Nathan
The door slowly opened. As always, my attention was on her.
But I knew there was someone else on her mind.
The way Derek held her, the way they’d looked at each other, was something I wouldn’t forget. It wasn’t the time to ask her anything or to start an argument, so I remained quiet, but I knew what I saw.
For the past few days, being around Evie had been like walking on eggshells. I didn’t know what to say, what to fucking do to make her feel better. Nothing I did helped.
She shut the door behind her, locking it, and then climbed into bed with me. Her eyes were swollen and red. Evie rested her head on my chest, and my arms wrapped around her; it was automatic; there was never any thinking about it.
“Thank you,” she whispered.
The two words surprised me.
I frowned. “For what?”
She looked up at me, her eyes shining with another layer of unshed tears. Her delicate hands went up to my face as she caressed it quietly. Finally, she answered, “For loving me like you do.”
“There’s no other way,” I murmured, brushing a strand of her hair back.
With a small smile, Evelyn pressed her lips to mine. Warm and tentative, she kissed me like it was the first time. Like she was shy and hadn’t done this before.
“Let’s get you out of this.” I raised her dress up slightly. As soon as the dress was gone, she laid back, pulling me on top of her.
There were so many things going through her mind; I could tell by simply looking at her. She had questions, things to say, and things to figure out. But as she looked up at me, there was one thing that stood out from the others.
She needed me.
I kissed her again, this time passionately, trying to take away her fear, her sadness. She gave into me, arching her back off the bed, her fingers digging into the skin of my back.
She removed her bra, and I lowered her panties, followed by my sweatpants.
“I love you,” she whispered, wrapping her arms around my neck.
“I love you too.”
There were two time periods in my life: before and after Evelyn. Before her, nothing mattered. Now everything mattered because of her, our baby.
My hand lowered between her legs as I kissed her neck, hearing her soft sigh when I touched her. Her little sounds of satisfaction filled up the room as my finger entered her, preparing her for me.
I took the image of her flushed face, eyes staring back at me with love and wonder while I strived to give her pleasure, help her forget.
Evie bit her lip as I positioned myself on top of her, and when she felt me, another gasp escaped her lips as I began stretching her out. She threw her head back, her eyes fluttering closed as she surrendered to what she felt.
She was fucking beautiful.
Breathtaking.
Perfect.
You could find meaningless sex with anyone, anywhere. But finding the person you were connected with on every single level was difficult.
Once you found it, you couldn’t let it go.
I’m never letting her go.
***
I ran my fingers down her arm. It was already a little past noon, and Evie still showed no signs of waking up. She was exhausted. Everything that happened the past days, the flights, the paperwork, the funeral had all been draining for her.
I had doubts regarding Derek and her interaction with him, but it wasn’t the moment to discuss that yet. I understood that to some level it was normal for her to be confused; I just didn’t know what she was confused about. With doubts of my own, I stood up, needing some air to clear my mind.
No matter how quietly I attempted to leave the room, however, it wasn’t enough.
“Are you going to leave me too?”
Evie’s sleepy voice invaded the room, and though it could be a question that only applied to that precise moment, I knew it held a deeper meaning. When I turned around, her eyes were still closed, squeezed shut as if terrified to open them. I sat back down, taking her hand in mine.
“I’m just going out for a run,” I replied, avoiding the question.
“That’s not what I asked,” she whispered, shaking her head.
“What makes you think that I’ll leave?”
Evelyn shrugged, lips tilted up sadly. “I’m a mess.” Her voice broke, a clear sign that she was barely keeping it together.
I crawled into bed with her once again, kissing the tip of her nose. She swallowed as she opened her eyes full of tears. I waited until she looked at me to answer her question. She needed to know I was sure about her, about us, and about the family we were forming.
“You’re pregnant, and you just lost your mother, Evie. You have all the right to be a mess, and I’m here next to you, for you, whatever you need,” I said. She nodded, placing a kiss on the palm of my hand. “I’m always here for you, baby.”
“It hurts.” She paused, dreamy eyes taking in her surroundings for a moment before she spoke once again. “But you make it better. I want you to know that.”
When we received the cancer diagnosis for my mother, I fucking went insane, to the point of marrying Hannah, to the point of staying with Hannah despite how toxic it was. I didn’t know what the hell I did, and my mom was still alive. Granted, my relationship with my family had always been healthy. I couldn’t even begin to imagine all the unanswered questions Evelyn had for her mother.
“Time will make this better,” I comforted, wiping her tears.
She nodded. “I know.”
I kissed her temple, holding her tightly, but the one question bothered me…wouldn’t leave me the fuck alone. Something told me Derek had feelings for her. I wasn’t one to beat the fuck around a bush. Even when we were just friends, I’d never done that with Evie. I hadn’t been completely honest with the video, and she didn’t know about my reasons for marrying her sister at first, but other than that, I hid nothing from her.
“I didn’t know he was going to be there,” Evie whispered, already knowing what I was thinking. “I didn’t tell him anything, I promise.”
“I believe you,” I replied.
I did. She’d befriended him, that much was true, but I didn’t think there was anything else on her part. I glanced down to see her, and her eyes fluttered closed, exhaustion quickly taking over. I didn’t bother speaking anymore—she needed rest. Within a few minutes, Evie was fast asleep, her head resting against my chest. Quietly, I moved away from her and decided to go out for a run. I needed the distraction as well.
I ran. Ran like someone was chasing me, ran like I’d find the goddamn answers at the end of the road. No matter how much I ran or how fast, the answers didn’t appear. The questions kept piercing through my mind like little knives.
I wasn’t the jealous type, but the idea of someone else seeing her the same way I saw her…I couldn’t fucking handle it.
“Fuck.” I stopped my run and placed my hands on my knees, trying to catch my breath.
It’s just another test.
***
When I arrived back at the house, my mom and dad fell silent. It had been sunny when I left, but now the clouds were out with a storm threatening to begin. Evelyn wasn’t around, and concern immediately set in.
“She’s out by the lake.”
My dad must have noticed my worry. My mom, however, seemed pissed off.
“Is she okay?”
“She needs us,” my mom answered. “She’s lonely, son.”
I sighed. My mom excused herself, obviously trying to avoid a confrontation.
“Did Evelyn eat?”
That question made my dad grin. “Your mom made her French toast; the girl ate for the days she hadn’t.”
“But I’m hungry again.” Evie’s voice cut through the air, gentle yet chilling all at once.
She was wearing a large shirt with a pair of my sweatpants, drowning in the clothing, it was so big on her. My dad excused himself, leaving Evie and me alone. Her gaze lowered as she bit her lip, thinking of what to say.
“Do you want me to cook something for you?” I asked.
“I was thinking we could go get something to eat? Get some fresh air before we go back home?”
I agreed immediately. I’d do anything to clear her mind.
Evie wrapped her arms around my neck. “I love you; I need you to understand that. But Derek is the closest thing to a friend I’ve had in a while.”
I pulled her closer to me, and she stood on her toes, kissing me desperately, trying to show me exactly how she felt.
“I love you,” she breathed between kisses. “I love you so much, Nate. Be patient with me, please.”
Caressing the soft skin of her neck, I smiled. She just would never understand that being patient with her was all I’d ever done.
I placed a kiss on her forehead, lingering there for a moment. “Let’s go home.”