Evelyn
I never realized how much I could miss someone even when they are in the same house. We were together, but we weren’t.
With both our minds made up, Nathan and I barely spoke. Hormonal and pissed off, I wasn’t sure I wanted to touch the subject. I was afraid that if I did, I would say something else I would regret or end up crying. I was tired of being angry, tired of being sad.
There’re bad patches in all relationships.
I kept repeating those words in my head, though I wasn’t sure how much I believed them. I wasn’t sure how long this bad patch would last for us.
It was heartbreaking to go from being in a loving relationship to being a complete mess.
I felt like a burden. With my mood swings and my hormones all over the place, I felt like he was getting tired of me.
One day, Nathan left to work early. Jessica and he had been running another exhibition at the gallery, which kept him busy—a good thing considering our arguments. Being away from the tense environment in the house relaxed him. But I, I was feeling extremely lonely. It felt like the walls in my own home were closing in on me.
I longed for him.
My fifteen-week belly kept growing and growing, and I just felt needy. I needed a hug, just his hand on my face…a smile. God, I missed his smile.
The day he was busiest, all the emotions decided to appear, overwhelming and suffocating me. I blinked away the tears, cursing myself for ruining my perfectly done eyeliner and reapplying it, hoping it wouldn’t become a mess.
I left the house with nothing but my cell phone and a credit card that day, in case I needed to buy something, and decided to just walk. My head needed clearing; I needed the clouds that followed me to disappear.
I found myself at the park yet again, the place that Derek had taken me to. The sax player was there, this time playing relaxing music, and I sat by a fountain nearby, closing my eyes and letting the sun fall on my face. I rested my hand over my belly, and I didn’t have to open my eyes to know there was a beautiful sky over me.
I didn’t have to open them to sense him there, either.
“You look beautiful today.”
I opened my eyes slowly, taking in the image of Derek in front of me. Blinking away tears, I swallowed thickly, something he noticed just as fast. He took a seat next to me and sighed, also troubled.
“Are you okay?”
I shook my head no, not turning to look at him.
“I think Nathan and I are over.”
He stiffened beside me.
“Why do you say that?”
Glancing at him, I decided to tell him the truth. “Because he doesn’t trust you.” Green eyes dimmed with shame, but I continued. “The thing is, I can’t stop talking to you. I keep defending you as if I knew you, keep fucking up my relationship over someone I don’t know, and it hurts.”
Derek looked down to his hands, lost in his thoughts for a moment. He seemed regretful. I wiped away my tears, an action that caught his attention. His eyes roamed my face briefly, uncertainty coating his expression.
Until he raised his hand to my face, cupping my cheek oh so gently. A sad smile formed on his lips.
“He’s right,” he whispered. “I’m the last person you should trust.”
“Why?”
“I’m not sure anymore.” He sighed, running a hand through his hair. “I had one thing in mind when I met you, but…it’s all changed. You’re a good person. You don’t deserve what I vowed to do.”
Now it was my turn to evaluate him. He was telling me the very last thing he should be saying, but there he was, being honest with me. He gauged my reaction before continuing.
“There’s things I can’t tell you yet because I’m trying to get out of them, but please, Evelyn, I know you have absolutely no reason to believe me, but I don’t want to hurt you.” Pleading, he took my hand in his, looking at it thoughtfully. “Give me a few weeks, please.”
“What did you vow to do?” It was a stupid question I already knew the answer to. Still, I asked.
Derek didn’t want to answer. Instead, he stared at our still-connected hands, as if it was the most wonderful thing ever. I broke off the spell, removing my hand from his abruptly.
“Answer me.”
“Evelyn—”
“No,” I hissed. “If you want me to trust you, you need to give me something, anything. I’m risking my relationship, my family, for you. A man I hardly know. So if you want my trust, earn it.”
Seeing my determination, Derek gave in. “I was meant to make your life miserable, cause problems for you and Nathan. I figured Hannah is in jail, so you needed to suffer too.”
“What does Hannah have to do with any of this?” I asked this time. Derek didn’t seem like a vengeful person.
He grimaced. “We had issues. I thought you were like her, and well…you’re not, clearly. But now I need to get out of the shit I got into, and it’s not as fucking easy as I thought it would be.” Derek placed a tentative hand over my belly, a soft laugh leaving his lips. Admiration covered his features, and when his eyes met mine, I gulped, taken aback by the intensity of his emotions. “You are everything I never thought you would be.”
