Faye

 

Head spinning, I decided to get changed after I heard the shower turn on upstairs. But once in my room, I realized I was as gross and sweaty a mess as Andrei. So, I took a quick shower as well. Once dressed, I headed back downstairs to start making dinner.

My thoughts were still in disarray. I couldn’t make sense of anything anymore. All I knew was that as much as I had wanted to leave earlier, I didn’t now.

I wish I could call Soraya. I thought wistfully. She could have analyzed all of this in a heartbeat, once she got over her horror that I liked Andrei.

My cheeks flamed. But it was the truth. I was attracted to him.

Maybe more than attracted to him.

He'd chased me down across miles and miles of snow. I couldn't believe he'd caught up to me – he must not have stopped once. No one had ever done something quite like that for me. And while Andrei was in great shape, he wasn’t a runner in the way a leopard innately was.

There was a hiss of water and I turned to see the pot was bubbling over. Hastily, I turned it down and then, with a jolt, saw it was midnight. Well, pasta, ghee, and some spices would be perfect. Comfort food on a late winter’s night.

Andrei came around the corner and he swallowed when he saw me. Something about his face had changed, something that made it hard to meet his eyes and made my body flush head to toe. Looking down, I saw some of his cuts had opened.

He went to the first aid kit and ripped open a roll of bandage, then began to clumsily bandage it around his bloody knuckles. An irritated sigh escaped me.

“Here, let me,” I said, taking it from him and carefully, tightly bandaging it, then the other hand. Then I got a handful of band-aids and took care of his arms, then the one on his face. It was a nasty cut over one eyebrow and I shook my head at him.

“I’ll be healed by tomorrow,” Andrei said, avoiding my eyes. “Thank you.”

The weight of unsaid things was threatening to bring me to my knees. But I was too flustered to do anything but smile and turn back to the stove.

I sensed Andrei sitting on the counter behind me and I could feel his eyes on my back. I suddenly wished I’d put on a sweatshirt over this tank top.

“You are not hurt?” Andrei asked in a husky voice.

“No, I wasn’t the one being a reckless fool,” I said before I could stop myself.

He let out an amused chuckle and I swallowed hard. “Couldn’t risk you getting away.”

Heat was building up in my stomach now, as though a tornado of fiery butterflies had invaded it. I had nothing to say to that, so instead, I drained the pasta and began to search for bowls.

“Here,” Andrei said, appearing with two green ones. I hadn’t even heard him get down.

“You are stealthy, I’ll give you that,” I muttered.

“Would you expect anything less?” he asked, sounding like his cocky self for a second.

Grabbing the dinner accouterments, I walked out to the couch and sat down. Andrei sat down across from me. More or less, we were in the same position we'd been in earlier.

Only the awkwardness and tension had increased times about a billion.

Why do we keep doing this to each other? Why can’t either of us just spit it out?

However, as Andrei didn’t seem in a particularly forthcoming mood, (I mean when was he), I refrained from pressing him. But there were questions whispering in the back of my head.

What are you hiding? Why did you really run after me? Why did you hold me like that?

A shiver ran over me as our eyes met.

“This was perfect,” he said. “What would I do without you?”

The question hung in the air as his face subtly changed. A flash of vulnerability had come and gone so quickly I almost wondered if I’d imagined it.

“You’d be just fine. You’re Andrei Zima, after all,” I said lightly.

He looked away then and my mental agitation increased. I was exhausted at that point and all I wanted to do was go to bed.

“I’ll clean up,” he offered quietly. “Thanks again… And, uh, goodnight.”

“Thanks,” I said, rubbing my elbows as I stood up and he looked down. “Night.”

And don’t worry… I wanted to say, but I stopped myself.

Upstairs, I slowly brushed my teeth and studied myself in the mirror. What was happening? My face was puzzled, but there was a patient expectancy there, too.

Back in my room, I stopped short in the doorway and stared at the man in my bed. Andrei, under the covers, with his hands tucked behind his head and eyes closed. The door was closed and the lights were off. It should have been no different from the hotel room.

