more of her.”

Zeus gave him another one of his doggy grins, and then rolled so he was sitting and looked up at the ceiling.

“I know. It’s late.” Ben sighed. “I can’t sleep.”

Zeus put one of his paws on Ben’s knee.

“No, buddy. It’s not like that. It’s Allie. She’s in my head and I can’t figure out what to do.”

Zeus tilted his head slightly and then looked back up at the ceiling.

“You want to go to bed?” Zeus perked up and stood, pointing himself at the living room door. “Fine, go ahead. I’ll be up when I finish turning off the lights. And don’t you lay down on my spot tonight. Stay on your side of the bed.”

Zeus barked once and then bounded out into the hall and up the stairs.

Ben just shook his head and grinned in spite of his thoughts and mood. He’d resisted getting Zeus because he’d been afraid to admit he had a problem. Now he couldn’t imagine his life without him.

* * * * *

When Ben woke up the next morning he didn’t feel any better. He’d tossed and turned and when he’d finally fallen asleep just before dawn he’d woken up less than three hours later.

One positive thing from his military training was he could usually force himself to go back to sleep, even if he was wide awake and up for a while. Today it didn’t work.

He was awake and there was no way he was getting back to sleep.

He got up, fed Zeus and made himself two huge cups of coffee, hoping to get a little bit of a buzz from the caffeine. After tidying up his living room he gave up and changed into his running gear and loaded Zeus into the car. There was a challenging nature trail about half an hour from his complex. Not many people used it at this time of the year so he and Zeus should be alone. He could run and keep Zeus off leash and give him a bit of a workout too.

Running was one of the few things that still calmed his mind when he was struggling. He could focus on putting one foot in front of the other. On running one more mile, or even break it down into smaller steps. It kept his brain busy and gave him a chance to process while it gave him a runner’s high.

Outside of Zeus it was the best therapy he had, and it was a hell of a lot better for him than the gallons of beer he used to pour down his throat to try and deal with life.

As he drove out to the trail he glanced at Zeus and sighed. He would have to make a decision about where he was going to live. He was on a month-to-month lease now. If he decided to stay he would have to look into going long term, or maybe buying a place. If he was going to leave he would have to figure out where the hell he would go. Either way he needed to make his living situation permanent, and find a job.

While he’d been in the military he’d lived frugally. He’d lived on base as much as he could to save money, and always rented a cheap and small apartment when barracks weren’t a possibility. He didn’t travel, and he always bought his cars second hand and did whatever work he could on them himself, and he wasn’t into clothes or buying fancy things. The only reason he’d rented a house now was because Zeus needed the room and a yard. Because of his frugality he had a lot of money saved up, and with his benefits he would be fine not working for a long time, but that wasn’t what he wanted.

He needed a job and a purpose. He needed a reason to wake up and go somewhere each day, to feel like he was doing something and contributing. He’d had a full time job since he was eighteen and he missed feeling useful.

“What do you say, buddy? Want to go for a nice, long run and figure shit out?” He glanced at Zeus and grinned when he saw the look Zeus gave him. “How about you tell me what I should do? Should I stay here and start acting like a grown up? Or should I start over somewhere and build a new life?”

Zeus looked at him and barked once.

“Yeah, I know. I have to figure this out myself. You’re just here for the ride.”

Zeus looked back out at the road, his tongue hanging out as he watched the scenery pass by.

“Thanks for being here buddy,” he said softly, smiling as Zeus caught sight of a spaniel type dog in a car they were currently passing. He didn’t bark or freak out, but he pressed his face right against the window and stared the other dog down until they were clear.

* * * * *

Allie had a tough day at work. She was exhausted from not sleeping, and she couldn’t concentrate because Ben was dominating her thoughts.

She didn’t know how she felt about the night before. In truth, the only part of the night she wasn’t confused by was when they’d had sex. She’d wanted it and he’d been incredible. Her skin would flush and her body tingled when she thought about how attentive and wonderful he’d been.

