Piper

 

A raspy, ugly cough woke me up and I blinked, putting a hand to my throat. It seemed to crackle with lines of pain. With a monumental effort, I sat up and the cough came again.

Oh, I sounded awful. And I felt like shit. Great.

Damn, I’d been hoping that Doctor Giroux had made a wrong diagnosis for once.

Glancing around, I knew I was going to have to get out of bed to get water, even though the thought alone made me tired. With a sigh, I went to roll back the blankets when I saw the tall glass on my bedside table, lined up neatly with medicine and tissues.

Taking a deep breath, I held back tears as I lifted the glass in a shaking hand. As I took a sip, wincing as it hit my throat, I picked up the bottle and popped off the lid. At that moment, I realized I could hear deep, steady breathing and looked up to see Balt asleep on the couch.

A throb went through me as I drew back, almost dropping the water. Nostrils flaring, my pulse sped up and I almost wanted to shout at him, wake him up and demand he leave. But as soon as it came, it went, flaring and vanishing like a firework going off in my brain.

Even after everything that happened yesterday…

Now there was a tingling that spread through my limbs and a weight loosening in my chest.

Taking the medicine, I sat back against the pillows and tried not to look at him. But my eyes kept being drawn back there in spite of myself.

Why was he in here? Why did he have to care so much and yet at the same time, not realize how broken we were? Where did we go from here?

Yesterday began to run on fast-forward through my brain and I found myself thinking about my younger brother. After talking to Kai last night, that strangely innocent yet cryptic statement he’d made on the beach in Malibu had refused to go away.

You know, Pi, Balt was a mess without you.

Suddenly something Soraya had said in London hit me – as though she’d foreseen all of this.

Most change only sucks initially.

Unable to take it, I felt around the pillows until I found my phone and pulled it out. Texting Soraya, I prayed she was up. We were in the same time zone for a change, but that was no guarantee she’d be awake at 7:30 in the morning.

HELLO, COUSIN!!! Suddenly buzzed through my phone. How’s Cannes?

Breathing relief, I texted back: We’re in Paris.

WHAT?! WHAT HAPPENED? ARE YOU OKAY?!

Soraya, easy on the caps, I wrote. I got a bad bug. Balt refused to keep traveling and made me see a doctor. I don’t know. I guess I’m sick and some rest couldn’t hurt.

Oh, my poor baby. Can I call you? Or is he asleep?

I started as I stared at the phone. Why is that relevant?

He’s in the room, isn’t he? Soraya responded immediately. I assume that’s why you’re texting me instead of calling. You don’t want him to overhear – which is a bit unusual.

Swallowing, I glared at the phone. Fingers trembling, I slowly typed out. You know, don’t you? We’re in a kind of fight, I think. And I don’t even know why.

The words warped in my vision and I almost didn’t hit send. But I forced myself to.

Oh, hon, I’m sorry. No, I didn’t know, but I knew Balt was off. He’s always so calm and happy, but he’s been in some kind of hell for the last month.

Is it my fault?

I wrote that before I even realized I did and watched as a text bubble popped up with the three dots, then vanished and popped up again.

Piper, listen. You mean the world to Balt. Honestly, sometimes I get a little envious of your relationship and how much he cares for you. He would do anything for you, you know that.

A deeper and stronger throb went through my chest. Soraya, envious of me?

She went on: I think when all that shit went down… I think it brought up some dark stuff for him. You know as well as I do he’s suffered so much loss. Balt is strong, but I think the thought of losing you on top of everything else may have reopened some old wounds.

I’m okay, though! My hands were shaking harder. Why can’t things go back to normal?!

I don’t know, she wrote. I think you need to let him deal with this in his own way. You can’t force things to go back and you can’t control how he feels about it. Let him heal. And focus on healing yourself. You sick?! That’s not normal, Piper. Both of you are still recovering.

Feeling better, I texted her back thanks and she told me to call her if I needed anything else. I smiled at the phone, thinking about how when were younger, we used to pretend we were twins.

I’d always wanted to be the same age as Soraya – I used to ask her to stop aging so I could catch up. Though the six months meant scant to our siblings, I always knew Soraya was the eldest at the end of the day, she was the one who I ran to in the darkest of times.

Yet I couldn’t bring myself to tell her about Balt’s letter. That, I thought, was between him and me. Along with my fears and concerns that our friendship was unraveling because of his secrets. And maybe, came a sudden and accusing thought, my own.

Rubbing my lip, I wondered if my reasons for dampening the fesootai while the TLO held me were in fact true. It’s what I’d told myself, but I could sense an uneasiness in my gut.

There was something else.

Balt let out a sigh and I jumped. Looking up, I watched him wake up and look directly over at me, rubbing at his eyes with one hand.