But it was on so many levels.

“I cannot sleep with you so far away,” Andrei said, opening his eyes and looking at the ceiling. “I hope you don’t mind.” He cleared his throat. “As you know, I keep to my own side.”

“I know,” I said faintly.

Lying down, I expected it to be difficult to sleep with Andrei not even a foot and a half away. But I immediately dropped off, almost as though having him in bed with me was now routine. And I hadn’t wanted to admit it, but I’d had trouble sleeping the night before as well.

 

It was the next morning.

I drowsily sat up and glanced around the room. Andrei was gone. Pulling on a fluffy bathrobe, I went downstairs and walked into the kitchen, where he was cooking and singing in a terrible voice.

“Pancakes again?” I asked. “You’re trying to make me fat.”

“No, I’m trying to get a baby in you,” Andrei said wickedly and my eyes went wide. “And you know I would adore you at any size, dushechka.”

Placing two hands on my stomach, I stared at him. “We’re married?”

“You and your terrible jokes,” he said, walking by and dropping a kiss on my temple.

I followed him out of the kitchen, still befuddled and then I stopped short. Soraya and Dez were at the table, along with Tisha, and my parents.

I couldn’t breathe.

“Nice of you to dress up, Faye,” Soraya teased, tossing her ringlets over her shoulder.

“Honestly, Faye, didn’t we raise you better than that?” my mother asked.

“Hey, it’s a nice robe,” Dez said, bouncing a little boy on his knee. “Leave Auntie Faye alone.”

Andrei was saying something to my father and I saw him laugh. My throat burned and ached, tears in my eyes. I wanted to go to them, but I couldn’t move.

“Faye?” Andrei asked, puzzled. “What – do you wanna change? Are you alright? Do you need something?”

No, I don’t need anything but this.

“What do you want, sweet?” my father asked.

I want you – all of you!

But the words were stuck in my throat. My arms were pinned to my sides and I was struggling to breathe. My dad was grinning over at me and waving.

“Don’t leave,” I whispered. “Don’t go!”

“Faye?” Andrei asked again.

“Don’t leave me!” I burst out. “Don’t–”

 

“Don’t leave me alone!”

The sound of my own voice tore me out of a deep sleep and I gasped as I awoke, kicking off the blankets and pressing my hands to my spasming heart. “No,” I whispered.

Andrei was sitting up, the heel of his palm rubbing one eye. “Faye, what is it? Did you say something?” He made a noise as I stood up and went to the window, yanking it open. “Faye?”

The cool, fresh air tore across my hot face as I tried to control my breathing. There was a faint light far away in the West, yet the stars were still sharp overhead. I stared up at them, willing myself not to cry. But it had all felt so real. And I gripped the windowsill, closing my eyes.

“Faye?” Andrei asked in a tentative voice from right behind me. “Do you need something?”

My heart twisted at his words.

I need my family. My friends.

You.

“Why am I always alone?” I whispered.

He didn’t answer, but he reached up and closed the window. Then he steered me back to bed, his hands strong and warm on my shoulders. Reluctantly, I laid back down, pressing my burning eyes into the pillow.

Then, to my astonishment, Andrei’s arms came around me and pulled me to him. His hand moved over my hair, a kind of comfort I hadn’t had in ages. My taut muscles melted in his embrace.

“I am here,” Andrei said in his deep, rough voice – sounding rougher in this moment than I’d ever heard it. “I am not going anywhere.” At that, a kind of humming laugh escaped him. “I cannot.”

A few tears leaked from my eyes.

“You can cry,” he whispered. “I’m not one of those charlatans who doesn’t know what to do – like my cousin Roy, there. Panics, I’m sure. And he winds up with Kesari, who laughs and cries as easily as anyone I’ve ever met.”

“Leave Roy alone,” I said, even as I let out a watery chuckle. “She’s good for him.”

“She is,” he said. “As you are for me.”

All the air left my body. What did he mean? Confused, all I could say was, “Thank you.”

“You are welcome,” Andrei said.

