CHAPTER 21

Elena

I woke up to Ginger dancing around the apartment and singing since today was the ultrasound. I smiled and turned to my side to stretch slowly. She’d been dying for this day where I was feeling a little bittersweet about the whole thing. I was excited to know what the baby was, though the strain of not having the father there with me was getting to me. I wanted the dream, but I’d made a huge mistake with the man that it happened with. “Elena! Wake up and let’s eat before we go.” Lord, help me. Ginger was running on all cylinders today, and I reminded myself that it was going to be good to have her help when I was exhausted and running on no sleep.

“I’ll be out in a sec!” I told her as I laughed and stood to use the bathroom. I always had to go these days, and it was getting irritating, not to mention I had to drink a shitload of water before we arrived at the doctor today. A lot!! I was going to have to pee so bad that I wouldn’t care about the ultrasound itself. I showered quickly and pulled on a robe to get some juice and eggs from her.

“Are you excited?” Ginger asked me as she beamed at me, her red hair bright in the sun that shone through the window. It was a pleasant sight in the Fall here, and I grinned.

“Yes. I want to know what the baby is so we can plan. Maybe that will get Mom and Dad excited as well,” I said as she gave me a sympathetic look. They weren't complete jerks about it, but they still wondered how I was going to do this. I did too on some days, but it would be nice if they believed in me.

“I am here for the long haul, Mama.” Ginger gave me a serious look. “You know that my mom loves you, too. She’ll be Grandma without any problem.” She was right, but I wanted my parents to be excited for me; to have faith in me.

“I know. Thank you,” I told her as I went to give her a hug and took the plate of scrambled eggs with some cheese melted on them. Instead of plain juice, Ginger handed me one of the healthy smoothies that she’d been into lately, this one a dark purple. “What’s in this?” I asked suspiciously as she giggled.

“Healthy stuff. Drink up,” Ginger teased me before she bit her lip. “This too.” She handed me my giant water bottle as I groaned. “It will make today possible!! I’ll take you for cake afterward if you’re good.”

“You would anyway!!” I laughed as I sipped the thick drink. I tasted the orange in it and smiled at her since I couldn’t eat enough of them these days. “Mmmm!!”

I alternated between drinking the water and the smoothie while I ate, going into my room to pull on some comfortable leggings and an off the shoulder shirt. My tummy was getting a bit bigger now, and it showed in these clothes, but I was done worrying. I couldn’t hide it forever, and I didn’t want to. I wore a cute, thick camisole underneath that would hold my growing girls in it and still be tasteful.

I drank the last of the water and refilled it, grumbling that I was going to die. I’d never make it to the hospital, much less the appointment itself. Ginger pulled on jeans and a thin shirt, and we left the house to go to the car and get to the doctor.

I was torn between having to go to the bathroom so much and being excited to take another step into my future. We had not gotten too many things yet since we didn’t know a color scheme and I knew that after today, there would be no stopping Ginger. Both she and her mom were excited about this and wanting to help me with the baby, which I did appreciate. There were days I didn’t know how I was going to handle this.

I went to tell the receptionist that I was here for my appointment, walking slowly to sit down and wait. The pressure on my bladder was intense, and I longed to just go empty it out. Why did the ultrasound have to be like this? I sighed, and Ginger flipped through her texts before glancing at me. “You okay?”

“I can’t wait to pee,” I murmured as she chuckled softly and reached over to cover my hand with hers.

“Soon,” she promised as my name was called across the waiting room. She squealed as we stood and I followed her to where the petite blonde nurse was waiting with a smile. We made our way to the room, and I settled myself on the bed, surrounded by screens and the ultrasound machine as I tried not to think about the bathroom that we’d passed on the way. The woman that led us back smiled as my doctor came in and asked how I was feeling and the usual things. I told her that it was going well since it was a relatively easy pregnancy.

I lifted my shirt and lowered my pants so Dr. Madden could dump the cold gel onto my skin, making me grimace as she gave me a soft smile. I pushed the pressure on my bladder away and focused on what she was telling me, mesmerized by the process that I was living through right now. I was having a baby and the emotions hit as I learned that everything was going well and the baby was growing beautifully.

I missed Liam when she asked me if I wanted to know the gender. Ginger grabbed my hand, staring at me as I told her that we did. Doctor Madden’s blue eyes warmed as she moved the device around and tilted her head. “See right there?”

“Yes,” I replied breathlessly as I kept staring at the screen.

“You are having a baby girl, Elena.” Tears streamed down my cheeks as Ginger squeezed me tighter, pulling me in for a hug with her free arm. I cried out of happiness as well as sadness that Liam wasn’t here for this. I cried for everything as the procedure was completed and I could finally go to the bathroom, where I cried some more.

We left, and Ginger asked if we could go to a baby store to drool at everything. I smiled and agreed, excited myself to start planning. We hit a strip mall with a popular chain, and she led me in by my arm as we checked out strollers, cribs and gushed over all the cute clothes. I took a lot of pictures of things that I liked to keep track since it was clearly going to be a lot of stuff.

