Phoenix

 

I’ve watched her. The way she moves, the way she carries herself. Jake’s messed her up. I can see that much in her eyes. The scars? That’s what eats me alive. He did that to her. I want to do that to her. What kind of sick fuck does that make me? What kind of man wants to hurt the woman he loves?

“What are you thinking about?” she asks, pulling my head out of my darkness.

“What I want to do to you. It isn’t much different than what he did.” Her eyes shoot up to mine, fear dancing in her vision. She watches me intently; her body wound tight.

“What are you thinking about?” I throw her question back at her. Her eyes tell me she wants to talk, but the past knowledge of what has happened to her keeps her silent. I can understand that.

“I just wonder what’s going to happen,” she says, her eyes lowering to the floor. I stand from the chair, walking toward her. I stop in front of her, her head never rising. Lifting my hand, I slowly bring it to her chin and bring her face to look at me. Her eyes dance with tears wanting to fall.

“Fuck, Jess. I want those tears to be mine. I want to see you cry for me, and only me.” She doesn’t flinch like I assumed she would. She just watches me with so much want in her gaze.

“Take them, Phoenix. Take them and make them yours.” She doesn’t know what she’s asking me to do. It would end, and she would be emotionally broken. She’s already physically and mentally damaged, how could I fuck her up even more? I shouldn’t do it. I know I shouldn’t, but when I lean down and lick the salty tears from her cheeks, I can’t stop myself.

“I’ll hurt you, Jess,” I whisper against her cheek, licking and kissing as I move toward her ear.

“I trust you.”

“You shouldn’t. I’m no good, Jess.” Her hands come to rest on my shoulders, slowly pulling me closer to her.

“I’m not either. The devil has already taken up space inside of me. I could never go back to the way I was.” More tears fall and fuck me if my dick doesn’t strain against my zipper. She cries from the pain that he caused her. She cries for the hate that she holds in her heart, and I’m the fucking monster that wants to take it all away from her and instill my own. It’s a fucked-up move, but I can’t seem to stop myself when I’m near her. I want to ruin her. I want to watch her break under my touch and fall to pieces. She might be missing some pieces already–but I want to substitute myself in her place.

“Take your clothes off now,” I whisper before licking up another tear. The growl that rips out of me startles her. She jolts and takes a step back. Her eyes find mine as I slide my hands into my pockets and watch. If she wants me, she is going to have to show me. Jess slowly reaches up and pulls the t-shirt over her head, tossing it to the floor. Next, she moves to her sweatpants, sliding them down her legs. My dick twitches to be inside of her, ruling her. When she stands completely naked, I’m in awe. Every scar, every last drop of hurt, seeps out of her as she stands in front of me.

“Tell me how he did it.” Her eyes snap to meet my gaze, her head slowly moving back and forth.

“I can’t.”

“You can… and you will.”

Her fingers linger on her chest, the long-jagged scar over her heart.

“You already know this one, but this one…” Her fingers slowly slide to her shoulder where another pink scar has faded to nearly white. “This one he made with a switchblade. I wasn’t ready for it. I didn’t see it coming. Then he choked me and fucked me.” Her eyes are hesitant to continue.

Her hands run over her smooth, soft stomach, coming to rest on her thigh, “These are mine. All of them are mine. I couldn’t handle life. I still can’t. I want to hurt. I want to feel pain because that’s the only real emotion I know. When he isn’t around, I hurt myself. I need that.” Tears swim down her cheeks as I watch her, looking at her scars. Hurting herself isn’t an option. No fucking way is she going to be doing that shit anymore.

“What happened to your back?” I ask her. Her eyes jerk to mine, her mouth parted. I stalk toward her slowly as she shakes her head.

“I want to know.” The growl that vibrated my chest causes her to flinch.

“The day I ran into your arms...” She swallows hard, new tears streaking her skin. Fuck! It’s my fault. “He was mad at me for hanging onto you.” She gasps, trying to control her out-of-control breathing.

“It was my fault. I fucking held onto you.” I grit my teeth and inhale through my nose.

“No, it was mine. I knew better. I shouldn’t have touched you. I should have turned around. I didn’t.”

“I held onto you. Fuck! What did he use?” My exterior is crumbling. My insides are already on fire. Hate runs wild through my veins. How could I be best friends with him and never see this? How was I in their house more than my own and never know what he’d done to her?

“A belt and knife.” Her eyes fall to the floor once again. My heart thunders in my chest as I grab hold of her shoulders and push her back. Her back slams into the wall roughly. I take a step back, breathing heavily as her eyes move to meet mine. Electricity dances between us. We can both feel it. Every fucking nerve ending in my body is alive. The need to take her and show her what kind of pain she can handle as opposed to the pain of being hit strikes hard.

“Phoenix. I need you. Please.” Her voice breaks as our eyes lock. Swallowing hard, I watch her.

“Turn around.” She doesn’t hesitate, which makes me smirk. Looking at the marks on her back make my insides bleed for her. It’s as though she punched her hand in my chest and wrapped her fingers around my black heart and squeezed. It’s painful yet beautiful. I hate the mixed way I feel about this shit. Walking toward her, I let my fingers run over her back, watching as she arches into my touch.

“I want to show you how pain can feel good but you’re already so ruined.” I lower my lips to her shoulder, kissing her gently. She gasps but doesn’t tell me to stop–which is her first mistake.

“I want to tease you and then torture you until you beg me to come.” Trailing a line of kisses across her shoulder blades and up her neck again, she squirms. I hate myself for wanting her the way I do. I hate myself for the devious thoughts that race inside my head. There are so many reasons this is wrong and why I shouldn’t do it, but I can’t stop myself. Her touch is like unseen energy. Her skin a fucking charger bringing me to life. I can’t deny it, and I refuse to. I want her.

I quickly remove all of my clothes until there is nothing between us but my hardening dick waiting to be inside of her. I watch the way she clenches her thighs tightly, trying to hide what I do to her.

“Go get on the bed,” I growl. Jess listens and hurries into the bedroom, which makes me that much harder. It’s almost painful to stand here. Running my hand down my face, I battle with myself if this is the right thing to do. This would mean war. Not just for Jake and me, but our parents. My dad. My place in this company we’ve built. It worries me that I may be left on my own with Jess to worry about. My heart beats overtime as that thought settles. Is this really what I want? I’ve wanted her, and now that I have her, I don’t know if it was such a good idea to take her. I walk slowly down the hallway and into the bedroom. Just like I told her, she sits on the bed, naked and waiting for me.

“I know what will happen if you keep me.” It’s as if she could read my mind.

“And what’s that?”

“He’ll kill you.”