Evelyn
The next morning, I awakened with doubts, questioning everything in my life. My personality, each decision…everything that defined me.
I wondered if it would be easier to give up. Nathan looked at me from across the kitchen, seeming to know my head was overcrowded with a never-ending amount of thoughts. My gaze finally met his, and I asked the question that had been bothering me for the past few hours.
“Am I really that easy to be taken advantage of?”
He raised his eyebrows, setting down the pan he was about to use to cook us breakfast. His head tilted to the side as he considered what to say. Words seemed fail him, however, so instead I continued.
“It seems like it’s pretty easy…take advantage of the girl that sees the good in everything, take advantage of the girl who will be there for you,” I said mockingly.
Everything about our situation was driving me insane. I was tired of the constant lies, so tired to the extent that I wondered whether it was I who was in the wrong. Trying to see the good in the world was the way that I kept going; I saw so much hopelessness on the streets, so much hatred in the news. I didn’t want to live in fear, thinking that everyone was evil or out to hurt me.
But it was time I changed that.
It was time for me to be like everyone else and believe this world would always be a shitty place in which there were no loyalties and all you had was yourself.
“Derek got close to me in order to hurt me,” I scoffed, shaking my head.
And stupid little Evie had taken an immediate liking to him.
“Jessica.” Nathan tensed, waiting for whatever I was going to say. “I knew the minute I met her that she had feelings for you. Despite what people may think, I’m not stupid, Nathan. I saw through her little friendship facade, I tried to get along with her because she’s your friend, but I can’t. Not anymore.”
He scratched the back of his head. He was uncomfortable with the path the conversation was taking. Either that or he truly didn’t know what to say.
“Any other woman would have told her to back off from the minute she saw Jessica’s true feelings, but you know what I did? I told her to talk to you.”
Nathan raised his eyebrows. “You did what?”
“I felt bad for her, and I trust you, so I thought, Why not let her get that off her chest? Another one of my stupid moves.” I held on to the island tightly, my knuckles turning white with my strength. I was furious. “I waved at her, and your mother told her we were going to find a parking spot. The bitch answered, ‘Okay, we’ll wait here.’ Bullshit. She just wanted me to see her kissing you. Why the fuck was she there anyway?”
“Damian called Tom, and she happened to be with him.”
“Of course she did,” I hissed. “I don’t want her around anymore, Nathan. I don’t want her near us. I don’t want her working with you. I’m sure if you would have made it to dinner that night with her, she would have tried something else.”
Taken aback, Nathan nearly flinched with my words. I laughed humorlessly, rolling my eyes.
“Now you’re the one being naive if you don’t think she would have taken advantage of having you alone with her.”
With a nod, Nathan agreed, his gray eyes troubled for just a moment. “So basically, you want me to end the partnership with her?”
“Yes.”
“What about Derek?” he asked. There was no accusation in his tone, and though I wanted to immediately jump into defensive mode, I stopped myself, shrugging as he continued. “What are you going to do about him?”
“Well, he’s nearly dead, so I can’t really do anything, now can I?”
Bitterness.
The words tasted bitter, they felt wrong, and they hurt. To my surprise, Nathan’s gaze softened, and he took a few steps toward me, bringing his hands to my neck. Eyes roaming my face, he uttered a single word.
“Stop.”
I grit my teeth together so hard I was surprised that they didn’t crack. My hands were by my side now, fisted as I tried to hold on to the anger.
“This, you’re trying to be a hateful person that you’re not. This isn’t you.”
I tried to look away, but he stopped me, holding my face still in his hands. In that moment, I almost hated him for knowing me so well.
“Being me hasn’t helped,” I stated. “I keep getting burned, keep getting laughed at behind my back. Being good has given me nothing—”
“Being good has given you everything.” He coated the words with disbelief, emphasizing how he felt. “You’ve been through a lot of shit, Evelyn, and there will be more shit coming our way, as a couple and as individuals. But that’s where you must stand up and show everyone that despite the problems, despite the pain, you are still you, and you’re stronger than everything.”
I shook my head. “Nathan, I am weak.”
“What you see as weakness I see as something worthy of admiring,” he whispered. “You’re strong and you’re good. You have a heart of gold, and that’s why I love you, Evelyn. I know you’re angry, and you have all the right to be; be angry, be sad, that’s fine. But don’t pretend that what’s happening with Derek doesn’t affect you. Don’t pretend like you’ve given up on him, because I know you better than that.”