It was the massive confession session they’d had after that was messing with her head. He’d made some major confessions to her, opened up exactly the way he had when they were kids, but they weren’t kids anymore.

They’d lived separate lives for fourteen years. He hadn’t just broken her heart, he’d shattered her world, and she still had no idea why.

He might still act and feel like her Ben, but he wasn’t. They were different people and they were older.

She didn’t know what she wanted. For the longest time she’d searched for love, hoping and praying to find someone who made her feel the way Ben had. When she hadn’t found it she’d tried to fool herself into believing it could develop, and she might feel it if she gave whatever relationship she was in a chance. That thinking had made her stay with men a lot longer than she ever should have.

She’d stuck by cheaters, abusers and a few who downright played her for money or other perks. She’d been used by married men who’d kept their true marital status secret, and by assholes who’d promised her the world but only wanted her for sex.

Every time she’d stayed with someone or been used by someone she was trying to help, it had been her fault. She’d made the choice and the decision to stick around and give people infinite chances, but she knew she’d done it because it was a way to cope with losing Ben.

Now he was back, kind of. He’d called her, talked with her, fucked her, then laid out a lot of personal shit. Now that it was the day after she had no idea what was going to happen. He’d reached out to her. He was the one with her number and he was the one who’d come back into her life and thrown her world upside down. The ball was in his court, and she had no idea what he was planning to do.

Sitting around and waiting for him to make a move or a decision would be hard and most likely result in her having her heart broken again, but putting herself out there and being rejected sounded like torture.

He’d ended things all those years ago. Now it was up to him to prove to her that he either wanted her or he didn’t. It would be hard, but she refused to risk having him break her heart again. She didn’t think she’d survive it a second time.

* * * * *

 “Good afternoon, Alison Chase speaking.”

“Allie?”

“Ben?” Allie looked up from the spreadsheet she’d been filling out and then glanced down at her desk phone. She’d been so into her work she’d answered her cell thinking it was her work line. “Sorry, hi.”

“Well you sounded like a grown up, all professional and shit.”

She laughed and leaned back in her chair. “Yeah, they kind of frown on saying ‘what’s up’ to clients.”

“Can you talk now?”

“I’m pretty much the only one left here. It was quitting time an hour ago.”

“Yet here you are, being the dedicated employee,” he teased.

“Not exactly.” She chuckled. “My computer froze five minutes before I was going to clock out. Of course it happened the day I forgot to save my work for almost two hours.”

“Ouch. That blows.”

“It’s going faster this time around. I’ve already done it once so some muscle memory seems to have kicked in.”

“So how long are you going to be at work for?”

“Another half hour should do it.”

“Are you busy after?”

“For what.”

“What?”

“You haven’t called me for four days. No text, no social media requests, nothing. I have no idea what you’re thinking or where your head is at.”

“You didn’t make any effort to contact me either.”

“I’m not the one who reached out to you. You came into my life, that makes me feel like you’re the one who has to make your intentions clear.”

“Like you want me to ask permission to call you?”

“Don’t be a dick. I just mean you have to keep me in the loop. Do you want to get together as friends? Is this a date? Is it a ‘we’ll see what happens because I’m not sure what I’m thinking either’? Or is this a booty call?”

“I’d never booty call you. I feel stupid just using that term.”

“Call it what you want. Is this you calling me for sex?”

“I don’t know what it is.”

“Friends?”

“I think we’re past friends.”

“A date?”

“I don’t know if we’re there yet.”

“So more than friends but not quite dating?”

“I guess, if you have to label it.”

“I need a label, Ben. I can’t live with the ‘what ifs’ and the in-betweens. I’m not nineteen anymore. I need answers.”

“I guess a casual date is the best way I can label it. There are a lot of unknowns in my life, and I can’t make any permanent decisions until I figure my own shit out.”

“That’s fine. I can handle that. I can’t handle being played again, not by you.

