Phoenix

She lost a lot of blood. We knew that. My dad has had a guard outside her door for the last ten days. Ten days I’ve stayed here waiting for her to wake up. Ten days I’ve danced with my demons. I’ve ruined that woman in more ways than I care to admit but there’s something deep inside that wants to claim to have healed her. I would like to believe that without me, she wouldn’t have found herself and who she was meant to be. She took a piece of me and made it her own. She’s becoming something more powerful, even if she isn’t waking up just yet. She slumbers in her own darkness, finding her own fate. I can only pray to the devil that he treats her right. Praying to God is of no use to me. I ruined that relationship long ago. If she survives this, if she wakes up, we will both have to learn to live in the dark together. I look at the white bandage over her chest and knowing that I helped do that, I cringe. It isn’t because of the blood or the fact that I thought about it, it was because it was her dark heart I was after. God may not have wanted me to take it, but I did. Not in the physical sense but in the evil sense. There’s a connection that Jess and I share to the dark. We’ve lived in it and danced in its ashes. And like the ‘Phoenix’ I was named after, I rose again. This time I want to rise with her. She may be darker than I thought she was, but she is tainted. She took on hell with her bare hands and found a home in it. Her eyes flutter as I watch her sleeping in a peaceful rest. A part of me wants to climb in the bed and hold her, beg her to wake up. The other part wants to tear the bandages off and paint her with her own blood. The sick part of me hides deep inside. Jake used to bring it out in me. He was my other hand. He held me up when I needed to be strong, but like the devil, I stole his life. I took what didn’t belong to me, like a thief. A groan catches my attention. Jess’ eyes flutter again before opening slowly. She looks around; pain etched on her face.

“I know this isn’t heaven,” she mumbles, making me laugh. I slide up next to her, grab her hand and squeeze.

“Not even close. How do you feel?” I ask, running my other hand through her hair.

“Like I was killed and dragged through hell.” God, I love this woman.

“You lived in hell. Do you need anything? Want me to call the nurse for some pain medicine?” Even as I asked the question, I knew the answer. My woman thrives on pain. She grows from it. She learns who she is with it.

“Hell, no. I feel great.” She tries to laugh but coughs instead. I shake my head before I stand and lean in closely. Pressing my lips to her head, I sigh.

“I’m sorry. When you were lying there, the blood got to me. It was my fault you lost so much. I should have tried harder to fight it. I haven’t felt that way in a long time. I never thought it would be yours that finally snapped me,” I admit to her. Her hand comes up to cover mine, her warmth soothing even the coldest parts of me.

“I’m glad it was me but is it over? I don’t know how much more I can handle.” Her smile tugs at my heart.

“It’s over for now.” Her eyes lock with mine. There’s nothing more I want than to kiss her and make her mine. I want to brand her and spank her and make her scream my name.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” She narrows her eyes at me.

“It means that I’ve finally found my little dark heaven. It means that I am going to take you whenever and however I want. You belong to me, Jess. He may have left scars on your body, but I’m going to ruin you. I’m going scar your heart.” Jess watches me intently. She has this devilish gleam in her eyes and loves it. Every second of it.

“We haven’t spent much time together,” she whispers. I nod and pull her hand to my lips, pressing a kiss.

“Doesn’t matter. I’ve known you for half your life. I know what’s inside of you. I know what you are,” I say as I track my eyes over her bandages. I know there are more under the sheets. I know what Jake did to her before I got there. He butchered her. Cut her all over. He tried to mutilate her. Most importantly–he tried to take her from me.

“What am I?” Jess asks softly. I can see the tears in her eyes.

“You’re mine. That’s what you are.”

“You haven’t seen me. You haven’t seen what he did to me. You will be disgusted. He ruined me, Phoenix. I never thought he could, that I would let him, but he did.” Tears clung to her lashes. My heart nearly stops knowing that she could think that scars would turn me off.

“Do you know how much I love you? How much I need you? I don’t care about scars, Jess. I care about you.” Leaning down, I press my lips to hers, savoring the taste of her lips, the feel of her body pressed against me.

“When you get out of here, I’m going to show you just how fucking sexy you are. Until then, you need to rest.”