Jessica

 

My body aches. It isn’t like this is the first time, but the bruise that dances over my eye was definitely harder to cover this time. There are days that I wished I didn’t have to live this way. As I walk down the sidewalk to my only friend’s house, I dream of running away. I don’t know where I would go or how I’d survive, but it must be better than this right? Anything would be better than this.

Climbing the front steps, I raise my hand to knock when I hear screaming. The sounds of her mom and dad having yet another fight filter through the closed door. It doesn’t surprise me much. I stand on the edge, wondering if I should knock or go back home. Jake will be out with Phoenix tonight, so I won’t have to deal with him. His dad will be there though, and he’s just as grimy as his son. Hearing the sounds of glass shattering, I turn and walk back down the stairs. There’s no reason to trade one hell for another. On the walk back, I daydream… I daydream about a life that I’ve always wanted but never had. A life where I’m important to at least one person. In my dream that person would be Phoenix, but after the things Jake has told him, I’m sure he finds me disgusting. I find myself disgusting. The things that Jake does to me aren’t normal. They aren’t something you do to your sister, even if we aren’t related by blood.

My eyes catch on the car in the driveway, causing my breath to stutter. Is Phoenix here? I don’t see Jake’s car. Maybe they rode together this time. I walk up the stairs and push the door open to find Phoenix looking back at me. His dark eyes assess me as I stand there in shock. I don’t know why I’m shocked to see him; he’s always around. 

“Hey.” His deep voice thunders through the room. My heart races, eager to launch myself into those strong arms and let out every cry that I’ve been holding in. I want to tell him every secret, everything that Jake has done to me, but the shocking reality is, he already knows, and that’s the part that kills me a little more inside.

“Hey. I don’t know where Jake is.” The words tumble out as I start to walk past him. His scent assaults me. The cologne he’s wearing drifts through the room. I’m almost past him when his hand comes out, grabbing my wrist. The electricity that shoots through my arm burns deep within me. Fire dances and flickers up the skin on my arm and over my whole body.

“What happened to your face?” I shake my head, but Phoenix pulls me back a step so that I’m standing in front of him. His free hand comes to my cheek, his thumb caressing the bruise that I tried to cover.

“My mom used to try and hide it too. Who hit you?” His voice is calm, yet deadly. It’s such a contradiction that I don’t know how to answer him. My nerves begin to shake my insides, nerve endings firing off one by one. I can’t tell him Jake did it. He would never believe me if I did.

“No one. It was an accident.”

“Was it the guy that Jake caught climbing out your window?” he asks, sounding concerned. I cock my head to the side, not knowing what he’s talking about, “What guy?” Confusion flickers in his eyes as he studies me.

“Jake said that’s what your fight was about earlier.” Shit! If that’s what Jake told him then that’s what I need to tell him. I can’t risk him going back and telling him something different.

“Oh, yeah, that. Yeah, it was him.” He doesn’t believe me. I don’t even believe me. Lying to him was never something I thought I would ever do, yet here I am doing it.

“You sure about that?” he asks, stepping closer to me. His body consumes the air around us, his touch igniting my skin.

“I’m sure,” I yelp. Phoenix’s dark eyes burn through me as they travel the rest of my face. What is he looking for? Why is he looking?

“Where else did he hurt you?” His hand slowly slides up my arm, causing my heart to race. My breath stalls in my throat with him this close.

“Nowhere.” I breathe. Just as Phoenix inches his lips near mine, the front door flies open. Phoenix jumps back quickly as Jake stands there looking at us.

“What are you doing here? Thought you had a party,” he says, crossing his arms over his chest. His glare is full of hate and anger. I know I shouldn’t be here. I shouldn’t have let Phoenix near me the way I did.

“Her parents were fighting so I came home. I’ll be in my room.” I spin on my heel and head toward the hallway, but I don’t get that far. Jake’s hand wraps around my wrist, tugging me back toward him.

“Why do you want to run away? Stay and have some drinks with us.” His lips are too close for me to calm the rapid beat of my heart. My free hand curls into a fist, my nails digging into my skin.

“I don’t drink,” I mumbled, trying to get my arm away from him. His touch is making me queasy but the thought of Phoenix seeing us together this way has bile rising in my throat.

“Oh, come on. Are you afraid of Phoenix?” Jake taunts me. My eyes slowly make their way to Phoenix. He stands there watching me for a reaction to the question. I swallow hard before shaking my head.

“Liar. You want him to touch you, don’t you Jess?” Jerking me a little harder in that direction, I stumble slightly. Phoenix eyes Jake and me suspiciously. He already knows… he’s just seeing it in person now. This is the most embarrassing thing I’ve ever felt in my life.

“Tell him how you dream of him touching you,” he growls in my ear. My legs quake as the reality of the situation slams into me.

“What the hell, Jake?” Phoenix asks, taking a step closer to us.

“Come on, Jessica. Tell him.” Louder and louder he roars as he slaps me around.

“Jake! Calm the fuck down, man.” Phoenix moves now, stepping into our space. My heart wants to explode out of my chest. Tears threaten to fall. I don’t want Phoenix to see me this weak.

“You tell him, or I will,” Jake growls again.

“Ok. Ok. Yes, I’ve thought about it!” I squeal as Jake squeezes my arm tighter. The world is slowly crumbling in on me, and there’s nothing I can do to stop it.

“Fucking slut! Get the fuck out of here.” Jake shoves me roughly, causing me to stumble into the table in the hallway. My hip screams in pain, but I gather myself quickly and run down the hallway to my room. Once safely inside, I drop to my knees and cry. I hate my life. I hate what I’ve become–but what I hate most is that when Jake comes into my room later to enforce my punishment–I’m going to get off on it. What does that make me? As sickness rushes through my stomach, I curl myself into a ball to hide.