“I never played you—”

“I know. I just mean I’ve been messed with and used a lot. I don’t want to be that girl anymore and it would be harder if you became that guy. You’re the one man who always treated me right.”

“I promise I’ll never play you, Allie,” Ben said seriously. “I may not say or do the right thing, and I can be a jackass when I feel vulnerable or am having a rough day, but I’ll never use or play you. I couldn’t do that to you.”

“I believe you.”

“So, would you like to go out with me tonight?”

“I would.” She grinned. “Do you know what you want to do?”

“I’m not great in crowds, not yet.”

“How about you come over? We can order in, maybe watch a movie or something. Just relax with no pressure. Or do you have to be home for Zeus?”

“I can leave him for a while. I’ll have to come home to let him out before it’s too long, though.”

“Okay. So my place?”

“Sounds good. Nicole said you were living in your parents’ house?”

“I am.”

“How about an hour? Is that enough time for you?”

“Should be. How about you pick dinner and I’ll pick the movie?”

“Sounds like a plan.”

“I’ll see you in an hour then.”

“See you, Allie.”

As she ended the call, Allie grinned. She was proud of herself for being so upfront and honest with Ben, and she was happy he’d finally called.

* * * * *

It took her almost forty-five minutes to finish her work, and another fifteen to get home. She was running late and hoped Ben wouldn’t be waiting for her.

He pulled into her driveway as she was unlocking her front door. She paused and waited for him to lock his car and come up to the door.

“Wow, don’t you look like an adult.” He grinned as he looked her up and down.

“It’s amazing what a pencil skirt and heels can do to transform your look.” She laughed and pushed open the door. “After you.”

“Shit.” Ben stepped into the foyer and looked around. “Wow, Allie. It looks like a completely different house.”

“That was the look I was going for. Why don’t you order us some food while I change? And make yourself at home. I have beer, wine, soda. Grab whatever you want and find a comfy place to sit.”

She smiled after he nodded and headed up to her room to change out of her work clothes and into something a little more comfortable.

He was right when he said the house looked completely different. She’d done a massive reno on it, basically ripping it apart one room at a time until it was modern, clean and felt welcoming. The colors were a mix of neutrals and bright accents, and the décor was modern and matching. She’d opened up as much of the main floor as she could to create sightlines and a bright, airy feel, and the bedrooms had been redecorated. The bathroom and the kitchen had been gutted and she’d even finished the basement to make extra living space. The house now looked like it belonged on their street and blended in with the other homes around them, instead of looking derelict and disgusting.

She’d invested a lot of money into the changes, but now the house was worth a small fortune compared to some of the other houses around, and especially compared to what it had been.

It was her house now. It was just sad that it had taken thirty-three years for her to feel comfortable and safe in her childhood home.

She stripped off her work clothes and tossed them in the hamper. Then she looked at her clothes. They were staying in so she didn’t have to dress up, but she didn’t want to look like a slob. She also didn’t want to look like she was inviting him to have sex. She wanted him, god how she wanted him, but she didn’t want to make it too obvious.

After pulling several things out of her closet, only to hold them up against herself and then stick them back on the rung, she went to her drawer and pulled out a pair of thick tights with a damask print on them. She loved those tights but had never had the confidence to wear them out of the house or around someone. She always felt she should be more modest in public, and the tights showed off every curve and roll on her body.

Ben had already seen her naked and he’d seemed to like what he’d seen. If she couldn’t be comfortable with him in her own home than she should forget about sleeping with him again. When the tights were on she slipped on a pair of fuzzy socks and pulled a tight black sweater over her head. She was comfortable but didn’t feel like she was wearing pajamas.

She pulled a brush through her hair and then took a deep breath. She was as ready as she’d ever be.

“Wow. You look amazing.” Ben looked her up and down as she came into the living room. He was lounging on her couch with a soda in his hand.

“Thanks.” She blushed and sat next to him. “Did you figure dinner out?”

“Is Greek okay? I’ve had a hankering for Greek potatoes for days.”