His words brought tears to my eyes. Why? Well, that wasn’t something that I could understand.
“I’m sorry about your relationship with Nathan. If I’d known, I would have never…I would have never tried to hurt you. Hate is an evil thing, though, and I was blinded by it.”
“It’s too late for that,” I whispered. “You’re here now. I deserve to know what’s going on.”
“Evie—”
“No,” I interrupted. “I received a call, and it was weird, Derek. I need to know what’s going on, and you need to tell me soon.”
The whole time, he didn’t move his hand away from my belly, his thumb now moving gently over the dress. After considering it for a few minutes, he nodded. “Just give me a few days. That’s all I ask for, okay?”
I said yes. Derek didn’t move his hand away from my belly, now both our attention on the sax player and the people dancing in front of us. It didn’t feel strange, didn’t feel odd, so I let myself relax for a moment, taking in his appearance.
He was very calm, at ease.
“How did you know I was here?” I asked him, breaking our silence.
“I didn’t.” He grinned. “I come here when I need time to think. I suppose great minds think alike.”
I scoffed, leaning back when I felt something…something I’d never felt before. The expression on my face must have changed, because Derek’s eyes widened in alarm. “Are you okay?”
I shushed him, placing my hand over his and moving it over to the left side of my belly, waiting. Sure that it was my imagination, I was about to remove it until I felt the gentle fluttering again.
“Did you feel that?” I asked Derek, smiling so widely my cheeks hurt.
He gave me a questioning look until I held his hand down firmly. Amazed, Derek laughed at the soft movement he felt. “Your baby is moving.”
As happy as I was, my happiness wasn’t complete, not until I shared that moment with Nathan. No matter the situation we were in, as the father of my baby, he deserved to be a part of this moment.
“Can you drive me to the gallery?” I asked Derek with a hopeful smile. “Please, I need to show Nathan.”
He chuckled, squeezing my hand. “Of course, let’s go.”
***
“I’ll leave you here,” Derek said at the entrance of the gallery. He shifted on his feet, sighing before pulling me into a hug.
I smiled, returning the hug just as strongly. “Take care, Derek. Call me when you’re ready to tell me what’s going on.”
“I will, I promise, okay?”
When I stepped inside, the first thing I did was search for Nathan desperately. His gaze was already on me, though, and my heart dropped. He didn’t seem happy to see me.
Nevertheless, I approached him eagerly. He excused himself from the conversation he was in and nodded towards his office. I followed the silent instruction, walking—nearly running—from the excitement.
“Hey,” I said, gazing up at him.
“Hey,” he replied, his gray eyes dark. Angry. “You’re unbelievable, you know that?”
Caught off guard, I stepped back, stunned at the ferocity in his voice. “What?”
He laughed humorlessly, the fury in his expression rendering me speechless. “We are on the fucking verge of falling apart, and you come here, to my place of work, with him,” he spat. This was the little spark that finally lit the fire. “Want to rub it in my face? Or what? What are you trying to do?”
The flutter came back.
My heart broke.
“I’m busy, Evelyn. So, unless there’s something else that you came to do other than to parade your little friend around, I need to go back up there.”
My lips parted slightly, a soft gasp escaping past them. I was too shocked to be able to speak. The baby began moving more, either sensing my distress or excited to hear dad’s voice, even if he was mad.
“Evelyn, I don’t have all day.”
I smiled softly, pretending like I wasn’t dying inside. “I’m sorry,” I whispered, averting my gaze. With all the tears in my eyes, Nathan looked blurry anyway. “I didn’t realize you were busy.”
“Well, there’s an exhibition going on so…”
“I’ll just see you at home?”
“Later. I may go out for a few drinks with Thomas and Jessica.”
My eyes met his briefly, and he furrowed his brows, looking ashamed in that moment, as if finally realized the things he’d said. “Was there something you came to tell me?”
I bit my lip, shaking my head. “No. Nothing at all.” Before he could say anything else, I reached up and placed a kiss on his cheek, though it was really his lips that I wanted to feel. “I’ll see you later. Have fun.”
It wasn’t until I was out of the gallery and in a cab that I finally let the tears fall freely.
The baby never stopped moving.