Phoenix

 

My heart still aches for her. Knowing everything that she’s been through in her life still rips me apart. She’s come a long way though. When she was healed, I showed her different ways to cope. Different ways that her pain could be enjoyed. And she does enjoy it. Sometimes too much. I understand, though I hate to be the one that causes her any more pain. I watch her out of the corner of my eye as she fidgets in her seat. This meeting with my dad has been weighing on both our minds for a while now. Dad called off the human trafficking until I got Jess healed and back to herself. Or as much herself as she will ever be. I was stunned that she even wanted me after I lost myself. It took me some time to get back to who I was also, but nowhere near what it took her. Some days, I watch her. She gazes out the window and seems so distant. I know she can’t forget what he did to her or how he tried to kill her and take her away from living. It hurt her. She might have wished for death a few times before, but when it came down to it, she wanted to live, even if to spite Jake. Losing a best friend, a brother, took its toll on me, too. He was all I had for so long. He was the one person that understood me until I had Jess.

“Your mind is drifting,” I tell her. She pulls her gaze to mine as I pull the car to a stop at the warehouse.

“Are you sure bringing a baby into this is a good idea?” She’s thought about abortion, and I argued it at first. I wanted this baby. I still do… but I can’t force Jess into things she doesn’t want. I know the hell she’s overcome and to add to that isn’t an option for me.

“This is the last time I’m going to say this, understand?” I stare at her and wait for her to nod before I continue, “Do I want this baby? Yes, because it’s a part of us, Jess. You and I made that, but I won’t push you. I told you that. If you think you can’t handle that, we can take care of it. I won’t force you into anything ever again.” Her eyes sparkle with tears. I reach over and pull her mouth to mine. Devouring this woman is the one thing I can do. I can’t overwhelm her, and I can’t force her into things she doesn’t want but devour, I can do. When I pull back, she smiles softly at me before her eyes flicker to something behind me.

“Your dad is pissed,” she whispers. I laugh and pull away. We both climb out of the car, my dad’s gaze heating the back of my head as I wait for Jess to walk around the car. Grabbing her hand in mine, we turn and walk toward him.

“How nice of you two to join me.” He grits his teeth. I chuckle under my breath as his eyes slowly soften as he takes in Jess.

“You look a lot better.” He leans down, pressing a kiss to her cheek. I’m surprised she didn’t pull away this time. It just goes to show how far she has come.

“I hope that’s a compliment.” She teases, and for the first time in a very long time, my dad laughs.

“Of course, it is. You’re beautiful, Jessica. I see my son has some good sense and is keeping you happy.” He motions for us to follow him and when we step inside, Jess freezes. She hasn’t been back here. Not since that night. Her breathing comes a little faster. I pull her into me, holding her.

“It’s ok, Jess. He isn’t here.”

“No. I am. This is where he tried to kill me. This is where the old Jessica left.” Her words shock me. I didn’t expect her to say that. Her head tilts to the side before she turns and looks up at me. Wrapping her arms around my neck, she pulls my lips to hers. Kissing me roughly, I let her take what she needs. She needs this moment, and I’m letting her have it. When she’s had enough, she slowly backs away, her fingers wrapping around mine.

“Sorry.” She smiles at my dad. He shakes his head with a smile of his own.

“You’ve overcome a lot. I’m just glad that he gets you through the tough times. Now, have you made a decision?” I expected Jess to tense up. I expected her to walk away but she stands with her head held high and her spine locked.

“It’s up to Jess,” I say. Her head jerks to face me, surprise dripping from her expression.

“What?”

“It’s up to you. I don’t want anything that you don’t.” I shrug. Her eyes light up before she turns to face my dad. He stands in front of her, his eyes all business.

“As long as David is out, we’re in. The humans are a no go. I can’t hand girls off to be hurt the way I was. I understand that Phoenix is your son and you want him to be a part of your world, so if he wants to do it, I understand.” My dad simply nods his head.

“I’ve found forcing my son to do things he didn’t want has gotten me nowhere thus far. His love for you outweighs anything else. You say no, it’s no. David is out. I’m personally taking care of him. In fact, your mother will soon be single and on her own.” His gaze darkens, and we both understand the meaning behind that.

“Where will she go?” Jess asks, but I can feel the hurt in her tone.

“She’ll be taken care of. Given everything she needs. You can contact her if you’d like. I’ll give you all the information.” Jess shakes her head before looking up at me.

“I have everyone I need,” she says softly. My heart races as I look in her eyes.

“Very well. I’m glad to have you on board as family, Jessica.” I drag my gaze to his. I’m confused. He wanted to traffic humans for a long time now. What made him change his mind?

“Why?”

“Phoenix, I’ve been selfish most of my life. I treated you like trash as well as your mother. You love that girl, and at one time, I wanted to take that from you. Now, I can see how she affects you. I want this family no matter how small. I want us to continue to work together and make our way. She is family now.” My dad smiles and walks past me, slapping a hand on my shoulder as he goes. Jess spins around clinging to me like her life depends on it.

“Phoenix, you’ve made me feel alive. You always have. No one will ever be able to do what you can. I want this baby–but I need you to help me love it. I don’t know how to do that.” Her voice breaks.

“You love me just fine,” I remind her.

“And I love you enough to say yes. Yes… I will marry you. Now take me home and fuck me.” You in a perfect world that would be enough. The love of two people. Having a family and settling down but in our world, you can never be sure. We aren’t insane yet, we don’t fully comprehend the darkness that dances inside of us. We could never fully grasp the reality of what and who we’ve become but for the sake of this child, I hope Phoenix and I can overcome at least some of the insanity and provide the things we were never awarded as children; two parents that would fight to the death for what they believe in. As hard as it may be, I believe in me and Phoenix.