“Sounds good, what did you get?”

“The platter dinner for two, from Kosmos’.”

“Have you had them since you’ve been back? They’re still as amazing as they were when we were in school.”

“I haven’t.”

“You’re in for a treat. I call a trade.” She grinned at him.

“We haven’t even gotten our food and you’re invoking a trade?” He laughed. “Sure, whatever you want since you did it properly.”

“You can have my potatoes if I can have your salad. I don’t know if you’ve changed your mind since the last time we had dinner, but I remember how you weren’t a fan of salad.”

“I’m still not.” He grinned. “It’s not food, it’s what food eats.”

Allie laughed and leaned back on the couch. “Still using the same excuse?”

“It still applies.”

“Very true.”

“Can I ask you something?”

“Sure.”

“Where are your parents?”

“Nicole didn’t tell you?”

“She said your mom died. She didn’t say how, just that it wasn’t a peaceful way to go. She didn’t know about your dad.”

“Mom did die. She was diagnosed with HIV six years ago. It turned to AIDS really fast and she didn’t respond to treatment. She ended up with pneumonia and died two years ago.”

“Shit, I’m sorry Allie.”

“Dad fucked off about a year before her diagnosis. He left and never came back. I have no idea if he’s still alive, if he’s positive, or what. Honestly I don’t care.”

“What happened?”

“Nine years ago the police called me to tell me he’d been arrested. It was the third time in a year. Once it was for public intoxication, once it was for drinking and driving. This time it was for assault. He got plastered at a bar and decided to get into a fight with the bouncer. I bailed him out, brought him home and then a few months later I get a call that he missed his court appearance and a warrant was being issued for his arrest. I was out the bail money and I was pissed. I told his PO exactly where he could find him. The charge was eventually lowered and he had to pay a fine and do some community service since no one was hurt in the altercation. He said he would never forgive me for turning him in and I told him I was done with his childishness. I wasn’t going to bail him out or cover for him anymore. He never spoke to me again.”

“I’m sorry, Allie.”

“He was never around in the first place. At least this way I had my life back and wasn’t getting dragged into his shit anymore.”

“Did you ever make up with your mom?”

“When he left for good. Things were still rocky. She was still a selfish bitch when she didn’t get her way, but facing her mortality calmed her down. She admitted she wasn’t ready to be a mom and should never have kept me. She apologized for how I was forced to live, and I forgave her.”

“But not your dad?”

“He’s dead to me, if he isn’t already dead.”

“Why did you move home? I mean, into this house. It looks completely different but you were never happy here.”

“Mom and Dad never married so when she died the house was left to me. The place was a shit-pit but it was paid for. I got a line of credit and used the money I made from selling my house in the city to fix it up. A lot of houses around here have been flipped so it’s a pretty sought after neighborhood now. I was going to sell it, but I decided to stay when it was finished. The foundation of the house might be the same, but now it’s mine. I designed it, chose everything in it. I made it mine and I wanted to make happy memories in it.”

Ben nodded and reached out for her hand. “I’m so sorry you had to go through that. Any of what you have.”

“It is what it is. My family was a fluke. I was born into it and nothing could have changed that. Most of the shit that happened to me is because I made stupid decisions. Some is because of other people, but most is because of me.”

“And me.”

“Ben—”

“I don’t care what you say, Allie. If you’d married me than none of that would have happened. You would have been with me away from here. None of those men would have been in your life. You wouldn’t have been at that bar that night, you wouldn’t have had to deal with your dad or your mom’s illness alone.”

“True, but maybe something worse might have happened. Sometimes shitty things happen and there’s nothing you can do to stop them. If they didn’t happen here then they could have happened somewhere else. You couldn’t have been around me all the time. It’s true I wouldn’t have dated those assholes, but I still could have had friends who used me. And I could have still met a man who would chose to…do what he did to me. A wedding ring isn’t going to stop someone who wants to hurt another person.”

“I know. It makes sense. But I still feel responsible.”

