Isla

 

It was the middle of the night and I’d woken up from yet another dream gripping the sheets and filled with shivers. But it wasn’t only nightmares plaguing me.

No, some were a maddening, delicious and dangerous repetitive series of dreams.

Kicking back the covers, I stumbled to the door and opened it quietly. Kai had the best hearing of anyone I knew. The last time I’d gotten up in the middle of the night, he’d woken up, too. So, this time, I was determined to be soundless.

Going to the kitchen, I chugged a glass of water and then wet a paper towel, dabbing the sides of my neck and the nape. I wished I could dump an entire ice cold bucket of water over myself.

While the dreams weren’t clear upon waking – the reaction in my body was. It started in the same vague place, I knew that much. Alone. Not lost, but left behind. Sometimes a blurry wood. Sometimes an empty city. Or worse, a shadow world divided by lanterns.

I’d be walking, aimless and upset. Then either I’d stumble upon him or he’d find me.

What are you doing here?

Moving to the fridge, I opened it and let the cool air wash over me.

That part of the dream was always different. A jumble of images. But the sensation was unmistakable, as were the arms that locked around me. Kai.

I’d always heard that you should live with someone to see their true character and test your relationship. The implication being – they’re going to drive you crazy and you better see if you can tolerate it.

While Kai wasn’t perfect, he rarely got under my skin. I liked him more every day in the week and a half since Piper left. He was silly and carefree, talking to his cats, teaching me to surf and complimenting my art. Kai was exactly as Balt had said – the laughing Buddha.

In fact, the only thing I was starting to dislike was the thought of leaving here.

But was it different because I’d been thrust into Kai’s life and home? Was he going out of his way to keep me comfortable? Was it because it was only the two of us? Was it gratitude?

None of that seemed like it, but I knew Kai had a kind of innate effortlessness when it came to people. A few days ago, he’d taken me to a nearby local surf shop and the way he’d so openly loved everyone had warmed my heart. Further, everyone had been enthusiastic to see Kai, hugging him, slapping his back, and insisting he come to this or that event. Nearly every person we ran into said they’d missed having him around. And because of Kai, I’d been welcomed without question.

With a sigh, I drank another glass of water and placed it in the sink. As I walked out of the kitchen, I stopped and stared. Kai’s bedroom door was open.

Perplexed, I walked over and saw that the room was empty, awash in faint moonlight.

I glanced down the hall. Was he in the bathroom?

Without knowing why I went in and touched the bed. It was cool and the blankets had been viciously thrown to the side. Did he have a bad dream?

Some part of me wanted to throw myself down into the bed and lose myself in his scent. But I had to leave. What would he say if he found me in here?

“What are you doing in here?” Kai’s crisp voice suddenly asked.

I leaped into the air, hand pressed flat against my chest as a shadow lounged in the doorway before prowling into the room. He brought the smell of night air and ocean.

“I-I saw your door was open. And you weren’t here.” I was glad it was dim in here. My face was burning crimson and I was shaking.

“Needed fresh air,” Kai said. His expression was hard to make out. “You?”

“Water,” I said, relieved to have a valid excuse.

“Wake up a lot in the middle of the night to splash it all over yourself?” he asked wryly.

“Huh?” I gasped, then glanced down. The moonlight had hidden my face, but there were clearly water droplets shining off my shoulders. “Helps me sleep,” I lied hastily.

“I’ll have to try it sometime,” Kai said quietly.

“Well,” I said, my voice squeaking and I slipped around him. “Night. And sorry.”

“Was there something that you needed?” Kai asked. I stopped in the doorway, wondering if I was imagining the suggestive note in his voice.

Don’t turn around. I told myself, but it was too late. I had.

Kai was shedding his shirt with complete unconcern and my mouth went dry. It wasn’t like I hadn’t seen him shirtless before – the man lived in shorts. But prickles of heat danced along my veins and I swallowed hard. Maybe it was the intimate suggestion and the walls of his room holding us in. The scent of him everywhere.

“Isla,” he said and butterflies swarmed through me. “Hello?” I jerked back to reality and realized he was scowling at me. “Something you needed?”

I’d imagined it, I realized with mortification and I backed out of his room. “No, no,” I hastened to say. “I’m so sorry.” And I flew back to my room, determined not to leave for the rest of the night, if not longer.

