Faye

 

Andrei’s heart was pounding against my back, his broad frame warm and filled with the same heat as mine. His lips pressed below my ear and I could feel my eyes closing, my defenses crumbling. I wanted to know what he was teasing me with, the desire as desperate as the one that hit me between the legs when he smirked at me.

But in spite of it clawing up in my throat, I managed to laugh lightly and said, “It’s nothing.”

“Mine isn’t,” Andrei rumbled, pulling me closer.

The stupid tears were starting again and I stared hard at the tent wall, glad Andrei couldn’t see them. I’d been through this in my head over a dozen times since the other morning when Soraya and I had talked. It seemed like months had passed, not a day, and I shivered involuntarily.

“Dushechka, please,” Andrei murmured. “You know you’re not good at lying to me.”

It’s true. My eyes closed. Why is that true? I wondered miserably. Why, for being a Black Op of the Shifters of Anubis, could I not summon the self-same façade to throw off Andrei?

You don’t want to, said a small voice in my head.

Taking a deep breath, I rolled over and kissed him. I wanted to distract him, but more than that I wanted to distract myself from tomorrow and everything after it. I wanted this moment so much I was shaking. To my surprise, Andrei pulled away and kissed my cheeks, then my nose.

“Salty,” he whispered, trying to joke. Leaning back, he brushed a hand along my hair and his face became sympathetic. “You’re still worried about being so close and putting people in danger?”

Eagerly, I seized on that and nodded.

His eyes searched my face. “Or is there more?”

I hesitated a brief second, then shook my head and slung a leg over his hip. “I don’t want to think about that. I want to enjoy every second of right now.”

Of still having you.

To my surprise, Andrei responded by reaching behind him, flinging a soft blanket over us and holding me against him. His big hands were careful as though I were something precious. Again, the tears fought their way up and I couldn’t understand it.

“You’ll tell me,” Andrei said. “When you’re ready. I will wait.”

I cannot ask you to do that, I thought, my throat tight. While Soraya seemed to think Andrei would spurn the life of a spy for the Order for me, I couldn’t ask him to do that. I almost had, earlier.

I’d been so close to asking him to give it all up. But it was selfish and small of me, even though I wanted nothing more than the small, foolish dreams I had of the two of us.

Living together, away from the Order, or at least doing less dangerous work. And maybe, one day, starting a family.

It was something I’d always wanted, yet never allowed myself to linger over. It could never be, so why torture myself? Those were the dreams of a girl who wasn’t a Black Op. Who wasn’t wanted by the TLO and the traitors in the Order. Who wasn’t an orphan.

For a moment, though, with Andrei, those dreams had risen up again. From some untouched part of my heart, I found them again and they beckoned me to them.

Andrei hadn’t said a word about any of that, though. He’d only talked about getting me home and keeping me safe. What was between us was probably born out of the fraught situation we’d been thrust into together. I hadn’t allowed myself to consider another possibility.

Lying here in Andrei’s arms, however, I knew I was lying to myself. Maybe I hadn’t voiced it out loud or put those dangerous desires and feelings into words, but they were there.

In the same hidden place of my heart, where all my impossible dreams dwelled.

 

Andrei and I stayed up late into the night. When I awoke in his arms, I allowed myself ten minutes of daydreaming this wouldn’t end abruptly after today. Then I took a deep breath, got up and dressed, accepting that this was over.

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Andrei sit up and rub his face, glancing around for me. “Why did you – why are you dressed?” His smile inveigled me to come back to him. “We have time before we have to go…”

“Not much,” I said, trying to sound offhand. “We overslept.”

“So?” Andrei asked and I looked at him, thrown.

“What?” I asked slowly.

His big shoulders shrugged and he gazed at me. “We can be late.”

“You’re never late,” I said, almost inclined to laugh. “Stop messing with me.”

Andrei let out a resigned sigh, then got up and also got dressed. But he wasn’t his usual brisk, efficient self. He took his time, humming and grinning to himself. Wondering if this was some ploy, I went outside to wait.

The ocean was sparkling in the distance and I squinted up at the sky. Almost nine. We should have left an hour ago… My thoughts were cut off by Andrei seizing me around the waist, kissing my cheek and laughing in my ear.

“You look ferocious, Faye,” he whispered and I melted a little. “What can you be thinking of?” Laughter rumbled in his chest. “Hopefully not me.”

“No, only what has to be done today,” I said seriously, extricating myself with difficulty.

Andrei towered over me, his handsome face lit up with delight at this. “Worried about me?” He tilted his head, then shook it. “Do you not know I am the best there is?”

“I just wish this was all over,” I muttered. I need to accept that you have more important things to do than staying with me. You’re a spy and you do important work…

“Alright, well then, let’s go,” Andrei said, the laughter fading from his eyes. He was looking at me in such a way that had my knees buckling. “You do not have to help pack up.”

“Of course, I’ll help,” I blustered, pushing by him.

Andrei caught me, his hands squeezing my arms reassuringly. “Faye, everything will be fine. Especially me.” His voice lowered. “You think after these nights spent with you anything could keep me away?” Before I could answer, he kissed me. “Exactly.”

Breathless, flushing, we packed up and were back at the Lafi house within the hour. Andrei was in an almost goofy mood, teasing Kesari and Roy, laughing at Soraya’s sass, and gallantly thanking Tisha for breakfast. Roy was eyeing him with amusement, while Soraya was giving me an indulgent look. Everyone else seemed too preoccupied to notice.

“Have a good night last night?” Soraya whispered to me at one point and my face flamed. “Andrei sure looks like he did.” At that moment, he smiled over at me and she laughed. “I like this side of him. Less of an ass and almost kind of charming.”