“Don’t. I don’t hold you responsible for any of it except breaking my heart.”

He opened his mouth to say something, but the doorbell rang before he could start talking.

“I’ll get the food.” He jumped up and headed to the door.

Allie waited on the couch for him. She felt better for telling him the truth, but she was still shocked at how easily it had come out.

“Do you want a beer with dinner? Some wine?” she asked when he came back into the living room with two takeout bags in his hands. “I don’t feel like sitting at the table so maybe we could eat in here, start a movie?”

“Sure.” He nodded. “About the movie. I’m good with soda.”

“You sure?”

“I don’t drink anymore. There was a time when I drank a lot, too much.” He shook his head as he sat down with her. “The only way to get control of it was to stop cold turkey.”

“Is it okay if I drink in front of you? Do you want me to have soda too?”

“No, have whatever you want.” He smiled and opened the bags. “It’s my issue, not yours. You don’t have to hide it from me or try to shield me.”

“Are you sure?”

“Positive.”

“Then I’ll go get a glass of wine, and some cutlery.”

 

Ben watched Allie head into the kitchen, his eyes settling on her ass as she walked. He loved those tights on her. They showed off her incredible figure but were still a little modest and even teasing. He could see the shape of her legs and ass, but not her skin. They made him picture how she looked without them, and he loved remembering.

Again he was a little shocked by how open and honest she’d been with him, and how maturely she’d handled everything that had happened to her. It didn’t matter what she said or what she thought, he still blamed himself.

The one part of the conversation that echoed in his mind was her saying he’d broken her heart. He’d known he’d hurt her, but he’d hoped she’d been young enough to get over him quickly. It seemed that wasn’t the case, and he felt like an ass.

Allie came back into the living room with a glass of red wine and a handful of cutlery. He waited as she cued up a movie, grateful when she picked a comedy because he could never know if a movie would trigger him or not. He couldn’t handle war scenes, gun battles or watching soldiers die. Things set in the desert were hard to watch and explosions startled him.

They settled in to watch the movie, eating their food off her coffee table. When they were done she went into the kitchen to put their dishes away and came out with another soda for him and second glass of wine for her. He was glad she was having a drink if she wanted one. He’d meant it when he’d told her not to alter her behavior for him. He was the one with the problem, she shouldn’t have to give up something she enjoyed just because he’d abused it.

When the movie was over Allie turned to him.

“What do you want to do now? Do you need to get home?”

“I have a few hours, unless you want me to go.”

“I don’t want you to go.”

“We could watch another movie.”

“Sure, you pick this time.”

He took the remote from her and scrolled through the choices. He settled on another comedy. It looked like it would be safe.

When the move began to play Allie moved closer to him on the couch. Hoping he was reading things right, he lifted his arm and draped it over her shoulders. She scooted closer to him, so she was pressed right up against his side and rested her head against his chest.

He breathed out a contented sigh and turned his attention back to the movie. She felt incredible. It had been a long time since he’d had casually intimate contact with anyone, and he hadn’t realized how much he missed it until that moment.

Twenty minutes into the movie he was uncomfortable and having a hard time concentrating. Allie had shifted so she was leaning against him with her breasts nestled against his side. He could feel them pressing into him every time she breathed, and he couldn’t stop his imagination from running away from him.

He could almost feel her soft skin under his hands, taste her warm breasts against his tongue. Arousal washed over him in pleasant but annoying waves, and his cock was rock hard in his pants. He tried to focus on the movie, but all he could think about was grabbing her and torturing her body with pleasure before making love to her.

A few minutes later he jumped. He’d been so deep in thought he hadn’t even realized Allie had reached toward him. It wasn’t until her hand closed around his erection that he was brought back into reality.

“Fuck, Allie,” he breathed as she turned her head to look up at him.

“Does that feel good?”

“Yes.”

“Do you want me, Ben?”