“Piper,” he said in a gravelly morning voice and my heart began to beat faster. “How are you feeling? Do you need anything?”

“About the same,” I admitted and my voice cracked. “My throat hurts a lot.”

He sat straight up and I noticed he was wearing a loose black tank and sweats. Was there anything Balt could wear and not look good in? “Okay,” he murmured. “Let me order some soup.”

As he strode out of the room, a text popped up from Kai and I raised an eyebrow. Kai was notorious for avoiding technology, but he'd been better about keeping in touch since Isla.

Sis, way to lie to me. Soraya says you’re sick in Paris. What the hell!

Putting a hand to my forehead, I sighed. Right, I’d forgotten to tell Soraya to keep my being sick a secret. I texted Kai back not to worry and my phone all but exploded.

LIKE HELL I’M NOT GOING TO BE WORRIED.

What was it with Kai and Soraya and the all caps?

Pi, you’re never sick! Did you go to a doctor? What did they say? Dad wants to know, too! And Isla. If you try to keep this from me, we’re flying out to Paris TODAY. HOW ABOUT THAT?!

With another and longer sigh, I proceeded to text the details to Kai, who continued to text me, bristling like an angry cat and I couldn't help but smile a little. It wasn't often Kai got worked up and it was kind of adorable. It made me think of a tousle-haired kid putting up his fists when someone had said something rude about my brains or Balt’s accent or Kai being an inanis.

Only now he was a shifter and the TLO was after him and Isla. My body throbbed. I needed to get well soon. I needed to get back to working and ensuring he was safe. That Isla was safe.

Placing down the phone, I went to the bathroom. On the way back, I could still hear my phone buzzing and Balt raised an eyebrow as he came back in. “Who’s that?”

“I made the mistake of telling Soraya I was sick and she told the entire world,” I said in a dry, rattling voice and I tried to fight down a cough, but couldn’t. “Now Kai is losing it on me.”

“Worked up Kai is a sight to behold,” Balt said with a small smile.

Picking up the phone, I glanced at the contents and rolled my eyes at the thirty-four messages that had come through. Now Enele, Talori and my aunt Tisha were texting me.

A text from Kai came through at that moment: How freaked is Balt?

“What’s he writing?” Balt asked.

“Um,” I said, then I began to cough and my eyes were watering. “N-nothing.”

“Piper, come on, get back in bed,” Balt said, coming around and ushering me in. As I climbed up, the phone slipped off the edge and fell to the floor. “I’ll get it.” He picked it up and glanced at the screen. “What?” He spluttered. “I’m not freaked. Did you tell him I was freaked?”

Balt was fixing me with a fierce stare and I curled back into the pillows. “No, Kai just knows you. And you should know him.”

“I’m not freaked,” he said, now glaring at the phone.

A weak laugh escaped me. “You’re a little freaked,” I commented.

For a moment Balt looked even fiercer and then his face relaxed as he handed me back the phone. “Well, you’re important. So yeah, maybe a little.”

“I guess,” I murmured. “Although SoA demoted me, so not so much anymore.”

Sitting down on the edge of the bed, Balt shook his head as he looked at me. “Not the SoA, Pipla. To your family.” He paused and his hand covered mine. “To me.”

Wooziness swam through me at the warm pressure, one that was far too distracting and I both wanted and didn’t want Balt to lift his hand. “Um, yeah. Cut Kai some slack.”

“Oh no, I’ll still kick his ass when I see him,” Balt said. He still hadn’t moved his hand.

“You won’t,” I said lightly. “You can never be mad at Kai.”

“Maybe,” he admitted and his fingers wrapped around my wrist. “Honestly, I’m madder at myself. I failed you again, Piper. I can’t seem to do right by you lately.”

The splinters that had broken inside my chest two nights ago dug in deeper at the pain in his voice. Reaching out, I tentatively laid a hand on Balt’s face. His fingers tightened on my wrist and a look came into his eyes that caused my skin to flush from head to toe.

Swallowing, I murmured, “This isn’t your fault.”

His eyes closed and his grip became even tighter. I became aware of every eye-blink, the scratch of his stubble against my palm and the warmth of his presence.

“Then why does it feel like it is?” he asked after a moment.

Taking a deep breath, I gave in to an overwhelming urge and gently freed myself. Moving closer, I wrapped my hands around Balt’s neck and pulled him close. His head settled below my chin and his arms around my waist. Protectiveness and possessiveness flared inside of me.

In that moment, I thought I could sense something inside of Balt. Not broken or ugly, but locked away. Something burning through him that he’d kept stifled for far too long. And I silently urged him to let it go, to stop holding back and break free.