All too soon, they were getting ready to go. Soraya, Balt, and Talori left first, giving me hugs in turn. I watched as Balt kissed Piper hard, then gently kissed his daughter and son. Soraya and Dez were standing close together outside, and even Keon was saying goodbye to Talori.

Suddenly Andrei was tugging me away from the crowd at the door, whispering in my ear, “I have to talk to you, come here, dushechka.” Alone in a room off the entryway, Andrei gave me a swift kiss. “Listen, tonight, we need to talk.”

“About what?” I asked, my stomach clenching with a bitter kind of fear.

Are you going to break things off with me?

“About things,” Andrei said vaguely. “Important things. Maybe we… Oh.” He let out a rueful laugh. “I was going to suggest going out to dinner, but you’re still incognito. Well, next week.”

He sounded so cheerful and sure of himself. “Dinner?” I repeated. But wait…

“We’ll go down to the beach, the two of us and have dinner. Then we’ll go to the canyon, maybe. Might have to stay here tonight… I’m going to see if I can get extra people in the Order I know and trust to watch this neighborhood and keep it safe.”

“Aren’t Dara, Obi and Finni already doing that?” I asked.

“Yes, but I would like extra protection since you are here, Faye,” he said in a low voice.

“Andrei?” came a loud shout. Roy’s.

“I would not say no to you wearing something sexy,” Andrei whispered in my ear. He pressed another kiss to my lips and grinned. “Although we both know you look good in anything, the less the better…” I went pink and he chuckled.

“Tonight?” I asked, smiling up at him now, my heart beating wildly.

“Tonight,” Andrei said, pressing a hand to my face and giving me another one of those devastating looks that made it hard to stand, never mind breathe. “I cannot wait.”

“So… I’ll see you tonight?” I hadn’t meant to frame it like a question.

His eyes flashed and he held my face. “I will be back for you Faye. Didn’t I tell you as much that night when you tried to run away? I’ll always find you. I promise.”

Words leaped to my lips, as I stared up at him, then Roy burst in, looking annoyed.

“There you – oh, sorry Faye,” Roy said, his face warming. “But we have to go.”

“Of course,” Andrei said and we went back into the hallway. “I’ll see you tonight, Faye.”

 

I was sitting alone on the empty beach, my hair tucked up into a baseball hat and a white skirt falling around me. Soraya had given me a dubious look at the look, but then she’d shrugged when I’d appeared in the outfit. “Surfer blondes can pull anything off,” she’d admitted.

She’d returned a few hours before, triumphant with Talori and Balt. They’d managed to get in and change the burn order so that it told people to evacuate LA if it went out. According to the two computer whizzes, Mirois would never know because it didn’t give the details of the message on the screen she saw, only an option to send it. And why would it – if it had the one purpose?

The relief in the household had bordered on giddy, but the absence of Kesari, Roy, Enele, and Andrei weighed heavily on us. Finally, I had to sit outside, although everyone had argued against it.

Chewing my cheek, I tried not to think about how they should have been home well over an hour ago. LA traffic was notorious or perhaps Kesari needed more time…

So, lost in my thoughts, I didn’t hear the approaching footsteps until they were right behind me. Turning, I saw Roy walking towards me and my hand pushed into the cool sand for support.

“I’m sorry, Faye,” he said, shaking his head. “We waited for as long as we could.”

I should have been standing up for this, I shouldn’t have been staring up at this man who was a younger brother to me. Acting like a fool.

But it was like great chunks of the world were falling away and I was about to fall with them. Soraya was suddenly there, holding me on the other side as Roy stood there and tried to deliver this blow gently. He looked sick at heart.

“I don’t understand,” I said through numb lips, forcing myself to stand.

“Drax came in and talked to Andrei about something, he sounded upset. Andrei said he had to leave. He had Finni come in and stay with Kesari and I while we worked…” Roy shook his head. “He said he would be right back. Had to go check on something.” Roy paused. “But then he never came back.”

My fingers latched onto Soraya’s arm as my friend put her other arm around my back.

I still didn’t understand.

Roy was looking at me and tried to give me a reassuring smile. “I’m sorry, Faye, you know he does do this. Often…” He looked away. “But I’m sure he will be back soon.”

“What, so Andrei takes off and no one knows where the hell he is?” Soraya exploded.

“He is a spy, Soraya,” Roy said wearily. “I did not know what else to do. We could not stay there any longer, as Enele had called and told us Mirois was on her way.”

“He’s just… gone?” I asked, sounding stupidly incredulous and lurched to my feet.

But what about tonight? I was waiting for him… He said he would come…

“Maybe Drax sent him on assignment,” Soraya suggested, obviously regretting her earlier words. “I am sure he will not be gone for long...”

“He will be back,” Roy said confidently. “He will probably be back any moment. I am sorry, I should not have said anything, although…”

“But Andrei said…” I started to say, then I looked out to the sea. The sun was nothing but a crescent of fire above the horizon. I hugged myself and fought down the bitter hilarity of it all.

The pain of letting myself hope for the impossible.

“Thank you, Roy,” I said quietly. “I’m sure you’re right and it’s nothing to worry about.”

He seemed to want to say something, but at a look from Soraya most likely, he made a noncommittal noise and left. My friend stepped closer.

“Faye, I…” She sounded frustrated and sad on my behalf.

“Soraya, could you please give me a moment?” I asked.

She hesitated, then I sensed her nodding and she left as well.

I blew out a shaky breath and let myself feel that sharp anguish for a moment.

The pain of betrayal and broken promises.

As was my fate, Andrei had left me behind.