Evelyn
It was too late.
We were too late.
By the time we arrived in Pennsylvania, my mom had already passed away. Now instead of saying goodbye, I had to prepare a funeral. If life was fair, things would have been different. If wishes came true, then I would have been able to ask questions my mom would have been able to answer. We could forgive and forget.
But life wasn’t fair.
There was no wishful thinking, no way to change reality.
This was mine.
Everyone could call this my mother’s karma. Everyone could say that she deserved it. To me, though, she’d always be just my mom, no matter how horrible she was, no matter how much she hurt me.
“Baby?”
“Hm?” I blinked a few times as Nathan’s voice brought me back to the present. The doctor shot me a compassionate look, and Nathan squeezed my waist in comfort.
“Doctor’s asking if you have any questions, babe.”
“No,” I replied, looking between them. It’s not like I hadn’t done this before.
“Would you like to see her?”
I felt Nathan tense next to me at the question.
Did I want to see her?
“Yes. Alone, though.” Without giving Nathan a chance to say anything, I told him to wait and followed behind the doctor. I felt his piercing gaze on me as I walked away but couldn’t bother to turn around.
If I thought I was cold before, I was freezing now.
“Be warned that she doesn’t look like you last saw her,” the doctor said softly.
I nodded as everything seemed to move in slow motion.
A door opened.
I took a few steps forward, eyeing a body covered with a white sheet.
Did you ever love me?
Would you ever be proud of me?
I’m sorry I wasn’t the daughter you wanted.
The doctor pulled back the sheet, revealing my once put together mother, bruised and battered. Busted lips, her head wrapped up in a bandage.
Vaguely, I heard the doctor speaking, saying that he’d give me a moment, but I didn’t need a moment.
I needed a whole lifetime.
“Mommy,” I whispered. “How did we end up like this?”
I ran over to my mom when she arrived. Hannah had already greeted her; it was my turn now. She barely noticed me when I got there, but as I ran to her and wrapped my arms around her body, she had no choice other than to hug me back.
She laughed.
“What is up with you, Evelyn? Always running around and playing. Did you behave?”
“I always behave, Mom,” I replied.
She was in a good mood. I looked up at her to meet her smiling face. Mom never smiled at me this way, and yet here she was today, smiling down at me like I made her happy.
“Can we go to the park?” I asked, taking her hand in mine. She frowned, shaking her head slowly.
“I have to teach your sister a few things about the company today, Evelyn. Maybe some other day. For now, go on to your room and play. I’ll come get you when I’m done.”
Some other day.
That was more than I had ever gotten from her…
But the day never came.
My lip quivered as I raised my hand slowly to her face, running my fingers over her cheek.
“In another lifetime, I might have been more like the daughter you wanted,” I murmured. “You could have even loved me…”
***
The next two days went by in slow motion. I never knew preparing a funeral could be so time consuming and infuriating. Nathan tried to help as much as he could, but I wanted to do everything.
My mom hadn’t been the best, but I still wanted to give her a decent send off.
The judge approved Hannah’s permit. She’d be at the funeral for my mom, though a guard would always be with her and she would remain handcuffed. No one could speak to her, either; there would be no interactions.
I smoothed down my black dress, taking in my pale appearance. I’d straightened my hair for the occasion, but who really knows what you should look like for a funeral?
Who the hell even cares?
Mom did.
“Are you ready?”
Nathan had been there every step of the way, every single second of every day since they told me. But I was just…numb to everything. It was harder to process everything this time; maybe it had something to do with being pregnant and being in charge of the arrangements. Maybe it was the circumstances.
Knowing that no one would be there for her funeral was also very painful. No one loved her. No one cared. What a lonely way to die…
“I guess we should get going,” I said quietly.
Even when I arrived at the funeral home, the differences between my mother and I were visible. She would have wanted extravagant; I gave her simple.
She’d judge everything, from the few flowers to the lack of people.
The priest greeted me with a sympathetic smile while all I could do was stare at the casket.
“Are we ready to start?”
I opened my mouth to speak. Hannah still wasn’t there.
“Give us a few more minutes,” Nathan replied.
I didn’t understand at first, couldn’t comprehend what was going on when I saw a group of people approaching. A sharp gasp left my lips when I saw Jenna, her parents, Tessa, and Poison along with the rest of the crew walking towards us.
Jenna ran to me, pulling me into her arms as soon as she saw me. I squeezed my eyes shut as my childhood friend embraced me. “I’m so sorry,” she whispered.
I nodded, letting out a shaky breath. If I spoke, I’d break down. A few minutes passed while I half greeted the rest of them when we saw a sheriff’s car pull up. My lip quivered as I saw my sister stepping out, shackled and handcuffed.
She stood. As they approached us, I took in her sad appearance; her eyes were swollen, makeup-less. She’d lost some weight.
I thought I was speechless when I saw her, but the true surprise came when she raised her gaze and saw me for the first time in over a year. Her eyes widened, and she stopped walking, standing there for a moment.
And then she smiled at me.
Forgive me.
I’m sorry.
I’m proud of you.
She stood apart from the crowd but still close enough that she could hear what the priest said.
Nathan took my hand in his the whole time, gently caressing it with his thumb.
“Would you like to say something?” the priest asked me.
I shook my head. There was plenty I had to say, but it wasn’t my place. She wouldn’t have wanted me to say anything anyway. Mom would have wanted Hannah.
My chest constricted as I saw the guard guide my sister to the front of the crowd. Nathan tensed beside me, and I heard the murmuring of the people beside us.
Hannah stood next to the casket, unable to touch it, though I could tell by the longing in her eyes that was precisely what she wanted to do.
She cleared her throat and began. “She wasn’t the best mom,” Hannah said with a small smile. “She wasn’t the best human,” her eyes met mine once again, “but she was still our mom. She was flawed, yes, but despite the flaws, she admired something from both Evelyn and me.”
I felt my heart beat a little faster at her statement.
Mom had admired me?
“She admired me because I had her tenacity when it came to business; I was all brain. And yet she admired Evelyn because she’s always been what we couldn’t be: all heart. She would have never admitted it.”
Her eyes stayed fixed on mine the whole time. She wasn’t lying. For that moment, it was my sister speaking to me, only to me. Nothing else mattered.
Hannah sighed, and I saw her eyes glistening with tears. “She’d say sorry.” The three words were so quiet I almost didn’t hear them.
She said nothing else. The guards guided Hannah away from the casket, her warm gaze still fixed on me. I’d forever remember that moment. Nathan broke the silence, however, saying something I didn’t expect.
“What the hell is he doing here?”