Ginger insisted on buying some clothes and the baby’s first stuffed animal. It was a caterpillar that made all kinds of sounds and offered different textures, and I watched as the cashier tucked it into the bag as Ginger waited to pay.

“I couldn’t do this without you, Gin,” I told her as she hugged me. “I mean that. I would be lost without you.” She hadn’t bothered me about Liam too much in the last several weeks, but I knew that he was on her mind when she gazed at me.

“I will always be here for you and my niece. I have so much to teach her!!” She said as she unlocked her car from a few feet away. We decided to go to the dessert diner around the corner, and she drove there as I took the bag and looked inside. This was so surreal, and I shook my head as I fingered the soft cotton of a dress. I tucked the bag into the back before we went inside and joined the line to order, looking over the sweet treats as my stomach rumbled. “What do you want?”

“I want the carrot cake today. That looks so good,” I whispered as she giggled. Ginger ordered herself some chocolate cake, my carrot cake, coffee, and lemonade for me before paying and searching the room for a free table. “This place is always so crowded,” I murmured as she nodded. It was worth it, though. “Oh, I see one! I’ll grab it if you get the tray?” Ginger knew that I was a klutz when it came to carrying anything and she nodded as I made my way back with a smile on my face.

Today was magical. I was having a little girl!! I imagined what she would look like for a moment as I walked. Would she have her daddy’s eyes or his hair? Maybe both. I couldn’t wait to meet her suddenly, and I rubbed my stomach gently with one hand and slid a chair out with the other. “Are you Elena?”

I turned at the question and saw a face that I wouldn’t forget anytime soon staring at me. Marie. I wanted to tell her no, that I was a different girl, but by the look on her face, I knew that she wouldn’t buy it. “Uh, yeah. Hi…again.”

She searched my face before looking down at my hand, still pressed to my baby bump. Her eyes widened, and she looked back into my eyes as understanding hit her. “You’re pregnant.” I nodded slowly, trying to find a way out of this. Liam couldn’t know, but I saw her mind working as I dropped into the seat and took a breath. “Shit. You wrecked Liam by not calling him back or responding to him. I wanted to kill you for that watching him act so distant for weeks, but I get it now. I mean, I don’t get it, but I sort of understand. You found out after the accident, didn’t you?”

I couldn’t speak as she slipped into the third chair at the small table and made herself comfortable. “I…” I couldn’t talk for a moment, and Ginger gave us both a curious look as she set the tray down.

“Hi,” she said carefully as she looked at Marie with a hesitant smile. I was confident that she sensed the tension in the air between Marie and I and I reached for the lemonade to take a long swallow.

“Hello. I’m Marie. You might know my brother, Liam.” Marie reached out her hand as Ginger’s face paled. Marie’s smile was tight as the girls shook hands.

“I’m Ginger, Elena’s best friend,” Ginger murmured as the reality of the situation hit her.

“So, is it his?” Marie demanded softly as she stared at me. “You don’t strike me as the kind of girl to fuck around with more than one man, Elena.”

“I’m not,” I shot back the same time as Ginger defended me, anger rising within me as I looked at Ginger.

“Were you going to tell him?” Marie kept going as tears filled my eyes. “He was a mess when you just dropped off the face of the Earth, Elena. He still is in some ways.”

“You know that we were wrong already. You know that, Marie. I saw it in your face that time at his place, and I just wanted to…I wanted to protect him. I didn’t want to make him help me out of obligation. I never meant for this to happen.” I wiped at the moisture on my cheeks and stared at the table. “I moved in with Ginger, and we’re going to do it together.” I felt Marie’s eyes on me. “I wanted to save his career. I don’t want him to get into trouble.”

“He won’t. You’re not at school together anymore; not in the same class. He’d want to know, Elena. He deserves to know.” Marie looked at me with broken eyes as she played with her hands on the table top. “I deserve to know. The baby is part Liam, and I want to see that happen.”

I picked at my carrot cake once we were alone a short time later, still stunned by what just happened. “What are you going to do?” Ginger asked me gently as I swirled the fork in the frosting.

Marie had been clear about how she was going to handle this. I had a week to go tell Liam, or she would do it herself. “I’m not sure.”

“It would be better coming from you. I mean, it would have been better at the beginning of this, but still. Liam needs to hear it from you. Maybe when he sees you he won’t be so mad,” Ginger said, earning a dark look from me. “He needs to know. This is his baby; his daughter. She needs to know her daddy.”

Tears leaked from my eyes again as I ducked my face down. It was emotional enough talking to Marie, and here Ginger was riding me all over again. “I. Know.” My voice was sharper than I planned it to be and I gave her an apologetic look. “I’m sorry. I’m just freaking out right now.”

“I understand,” Ginger told me, dropping it for a bit as I tried to work my way through the crazy emotions rushing through my mind and body. Would Liam hate me? Would he want to be a part of her life…of my life?

We finished what we could and went to the car. Ginger offered to take me shopping some more, but I told her that I was tired and needed a nap. She nodded and drove us home where I climbed into my bed and cried myself to sleep. The joy from the ultrasound was gone with all my uncertainty, making me curl up into a ball as I took a shuddering breath.