 

Dozing fitfully, I'd fallen back to sleep for a while, then I woke up again. Warm and comfortable, at first, I’d thought Andrei had gone. Then I heard his breathing and realized he was still holding me, even in his sleep. I was so comfortable and the ache had left my heart.

Moving closer, I moved the pillow so I could see his face and he smiled at me, green eyes slitting open. As much as I didn’t want to move, nature called.

“I have to use the bathroom,” I murmured and he nodded, slowly letting me go.

There, I splashed water on my face, wishing I didn’t look so ghostly in the morning. My eyes were huge and shadowed, my hair a wild and long mess. I was about to leave when I saw my toothbrush and scrubbed my teeth.

Andrei went in as I came back and I twisted my hands, looking at the bed. My body hadn’t been ready for long of a run yesterday and I wanted nothing more than to lie back down.

It was also much earlier than I’d thought. Maybe 6 a.m. or so.

Sitting back down on the side of it, I debated what to do and I didn’t even hear Andrei come back. I sensed the bed depress and as I went to turn around, two hands seized my waist.

Tucked against him, he threw the blankets over us and wrapped his arms around my belly. It made me think of the dream and I tensed. Instantly his arms loosened and I shook my head.

“No, Andrei, I didn’t mean to…” I said, twisting around and looking up at him.

His eyes were an intense, emerald green and minty breath brushed along my lips. But then he kissed my forehead and tucked my head under his chin.

“Go back to sleep, dushechka,” Andrei murmured.

“I don’t really want to,” I said, moving closer and gripping his shirt. “I had a bad dream.”

“I thought so,” he said, one hand playing with the hem of my shirt. “Tell me what happened.”

I don’t want to ruin this, I thought, eyes closing. I’d never been held like this by a man. Like I was something precious and beautiful. As though he could chase away the nightmares and shadows.

“My family was back together,” I whispered. “We were here in your house and whole.”

“That was a nightmare?” Andrei asked, puzzled.

“It’s something that can never happen,” I said, my throat aching.

“Oh, Faye,” he said in a gruff voice, his fingers tightening. “I’m so sorry.”

You were mine, I wanted to tell him. We were together and happy.

“Parts of it were good,” I said. “I had something I wanted.” Someone.

“Me?” Andrei joked, even as he tensed up, as though holding his breath.

Throwing caution to the wind, I murmured into his shirt, “Yes.”

He pulled back and I felt his eyes on me. Then he gently pulled away and fingers found my chin, tipping my face up to his.

“That was no dream,” he murmured against my lips. “Though this feels like one.”

“Should we talk about…?” I asked, even as I leaned in.

“Later,” Andrei said, capturing my mouth.

At first, it was slow. Savoring. Romantic.

Then I slid my hands into his hair and Andrei made a harsh, sexy sound that had my toes curling. He was kissing me in a way that told me he’d been holding back before. His hands slid under my shirt, cool against my warm back and drew circles on my skin.

Gasping, lost in his embrace, I responded with the same hunger.

I wanted his shirt off. Hell, I wanted his pants off.

But try as I might, I kept getting distracted by his deft tongue and touch. Impatient sounds were escaping my throat and Andrei chuckled as we broke apart. Then his lips were on my throat as he rolled us over. I was being pushed down into the mattress by his warm weight and I arched up, calling out his name.

At that, he stilled and looked down at me. A big thumb traced across my lips and I shivered.

“Say it again,” he demanded in a low voice.

“Andrei,” I said, my heart pounding in my chest.

“When did this happen?” he asked, gazing down at me and I shook my head, confused. “When did I start needing you with every breath?”

My chest was rising and falling. “Oh,” I murmured, heat rushing into my cheeks.

“You are blushing,” Andrei said with a smirk. “Adorable.”

“I-um, I…” I stammered and he laughingly pressed a kiss to my lips.

“Worry not, fair one,” he murmured. “I have enough turn of phrase to suit us both for the rest of our lives.”

“This isn’t too fast?” I blurted out.

“Not fast enough,” Andrei replied and at that, I laughed. “What is it?”

“I was thinking the same thing.”