“I want you.” He nodded. “But I don’t want you to feel like you have to—”

“I’m an adult now. You don’t have to shield me or try to make sure you’re not taking advantage of me,” she cut him off. “I want you, and I don’t want you to hold back.”

He groaned as she stroked her hand over him a few times, then shifted so she was facing him.

“Fuck.” He leaned back as she unbuttoned his fly and reached into his pants to pull him free. Her hand felt incredible, and he lifted his hips so he could push his pants down to give her better access.

“God. Fuck, Allie.”

She grinned up at him and leaned forward. His breath caught as her mouth closed around the very tip of him, and he closed his eyes as she started to bring him into her warm mouth.

She felt amazing and he had to focus on not completely giving in to the pleasure he was feeling. If he did then it would be over before it began, and he wasn’t about to leave her wanting.

He fisted his hand in her hair, wrapping the long strands around his palm to keep them out of her face, and so he could watch her.

After only a few minutes he reached down and pulled her off him.

“Shit, Allie. You’re almost too good at that.”

She grinned and delicately wiped her mouth.

That simple move sent a flare of desire through him and he had to bite back a growl as he grabbed her by the hips and pulled her onto his lap.

“Oh god!” She gasped as he reached under her sweater and unclasped her bra. He needed to see her beautiful body and he couldn’t wait another second.

He ripped off her sweater then stripped off her bra. As soon as her breasts were free and exposed to his gaze he leaned forward and closed his lips around one of her nipples.

“Oh god. Yes!” she cried out, cradling his head and pulling him closer to her body. “Fuck!”

With a grunt he released her nipple and moved over to her other breast, determined to ravish it before going back to the first. She continued to cry out to him, and by the time he pulled away she was panting and her skin was flushed.

“Fuck, Ben.”

“Take off your tights.”

She nodded and he helped her stand. As she stripped off her tights he yanked off his shirt and then pulled his pants back up to cover his cock. He wanted to concentrate on giving her the most pleasure he could. He was a much better lover now that he was older, and he wanted to make sure she got his A game. 

The moment she was nude he grabbed her hand and led her over to the side of the couch. He pushed her up against the wall and kissed her, immediately sweeping his tongue deep into her mouth.

She moaned against his lips and gripped his ass over his pants, pulling him right up against her body. When he was satisfied that her head was spinning as much as his, he pulled away and knelt in front of her.

“Ben?” she questioned as she looked down at him.

“Do you trust me?”

“Yes.”

“Then just go with it. If you don’t like it tell me, but it should feel incredible.”

After a second she nodded.

“Hold on to the side of the couch. Brace yourself.”

When her hand was gripping the top of the couch he grabbed her ankle and lifted her leg. He waited until she had her balance and then moved her foot so it was resting on the arm of the couch and she was completely open to him.

He saw her bite her lip, but she didn’t say anything to stop him. He could tell she felt exposed and vulnerable. He hoped that would disappear when he started.

By balancing on one leg and standing, her orgasm should be even more intense and hit faster than if she was relaxed and lying down. He couldn’t be sure her body worked that way but hoped he would be able to give her as much pleasure as possible.

He lowered his mouth to her, keeping eye contact until his mouth closed over her clit.

“Oh fuck!” she nearly screamed the moment his tongue flicked over her. “Shit, Ben!”

He grinned against her and focused on teasing and pleasing her. It would seem he’d been right.

She cried out to him, begging him for more as her body heaved above him. After a moment he slipped two fingers deep inside her and timed his strokes with his tongue.

“Fuck!” she screamed, and a moment later her entire body contracted and she began slipping down the wall as she found her orgasm.

He gripped her around the waist, holding her up as he stood.

“Oh god.”

He caught her leg before she could lower it and shifted so he could slip inside her still contracting channel.

“Fuck, babe.” He shook his head and widened his stance. There was a seven inch height difference between them but somehow she seemed to have been made for him.

“Yes, fuck yes, Ben!” she cried. “Fuck me, baby. Please fuck me.”