 

Heavy footsteps stalked me as I turned in a circle. I didn’t know where I was.

Some creature was just out of my line of sight, I could hear its heavy breathing and the soft growl in its throat. I knew I should run, but fear had me paralyzed in place.

No one was coming. I was all alone.

Something glinted out of the corner of my eye and I whirled, gripping my arm as it flared with pain. Two hollow eyes had appeared, rising, and looming over me.

“No!” I shouted, stumbling back. I began to run, my heart pounding and the footsteps growing louder. But now it sounded like boots – boots echoing through a silent hallway.

I was back in the TLO offices.

Gasping for air, I kept running and up ahead, I saw an exit. I all but slammed into it and tried the handle. It was locked.

This wasn’t how it happened, I thought. I’m free. I got out.

I wasn’t left behind.

“Keep telling yourself that,” came a harsh whisper.

 

My eyes flew open and I stared around. I wasn’t at the TLO. I was safe.

It was some time before dawn and I slowly relaxed my body. Every muscle was tight and poised for flight. I’d been clenching my jaw and fists, which I now worked to loosen. Tiredness was dragging me down, but I was already up and climbing out of bed.

The house was quiet and the sight of Bonsi asleep on his back on the couch warmed me a little. Grabbing a sketchbook and a blanket, I went down to the beach and stared out across the water. The horizon was still a dark blue, but growing lighter with every moment.

I tried to draw, but my fingers were clumsy and unresponsive. I couldn’t focus. An unsettled, panicked feeling was clawing its way through me. Tears leaked from my eyes and I lay down, curling up in a ball. No, I’m better than this, I raged. I’m just tired.

But I couldn’t stop the tears and so I closed my eyes, letting them come.

 

I must have fallen asleep because bright sunlight was now playing over my face, sticky from dried tears. That’s when I felt a warm body, purring and snuggled down by my head.

Looking up, I saw it was Zuku. He gave me a lazy blink and then butted his head against my cheek. Sitting up, I stroked his ears, then looked down and jumped.

There was a shadow on the sand, mingling with mine and I turned over to see Kai sitting there, Spooky and Gallant stretched out alongside him. He didn’t say anything, just handed me a bottle of water. But the look on his face told me he knew exactly what had happened.

Sipping at the water, I tried to wake up more, to think of a joke to defuse the somber air he had. Zuku, to my surprise, had climbed into my lap and I half-smiled.

Next, to me, I sensed Kai lying down on his back and I glanced over. His eyes were closed and his hands were under his head. "You can't keep trying to shove it all down," he suddenly said. "But burying and ignoring it – it will only grow stronger and strike at you when you least expect it.” Kai’s eyes opened and I thought I saw a glint of gold in them. “That’s why you’re having nightmares.”

For a second, I wanted to get up and walk away. I wanted to scream at him. But instead, I lay down next to him and looked up at the sky. It was full of high, wispy clouds moving northeast, thin and delicate as pink gossamer. “What do you suggest?” I asked.

“Take action,” Kai replied. “Figure out ways to live in the now so the past can’t drag you back or the future loom over you.” I could sense his gaze on me and I looked at him. “I think you should start training with me. Let me teach you how to fight.”

“More physical activity?” I joked. I’d never been big on the gym. And while swimming around and surfing was fine, lifting weights and martial arts did not appeal to me.

“Give it a shot,” he challenged. “It will help you sleep better, I promise.”

“Ugh,” I muttered, glaring at the sky. Exercise and I had never been good pals. I was coordinated with pencil and paper, not with anything else.

“If you can draw, you already have good hand-eye coordination,” Kai said, eerily echoing my thoughts. He had a habit of doing that more and more lately. “Plus, you’ll feel better and be able to protect yourself.”

“Isn’t that what I have you for?” I asked, not wanting to give in. “You’ll be out of a job.”

“I doubt that,” he muttered and he hopped to his feet. “Come on.”

Begrudgingly, I got to my feet and shook out my hair. “Kai, I’m pretty tired today. Maybe tomorrow.” Or never. As I went to step around him to pick up the blanket, he blocked me. I glared at him and he gave me an innocent look. “Kai, knock it off.”

“What?” he asked, blocking me again. “Am I proving a point you don’t like?”