“You don’t even care about him, so why are you even…why are you even trying to comfort me?” I asked the stupid question already knowing his answer.
“Because I care about you.” He caressed my face tenderly, unknowingly soothing the ache I felt. “You need to tell me the full story, and I hope you do today, but for now I want you to relax or get what you feel out. You don’t have to change anything about yourself, Evie. The world is a fucked-up place; people like you are the ones that bring out the good in it. That’s what our child should learn.”
I tried to look away, to run from those eyes that had me spellbound, but he didn’t allow me. “Don’t hide from me, Evelyn.”
“You can’t go back to jail.” The uncertainty of that night hurt.
“I won’t.”
“If Derek accused you, then we can deal with that, but you can’t go back.”
“I’m not going to, Evie. That was the worst,” he whispered. “Knowing I was in there and that you were alone out here, trying to figure out what to do, was…”
He swallowed, and for the first time since I met him, there was vulnerability in his eyes. He’d been just as frightened, even more. I brought my hands to his face, then let it tangle in his dark locks while he pressed his forehead against my own.
“I didn’t know if I was getting out of there, Evelyn.”
The tears I was trying to keep at bay bubbled over. My heart ached for us, for Nathan. We’d been through so much lately, and I’d been so focused on my pain, I didn’t think about his. He had to be hurting too.
I stood on my toes, pressing my lips against his and kissing him softly. Peace ran its course through my veins, calming every nerve that had been on edge for the past hours. Our hearts beat to the same crazy rhythm.
I scolded myself in that moment.
How could I want to change?
He loved me for who I was. He loved this crazy, pregnant woman who loved too much, who felt too much. He cherished me, had never judged me for being who I was.
As if reading my mind, he broke this kiss and whispered against my lips the sweetest words. “You’re perfect the way you are.”
Nathan wrapped his arms around me and held me there in the middle of the kitchen as we both tried to ease out of the dark place we were in. Deep in my heart, I knew these were the trying times we would look back on when we were old and wrinkly in a nursing home. We’d look back at them with fondness, knowing that in the end this made us stronger. This was a story our kids would hear to give them hope and strength when they went through a rough spot, when they didn’t think that they could get out of a difficult situation.
Between us, our biggest motivation let us know that we weren’t alone with a kick.
Nathan chuckled, kissing me yet again while caressing my bump. “We’ll get out of this together, okay?”
If we had each other, we could get through anything.
After eating breakfast together, which ended up being my preferred cereal and catching up on more sleep, Nathan and I spent most of the day with the TV on yet not paying attention to it. We talked and talked about our plans or we just laid in silence, memorizing the feel of each other’s touch.
“I’m going to talk to Jessica.” I hummed, picking at the t-shirt he wore. “I’ll see if I can sell my part or something…I don’t know. I’ll figure it out.”
“I feel bad about this.” The last thing I wanted was for him to give up his dream. Nathan worked hard to get to where he was, and for him to give it up hurt.
“It’s not your fault, but you’re right. I can’t work with her if she’s going to pull stunts like this. My relationship with you comes first. I can find a job anywhere.”
“You always do so much for me.”
When I was younger, I always thought that finding love was as simple as loving someone and having them love you back.
With Nathan, I learned I was completely wrong.
When I found love, I found the person who accepted me for me. He chose to evolve and grow with me. I’d found my peace in the middle of war, my glimmer of hope when surrounded by darkness.
The silence surrounding us came to a sudden end when my phone started ringing. I groaned, standing up to begin the search for the device that dared interrupt the calmness surrounding us. Nathan smacked my ass playfully as I walked away, keeping his eyes glued to me in such a loving manner it took all my effort not jump on him.
“Who is it, babe?” Nathan asked.
Without warning, my hand trembled at the familiar phone number, one I hadn’t seen in a very long time. At the lack of response, Nathan stood up, walking in my direction with caution. I swallowed, forcing a small smile. “Give me a minute?”
He frowned but nodded.
Knowing I was going to need time alone after the answering the phone call, I made my way to the balcony, taking a deep breath.
“This is a call from an inmate from Pennsylvania State Prison. Do you wish to proceed?”
No.
Yes.
I don’t know.
I made my choice and waited. I heard a sigh, whether of relief or not I couldn’t tell until I heard her voice.
“Hey, little sis…I think it’s time we have a talk.”