Even though I didn’t know what it was – some instinct I couldn’t quite grasp onto wanted it.

“You know this friend thing goes two ways, right?” I asked, my voice shaking a little.

He blew out a breath, tickling my skin and murmured, “I could ask you the same question.”

My lips parted at the strange, dull sting of those words. Silence fell between us as I didn’t know what to say. Maybe there was nothing to say.

An old memory filtered into my mind and I closed my eyes, trying to catch it. My father and I had gone over to Kyros’s house. He’d been living there for almost half a year, but the house was still in disarray with boxes everywhere.

This was before Kyros had met Maria and it had the air of a bachelor pad. I remembered Kyros seemed to feel bad that my father wanted to help him get fully settled.

“It is no trouble, Elias,” Kyros had said, his accent light and melodic. “No need.”

My father had ignored him and told me to go find Balt. “You two can assist as well.”

Kyros gave in, informing me Balt was somewhere in the backyard, but I’d been unable to find him at first. Finally, I spotted a pair of bare feet behind a tall, flowering bush and had pushed through. He was sitting on the ground, a skinny, lanky boy with a tired face and arms wrapped around his knees.

Startled, huge dark eyes met mine as I sat down next to him and asked, “Why are you hiding?” When he didn’t answer, I asked louder, “Why are you here, Baltsaros?”

Even though he shook his head, a small smile formed on his face. “Nothing.”

I remembered pulling on a shoelace, knowing Balt was still learning English and wondering if he couldn’t understand me. I’d looked over at him and bit my lip, before blurting out in Greek, (which I’d had my father secretly teaching me after the Kazans had moved in,) “You don’t want to live here, do you?”

Balt had looked astonished. “Since when do you speak Greek?” he’d demanded.

Tossing my head, I shrugged. “I’m a fast learner. I learned so I could help you learn English. My dad said it would help.”

At six, I’d known I had been annoyingly precocious but Balt was one of the few people outside of my family who seemed amused and delighted by it instead of alarmed, condescending, or cruel. And I’d adored him for it.

“You didn’t have to do that for me, Piper,” he said softly.

The way he said my name was so lovely. A long, lilting word in his voice. Pi-purr.

“That’s what you do for friends,” I said, hunching my shoulders and tugging harder on my shoelace. “Duh, Balty.”

Balt had reached over and patiently picked the knot from my shoelace. “We are friends?” he asked as he tied my shoe carefully. “Me and you?”

“Yes!” I exclaimed.

At that, Balt grinned at me and it was like the sun coming out from behind a cloud. Getting to his feet, he offered me a hand and pulled me up. Then he pulled me in for a hug.

I don’t know if it was the first time I’d hugged Balt, but it was the one that stuck out in my mind. I still remembered the soft, pebbly feeling of his sports jersey under my fingers, the bones of his back and his knees knocking into mine.

After, as we were walking through the backyard, Balt had looked over at me and said, “America is not so bad. I didn’t want to unpack – that’s why I was hiding. But you’re here.”

“I’m here!” I declared.

I remembered the huge smile that pulled onto my face at that and how we raced into the house, laughing and jabbering in Greek. I smiled now, though my cheeks felt stiff.

“Eíste edó,” I murmured.

You are here.

Balt pulled away and looked at me. I couldn’t read the look on his face but my body suddenly felt a thousand times more feverish. “Eímai edó,” he replied.

I’m here.

“Balt,” I said, laying a hand on his rock-hard bicep. “Um…”

“Yes, what?” he responded in Greek, leaning towards me.

Scalding waves were suffusing me and a tremor ran through me. My eyes closed. I couldn’t take it. But that only seemed to stoke the heat and I could feel my fingers knotting in the material of his shirt. Callused fingertips suddenly touched my cheek.

“Pipla? What is it?”

His voice was the familiar one I knew. Every cadence of it.

And still, my eyes were shut. I was frozen in a kind of terror I'd never experienced before. In this moment, I knew if I opened my eyes – everything would be out in the open.

There was a note in Balt’s voice I’d never heard before – rough and deep, like an ore of gold at the center of the earth. In a split second, our link was back and the fesootai hummed.

If I opened my eyes, we could never go back to the way things were.

Some part of me was screaming to jump, to dive in and embrace this change. But another part of me, dark and fear-filled held back.

When had change ever been a good thing for me?

Balt’s fingers drifted and his palm cupped my face. At that moment, I couldn’t take it anymore and I shuddered, then–

Rapping echoed through the suite and I jerked away. A hot, sharp pain flashed through the fesootai and vanished. The bed shifted as Balt left and moved out of the room.

Opening my eyes, I saw my shaking hands and pressed one to my mouth.

What have I done?