Frustrated I turned around, but Kai was too quick. There was a dancing light in his eyes that told me he was enjoying himself as he blocked me. “You’re being a pain in the ass!” I snapped, going to shove him, but Kai sidestepped me and I almost fell.

“With Kuzushi in Jiu-Jitsu, a person doesn’t need to be the fastest or strongest to break balance and get away. Or lay someone on their ass.”

“That’s nice,” I muttered, trying to get past him, but Kai wouldn’t move. Temper bubbling over, I dove forward and threw my hands out at him. But Kai moved too fast and I went twisting towards the sand, only to be stopped inches away as he held me by the back of my shirt.

Pulling me back upright, Kai raised an eyebrow. “Am I proving my point?”

“No,” I said and stepped closer, hooking my foot around his ankle and shoving on his chest.

He didn’t budge and grinned at me lazily as I stumbled back. “One-trick pony, huh?”

Growling, I spun away, but then Kai was there again. “Will you stop it?” I snapped.

“Oh no. I could keep this up all day,” Kai replied, stretching and yawning. “I’m not letting you go anywhere until you agree.”

Turning my back on him, I pretended to stare out at the ocean, then darted left. And crashed into a bare chest. “Kai!” I clenched my fists. “I’m not training with you! I don’t want to!”

“While I’m desolated to not give in to something you want,” Kai said, his voice heavy with irony. “This is too important, Isla. I’m sorry. You may be stubborn, but I’m gonna win this one.”

“I’m not stubborn,” I snapped.

Kai let out a small laugh. “Sure.”

“I’m not!” I said enraged and plunked down in the sand.

“Giving up won’t work either,” Kai said, sitting next to me and grinning.

I shrugged but watched him out of the corner of my eye. The second his eyes closed, I was on my feet and running. But I'd taken two steps before a hand closed around my ankle and I was sprawled in the sand. I tried to kick at him, but Kai was standing up and caught the other ankle.

Maybe he does have a point.

Letting me go, Kai raised an eyebrow. “Are you even trying?” he smirked. “’Cause I’m not.”

I didn’t say anything, just lay in the sand, seething and trying to think of a way to outwit him. As he extended a hand, a wild impulse darted through my brain.

Gripping his offered hand, I yanked Kai down onto the sand with me and was gratified to see a look of surprise cross his face. He fell as I scrambled to shove him down. In another moment, I was sitting in in triumph on his chest and breathing hard.

“See,” I said, pinning down his shoulders with my hands and smirking.

“See what?” Kai was struggling to stay solemn and then he began to laugh. His chest vibrated and shook under me. “What would you do from here, exactly?”

My shoulders fell as Kai laughed even harder. As I tried to get up, Kai rolled us over in one fluid motion and had me immobilized underneath him. “A for effort,” he said with a smirk.

I couldn’t move. Kai had my wrists pressing into the sand above my shoulders and his legs were wrapped around mine, our ankles and calves crisscrossed.

“Now do you understand the point I was trying to make?” he asked.

I nodded, even though all I could think about was the ridges and curves of his leg muscles pressing into mine. The steady pressure of his hands. The warmth of his entire body only inches from mine. And the way he hovered over me, smiling but with serious eyes.

My breathing was growing shallower and a molten craving pooled in my stomach.

Then he was gone, back on his feet and a shuddering breath passed my lips. Sitting up, I realized I was covered in sand as was Kai. He gave me a quick, friendly grin as he walked backward into the ocean and then fell into the waves.

My heart was slamming as I brushed myself off and grabbed my stuff. The cats had scattered somewhere and I rushed back to the house, trying desperately to ignore the tidal wave of feelings and emotions. But I couldn’t.

Even now, my body craved Kai and demanded I go back to him. I couldn’t think straight. But I could feel my spine arching at the thought of Kai’s body wrapped around mine again.

It was bad enough that I’d gotten flustered and excited the day Piper and Balt left because of the bench thing. After sitting down next to him, I’d gone to tell Kai how to sit and he was already doing it. Feet, torso, and everything pointed towards me. Enclosing us in our own space.

I’d convinced myself it was nothing. Animal attraction, maybe. But now I couldn’t.

You’re afraid to train with him. To get closer when you’re already too close. You’re starting to freeze up around him and act stupid.

You don’t want him to feel awkward that you’ve got a crush.

A crush, sure. Tell that to the heat and pulse still pounding through my body.

Oh, this is no crush.