Phoenix

 

I take a few minutes just to sit and think. None of this is making much sense to me. What is she running from? Who is hurting her? I don’t know what to think anymore, but I need to get over to the house and see what Jake has to say. As of right now, my mind is made up. I won’t say a fucking word to Jake that I have her. I won’t say a word to anyone. Putting the car in drive, I head over to Jake’s house with my head in a fog. My dad is clearly in a pissed off mood where David comes into play. I don’t know why he would go after Jess though. It just doesn’t make any sense. It all pisses me off; the idea of her being sold to the highest bidder and the idea of someone leaving marks on her that aren’t mine. The urge to kill is strong today. The more I think, the more I am going to need to take this out on something, someone, but who? I feel like I’m slowly losing control and that is something I can’t let happen. I’m the one in control. I can’t hand over the reins to someone else. It kills me.

Pulling into Jake’s driveway, I climb out of the car as my eyes track his movements. He’s mumbling to himself, dragging his hand through his hair, tugging as he goes. A cigarette hangs forgotten in his other hand.

“You saw her? Did you help her out?” He snaps when he sees me walking toward him. His eyes are wild and feral. His darkness is concerning, considering what he said earlier. I raise my hands and say, “Calm down, man. I don’t know anything. Just like I told you on the phone.” I watch his response, and when I touch his shoulder, he calms slightly.

“Tell me what happened and why this is so stressful for you.” Jake slowly calms, his hand leaving his hair. He drags his cigarette back to his lips and takes a drag.

“She took off. Packed a bag. I don’t know what the fuck she’s doing. Then your dad called and said he wanted her.” I watch the way he grits his teeth.

“Ok. First of all, I know my dad wanted her, but she’s your sister, Jake. I wasn’t going to let that happen.” At least that’s what I’m telling him. He doesn’t know shit, and until I figure out what the hell is happening, he isn’t going to. I guess what I just said to him clicked in that fucked up mind of his. His eyes slowly soften, and the tension begins to slip away.

“I know you wouldn’t let that happen to her. I just don’t know where the hell she’d go or what made her run.” I close my eyes and blow out a breath. I do. I know what she was doing behind your back, Jake. I just can’t tell you.

“Maybe she didn’t run away. Maybe she just went to her friend’s, or they went out.” Jake’s eyes narrow on me. The hatred and anger were rising again.

“She knew better than to leave this house without my permission, man.”

“Why is that?” I asked, crossing my arms over my chest. We’re both some sick fucks. We both know it, and that’s what draws us together. We do shit that others would find repulsive. But this shit with Jessica just feels all wrong. Jake eyes me suspiciously.

“What are you trying to say?” he asks, his tone calming to one that reeks of deceit and lies. My heart starts beating louder, and my hands slowly clench at my sides. He’s showing me a side of him that I’ve never seen before. I thought I knew him. I thought we shared everything, we were that close, but now I can see where that was all a lie.

“I’m not trying to say anything. I’m trying to figure out why she ran and why not telling you is such a big deal,” I tell him.

“She knows we do shady shit, Phoenix. I don’t want something we’ve done, or I’ve done, to come back to her. That’s why I make her tell me where she’s going.” His voice is calm as he speaks and what he’s saying actually makes sense. I get that now.

“Fuck, man. I didn’t mean anything by it. I’m just on edge. Let’s talk to your dad and see what he thinks. We’ll find her. She couldn’t have gotten far.” Jake nods as we walk toward the front door. My mind is a complete fucking mess. The fact that I know exactly where she is weighs on me. I should tell him that I have her, but when I brought up giving her back, I saw that look in her eyes. She was afraid to be back here, and she won’t tell me why. Following Jake inside, David paces the front room on his phone. When he spots us, he quickly tells whoever he’s talking to that he has to go. Slipping the phone back into his pocket, he watches the two of us.

“Heard anything?” he asks, looking between us. We both shake our heads no when I ask, “You know anything that can give us a direction to go?” David scratches at his jaw.

“Diane is out of town visiting family. Her mom didn’t know if Jessica was with her when she left. She wasn’t home at the time.” Fuck. That’s what we needed. No, that’s what I needed. I need to convince everyone that she’s with her friend until I can figure all this shit out.

“I bet she went with her. You know they are close,” I add.

“Neither has answered their phones,” David also adds.

“They’re girls. They probably turned the radio up so fucking loud they didn’t hear them.” I chuckle. David smiles, but his lips stay firmly in place. Jake doesn’t make a sound, but David’s eyes linger on him like he knows something more than I do. I don’t like feeling like an outsider. I’m the one that’s always in the fucking know. Nothing happens around here without my knowledge. That’s what’s pissing me off right now. I’m getting nothing from any of them. Not even Jessica.

“Well, let me know if you hear anything. I’m sure you are probably right about her going with Diane,” David says before slapping a hand on my shoulder. I watch as he walks out of the room before turning to Jake.

“You ok?”

“I don’t know, man. What if it’s someone we pissed off that has her?” he asks, his eyes full of pain. Does he really love that girl that much?

“You said she belonged to you. What did you mean by that?” My insides tremble asking that question, but I need to get some kind of answer.

“You know what I meant. She’s my sister, Phoenix. I protect her.”

“You also fucked her,” I add. His eyes flicker through the room before landing on mine.

“She came at me, Phoenix. I was fucked up, and it just happened. It didn’t mean shit, but I think that she thinks it does.” Fuck! Shit just turned awkward. I inwardly cringe hearing those words. He fucked her. She wasn’t his to fuck. I wanted that girl more than the fucking air that I breathed, but I knew my life of darkness wasn’t hers. I knew she was better than that and I vowed to not drag her into my hell just to hurt her. But she was already hurting. Someone already pulled her into hell and when I find out who, I’ll make sure they pay for the way they hurt her.

“Shit, Jake. Does anyone else know?” I ask.

“No. Just you. Fuck! I don’t need this extra shit with her. Is it not enough that I fucking protect her ass at every turn? I beat the fuck out of any guy that messed with her. I treated her better than any guy would treat a stepsister, and this is the shit I get for it,” Jake snaps. He snaps. His hands tug at his hair. His body is tight with tension. When he starts to pace, I can see just how heavily this is weighing on him. I walk closer and place a hand on his shoulder.

“We’ll figure it out. If she’s out of town with Diane, she’s safe, man. No need to worry.” He lowers his head as if my words hit him hard. I almost feel bad for having her drugged and tied to my bed. I almost feel bad for not telling him that I found her running but there are still facts that are evading me, and I’m not going to give him anything until I figure out the whole story.

“Yeah, you’re right. I’m going to the bar. You in?” Shaking my head, I say, “Not tonight. I’ve got some shit to handle, and I need to have a chat with Rich about what to do with the warehouse for the new shipments. We can’t run humans through there the way it is now.” Covering my ass is the best thing to do right now. I don’t need to talk to Rich about shit today. I already did. What I need is to get Jessica to break her silence and tell me what the hell is going on. She needs to tell me what it is that Jake’s hiding. Then I need to figure out which one of them is lying to me and I pray to God that it isn’t Jake, because I don’t know how to handle that. I don’t know how to handle betrayal by my best friend, my brother. No, he better hope he isn’t the one lying. What if it’s Jess? What if she’s lying to me? What if she tries to play me against Jake to cover her ass? It’s what I would do. Jess isn’t that type of girl though. I’ve known her for years. She wouldn’t lie to get herself out of anything. She’s always taken her punishments for what she’s done. She’s never tried to blame anyone else. As I walk back out to my car, I take a deep breath and blow it out.

“I’m so fucked.”