With a strangled cry he gave up trying to be slow and teasing and almost slammed himself inside her body. He was being rough, he knew that, but she just cried out for more.

He pressed his lips against hers, needing to kiss her and feel that extra intimacy as they had sex. He’d planned to be loving and tender, but now all he felt was savage need and desire.

He managed to keep control for a few minutes, but when he felt the familiar cramping in his legs and abdomen, he knew he was moments away from release.

“Fuck. I’m close, babe.” He pulled his lips from hers and shook his head. “I can’t last much longer.”

“It’s okay. Finish.” She gasped a bit her lip.

“Not before you.” He shook his head and shifted so he could lift her other leg, pressing her against the wall as he pulled both of her legs around his waist. Using his body he pinned her against the wall and began grinding against her, hoping to stimulate her orgasm before he was forced to give into his.

“Oh fuck!” Her nails dug into his back as she gripped him. “Fuck, I’m going to come, baby.”

“Yeah. Come for me, babe,” he urged as her body tightened around him. “Come on.”

“Fuck, I’m coming. Ben!”

The moment she called out his name he was lost. His orgasm overtook him the same moment hers did and they finished together. Their voices mixed and rang out over the sound of the movie still playing in the background, and he let himself experience everything.

As his mind began to clear he realized he was still holding her up. She wasn’t heavy but she was shaking slightly. He wasn’t willing to let her go but figured she would feel more stable if he was sitting. He held her tight and pushed off the wall, walking them over to the couch and then sat down on the middle cushion.

He held her close, stroking her hair as she panted and gasped against his shoulder. That had been incredible and he wanted to feel her as long as possible.

It wasn’t until she sat up that his now limp member slipped out of her, and they both realized what he’d forgotten.

“Oh fuck.” He stared up at her in horror as she gasped. “Allie?” he asked when she covered her mouth with her hand. “Allie?”

“I’m not on birth control.” She pulled her hand from her mouth and shook her head. “Nothing.”

“Where are you in your cycle?” His chest tightened as she shook her head. “Allie?”

“I’m right in the middle of it. Shit.”

“It’s okay. It doesn’t happen every time.”

“But it can.” She slid off him and shook her head. “It could happen.”

“Yes, but only if you want it to.”

“What?”

He could see she was about to get hysterical and he reached over and grabbed her sweater. “Put this on as you listen, you’ll feel better.”

Numbly she took the sweater and pulled it on.

“You have options. You can get the morning after pill—”

“You want me to terminate?”

“I want you to do whatever you feel is best for you. It’s your body. You have to make the choice that’s best for you.”

“I don’t want to.” She shook her head as tears gathered in her eyes. “I don’t want to have to decide if I take the pills or wait. And then after I wait, if it’s positive, then I have to choose again? I don’t know what to do—”

“Allie, baby. Take a deep breath. Please.”

“I can’t think about this.”

“I’m sorry, Allie. This is my fault. I should have put one on but I got carried away and didn’t think of it. I’m so sorry.”

“I didn’t stop you.” She shook her head. “I don’t know what to do.”

“I’ll support whatever decision you make. I promise you that.”

“I—I…”

“Do you want me to stay?”

“I need to be alone. I have to think about this. Everything.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes.”

“Okay. I’ll go. But promise me you’ll call if you need to. I don’t care what time it is or what the reason is, okay? Call me.”

“I promise.”

He nodded but then paused. He didn’t want to leave her, not in this state, but if she was anything like the girl he’d known than she would shut down if he pushed it. She’d always needed time alone to process before she could talk it out.

“Bye, Allie.”

She just nodded distractedly as her gaze settled over his shoulder. She was already lost in thought.

He stood, pulled up his pants and then put on his shirt. He didn’t want to leave and felt like shit for walking away from her, but he knew it’s what she wanted.

Giving her one last look he bit his lip and walked toward her front door.

As he was heading to his car everything seemed to hit him at once and he felt the overwhelming urge to go home. He needed to think, and he needed to get away from the temptation of stopping and buying a drink.